My Grandfather’s Clock

 My Grandfather had a clock that used to sit on a set of draws in his dining room.  Having grown up in a house with electric clocks, I was amazed that this clock, old in style, had no plug to make it work.  Then one day, I remember Grandpa opening the top drawer, pulling out a key and asking him what that was for.  As he placed the key into a hole in the face of the clock, he explained that the old clock was run on a spring.  He continued to explain that the key needed to be inserted, as he was doing, so that he could wind up the clock (tighten the spring) so that the clock could continue to run.  The key was turned a number of times until the mainspring was tightened and the key removed from the clock.  “If I do not do this, the clock will run down, getting slower until it finally stops,” he said as he put the key safely back into the drawer.

The clock comes to mind when I speak of how my father is doing.  I am at the point in life that when I look at my father, I readily notice that he is getting older, dealing with health issues and needing more care every day.  While it is true that no child wants to see their parents aging, struggling with daily routines, nor, fighting to get through each day, it is a part of the circle of life.  I know that I am at an age where I am not alone, as friends have been going through these life cycle changes in similar manners currently or over the past years.  It is not easy to watch the ones that took care of you, made the decisions that shaped your life and help you when needed, to become the ones that now look to you to help take care of them, make the decisions that impact that their lives and help them when needed.  This can be at times awkward and unnerving as it does not seem “natural” to become the parent figure.

The truth is that a time comes where we need to protect our parents and make them feel safe.  Fortunately, our children are old enough to tend to themselves.  That also means they are old enough to see and understand the situation which makes it hard for them as well (in a different way).  As children, they still have the ability to learn; as adults, they have the ability to see how we treat our parents and will hopefully apply the lessons gathered when we look towards them for assistance (hopefully) many years into the future.  For us, this is a clear sign of our mortality, a part of life that greets us whether we are ready or not, prepared for it or oblivious of the waiting cloaked figure with the sickle standing off in the shadows.

I sadly watch as the clock starts to slow down, wending its way towards its inevitable path.  While we know how this story will end, that does not provide comfort today.  I feel like the young child I once was, standing next to my Grandfather, unable to take the key and wind the clock…all I can do is watch.  There is no way to tell how long it will take, but I will take comfort in hearing that clock tick while it still can.

Lights of Hope

We just finished up celebrating Hanukkah, also referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Naturally, the celebration includes fried foods, such as latkes (potato pancakes) and donuts.  As kids, we were always excited for receiving gifts for each of the eight nights, though that was not always the case.  Our parents did their best, so some nights included: a shiny new penny, chocolate gelt, or a fresh, crisp new one-dollar bill.  Some years it was “big” gift to share between the three of us, which included air hockey one year and a foosball table another.  Though we have never given the girls a shiny, new penny, clothing always works.  Actually, the one who is most excited when opening the gifts is Lucy Lou – when it is her turn, her tail starts wagging and she helps open up her present.

While presents are the fun part of the holiday, there is another cause for celebrating the holiday that is meant to inspire.  The holiday represents the hope and courage of a small band of people, considered rebels, fighting against a giant force who managed to hold their ground.  The story of the Maccabees tells of a group of people protecting their homes from the significantly larger forces of the Seleucid Empire’s Army under the rule of Antiochus for many years.  They were a group of people, steeped in their vision for independence and staunch defenders of their value system over the preceding years Hellenistic influences.  The ability to win their battles provided the Maccabees to gain 100+ years of independence due to their commitment to not give up.

With this story of inspiration, what can be garnered at this time of to give us the feeling of hope? To keep fighting and to not give up. Vaccines are being made and distributed. Even though we are months away from the general population receiving the vaccines, the hope is still there. Wearing masks, washing hands and staying quarantined help in this battle. Although the numbers may be rising, our hope and fight should do the same. We can draw inspiration from the story as we fight through to the end of the year with the hope for a better 2021. Each of us just need to do our part in fighting the pandemic.

One Eye Looking Forward and One Eye Looking Backward

We were recently watching a series on television where the father had a clear view of the world and how it should be, how we should behave and the paths we should all take.  His adult son also had a clear view of the world and how it should be, how we should behave and the paths we should all take.  From each one’s point of view, they were both correct, yet there was no way that their individual views would ever come into alignment.  I know, you are thinking that I am not making sense – based on the way I described their points of view, they both share the same beliefs…or do they?

When I was growing up, there was the term “Generation Gap” that became a catch all for the differences between generations.  The generation (this was before they were given fancy names) that grew up in the fifties had parents who lived through World War II and were fairly strict and brought their life experiences to the rearing of children.  Those children came from “traditional” homes, where the father worked, the mother tended the house…sort of like living in the world of “Leave it to Beaver.”  Then came the second half of the Sixties, we were in a war no one wanted to be in, youth was experimenting with expanding their minds and new ideas were taking place…the world had changed (a la “Who Moved My Cheese”) and that older generation did not see the newer world.

