A Minor Milestone

I know that nobody will ever mistake me for a bodybuilder, an athlete, nor a sports-minded individual.  I am good with that and I am not about to completely change what I do.  However, it is nice to note that in a small accomplishment, I have reached a minor milestone, but one that I continue to keep pushing forward on.  I am talking only about exercising in my own home.

Over the course of my life, there have been many times where I considered exercising or doing any kind of physical activities.  My parents used to tell me that when I was young, I used to like to run.  I am not sure what happened…at some point I found myself in the section of clothes for “chubby” boys.  Because of my weight gain, I became a couch potato.  I did join soccer around that time, but I refused to run.  Needless to say, bad habits began to build.  At some point in high school, I had a growth spurt and my weight readjusted; the same weight was now on a taller body.  I liked playing basketball and a friend said we should try out for the High School team.  When I found out it included running, I did not even try out.  I had no confidence in myself.  Having to go to the gym where my peers would be weight lifting?  My stick arms and me bowed out, afraid to appear weak and wimpy (forget the image of a bespectacled band geek).

As I got older, I played pick up basketball with friends.  I was still afraid of the gym until Debbie started to go.  I went and realized that I was not the only “weak” one there.  I had reached a point in my life where I started to realize the value of exercise – ANY TYPE of exercise.  After many fits and starts, excuses on traveling and all other made up barriers, I finally found an app that had a variety of options.  I realized that I did not have to run, lift weights or take on other challenges.  After one or two false starts, I have now exercised for 96 straight weeks and have just passed the 900^th exercise.  If I miss a week, I go back to zero.  That ended up being a strong motivator.  I now exercise 4 to 5 times a week, including stretching or doing yoga.  I know that I am not going to break any records, look like Mr. America or run a marathon.  However, by being diligent and setting some goals, I am striving to be healthier and adhere to healthier habits.  Yes, it takes time and effort, but at the end of the day, I feel better about myself and what I have been doing.

My Girls are Home!

For the first time in six years, our house is officially home to both of our children.  Our status as empty nesters is temporarily on hold.  Graduation a few weeks ago was a major milestone for Bec and for us as both girls have now finished their formal education.  I use the word formal because education should never truly end, as we all still have many things to learn as we travel through life.  Like a book, we have reached the end of one chapter, and have turned the page to begin a new one.

Gab moved back a year ago as she took a job in this area.  Debbie and I are happy to have her live with us to help provide the opportunity to save money before moving out on her own.  Same now goes for Bec.  And while that is the practical rationale, the truth is, even if this is for a short period, it is a good feeling to have the family back together.  Again, I know that this is temporary, because as much as we would like them to stay, the old adage, “our house, our rules” still applies.  Not sure if that is a negative reflection on us as being unchanging, but we still see our little girls as just that.  I remember, before getting married, when I was at my parent’s home, it felt like at many times they treated me as that little boy who grew up there and only saw the adult Wayne when I was outside their house.  Alright, I will admit, in hindsight it was kind of nice to be pampered, have food prepared for me and have my laundry washed, folded and put away.

Still, in the realm of milestones, the next chapter where we become empty nesters for good cannot be too many years off.  My mom always said to my brothers and me that “…no matter how old you are, you will always be my babies.”  My brothers and I laughed at that.  It has taken decades for that comment to finally catch up with me, as the girls are still our little kids – albeit in grown up form, grown up mannerisms, grown up attitudes, and grown up objectives.  Okay, I just described young adults, not children.  I guess the lesson learned, and the most important thing, is to enjoy them while they are still under our roof.   This should always be a place of comfort, a place of warmth and a place for family to congregate, for as long as Debbie and are able to make it so.

“School’s Out Forever!”

“If the band plays at my graduation party, they have to play School’s Out,” Bec recently informed me.  She is, of course, referring to the iconic Alice Cooper song.  After 17 years of formal education and an MBA, Bec has officially declared that for her, “School is out forever!”  For the child that always poo-poo’d education, the child that always questioned why she had to take certain “useless” courses and the child that accelerated the collegiate timetables to maximize the outcome in the least time available, her school career has come to an end.  For Bec, this year, it is no longer “School’s out for summer,” but instead, “School’s Out Forever!”

