Back From Hiatus

Seven years ago, I made the commitment to write weekly and share the thoughts that I had been thinking about for the past week or so.  And then 2020 hit.  With the steamroller known as COVID-19, the way we think, the way we do business and the manner of everyday life changed.  For the first time in my life, everyday began to have a “sameness” to it, regardless of having the weekend which did less to break up the week than it had done previously.  September became the first month when I did not pen a single word and somehow in October, I was able to write one blog.  I often wonder what happened…part of it was due to not wanting to write more about the pandemic, as life still went on.

And then someone pointed out the benefits and abilities related to having and maintaining good habits.  The key was that good habits are at times hard to form because they involve routines which can be hard and go against the general flow around us.  Once you stop, it is easier to let them go.  Zig Ziglar, who I never had the fortune to see live, used to bring on stage an old manual water pump.  To get water from the pump, you needed to pump the handle a number of times to build up the pressure that would eventually bring the water up through the spigot.  The image, combined with the narration, was to remind us that while we do not see immediate reaction (to the pumping), having patience will bring about the required results.  The same is true with developing good habits – you have to prime the pump until the habit takes root and then continue the actions to maintain the “flow.”  However, once you stop and the water recedes, you have to put the effort in once again to start the process.

No different with me – I stopped writing and it became easier to not write.  I like writing, but the years of this one habit unwound in a few weeks.  When I began thinking about this (the weekly thought filling my head), I began to see the impact.  Writing kept me mindful of the actions around me, giving me cause to reflect, review and learn from them.  While the activities still continue, the level of awareness and opportunities lessened.  I missed the writing and the value it provided me.  It is time to get back into the swing of things and end this brief hiatus.  Writing will be like starting from scratch, but if I wish to begin again, it is time to start priming the pump.

A High Holy Day Like No Other

 

Every year, we gather to bring in the Jewish New Year, where part of the liturgy talks about opening up the “Book of Life” on Rosh Hashana, atoning for one’s sins on Yom Kippur, and being inscribed in the Book of Life for another year.  We gather together in prayer, eat heartily together, fast together and chow down on bagels, lox, whitefish, etc., to close out this period in the calendar.  This year, the play book was placed in storage, a scramble occurred on what to do and new methods needed to be introduced.

Now, I would not claim to be a very religious person.  However, this is the one time of the year where, during the High Holy Days, I refrain from watching television, writing, using the phone and turning on my computer.  These are supposed to be days of reflection and, as the holiest days on the Jewish calendar, should not be taken lightly.  I have previously written about how little I go out, conducting work and synagogue business from my office in the basement.  We provided limited attendance at our services this year, staying well below the CDC and state guidelines.  Truth is, we did not have a rush for tickets to be in-person at services.  This year, we broke the mold – we provided a livestream through a professional company.

Being involved in the process and volunteering to help monitor, this meant that I needed my computer on, which I attached to my television, to watch the services.  My phone was on so that I could text with a select group helping out and communicate with the production company.  The only thing that I did not do was write.  Instead of being a congregant at the services, I was part of the team bringing this new approach to life.  I joked that if one year ago I had said to the congregation, “Next year, we are binging this to via livestream,” they all would have laughed at me.  How much difference a year can make.

Based on the current numbers, there is the potential that we will be dealing with this pandemic for a while.  There is no way to tell what that will mean, but it is here for the meantime.  We all hope that by this time next year, we can reminisce about the challenges of 2020.  One thing is certain, what we learn today will be the lessons we will have to go forward with.

Steppin' Out

 

I do not get out much.  Since March, I have written about the minimal times that I have been out, the circles that I have drawn around myself and the diligence to remain safe.  The truth is, while my comfort zone is primarily my house, that does not mean I do not yearn to go out and do the things that we used to do.  I have commented that I would love to get in the car and drive somewhere for vacation, but I have no desire to eat in a hotel, when half the fun of vacation is going and doing what you want in the moment that you want to do it. 

Last week, cabin fever was reaching a peak.  Debbie suggested that I come up with something that I would like to do.  What we really needed was a change of scenery, something outside our usual travelling (i.e., the supermarket), and something to feel good and safe about.  We wanted to go someplace outside and to get some exercise.  After a little research, we found the perfect location.  We found a historical pedestrian walkway over the Hudson River where the walkway is a converted railroad bridge.  The two of us gathered our supplies (snacks, drinks, toiletries, etc.), hopped into the car and off we went.  After the past five months of barely leaving my house, I was travelling outside the county and crossing the state border.  Nothing too hair raising, but this felt like a big step.  And who better to have an adventure with than my wife!

It was a great day to take a drive.  The sun was out and driving up the NY turnpike was enough to make the trip worthwhile.  We followed the Hudson River north until we crossed over the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  Looking off to the left, we could see the “Walkway over the Hudson”, our destination.  We arrived at the half full parking lot, donned our masks, grabbed our drinks and went off.  I was nervous at first, until I noticed that everyone maintained a social distance from the other walkers.  Everyone had masks with them, though took them off while walking.  We reached the far side of the bridge, then walked through the streets of Poughkeepsie to have a chance to walk across the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  This bridge was empty.  Then we found something really cool and unexpected; The composer, Joseph Bertolozzi, recorded the sound of the bridge to create music.  Along the walk are stations that explain his process and present this unique musical experience. 