That time period is an easy example, as the extremes of ideas easily exemplifies two worlds / thoughts colliding.  However, new ideas clashing with old principles and the perception of rebellion have existed long before this humble author stepped foot in this world and will continue past my last breath.  If you merely sit in a group of people and there is a wide range of ages included, you can also see this type of gap, though the differentials might be more subtle.  There is the thought that our perception of reality is filtered through the prism of our experiences.  For those that have lived longer lives, that prism can have many layers of filtering; while those that have lived shorter lives, see things without those filters and can have more hope and expectations towards what tomorrow may bring.  For both, the perception of reality is seen through their eyes…both are correct, from their points of view, and they could perceive each other to be wrong.  For the ones whose eyes are not clouded by past experiences, it is important to explain what potentials exist ahead.  For those that have had the experiences, it is important to share the potential pitfalls and observations gathered.  Once that agreement is in place, instead of being like Janus and only seeing either forward or backward, we can look in one direction, leveraging our accumulated knowledge while forging new paths into the future.

The Blame Game

Even though the elections are over, fingers are still being pointed about the final outcome.  And so, the Blame Game has begun.  We are in the midst of learning who is to blame for the outcome of the election, who we can blame for the process and, most importantly, start preparing for whom we can blame going forward.  As someone that looks for lessons and likes to share that knowledge, good leaders are often the examples to follow – I am not so sure that what I am seeing are examples of good leadership.  For me, a good leader takes ownership of their actions, will “take the blame for failures” while passing on the successes to the appropriate team member, work as part of a team towards a common goal and understands the needs of the people they are leading.  Which brings me to the current election cycle…

To start with, let’s look at the current blame being thrown around (closely aligned with its partner in crime – excuses).  The big glaring blame is losing an election due to mail fraud, which has now turned into the excuse for losing.  Yes, I am certain there is some element of this, but without substantial proof this is passing the blame on, without reflecting on the portrayal of oneself.  Then there is the blame of “We lost because of a group’s position within our party.”  Really?  This makes people wonder what they were doing during the campaign process and how they did not realize they were not connecting with their potential constituents. Goes back to fact that a leader needs to listen, which many candidates did not.  And of course, the classic, “It’s not my fault.” Aside from campaigning, it is safe to say that votes are won by candidates based on how we perceive the person running for office, not necessarily their policies and platforms. For those that are undecided and see a candidate acting unprofessional and being a jerk towards others, will vote against you, regardless of your position on important matters.

The bad thing is that there is already pointing the blame for things that have not happened yet, but instead planning for future failure.  To me this is odd because this is planning for failure, already lining up whom to blame and the excuses you will give.  By already planning these out, they can easily pull the “I told you so.”  Folks, I have to be honest – these are the people we elected to lead…if they are planning for failure, why did we select them?  In any leader, I would prefer seeing them say this is what I stand for (the reason we should be electing people, not by looks or demeanor), doing their best and then we all can evaluate the job.  They fail, because they failed and not because other circumstances made it impossible to stand up for themselves.  I do not want to hear, “We did not have enough people” means they did not try working together (aka, never learned to play together in the sand box).  “I did this for you and now you MUST do this for me” is also pathetic.  Elections are won (or lost) by the majority and everyone should feel they helped, not a mindset of entitlement based on “my group pushed you over the line,” which is extremely difficult to validate.  As Abraham Lincoln so aptly stated, our government is a “Government of the people, by the people, for the people…”  I think many elected officials forget that and are more concerned about partisan politics instead of what is best for the people that put them in those positions.

Playing the Blame Game means that we do not have to take a step back to really take a look at the bigger picture.  If you pass enough blame around, throw in a heavy dosage of excuses, you might reach the point where everyone feels sorry for you, or depending on how you are playing the game, you might come off as the “boy that cried wolf.”  Bob Dylan, in the song “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” stated so well, when he sang “…even the president of the United States Sometimes must have to stand naked.”  At the end of a day when playing the Blame Game, we still have only ourselves left to stand bare to the truths, whether we are the president or not.  Those that still decry, “I won, it was stolen,” or “…at least we have the gavel…” have to be able to live with themselves.  As far as I am concerned, not only those playing the Blame Game lose, unfortunately, we the spectators do not always win.

Caveat emptor, it is now your turn to spin the wheel on The Blame Game.

I Got This!

“I got this!”  How many times have we heard this?  How many times have we said this?  There are two outcomes – you got this, own whatever you got and complete whatever it is.  Or, you do not got it, never took ownership and dropped the ball.  In the first case, you take the required action based on your commitment.  This brings up my favorite definition of commitment – Doing the things that you said you would do long after the moment you said it has passed.  In the second case, all you did was provide lip service, whether to make yourself feel good or to answer the way you think your audience wants to hear it.  Which brings up the question, how many times have you heard these words and knew enough up front that they were just words? 

Raising your hand and agreeing to do something = ownership, accountability and responsibility.  These can be scary words as it puts the pressure on us, causes people to keep an eye on our actions and requires us to take action.  Commitment has a cost, as it locks you into following through, answer to your actions and complete what you set out to do.  Sometimes we are assigned things to do, sometimes we volunteer and sometimes things just land in our laps.  Obviously, we are more apt to gravitate to the tasks or roles that we volunteer for, as it aligns with our passions, provides interest and piques our curiosity.  In all cases, once it falls in our lap, it is ours until someone else picks up the mantle and “runs with it.”