“No more teacher, no more books…”

I can safely say, that as a parent, it is a wonderous thing to watch our children grow up, going from the “naked and afraid” newborn to the mature, confident adults that they become.  At some point, they really no longer need our total guidance, nor do they always want our opinions.  OK, that last sentence comes from my own experiences growing up.  Once I was out of college, I was earning my own way (even though I was still living at “home”) and felt that it was my life to mess up if I wanted to.  Rightly and wrongly, I understood that I had to learn from my own mistakes, my parents did not have the same experiences that I had and grew up in a different time with different ways and different thinking.  I am sure my dad thought the same way with his parents and most likely Gab and soon Bec will be as well with us.  For all the things school teaches, independence and guiding your own daily lives is one of them.

“…No more teacher’s dirty looks…”

The two proud parents sat in the auditorium, emotionally driven by seeing our daughter walking down the aisle.  There were the usual people speaking and, of course, some great takeaways.  The CFO, on behalf of the alumni spoke, and told the students to cherish the day as it is truly a once in a lifetime event.  Next up was the honoree Doctorate Degree given to Cindy Bigelow, president and CEO of the #1 specialty tea company that bears her family name.  As a true leader, she exemplifies listening before speaking, such that she met with a delegation of students (of which Bec was honored at being a part of) and crafted her speech based upon the concern of the students’ future.  She spoke from the heart and was very personal in her talk.  Aside from providing strategies (you will find your passion, just have patience), she did remind the students, “…you are not perfect, neither am I, but you are amazing.”

“School’s Out for Summer…”

After the ceremony, we went out to celebrate over lunch.  The place we went to had spiked milk shakes which seemed appropriate.  Then we dropped off Bec and came home.  For the once shy child, the child that did not like going to school, she has grown into a young adult that makes her own decisions and can follow her own path.  It is hard as parents to experience this, but something we all go through.  We only want the best for our children, prepare them for the day they leave the nest and hopefully have built the bridges that maintain our relationships going forward.  Next week, we move Bec back home, officially ending her time staying in Providence.  She has a bright future ahead and we look forward to whatever that brings.  Congrats, Bec, on reaching this milestone and now, on to the next chapter!

“School’s Out Forever!”

My Year in Review – 2017

As we approach the end of 2017, it is time to look back and see how the year went.  I do not mean how politics progressed, the state of technology, nor the world arena.  This is the time to self reflect, evaluate how we did personally and did we meet the challenges that the last 12 months threw our way. It would be too easy to point my finger at different events and highlight external forces that stood in my way, or point to others that added to my hurdles and make all kinds of excuses.  If I did that, I would not be taking the time to see whether or not I have grown, I would not evaluate my handling of situations, and I would not gain any new lessons that the year had to offer.  As the holiday season wraps up, based on this year, I should be in a position to set realistic goals for next year and not treat the year in isolation.  Whatever experiences I had this year - positive and/or negative - have continued to define who I am and who I am becoming.

This year, there were two major events that had a huge impact: Gab graduating college and the loss of my sister-in-law.  The high point was the graduation.  A graduation from college is a milestone in anyone’s life, yet this was the first time I had the opportunity to experience this as an adult.  Proud? OMG, more than you can imagine!  Gab had a laser-like focus to finish on time with a degree in music education.  This meant she learned music and teaching, taking more courses per semester than I took when I majored in Accounting.  This was followed by looking for a job and helping her move out.  Milestone in her life?  How about the milestone in our life and the changes to our household?  This was a great experience (and a little sad).

The other major event was the loss of Magda.  When a family member is ill, we always rally together to help out.  Death is something that we picture in our minds as happening to someone older; that has lived a long life.  When you lose someone, the passing affects those that are close, and everyone’s lives that person touched.  We learn to face the next day and realize that tomorrow the sun will rise again.  The ability to rally together and come out the other end was a lesson about facing our worst moments, figuring out (together) what meaning we can gather, and, standing tall.  I am proud that as a family, we stayed tight, lived through extreme sadness, and faced our tomorrow together.