When we returned to our car, we realized that this was exactly what the doctor ordered.  We had a safe mini-adventure.  Even though we thought about finding a place to get a drink, we played it safe and realized that we could pick up a drink from a drive through and then drive home.  It was a great day!  OK, all we really did was go to a different location for a walk, but a change of location, exercise, a sunny day and walking hand-in-hand with my wife…it was worth “Steppin’ out, with my baby.” *

 

* Music from Irving Berlin played in my head…

Drawing Circles Around Ourselves

 For four months, my life has been existing primarily from within my house.  I can probably count the number of times that I have been to the store, social visited with friends, etc.  Most of the time when I leave my house, it is the same as sticking your big toe into the pool to see if it is cold.  Trying to stay balanced, you gingerly poke at the top layer of water to determine what you will do next.  I do realize that I work from my house, conduct synagogue business from my house and Zoom socialize from my house.  My children live at home, so we stay together safely as a family.  I have unknowingly gone and drawn a safety or comfort zone around my house.  There are a few other circles that I have drawn where I feel safe, but not many.

Why am I talking about circles?  A number of years ago, I gave a speech regarding our individual comfort zones and how once they are designated, we find it difficult to step outside them.  I likened the comfort zones to circles – circles we draw around ourselves to feel comfortable, circles our parents drew to provide us with a sense of safety and the circles drawn by others to influence us.  The longer the circles are there, the stronger they seem and the wider the drawn lines symbolizing the boundaries become.  But, Wayne, you are thinking, if we draw them, can’t we just erase them?  One would think that.  I remember learning that one of the ways to train a baby elephant is to tether them to a post with a chain.  Once they realize that they cannot escape, as they grow up, it becomes a conditioned reflex, so much so that replacing the chain with a rope will keep the elephant still.  While a full-grown elephant can go pretty much wherever they want whenever they want, due to this learned habit, their comfort zone has become ingrained in them.  Humans are no different once the circles have been drawn.

For me, the key was to realize what I have done by drawing the circle of Covid safety around myself.  I feel safe (that is good), but get anxious about venturing out (that is not good).  I do not want to confuse this with going forth into the world with a mindset towards safety and a diligence to protect ourselves and those around us with the unusual amount of people vying for Darwin Award.  (Yes, I am referring to those who think they are immune to disease, disregard the events of the past five months and think they know better)   Now that I can see the circles that I have drawn around me, I can work towards erasing them by deliberately making planned ventures outside of the house.  Social visits in person, going shopping (when needed), etc., help to overcome these “fears” that have developed.  I am happy to wear my bandana and go out.  Because of this, I am starting to have less anxiety and working towards expanding the circles that I have recently drawn around myself.

Shave and a Haircut

My last haircut was towards the beginning of January.  Normally, I would have said that my next cut would be at the end of March / beginning of April.  Well, that plan did not work out.  I made the decision at that time to wait until we could go back out to the places where we used to go.  Like everyone else, I figured that in a few weeks, and just like a big storm, the dark clouds of the pandemic would blow away.  We all know how that went.  During this time, my family said that they would happily cut my hair for me.  I could have used the beard clipper (which on video calls looks like many chose that option).  A month ago, friend of mine suggested I use his barber…a razor.  I made the decision to tough it out and visually show that I am following the guidance provided.  For me, that was as important a point to make as it was to look well groomed. Since the pandemic started, I have been out to shop and a couple of social distance visits, but for the most part, I had started to become comfortable staying close to home and minimizing my trips into the larger world.  My comfort zone did shrink.

And then the guidance changed.   While I do like having long hair (remember the pony tail I use to have?), I was done with the unruly, caveman look.  But truth be told, after so much time at home, like many other people, I have to admit I was nervous to venture forth.  As I said, my comfort zone in the past four months had become more like a small bubble.  A week after the governor gave the OK – I decided to call for an appointment, hoping that it would be a few weeks before they could take me, giving me time to prepare for enlarging my comfort zone.  “How does 6:30 work for you,” the voice kindly asked.  I stammered, “I c-c-cannot m-m-m-make it tonight.”  “I am talking about Friday,” she responded.  I took the appointment and now had to venture out to a place I had not been to before the pandemic even began (the place I used moved locations).

Friday arrived, and with a show of confidence I left my house and my comfort zone.  I grabbed a disposable mask on the way out, having to ditch the bandana that I usually wear.  I was uncomfortable even in my car, when I realized that I had not even turned the car on yet.  I drove to the place and pulled up.  I tentatively walked up to the door, not sure if I was to open it, or needed to be escorted in.  I cannot believe that an action that was normal and natural felt like I was trying something new.  The receptionist saw me, opened the door and took my temperature.  There was one other person there who was finishing up and then they left.  By the time I signed the release form, I was up.  As I sat down, conversation started naturally and we caught up since we last met.  I sat there at ease and then I was finished.  It was a positive experience, though I am still very cautious and continue to remain diligent.  Being smart about how we handle ourselves (metaphor for many things) will lead us to good outcomes.  I had built up some fears about going out and wanting to remain safe.  Believe me, running to the shore to be amongst a crowd is still not an option for myself.  Although we are still in quarantine, every day my comfort zone gets slightly bigger and I feel more comfortable as things start to “get back to normal”.