When we do not follow through with our commitments, we let down not only ourselves, but others around us.  We need to realize that working in a group, or team environment, each person relies on each other for a mutual goal.  Like a giant game of Jenga, there are pieces that will not have an impact and others that can topple the entire structure.  The complexity is increased when all of the components seem the same and there appears to be little differentiation.  I understand, as there was a point in my life (a long time ago) where I found it easier to make a loose fist, stick out my index finger, point it and magically plant the blame on someone else.  This made life seem easier.  Why? Because if it is someone else’s fault, then the pressure is off you and you feel that you can walk away unscathed.  In reality, you did not fool anyone, as the mess created by the lack of ownership still has to be addressed and now falls into someone else’s lap.

We are all familiar with the plaque that sat on the desk of President Truman’s famous words, “The buck stops here.”  Good words for anyone in a leadership position, as these words apply whether in our home life, work life or other aspect, the buck always should stop with us.  When you are the person at the top, there is nobody to blame, no excuses, but to own the things that we commit to. 

Observations from Behind the Mask

Dining outside (or eating al fresco), people laughing together and children running up and down the sidewalk – clear signs that summer is here.  I recently got to watch this scene.  While what I was watching would normally be a heart-warming summer scene, it was painfully clear that I was the only one concerned about a mask; the children were running up and down the sidewalk, where unmasked diners (at a safe social distance) were eating.  The parent, mask-less, showed no mind and I saw the father walk up to the next table, say something and pat the guy on the shoulder.

For almost four months, myself, our family and our friends have been listening and following the CDC and government guidelines.  My father is still in Florida and it has been a long time since we have seen each other face-to-face (virtually – of course).  My mother-in-law’s place is keeping the inside and outside world apart in a measure to provide protection.  My family has been working from home since March to minimize the spread of COVID-19.  We wear masks when we go out to protect ourselves and to protect the ones we love and care about.  I was once taught that on an airplane, during the safety talk, there is a reason why when the air mask drops, you use it first, then help others – if you do not, you have jeopardized your health and the person(s) you would have helped.  One needs to be healthy to help those in need. Wearing that mask is a selfless act, a sign that we care and want us all to survive this pandemic.

People have gotten arrested for thinking it was OK to publicly cough on someone – it is not. 

People think that once you wear the mask past the security guard, it is OK to remove it – it is not. 

People want to believe their children are safe and do not need a mask – it is not. 

There was recently a case where a young nurse went to a bar to celebrate something and the whole group caught COVID-19.  Her comment was “I should have known better.”

When states opened up, people forgot about the pandemic and the numbers went up (think of the old commercial, “they told two people, who each told two people…”).

As I stood there, watching the scene at the restaurant, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the patrons who did not.  Going to the supermarket, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the shoppers who did not.  It is easy to get lulled into a false sense of comfort, to remove the mask and gain a (false) feeling of freedom.  The risk…it ain’t worth it.  It is not worth for me to catch it, to unknowingly spread it and to hurt others.  I do not like wearing the mask, but happy to do so, and when I do not want to wear it, I will be happy to stay home.

The Year of the Plague

דם (Blood), צפרדע (Frogs)…as we were reciting the 10 plagues that Hashem brought upon the land of ancient Egypt during the Passover Seder, it was hard not to relate the words in the Haggadah to the pandemic that has hit 180+ countries.  As we read the words together, I looked up at the Dining Room table where I was seated with Debbie, Gab and Bec.  Last year, as in prior years, we filled the Living Room with the large gathering we have become used to for our first Seder night.  In a matter of a month, the way we handle our day to day activities, gather and communicate has significantly changed.  I never thought we would see the day where reaching out to greet a friend (hand shake, hug) would be shunned because of the potential hazardous impact.  What was once a friendly welcoming gesture is now considered inconsiderate and spurned.

About 24 years ago, my mother was dying of a different potentially deadly affliction – cancer.  I remember going to visit her in the hospital after one of her chemo treatments, where the nurses greeted us at the door and made sure that we put on hospital gowns over our clothes, covered our heads and wore gloves and a mask.  In this case, it was not to protect us, but to protect my mother, as her immune system had taken a temporary hit due to her treatment.  It was not comfortable, nor pleasant, but to visit and spend time together, we all knew what we had to do.  That year, Mom did make it to the Seder, propped up on a couch where she could hear us but was too weak to participate.  That was her last Passover.

We are once again required to wear a mask and gloves, but this time when going out to shop.  We are all practicing social distancing and found new ways to sit around the table to “visit” with out friends and families.  This means that the four of us sat at the festively decorated Dining Room table, with a place for Elijah and my laptop where family and friends joined so that we could all have a Seder together.  With a couple of tweaks, some deletions and a few additions, we were still able to have a fun, fulfilling Seder.  Our Zoom Seder still had group singing, parts for everyone to participate and some goofiness.  This included attempting to pass things between windows (it was magical) and the usual props appearing, just in a newer format.  I guess the lesson here is that we can still persevere, no matter the conditions, to get together and celebrate together. 