This year was filled with travel:  Debbie and I to Nashville and Memphis, Bec to Africa and all of us to Jamaica.  We saw the realization that our parents got a little older this year, yet we are blessed to have them still in our lives.  We replaced our falling apart kitchen.  I took up a new instrument.  We got a chance to buddy with an Israeli Vet.  While life is good and has many lessons to still learn, the year is drawing to a close.  I find it interesting that we, as humans, mark time in segments.  At least, this way, we can see how we have done, see how have (or have not) improved / developed during the year.  And, as is human nature, look forward to the wonders of tomorrow!

I Have Reached 200!

Since May, my family has gone through big milestones and life changes.  These were celebrated in the ways that were appropriate for each.  I think that, in general, we tend to focus on the Big Events in our lives and sometimes forget that the smaller milestones are important too.  On every journey, there are points that we should take the time to step back and appreciate where we are.  Compared to the previous steps, it might not seem we have traveled far, but if we compare to our starting point, you can see the progress.  I originally was going to let this milestone pass and not mention it; this is but a small point, but one I never thought about reaching.

“I cannot do that, I do not have the discipline,” someone recently told me when I mentioned that I have been writing a blog for almost four years.  In fact, last week, I quietly composed my 200^th consecutive weekly article.  He was right, it takes discipline to sit each day and put something on the page, no matter where I am and no matter what is going on in my life.  I always wanted to write, as a way of expressing myself, a means for creativity and outlet separate from the rigors of day-to-day activity.  One day I made the commitment to myself to follow through.  Therefore, to paraphrase Lao Tzu, my journey of 1,000 steps began with a single post.  This is something that I enjoy, so I do not have a goal for the number of articles or for how long I will keep writing.  Even when I think things are slow, there are still things to write about.  I guess the day I stop writing is the day I no longer have anything to say.

When I first started out, I wanted to make sure that I was going to be honest, use my own unique observations, share the belief that there is a lesson in almost everything we do, and that no matter how mundane our lives can get, there is always something to share and a lesson to learn.  Moreover, I do believe that I have bared my soul (OK, and sometimes visually), sometimes delving into the personal and sharing my family with you.  I have shared success, disappointments, gains and losses - they are all part of life and all have a lesson. 

While this milestone is about me, it is important to recognize that I could not do this all by myself.  My biggest thanks go to my family.  Debbie, Gab and Bec have had to live with my self-imposed deadlines, and provided the much needed editing.  Most importantly, though, is that I am thankful for them in my life, as they help to provide the rich stories that make up my life and constantly provide meaning in this adventure we live.  After all, I feel blessed to have a family to provide infinite lessons and stories to grow from.

Finally, I want to thank you, the reader, for providing an ear, sharing your thoughts and providing feedback.  Though I write for the pleasure I get from the action, I do enjoy hearing your thoughts and words.

Our Baby is Growing Up! (Bec’s New Bed)

This is a picture of my very happy daughter.  You see, for 18.5 years, Rebecca has slept in the same bed.  “I can’t believe I am still in my first bed…I’m 20 years old!” she said excitedly as we awaited the delivery of her adult bed.  Yes, Bec has been in the same bed from the day she graduated from the crib.  Now this was not a racing car nor a character bed, but a lofted bed with drawers, storage underneath and white railings so that she would not fall out of bed.  At age 20, it is time to recognize that our baby is no longer a baby and has, in fact, grown into a young adult.

Many years ago, I remember having the conversation with my brothers about how in our minds we had finally become adults, yet when we stepped back into our parent’s house, or moved back in from college, they treated us like kids.  As a child, I was upset that I was not recognized as an adult.  Now, as an adult, at times, I still treat my children…as children.  I understand my parents now, because there is a tendency to treat our children as we always had.  Sometimes it is a conscientious thought process to remind myself that they are grown up.

Because Bec is a young adults, we have to remind ourselves (though it is hard at times) that she is allowed to make her own decisions, which we are happy to be sounding boards for her (same for Gab).  This year, Bec made the decision to move off campus with her friends.  I remember how excited I was when I moved off-campus my senior year with two friends.  We moved in to the third floor over an abandoned store with no one on the second floor.  We had access to the roof to hang out.  It was as you would expect a college room to be, it was a great place to hang out and party in.  Compared to my youngest brother’s off-campus housing, we had a quality place.  His place had a front and back, where the back was condemned and falling over, the paint was peeling off the front the size of bed sheets and the drop ceiling in the kitchen had long ago lost its tiles. 