Observations from Behind the Mask

Dining outside (or eating al fresco), people laughing together and children running up and down the sidewalk – clear signs that summer is here.  I recently got to watch this scene.  While what I was watching would normally be a heart-warming summer scene, it was painfully clear that I was the only one concerned about a mask; the children were running up and down the sidewalk, where unmasked diners (at a safe social distance) were eating.  The parent, mask-less, showed no mind and I saw the father walk up to the next table, say something and pat the guy on the shoulder.

For almost four months, myself, our family and our friends have been listening and following the CDC and government guidelines.  My father is still in Florida and it has been a long time since we have seen each other face-to-face (virtually – of course).  My mother-in-law’s place is keeping the inside and outside world apart in a measure to provide protection.  My family has been working from home since March to minimize the spread of COVID-19.  We wear masks when we go out to protect ourselves and to protect the ones we love and care about.  I was once taught that on an airplane, during the safety talk, there is a reason why when the air mask drops, you use it first, then help others – if you do not, you have jeopardized your health and the person(s) you would have helped.  One needs to be healthy to help those in need. Wearing that mask is a selfless act, a sign that we care and want us all to survive this pandemic.

People have gotten arrested for thinking it was OK to publicly cough on someone – it is not. 

People think that once you wear the mask past the security guard, it is OK to remove it – it is not. 

People want to believe their children are safe and do not need a mask – it is not. 

There was recently a case where a young nurse went to a bar to celebrate something and the whole group caught COVID-19.  Her comment was “I should have known better.”

When states opened up, people forgot about the pandemic and the numbers went up (think of the old commercial, “they told two people, who each told two people…”).

As I stood there, watching the scene at the restaurant, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the patrons who did not.  Going to the supermarket, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the shoppers who did not.  It is easy to get lulled into a false sense of comfort, to remove the mask and gain a (false) feeling of freedom.  The risk…it ain’t worth it.  It is not worth for me to catch it, to unknowingly spread it and to hurt others.  I do not like wearing the mask, but happy to do so, and when I do not want to wear it, I will be happy to stay home.

Leading During Covid-19

I have been involved in the change business for a few decades, related to system implementations and process improvements.  The rule of thumb has always been that people do not like change, as they are comfortable in what they do, use to how things work and do not like to step outside the box.  The similar comment is when someone says that they are going to change someone else.  You cannot change someone unless they want to change.  Same holds true in the business world.  You cannot change someone; they have to be open to the potential opportunities and then make their own decision to change.  Otherwise, they will get passed over.  As time marches on, technologies move forward and enhancements will always happen.

And then came the great Disruptor – COVID-19.  The COVID came with no policies, no pamphlets and no prior examples.  There were no guidelines how to react, how to live and how to lead during a pandemic where the best preparedness is everyone living in quarantine.  The impact was felt in daily life, businesses and volunteer organizations.  As president of a synagogue, there was no one to turn to, you could not ask how was this handled beforehand.  14 weeks in and we are still learning, still adjusting and still striving to exist in this “new world.”  Things that used to be important are no longer important and things we did not think about are now in the forefront of what needs to be addressed.

A Disruptor will always lead to a change or, in this case, many changes.  Video conferencing, which ten years ago was only for “fancy” businesses has become the communication tool for households desperate to connect visually with family, friends and associates.  The way we “congregate” is different.  Wrestling over the thoughts of broadcasting religious services, business meetings or casual gatherings have been dashed aside as the use of technology has brought us together…for some as a means of inclusion and others as a means of socialization.  In terms of change…when we plan a project, we expect change to take many months.  In the COVID time, change is rapid, rapid to meet daily needs, conduct business, religious needs and social needs.  It means that people in positions of leadership are stretched to react while the Disruptor is still here, and the need to respond to its every present, constant impact on our lives, how we conduct ourselves and how we treat each other.  We can, and will, take the bucket of lemons dumped onto us and turn them into lemon-aid.  Even though this is a time of challenge, it also means that it is also a time of opportunity, which means there is change afoot.

A Minor Milestone

I know that nobody will ever mistake me for a bodybuilder, an athlete, nor a sports-minded individual.  I am good with that and I am not about to completely change what I do.  However, it is nice to note that in a small accomplishment, I have reached a minor milestone, but one that I continue to keep pushing forward on.  I am talking only about exercising in my own home.

Over the course of my life, there have been many times where I considered exercising or doing any kind of physical activities.  My parents used to tell me that when I was young, I used to like to run.  I am not sure what happened…at some point I found myself in the section of clothes for “chubby” boys.  Because of my weight gain, I became a couch potato.  I did join soccer around that time, but I refused to run.  Needless to say, bad habits began to build.  At some point in high school, I had a growth spurt and my weight readjusted; the same weight was now on a taller body.  I liked playing basketball and a friend said we should try out for the High School team.  When I found out it included running, I did not even try out.  I had no confidence in myself.  Having to go to the gym where my peers would be weight lifting?  My stick arms and me bowed out, afraid to appear weak and wimpy (forget the image of a bespectacled band geek).