Like our ancestors, we will live through this plague to see another day.  We say at the end of each Seder, “Next year in Jerusalem,” this year I added, “Next year we will all be together to celebrate.”  

On the Inside Looking Out

I have barely stepped outside this week.  No, I am not infected nor under quarantine.  Nor am I afraid of getting sick myself.  It is easy to follow the guidelines for social distancing, washing our hands and making smart choices.  If we each lived on our own special island, this would be a piece of cake to follow.  For all the times you were driving your car, going at the correct speed limit and maintaining a safe distance to the car in front of you, did some jerk going way over the speed limit cut in front of you to get to the lane to your right, then weave through every car across all of the lanes in front of you?  There is a good chance that the same person is ignoring the healthy guidelines in place to combat COVID-19.  In a car, you can tap the brakes to avoid any accidents; however, when you are innocently in the public, you can be fully exposed.

I had to make another tough choice this week.  This time it was personal in nature.  My father has been in Florida since October and I have been looking forward to visiting him.  I spent the majority of January and February traveling for work, so March became the time I had to go to Florida and spend with my father and my brother (who is in Florida for a few months).  Yes, I have been looking forward to the visit and figured out how to go to Florida, then fly, return trip, from there for work back up here.  Everything was falling into place and after many months of just talking on the phone, I would be able to see my dad face-to-face.  “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” (Man plans, G-d Laughs) and the best laid plans were tossed out the window, as I have sadly cancelled my trip.  While I am healthy and able, I cannot take the chance that the jerk in my car example above might be next to me, one plane seat over or sneeze as they are walking by.  In that case, I potentially could infect others…especially my father.

When you are on a plane, and they are going through the safety measures, they tell you to take the oxygen first, then help other.  While this seems selfish, to help yourself before someone else, I would need to be in a good condition.  This analogy works in many parts of life, related to health, finances, etc.  As we face this unknown pandemic, where we have no idea where this will lead, the impact on us and the long range effects, for me to remain healthy means that I will do what I can so that I will not contaminate others, will be able to lend a hand if needed and help to watch over my family.  While it might look like my health is selfish – by maintaining my health, I should be able to protect others (in this case).  If there is one thing that I have learned over the past many years, I am not the only one who lives on this planet called Earth.  While I might consider myself as #1, it would be a lonely place to live if #1 meant there was no one else to be with.  Make wise choices to not only protect yourself, but to keep others safe as well.

Taking the Helm

Entitlement: “The fact of having a right to something,” or, “The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” ~ Oxford Dictionary

As part of going through the goal setting process for this year, it is important that we use proper language in writing out our objectives.  One of the key points in setting goals is to define the actions that you will take to achieve them.  The key here is the actions that YOU will take.  If my goal is to sit here and rely on others, then you are banking on someone else’s goals to include you and benefit you.  Let me be the first to warn you…You will have a long wait.  No matter what you might think that you have done for others, that does not mean that you are entitled to something in return.  Humans tend to be a little more self-centered by nature!

I remember hearing political campaigns where the people in the audience would tell reporters “that is my candidate, because he will take care of me.”  Again, sorry to be the first to warn you…Many, but not all, politicians will tell you what you want to hear or present agenda items to you to lead you to a conclusion that may or may not benefit you.  We are a species who are definitely influenced by our emotions, the two strongest being fear and love.  Some of the greatest (and evil) dictators of all time played on emotions to mobilize the masses to engage in activities that they might have done on their own.  If someone can arouse your fears, tell you what to do and then they will make it better – beware.

Many years ago, I decided to get my MBA in Finance.  The company that I was working for at that time had a tuition reimbursement program.  Being employed as an Accountant, there was no issue on getting their agreement.  I spent four years going to school at night to get this new degree, where it was my choice to go back to school, my choice to improve self and my choice to dedicate the time required to get a good grade in the effort.  I had heard plenty of stories that if you go back to school, when you graduate you are entitled to a raise automatically.  When I graduated, my manager congratulated me with a pat on the back and Debbie (my fiancé at the time) sent me balloons at work.  I found out that I was entitled to no raise, promotion or even a happy hour.  I was not upset, because my reasons for going back to school were for my personal benefit, not to make me entitled.  At work, my pay is based on the value that I bring to my company, not what I think that I am entitled to.

One week after talking goals, why was this on my mind?  Because sometimes, we do forget that we need to be in control of our own paths.  Roadblocks, bumps in the road and extenuating circumstances are all things that are beyond our control.  True in our lives, whether personal, at work, at play or anywhere else.  If we focus on the things that can control, we will have a better chance of reaching our goals, as opposed to ceding control and relying on others.  To be up front, I have thought about after my years invested in raising / providing for my family, working long hours and helping other, etc., that will come a day where I can sit back, relax and let someone else take care of me.  It is a mindset thing because, I do not know if I even could sit still, cede control of everything to someone or even just relax.  I do know, that if that were to happen, I better plan now for it instead of waiting to see who will do all that for me. 