I think that as a parent, we always will want to protect our offspring.  However, just as we learn that every opportunity is a chance to learn and grow, sometimes failure is a part of that personal development process.  We have given Gab and Bec the tools with which to make thoughtful decisions and we will always be there be help, support, cheer on and provide that shoulder or a hug when needed.  Bec has a reason to be happy – it might be just a new bed, but here’s to the symbol of moving into adulthood and all of the wonderful things ahead!

Music to Our Ears – Gab Takes the Stage

Debbie and I took our seats in the front row; we were very excited to be here.  We had travelled a long way specially for this event and looking forward to hearing the speaker.  Two young women, recently mentored by the speaker, took the stage and asked the audience to be silent, asked us to turn our ringers off and then proceeded to their introductions.  With loud applause, the speaker stepped up into the center of the stage, well dressed, wearing a big smile, looking confident and ready to begin.  My heart swelled as I held back the feeling of tears in the corners of my eyes.  With great pride, we were there to see Gab take the center stage.  Yes, I mean our Gab!  That was our daughter up there!  She was no longer the little child, but a young adult whose presence drew in the room’s attention.

The long road to this point was, literally speaking, 120 miles from our house to the auditorium.  However, on a more conceptual road, this path took years to arrive on this spot.  There was being in the Wizard of Oz while in elementary school.  Gab acted in plays throughout middle school and high school, including a few independent productions.  Then there were the years of piano lessons, learning the flute, and picking up the clarinet in her senior year.  In a few weeks, before the slight bend in the road, will be the graduation from four years of learning many instruments, singing in high-level choral groups, training to be an educator and student teaching.  Debbie and I were the proud parents and Rebecca was the proud sister, as we were able to see the culmination of path traveled present itself on stage.

OK – I am the gushing parent.  In Yiddish, the word kvelling comes to mind – beaming with pride. As a music education major, the presentation was part of Gab’s honor program.  The title of the presentation was “ABA Form for Non-Musicians.”  We saw a glimpse of this future teacher to be as she “taught” us about this basic musical structure.  Gab talked about Oreo Cookies and chocolate.  Everyone in the room sang together.  We raised our hands to give answers.  We laughed.  Gab played some piano where we had to be interactive with her.  Then she bowed while we clapped our hands – she had completed her talk.  Our teacher-to-be had just taught a roomful of adults; this was a glimpse at what Gab has to provide to the future musicians of the world, and we could not be prouder of her!

A Milestone Passed By

Each week, I sit down shortly after I wake up and work on my Thoughts of the Week.  For whatever reason, this seems to be the time of the day when I find it easiest to write and my thoughts flow easily. During the weekend, Debbie edits my writing.  Sometimes it is either Gab or Bec that does the guest editing.  I found out early in the writing process that even though I reread / rewrite parts of my post, I am bound to overlook something, skip words, provide unclear context or write something unexpectedly out of line.  I am grateful for my family’s involvement and they are an important part of the process.  At the beginning of the week, I post my articles.

So, what is the big deal?  Last week, I posted the 150^th blog article (the milestone).  In a month and a half, I will complete three years of sharing my thoughts with you (another milestone).  When I started writing, I had no expectations of how long I would be writing, but decided to take on the goal of being diligent about being open and honest, being open to the world around me and committed to looking for the lessons in life that we are constantly surrounded by, but sometimes miss. 

When I started this blog, I did not set out to achieve any big hairy audacious goals, but to have a chance to share my life journey.  Being open to new thoughts and ideas (internal and external), a desire to learn and the continuous process on working to improve myself, provides for plenty of material.  Being open to trying different thing and being involved in different activities, has, of course, been rewarding on many levels.  And, most important, having a family to share the experiences.

In honor of my humble milestone, I will keep this short.  Always remember to strive for the most that you can be: thank the people that help you along the way, and always look forward to what you can become as opposed to where you have been.