As I got older, I played pick up basketball with friends.  I was still afraid of the gym until Debbie started to go.  I went and realized that I was not the only “weak” one there.  I had reached a point in my life where I started to realize the value of exercise – ANY TYPE of exercise.  After many fits and starts, excuses on traveling and all other made up barriers, I finally found an app that had a variety of options.  I realized that I did not have to run, lift weights or take on other challenges.  After one or two false starts, I have now exercised for 96 straight weeks and have just passed the 900^th exercise.  If I miss a week, I go back to zero.  That ended up being a strong motivator.  I now exercise 4 to 5 times a week, including stretching or doing yoga.  I know that I am not going to break any records, look like Mr. America or run a marathon.  However, by being diligent and setting some goals, I am striving to be healthier and adhere to healthier habits.  Yes, it takes time and effort, but at the end of the day, I feel better about myself and what I have been doing.

A Normal Weekend?

11 weeks of remaining in our homes.  11 weeks of guidance requesting we maintain distance from other people.  11 weeks of wearing masks and gloves when venturing forth for simple, routine things like shopping for food.  11 weeks of being shut down.  11 weeks of whether or not you work, every day seems the same as the day before and the passage of time has become hard to follow.

Saturday, when we woke up, the sun was shining behind a few clouds and there was the promise of a warm, beautiful day.  Debbie and I needed to go shopping for food, something I have not done in the past week or two.  We went to the store to buy some essentials (OK, we did stop at the liquor store).  The supermarket was not that crowded.  When we went to check out, I said I would run to grab garbage bags while Debbie got in line.  I went to the aisle and, of course, grabbed toilet paper, paper towels and napkins along the way.  I stopped…the shelves were full (even though there were signs to limit purchase).  When we went back home, the sun was shining and we had outside work around the house to do.  In the evening, we had a social distance barbeque.  Sunday, we had more things to tend to and an event in the afternoon.

Come Sunday evening, we had finished dinner and reviewed items that we were going to buy on-line.  After some planning for the week ahead, the four of us (5 if you include our dog, Lucy Lou), sat down as a family to watch something on TV.  For the first time in 11 weeks of self-confinement, it felt like we had a “normal” weekend.  OK, we did have masks on when we were shopping.  I picked up a pizza and I was masked and only one person at a time was able to come in for pick up.  But still…we had outside activities, had face-to-face time with other people (at a distant) and accomplished things.  For once, the weekend did not feel like every other day of the week.  For once, in many, many weeks, I felt a real break in the week and it felt great!

Breaking the Sameness

Egg and Cheese on homemade challah rolls on the back deck

My days always seem the same – wake up, motivate myself to exercise, shower, eat breakfast, go to the basement to work, eat lunch, go back to the basement, work until dinner, eat, and have a synagogue meeting.  Some days, we really change it up and have a meeting before dinner.  Nights always end with a little family time.  I am even learning to play Mah Jongg.  Weekends are spent catching up on sleep, motivating to exercise, showering, etc.  On the weekends Debbie and I go shopping for the week gloved and masked.  I have to confess; I do get anxious if I am like that for too long.  This might be our new normal for the time being and I am amazed how after this amount of time, I have become a little comfortable with this.  I guess that our ability to adapt has always been key to the survival of our species.

We are doing our part to protect ourselves and all of the people we know.  And now the weather has turned nice – finally the warm weather is here.  This morning (Sunday as I write), Bec said to me, “Dad, you should come outside to eat breakfast.”  I am not one for making excuses, but the “I’d rather eat inside,” “It’s too sunny out,” “Maybe next week” all came to mind.  “Well, I will be outside if you want to join me,” she said.  Then Debbie came in (Gab was out on a social distance walk with a friend) and said, “I’ll grab something to eat and join you.”  I felt about two inches tall.  “OK, I will join you.”  I grabbed my breakfast and my tea and joined them.  Once I got comfortable and began to relax, it really felt good to be outdoors, feel the warmth of the sun and the coolness from the slight breeze.  I forgot how nice it is to change up one’s routine.

Safety and comfort are important, but do we become complacent in the things that we accept, the thoughts we perceive and the habits we form?  We all talk about how we miss going where we want, when we want and with who we want.  For most of us, our homes are not our prisons, just the place where we hang our hats, feel safe and share with loved ones.  Can we be responsible and maintain social distancing so that we can step outside more frequently?  Or, will we fall into what we are seeing on the news related to people crowding newly opened beaches?  While we still have a long road to travel, doing so safely would make sense, if we all adhere to considering the safety of others and following the guidelines.  Next week is a holiday weekend, so that means an extra day to enjoy nice weather, be responsible and break some of the fears from quarantine that we have developed.

A Time of Opportunity

Thomas Edison once said, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”  We are currently living in a time where most of us are home-bound due to Covid-19.  Thankfully, many of us are employed due to the wonders of modern technology.  There has been an uptick in the usage of Netflix, Hulu has offered free services and I have gotten notifications that some of the online games have added more functionality so that we have additional items to entertain us while we are home.  While I can easily agree that we need distractions (we always need these), the distractions should not become the norm and we need to remember that life around us does not stand still.