Annual Give Back Night

How often can you say that you helped others, provided awareness for a good a cause and raised money all at the same time?  While we know that ’tis the season for giving, it is important to remember those who are less fortunate, especially those in a situation not of their own doing. 

Saturday night was the Annual Zeiler Family Give Back Night.  This was our opportunity to help provide awareness for the Center for Hope and Safety, which “…is dedicated to assisting victims, and their children, of domestic violence by turning fear into safety, helplessness into strength, and isolation into hope.”

We met at one of the local malls (there is no shortage of them in Paramus) for our two-hour session.  Our job for the session was to help wrap gifts.  All of the supplies were donated for us to use.  It is right before the holidays and even in the age of cyber buying, the mall still had a good flow of people buying gifts for their loved ones.  For the shoppers, we were there to help them with the holiday task of gift wrapping.  There were siblings shopping for their parents, parents shopping for their children and friends shopping for friends.  Gab helped a little boy who was so excited that he picked out his own gifts to wrap. 

Once we replaced the previous group and were ready to go, there is always that initial moment of whether or not people will come by to have their gifts wrapped.  And come they did.  With their toys, clothes and other gifts. Our services to them were free.  I was excited by the generosity of the season which led most people to make a donation to the Center for Hope and Safety.  That generosity will go directly to help support this important organization to help others in need.

There are many ways to help those in need and many great organizations to support.  Most people are caught up in their lives, working towards making ends meet, and providing a roof over their family’s head.  While it is always great to celebrate (whatever the reason), it is important to remember that there are those who wish to have cause to celebrate, but cannot.  Whatever you do this season, keep in mind those less fortunate, and remember to keep them in your thoughts and prayers, so that they too can hope for a better future.

Holiday Prep

“Deck the halls…”

It is once again that time of the year.  I am not sure why, but this is the time of year we are supposed to be jolly, put on a happy face, and celebrate.  For 11 months, we work hard for this time of year.  Everyone goes on vacation, runs to various parties and wear those crazy sweaters.  Black Friday, Cyber Monday and other selling catch phrases invented for this time of year have the mothballs dusted off of them and are paraded in front of the masses hungry with excitement for this time of year.

I look at my calendar and my time is pretty full for the rest of this year.  Work still has to be done, the synagogue where I am president still has activities and meetings, food still has to be put on the table…you get the picture.  Believe me, I get the enjoyment of holidays, days off and extra family time – those days are listed on the calendar as well as everything else.  From my point of view, I would rather maintain that happy spirit throughout the year instead of saving for a single month.

“…gonna find out if your naughty or nice…”

Pretend it is January 1^st and the entire year lies before you.  You close your eyes, take a deep breath and let your mind drift off into the year ahead.  The images begin to come to you in a flash – you see the things that you want to accomplish, you have a vague understanding of how you are going to get there, and then you open your eyes.  I am pretty sure that at this point, you know if you will be naughty or nice.  15 or 20 days before a jolly being descends with a bag of gifts, the ledgers of life have already recorded you a naughty or nice quotient for the year.

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”                                                          

I am 57 and believe it or not, I do not look forward to having inches of snow dumped on me in December or any other time of the month.  Many years ago, we had the fortunate of taking a family trip to Australia.  We landed in Brisbane on Boxer Day – it was 110 degrees, the thought of dressing up in a beard and a heavy red winter outfit was far from the minds where we landed.  The person that wrote the classic song, White Christmas (Irving Berlin), definitely lived in the northern hemisphere.  I realize that the image of Santa Claus as a large, jolly person coming to every house from the North Pole wearing heavy winter red has become global.   While flying over the equator I hope he has a good A/C onboard his sled.

OK, so there are plenty of contradictions when it comes to the Holiday season.  And, yes, it is fun to have various celebrations for various reasons.  Of course, everyone is nice (it would be even better if this was year-round).  I plan to enjoy the holidays as much as the next person.  Be safe, be smart in your decision, remember that the world does not stop at this time of year (as some might think) and enjoy.  “Christmas comes but once a year,” sang the great B.B. King.  As he continues later in the song, “Let the good times roll.”  Enjoy your Holidays, however you celebrate!

Rinse Cycle

I think that most of the time we forget about how awesome our country is.  If you spend time watching or listening to media, all you hear are points of negativity, failure posturing and political condemnation.  It is a rare occasion when the news covers about the beautiful landscapes and type of terrains that exist.  If you were to evaluate our country based on the media, you would potentially have a distorted view. I realize that the prism in which we view the universe in provides us with what we believe to be true, but that does not always mean that is the truth.

This past weekend, Debbie and I had a chance to visit one of the awesome treasures that we have in our country.  We had the opportunity to spend the weekend in Sedona, Arizona – a truly cool place that was grand on many levels.  As we drove through the winding mountain routes (route 89), we saw a gap between the mountains that made us go “Wow!” out loud.  After coming from the Scottsdale / Phoenix area, where these cities were full of people, buildings and noise, the relative quiet, open space and relaxing feeling while standing near the red rock formations was easily impactful on us.  In the short time we had, we explored their tourist area, went off roading on a jeep tour, ate our meals outdoors while looking out at the scenery and found spots for solitude and reflection.  By the time we left, we felt that this was a place to return for a longer period of time.