It is easy to attract people to things that require minimal effort.  Because of this, it can be easy to get lulled into this type of comfort zone.  Just because we are self-quarantined, anxious about direct human contact, or are really becoming homebodies, does not mean that we have to give up all opportunities.  We are bound within these four walls for today, but one day (or some time in the near future), we will be allowed to roam freely again.  Many people are saying that we will have to wait and see what we are allowed to do and when we will be able to do it.  With that mindset, the day we wake up and are once again allowed to “pass Go” will be the day that we are already behind.

Back to the quote from my fellow New Jerseyian, there is currently work that can be done.  While those of us who work in the world of projects, it is always good to know when the project is expected to go live.  However, if we lay out the expected tasks, we should have some idea how long tasks should take and when a viable date would be, barring any unexpected hiccups along the way (which most projects have).  Besides, after close to nine weeks being inside, it is healthy to have some goals to strive for, some projects to work on and something in the future to look forward to.  While it is easy to catch up on our shows, see the movies we never made it to and try the games that everyone talks about, now is the time to look for the opportunities.  Yes, it is dressed in overalls and looks like work, but it is better to don the garb and try your hand at the work rather than say, “I could have done that” after someone else beats you to it.

Planning for Brighter Days

Imagine the year is 1519 and we have been sailing on a ship crossing the Atlantic for weeks on end.  We know that we are going to land in what was then termed the new world.  As a crew member, we know that we are on a mission of conquest.  As the commander, Hernan Cortes, planned the landing, the actions to take, the steps in conquest and how to navigate the near future that would fall into his lap.  Though we are not currently sitting in the hull of a 16^th century boat, it certainly seems as if we have been afloat on the water for weeks on end.

In this comparison, our landing on bright shiny shores will be the day the CDC, our state and federal governments say that it is safe “to go ashore.”  As a leader in any organization, there are some choices that need to be made and they come down to wait until we land, survey the situation, and then make some on the spot decisions for next steps.  Or, we start to list out the possible plans of action, identify some early challenges, determine decision criteria and then enact the best plan upon landing.  While we are still weeks away from reaching the shore, there is still time to figure out how to navigate the seas ahead of us.  We have a small window of time to engage the knowledge holders of our organizations, discuss options and plan for that bright day coming in the near future.

In 1519, upon landing, Cortes famously sunk his ships to ensure that his troops would follow him on his conquest.  This action has been used in leadership examples about having to focus on the road (plan) ahead and not having the crutch of relying on a method of retreating.  To win, you have to move forward.  We do not have the option of burning, sinking or hiding from the future.  However, we should be preparing and looking forward to that day where the proverbial sun rises, we land upon the sandy shores and have the future to stride into.  While we do not know when we be at that point, the time is now to set our sites for that day.  As one of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn, “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.”  Brighter days lie ahead, so be ready and focus on that sunny future. 

What Day is Today?

I hate to admit this, but I do not always know what day of the week it is.  I find that there are things about the way I think and perceive things that have changed, most likely from being “confined” at home all of the time.  I am sure, in light of this pandemic, we have the makings for a great case study for years to come.  Between time, social interactions and the “new” dress code, life has become different!

When it comes to time, it seems like I am not the only one who feels that time has been distorted, as the people I deal with all seem to have come to refer to the days of the week as today, yesterday and tomorrow.  Occasionally, I have used the term “the other day” only to be corrected that “the other day” was really a week ago from yesterday.  I used to laugh at my retired father when he referred to everyday is a weekend for him.  Now, I am no longer laughing, as day and date confusion seems to have become a reality when you are home almost all of the time, except for a walk to get some fresh air or going to the store.

When my brothers and I were young (yes, many decades ago), like all children of that time period, we played cops and robbers games.  Our getaway vehicle, or squad car, was always our bicycles.  We would zip around the neighborhood playing our games.  40+ years later, I find myself going out to the store dressed similar to how I only imaged I wished I dressed when playing those games.  Now, that bandana has become a fixture on my face when shopping.  I admit, I do not like shopping…FOR ANYTHING.  However, in the age of the pandemic, I look forward to our weekend food shopping.

What ever the day of the week it is, what ever the “new” style is, we will go with the flow for now.  I guess the key is to have good habits, get dressed for the day ahead and set your goals and accomplishments for that specific day.  That way, when the restrictions are removed, life will already be in a good rhythm and no major re-adjustment period will be needed.  In the meantime, make the best of wearing that mask, do not fret over forgetting what day of the week it is and enjoy the time you have to be at home.  One day soon, we will back able to say, “Remember that crazy period in the `20’s?”

The Year of the Plague

דם (Blood), צפרדע (Frogs)…as we were reciting the 10 plagues that Hashem brought upon the land of ancient Egypt during the Passover Seder, it was hard not to relate the words in the Haggadah to the pandemic that has hit 180+ countries.  As we read the words together, I looked up at the Dining Room table where I was seated with Debbie, Gab and Bec.  Last year, as in prior years, we filled the Living Room with the large gathering we have become used to for our first Seder night.  In a matter of a month, the way we handle our day to day activities, gather and communicate has significantly changed.  I never thought we would see the day where reaching out to greet a friend (hand shake, hug) would be shunned because of the potential hazardous impact.  What was once a friendly welcoming gesture is now considered inconsiderate and spurned.

About 24 years ago, my mother was dying of a different potentially deadly affliction – cancer.  I remember going to visit her in the hospital after one of her chemo treatments, where the nurses greeted us at the door and made sure that we put on hospital gowns over our clothes, covered our heads and wore gloves and a mask.  In this case, it was not to protect us, but to protect my mother, as her immune system had taken a temporary hit due to her treatment.  It was not comfortable, nor pleasant, but to visit and spend time together, we all knew what we had to do.  That year, Mom did make it to the Seder, propped up on a couch where she could hear us but was too weak to participate.  That was her last Passover.

We are once again required to wear a mask and gloves, but this time when going out to shop.  We are all practicing social distancing and found new ways to sit around the table to “visit” with out friends and families.  This means that the four of us sat at the festively decorated Dining Room table, with a place for Elijah and my laptop where family and friends joined so that we could all have a Seder together.  With a couple of tweaks, some deletions and a few additions, we were still able to have a fun, fulfilling Seder.  Our Zoom Seder still had group singing, parts for everyone to participate and some goofiness.  This included attempting to pass things between windows (it was magical) and the usual props appearing, just in a newer format.  I guess the lesson here is that we can still persevere, no matter the conditions, to get together and celebrate together. 

Like our ancestors, we will live through this plague to see another day.  We say at the end of each Seder, “Next year in Jerusalem,” this year I added, “Next year we will all be together to celebrate.”  

A Free Moment

As goofy as this might sound, I found myself sitting this morning with a free moment.  Debbie, Gab, Bec and myself (with Lucy Lou) have all been inside for three weeks now.  Oddly enough, it seems as if there is little down time, to sit back, have idle thoughts, and just chill.  While we are all home, this is no stay-cation, as we are all engaged in our daily lives, even if it is being done remotely – the world for us has not stopped.  In fact, at times, it seems busier for us.

A free moment.  With all that has been going on, this will now be the start of our fourth week in, except for essentials (i.e., shopping, walking the dog).  For me, personally, I spend my days working, evenings synagogue related (still needs to operate) and in between is my family time.  I had my cup of tea in my hand, the sun was shining, and there were birds singing.  It was one of those moments where the world seemed to stop, my mind went clear and the need to enjoy the moment took over.  As I sat watching the squirrels play, I sipped my tea, happy for the moment.  But like trying to hold water in your hands for a while, the water finds the cracks between your fingers and works its way out.  In a similar manner, as I was enjoying the moment, I began to think about how nice it was not to worry about my family’s health, having to work from home, worry about the impact on my field, thinking about running the synagogue during this time, worrying about…and just like that, the free moment was gone!

A free moment.  A moment of respite, a moment to “stop and smell the roses,” a moment like a snapshot in time.  (Sigh) The moment, though fleeting as it was, came at a time when it was needed.  A time where the insanity of it all ceased.  A free moment, when I remember a time where there were more of them, without worry, without having to face the fear of a constant unknown and when we paid them less mind.  I quickly jotted down my thoughts before they were lost in the hustle and bustle of the day, so as to save the moment and remember that it was there and look forward to the day when peace of mind returns.

My Aunt Rose’s Example for Today

Let me tell you about my Aunt Rose.  Yes, I know most people in my age category had an Aunt Rose.  This is about my aunt, in this case.  She came over from the old country when she was already a young lady, when my great-grandfather was able to send enough money to bring his family over from Skalat, Austria (later part of Ukraine).  Truth is, my grandfather, his sisters and mother, got stuck in Europe due to World War I, but made it to this country in 1920.  Out of his two older sisters, I only knew Aunt Rose, who lived in Brooklyn.  I always remember her, in my mind’s eyes, as always being dressed to the nines.  Her hair just right, makeup always on, and the little pocket book dangling from the nook of her elbow.  Supposedly, she always dressed up to give a good appearance her entire life.  I always said she kept her accent from Europe (my grandfather lost his), which my father swears was a Brooklyn accident.  I am sure that her calling me “Vayne” was not a Brooklyn accent!

My aunt came to mind when I realized how long we will all be staying inside, in some form of quarantine.  With no reason to go out, no reason to socialize and no reason to look our best, it is easy to stay in our pajamas all day (if you actually wear pajamas).  Or sit around in sweatpants, pass on the shower and use this “down time” to catch up / binge on all media.  I remember, as a child, when I was sick, it was great to not get dressed, lay on the couch and watch cartoons.  Our Mom would buy us a model to give us something to do.  Today, it is gloomy looking outside and it would be oh so easy to slip into a “sick day” mode (in camp language, a day of bunko-sleepo).  For our heads, it is better to get up, do something, set a task for the day, get up, get dressed and get to it.  We might be boxed in by the walls of our houses, but that does mean we do not have to be productive.  Those old puzzles that have been sitting idle in the closet waiting to come out to play?  Yay! We are doing them.