Under the hustle and bustle of life, where we spend our valuable time striving to make a difference, support our families and champion causes, we sometimes forget to stop and catch our breath.  Yes, I know that I write about this after I actually have had a chance to “press the rinse cycle” on my life, take a brief break and reset my perspective.  This time, we had a chance to view natural wonders and breathe in some fresh, untainted air.  We left our worries behind, stopped thinking about the “daily grind” and enjoyed our precious time together in a really different environment; an environment that was here long before our families arrived on these shores and one that will long outlive our generations to come.  Sometimes, we get caught up in the “BS” that assails our senses and forget that we do truly have a great nation, with awesome places to visit and natural adventures to be experienced.

…And So Ends the High Holiday Season

4 weeks and an additional 10 services across five Holidays (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah) has come to a close.  This is an extremely busy time of the year in the Jewish world: We start the New Year, repent, celebrate the crossing of the desert (after leaving Egypt) and receiving the Torah (we end and restart).  There have been days for fressen (Yiddish for eating like there is no tomorrow), fasting and festivities.  During these High Holy Days, we reflect, contemplate, ask for forgiveness and start over.  And then…they are over and life goes back to normal.

Or do they?  Or, should they?

Since I have been a child, these have been the days to see people who I have not seen throughout the year. Because Rose Hashanah and Yom Kippur are such important holidays, these are the few times a year that some people will go to services.  Believe me, no matter what you believe in, an opportunity to have a clean slate, spiritually, emotionally or physically is a HUGE draw! 

Some of my personal take-aways:

·      Saddest moment – We read about Moses and all the great things that he did.  He is the ultimate heroic figure in the Torah, with the ability to accomplish big feats, lead / create a nation that has endured and ultimately was very human.  This is the time where we relive his final days, and using the analogy from a Western, our favorite hero rides off into the sunset.

·     Meaningful moment – There is a portion of the Yom Kippur service called Neilah, where the Aron Kodesh (ark) remains open.  This is where the Torah “resides.”  We have a chance to stand in front, symbolically face Hashem whose presence (Shechinah) can be felt, to give our last appeals and pray for the future year, before he closes the ledger on our lives for the upcoming year.  It is a powerful moment.

I find it interesting that we focus our energies into this holiday, as every other religion does on their holiest, most meaningful days.  We all talk about living with each other, while history teaches of wiping out our enemies (so there can be no revenge).  We ask forgiveness for our actions, whether person-to-person, to a higher authority or in commitments we make to ourselves.  Yet, within a few weeks of self-reflection, feeling good about our decision and looking towards a better future, we fall back into our old ways.  “We are only human, Wayne,” is not an excuse.  Because it is easier?  I would sooner agree with that.  It is simple to commit to being better, but not easy to execute, as that means it takes work.  Remember, working towards something positive is worth the effort, provides a sense of accomplishment and inspires other.  As entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn states, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”  Here’s to being better.

Sunrise Day Camp, It’s the Best Camp!

Hi everyone!   For a little change, I am writing this week’s blog!  I hope you enjoy it! 

-Gabrielle

The Sunrise Association is the first company to have a day camp that is free of charge for kids with cancer and their siblings.  Throughout the east coast and Israel, there are currently 8 campgrounds. During the year, The Sunrise Association does Sunrise on Wheels, which is when people from Sunrise go into hospitals to hang out and play with kids who are cancer patients.  There are also fundraisers throughout the year to raise money for the association. 

The main jobs of the counselors are to make sure that the kids are safe and that they have fun. Staff members make sure that everything is wiped down and that campers always use hand sanitizer in-between and during activities. Without the amazing staff members, the camp would not be as great.  They always make sure that campers are being included and are given the opportunity to be kids.  The biggest goal of camp is for it to be camp and to give the kids the chance for a normal experience.

For the past 3 summers, I have been fortunate enough to work as the Music Specialist at Sunrise Day Camp in Pearl River. We sing, play musical games, and play on the Music Garden that has been donated to the camp.  While at camp, there are many activities to do other than music.  Campers get to play sports, go rock climbing, go boating, play minigolf, dance, go swimming, do yoga, do drama, create art, and make lanyards.  While these are normal camp activities, these campers are special and would not be able to have this opportunity.  Our camp gives children with cancer and their siblings an opportunity to attend summer camp in a safe, caring environment.

I have met so many counselors and campers who have shown me to live each day to the fullest.  You never know where life will take you, so it is important to live every day as best as you can.  Don’t take anything for granted and enjoy everyone and everything.

On October 20, I am lucky enough to be leading a team at Sunrise Walks, where “We Walk So They Can Soar”. For the past few weeks, my team members have been raising money to give to the Pearl River camp. Please find the website below for more information about the camp and everything that this amazing organization does. 

https://www.sunrise-walks.org/PR/Team/View/113113/Team-Z

New Year 5780

It is once again that time of year where we wish our friends and family a sweet New Year.  It is also that time of the year, once again, where we have the opportunity to take stock in what we have accomplished, to assess the goals that have fallen short and to think about where we need to be in the upcoming year.  Some years I find that things go as planned, other years I am off the mark.  The years where things go well, I look forward to review how I did.  The other years, I look towards the review less excited but know that to get better in the future I have to go through with it.  Either way, it is that time of year.