During this time of staying inside, quarantine, it is easy to let things slide.  This is what made me think of my Aunt.  At 90, Aunt Rose never let anything slide…I remember the last time Debbie and I went to visit her, when Gab was an infant and we went with my parents and Grandfather.  At this point, she was wheel chair bound due to a car accident (she was the passenger).  As always, she was well dressed, makeup in place, hair done just right and the pocketbook in place on her arm.  It did not matter her condition.  All these years later, her daily routine still sets the example that no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we should care of how we look and present ourselves.  If we motivate to make ourselves look and feel our best, then the more we help our mindset and can set ourselves up for success, even if we have to remain inside.

On the Inside Looking Out

I have barely stepped outside this week.  No, I am not infected nor under quarantine.  Nor am I afraid of getting sick myself.  It is easy to follow the guidelines for social distancing, washing our hands and making smart choices.  If we each lived on our own special island, this would be a piece of cake to follow.  For all the times you were driving your car, going at the correct speed limit and maintaining a safe distance to the car in front of you, did some jerk going way over the speed limit cut in front of you to get to the lane to your right, then weave through every car across all of the lanes in front of you?  There is a good chance that the same person is ignoring the healthy guidelines in place to combat COVID-19.  In a car, you can tap the brakes to avoid any accidents; however, when you are innocently in the public, you can be fully exposed.

I had to make another tough choice this week.  This time it was personal in nature.  My father has been in Florida since October and I have been looking forward to visiting him.  I spent the majority of January and February traveling for work, so March became the time I had to go to Florida and spend with my father and my brother (who is in Florida for a few months).  Yes, I have been looking forward to the visit and figured out how to go to Florida, then fly, return trip, from there for work back up here.  Everything was falling into place and after many months of just talking on the phone, I would be able to see my dad face-to-face.  “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” (Man plans, G-d Laughs) and the best laid plans were tossed out the window, as I have sadly cancelled my trip.  While I am healthy and able, I cannot take the chance that the jerk in my car example above might be next to me, one plane seat over or sneeze as they are walking by.  In that case, I potentially could infect others…especially my father.

When you are on a plane, and they are going through the safety measures, they tell you to take the oxygen first, then help other.  While this seems selfish, to help yourself before someone else, I would need to be in a good condition.  This analogy works in many parts of life, related to health, finances, etc.  As we face this unknown pandemic, where we have no idea where this will lead, the impact on us and the long range effects, for me to remain healthy means that I will do what I can so that I will not contaminate others, will be able to lend a hand if needed and help to watch over my family.  While it might look like my health is selfish – by maintaining my health, I should be able to protect others (in this case).  If there is one thing that I have learned over the past many years, I am not the only one who lives on this planet called Earth.  While I might consider myself as #1, it would be a lonely place to live if #1 meant there was no one else to be with.  Make wise choices to not only protect yourself, but to keep others safe as well.

The Hard Decision

To close or not to close…that was the question plaguing me all week long.  As President of our synagogue, I looked towards President Truman for guidance when he stated that “The buck stops here.”  As with all organizations, there are boards, advisors, officers and others in leadership positions – as was recently put to me, we all report to someone - I never felt such a weight as what to do.  “The choice is easy,” was what I had heard.  True, when it comes down to yes or no, then I have only two options to select from.  Easy, but not so simple.  When there are a large group of people that you are responsible for, when there is a perception about your organization, when you wonder about the long range impact of the decision, and, when you wonder how it fell onto your shoulders, the simple yes or no makes you feel like Atlas with the entire world on your shoulders.

Two weeks ago, there was only a threat of the Novel Coronavirus impacting the United States.  People began avoiding certain beers (with a similar), avoiding ethnic foods, etc., which all made for good jokes…at that time.  However, when the media made the decision to have the Coronavirus the most important story of all time, politicians used this as fodder for their attacks and positioning, we the people had no where to turn.  I merely scan the headlines, and I do not listen nor watch the news.  If there is something that impacts me, or is really important, I will find out about it.  The Covid-19?  There is no way, unless you live in a hole in the middle of nowhere could you miss this.  Separating fact from fiction, the origin, who is responsible, etc. is enough to make me close and lock my front door just to keep it all out. 

Back to having a level head, not falling victim to mass hysteria and taking things in their proper perspective:  The CDC on their website states that “…some people are at higher risk of getting very sick from this illness. This includes:

·         Older adults

·         People who have serious chronic medical conditions like:

o   Heart disease

o   Diabetes

o   Lung disease”

At 57, I am one of the younger people in our congregation.  Which means that we have members falling into the CDC’s classification for higher risk. 

Which brings me to the decision at hand.  The synagogue is supposed to be, as all religious institutes, a safe place to congregate, pray and socialize.  We come together in good times and in bad.  A part of our community’s lives revolve around that place of brick and mortar.  But, if one person, no matter how remote, became the “Typhoid Mary” of our community, we are left with the single question, “Did we do enough to protect our people?”  Leaders lead and at the end of the day, must make decisions for the benefit of all, not him or herself, not for one group, but for everyone.  That is the hard part, whether there is a pandemic or just choices that are needed for the future.  Though the building is dark for today, we are still here for those in need and look forward to when the doors reopen for a brighter tomorrow.

The Secret Sauce

My Mom had a lot of recipes that she wrote out, some were hand-me downs, others were ones that she picked up along the way.  It is fun to pull them out (when time allows) and to scan them for old favorites (I still cannot find her butterscotch brownies recipe).  And yes, there are recipes that have written out “a pinch of this”, “a dash of that” and a few that have items that are completely illegible.  There was an old recipe for a chicken and noodle dish that we enjoyed, that was never written down which my brothers and I remembered different pieces of.  Yes, my Mother (of blessed memory) seems to have kept some cooking secrets – in other words, the “secret sauce” in the kitchen, stayed with her.  Debbie and I tried to recreate this dish based the input from my brothers and me; we were close but knew something was missing.

The topic of secret sauce came up recently while I was teaching a training course for OneStream.  The class discussed how important training and user acceptance is.  There is an old saying that “confused people do nothing”.  In the business world, this would equate, when implementing new software, that confused people would tend to go back to their old, familiar habits.  I have seen where even with successful implementation (various software) and process improvement initiatives, people are still very reluctant to give up what they feel comfortable with.  This often leads to them pulling out the old spreadsheet to challenge the numbers presented.  While I will agree that during user acceptance testing, these spreadsheets are valuable in proving out new processes and system upgrades, but can be retired once testing is complete.  However, once we move past this, everyone forgets the drawbacks of manual processes – (1) they are manual and time consuming, and, (2) there is a risk for input errors leading to false results. 

Of course, there are the chances that like older recipes, past down through the generations, that all information will not be revealed, causing the old processes to appear suddenly.  I know we have all seen the person who has the printout in the back of their notebook – they crouch down during a meeting, thinking that no one sees them, bend the bottom half of the pages upward, peer down into their secret sauce and then point out that the new ways are wrong.  For most projects, putting in a new system, no matter how complex, is easy when compared to the task of acceptance.  This can take a long time due to people not wanting to step outside of their comfort zones.  Yes, it most likely will lead to better info, more efficient processes and better overall team performance.  This issue is that people have come to rely on what they know, cannot understand if it is not broken why fix it (and sometimes it is broken), and a feeling that they will become less valuable to the company. 

In the volunteer world…yup, it is the same.  Holding onto information, procrastination and throwing out irrelevant facts does help to deter movement.  Now that I am writing this, politics, governments, etc., seem to follow the same pattern.

In a world of food channels, websites and videos, it has become easier to find the recipes (i.e., solutions) more than ever before.  Whether my Mom had hidden any secret sauce from us or not, knowingly or unknowingly, whatever the ingredients, her food always had those special flavors and tastes we remember.  As we all move forward, it is important to remember what we had, keep the positive thoughts, and focus on how we move into the future.

Words

I am not following the Impeachment Trial, but I am bothered by the choice of words being used by both sides and easily gleaned from the headlines of all publications.  Words can hurt, words can heal, words can change the course of progress and words can face us towards a better future.  Last week, we celebrated Martin Luther King Jr Day, a holiday to celebrate a man who had an enormous impact and is memorialized by his “I Have a Dream” speech.  Juxtaposing a speech to inspire against speeches meant to incite fear and misdirection, it caused me to pause and reflect on how we speak and the words we use.

I have been fascinated by some of the influential speeches given by our forefathers, speeches that had the ability to convey heavy messages, provided context and imagery, presented in a highly complex language structure consisting of compound sentences and using, at time archaic words, to present their purposes to a young Republic.  Either this is the way they thought, or most likely, they took some serious time to compose the messages that they wished to deliver.  We live in an age of elevator pitches and conveying internet messages in 140 characters soundbites, now expanded to 280.  Yes, we live in a fast food world, where certain internet tools have helped to bring “fast food thinking” to the way we communicate.  While there are cases of this helping to provide a forum on world events, we now have terms like cyber-bullying where we can verbally attack someone or something and have an instant audience.

Truth be damned!  The quicker we get information out; the quicker people will react and respond.  Fact checking?  If you get your point out there quick enough, by the time the facts come to light, people have already accepted the “fake news” as the truth.  It seems like this mentality has bled into many other areas of life.  In 2005, a prominent news anchor left his job in disgrace over presenting a story as true, that ended up not being fact checked and was ultimately “fake news.”  Today, there are those who use these words, in most cases planned and well thought out, to appeal to the court of public opinion, where facts seemingly do not matter.  People are found guilty in the court of public opinion way before they stand trial, where we are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. 

We the people have seemingly enabled these actions to perpetuate, as we purchase the printed news, listen / watch the stations that embrace this and worse yet, continue to elect officials who perpetuate this.  “My representative” should be exactly that – I will gladly vote against those who do not meet my ideals (party does not always matter).  As we head into the next political cycle, it will be interesting to see if anything does change, or will we maintain as usual.  Words are important – what we say, what we write and the meaning / motivation behind them.  How powerful are words?  On November 19, 1863, a 2-minute speech was given, that was less than 275 words, amongst a full program, including other famous speakers.  That short oration?  The Gettysburg Address given by our great President, Abraham Lincoln.  Sandwiched amidst the presentation of the day, it has more than stood the test of time, driven a nation to becomes its best and still stands as an inspiration.  Remember what good, positive words can lead us towards as you communicate with others.