This past year, 5779, was one of the good years!  On the personal front, Bec has graduated from college and I am now proud of both of my working girls.  Debbie and I had a great year together, working together as a couple, being supportive best friends and enjoying facing life together.  On the professional front, I have successfully changed jobs, shifting back into the consulting world and became an authorized trainer.  On the volunteer front, I am still the president of my synagogue, where I think we made a small dent in their universe and have worked towards changing peoples’ mindset.  The year was productive! 

One thing is certain – We each need to measure our successes on our own merit, our own goals and our own lives.  We are each our own person and must remember that as we review our year, we look at it through our own eyes, through our abilities and our desires.  It is easy to fall into the trap of, “I did not do as good as so-and-so,” “How come so-and-so got X while I did not,” and “I should have done, like so-and-so.”  As we look towards the next year, we should set our sights on the things we wish to accomplish, the help we wish to provide to others and the personal growth we wish to develop. 

Choose your path wisely, set reasonable goals and be diligent in following the path in front of you.

Here’s to a Meaningful, Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 5780!

FOOD!

Eating healthy is a choice.  Let’s face it, if you watch television, even for a minimal amount of time, you are bound to catch a commercial on some yummy looking food.  Many times, when you see that food in real life, it does not look the same and does not always taste like they led you to believe.  Even those nice “tall” looking sandwiches, when they are placed in front of have the same ingredients but some how look flat and less appetizing.  It is a choice – and a few years ago, I did write about a challenge to myself, where you the readers were my accountability partner, to eat better and lose some weight.  Having spent a number of weeks travelling for work, I find eating more challenging.  At all-day meetings, they generally bring in sandwiches or pizza.  Sometimes, we get salad (I do eat that healthier option), but not always.  Last week – no salad.  At night, I had a beer, burger (on a roll) and flat bread pizzas. 

Remember when you were younger and could eat anything that was put in front of you?  As a kid, my parents, when there was no snow on the ground, always said, “why don’t you go outside and play?”  And out we went – we would shoot hoops in the backyard, play ball on either our side yard or at the high school across the street, or, zip around the neighborhood on our bikes.  We were active, so the amount of food that we ate easily turned into fuel for our bodies to consume with our activities.  Growing up, we never ate fast food, which my brothers and I still adhere to in adulthood.  It was great, I used to eat everything in sight, which led to jokes being called Hoover or Exectrolux after the vacuum cleaners.  This lasted through college.  It was great to not have to worry about what I ate.  And then I went to work full time, where I sat at a desk, went home and stopped being as active.  We all know the story and as we get older, we see the impact.  I never heard of a daddy belly or a dad bod until I started to have one.  It is still about choices.

Seems like when we go on vacation or travel for work, we make choices based on convenience or thinking that it is OK to let things go for a week.  It is easy to slide back into the bad eating habits, because let’s face it, some of those less healthy foods taste so good!  My travel eating choices, especially when I am on my own, are all on my shoulders.  Burger and a beer, pizza and a beer, beer and some wings – all tasty.  By the end of this last week, I had more than my fill of carbs and added to my waistline – I did not make healthy choices.  Though my palette was happy, my stomach was not.  My simple test is to stand tall and look downward past my belly to see what I can see.  If I see my feet, all is good.  Of course, looking in the mirror might give me a different perspective.  Eating is important and to enjoy what we eat is a bonus.  Our choices, however, are ours to make.

We Have A Substitute Teacher!

I am sure that we all have stories about our elementary and middle school substitute teachers.  Come on – you remember…right?  You would walk into the classroom and for whatever reason, your regular teacher was absent.  Everyone would sit in a different seat, spitballs would be flying through the air and that wad of wet toilet paper would find its way to attach to the chalkboard (yes, my time was way before smart boards).  I remember we referred to a teacher as Mrs. Head, because we thought her head was rather large.  Of course, while trick or treating later that year, we found out that she lived across the street from one of our friends and was a really nice lady…we instantly felt bad about what we had done.  Most of the time, word did get back to our teachers and to our parents.  Now that my daughter is a teacher, last year she had to handle a class that acted that way when she was absent.

Looking back as an adult, we were just out to have a little fun and take advantage of the situation.  In hindsight, we were wrong and being mean spirited to someone that was doing their job and helping us.  As kids, we should know better, but have not fully learned restraint.  Hiding behind the old adage, “when the cats are away the mice will play” is not an excuse.  Unfortunately, there are times where we are in situations where adults act similarly.  With children, you can give them an extra assignment, have them write an essay on how to treat people or give them detention.  But, what can one do to adults, where an assignment, essay or detention can not be administered?  I spent the last two weeks in meeting with adults and when breaktime was over, they went back to their seats and were fully engaged.  I teach adults and do not have an issue.  But in both cases, while I was an unknown person, I was not treated like a substitute.

OK, I get it.  One of the emotions that we continue to have is being excited.  This gets us charged up, an opportunity to push boundaries (whether consciously or not) and show passion.  There is an old adage – he who controls the agenda, controls the meeting.  Looking back over the many years, most of our substitute teachers did not walk into the classroom and take control.  Do not get me wrong, there were some substitute teachers that were able to walk in and control the classrooms; those were the ones you were always happy to have and looked forward to seeing.  I never apologized to Mrs. Head or the others that our classes took advantage of.  As an adult, I hope that I would act better today, put myself in her shoes and realize what it takes to step in.  After all, at 56, I would hope that I would know better.

On Being President

I have to confess – being a president of an organization is not easy.  Keep in mind the plaque that Harry S Truman used to display, “The buck stops here.”  When things go well, it is great: you are happy to point out those who achieved, there is a sense of pride in the group that you are leading, a feeling that you can accomplish anything and a general aura of happiness.  When things go less than well, it is not so great: there is no one else to blame, there is a feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders, the thoughts swirling in your head that you backed yourself into a corner and a general feeling of disappointment.  In either case, you still have to go out with a smile on, say the words to encourage others to attain their best and continue to strive for goals and objectives.  The role comes with no set hours, no physical office and plenty of opinions.

OK, I framed this as being the president of the Jewish Community Center of Paramus / Congregation Beth Tikvah.  I could have swapped out the word president for leader…or head of household…or manager…or any other leadership title.  Sure – the size of the group / organization, the number of people involved, the magnitude of the decisions are different, there is a varying level of stress related to them and the number of eyes that watch your every move differ; it is still the case where others look to you to…lead.  While all leaders have different personalities, different methods and different ways of relating, the role is anything but passive.  This is an active role, where you need to be on your best game most of the time.  As a parent, you have to lead your family in life, teach your children the virtues that will help them in their lives and manage a household.  Any leadership role has a component of guiding others, providing some form of education and management.  In all related situations, it is how you react, how you handle yourself and how you communicate to others that matters.

I was once taught that good leaders are in the front of the group that they lead (yes, like they sing in Peter Pan, “we’re following the leader…”), rather than standing in the back and dictating where everyone should go.  The importance is doing, as most people observe by watching what others do and how they react.  There is the story about Mahatma Gandhi, where a mother brings her son to the famous and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and said to the mother come back next week.  The following week, the mother did as she was instructed and once again stood before this great man and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and told him to stop eating sweets.  Dumbfounded, the mother asks why he could not say that last; to which Gandhi replied, “Last week, I was eating sweets.”  The lesson is simple, never ask someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do nor have not done before.  Leaders lead.

Vince Lombardi said, “Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile!”  He is right – there is a lot of hard work that happens.  There was hard work prior to taking on the role.  There is hard work that is on-going.  There is still hard work ahead.  The time spent reading, learning and developing relationships and discussing ideas set the groundwork.  Continuing to paint visions, continuing to build relationships and constantly re-evaluating and learning from every action / reaction helps us to learn from the past to move forward.  This has been a learning experience and has taken many more hours than I would have thought.  As I have reached the end of my first year and started the second year, I am happy with the journey, thankful for my family and their support, appreciative for the help / advice of many friends (old and new) and truly happy for the community which I, for a temporary point in time, have been given leadership.  It is truly about the communities we live in.  Helen Keller said it well when she said, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.”

Where Did Our Babies Go?

I was recently talking with someone and we were saying how it is odd that we do not feel like we have changed or grown older.  However, if we look at our children and where they are, it is a completely different story.  Yes, we bare the signs of age - like how my joints make creaking and popping sounds while exercising, or the addition of grey hairs.  In the song “Sunrise, Sunset”, they sing, “I don’t remember getting older, When did they?” rings true.

I recently held a new baby for the first time in many years.  It brought back memories of holding our babies, even though it now seems like ancient history to me.  I cannot believe that I have one daughter who works and one daughter, who travelled for a month and is now going to look for a fulltime job.  Gab is involved as a bride’s maid for her friend who has adopted Debbie and me.  I remember when the hardest thing we had to decide was where should we go and play on the weekend, or who would be taking them to their friends’ parties.  Now, it is picking them up from the airport, helping them with car decisions, and hoping that they remember to let us know what they are doing.  That is a long way away from when they were babies.  Oh, if that is not enough to make me begin to feel old…the baby I was holding was Gab and Bec’s babysitter’s first baby.

It is odd how all of these thoughts rattle around in my head around the Father’s Day Weekend.  I still have my father, for which I am thankful for.  As a father, I am blessed that I have the children that I have.  While I know that it is nice to have a special day to focus on each of our parents, Father’s Day has become a day where my brothers and our families get together, grill some good eats and quaff a few frosty beverages with our dad.  For me, however, I still maintain that Father’s Day for me is every day – I have my children as my gift.  As with a new born, each new thing they do, each new adventure they try and each new accomplishment is as fascinating to watch today as were those small “first steps.”