Feeling Empowered

 

"This is our job as leaders: to offer positive solutions and empower people. Our duty is to tackle our problems before they tackle us." ~ Paul Ryan

What is the value of a title that we bestow on someone?  If we are talking about olden times, if you were dubbed a knight, an earl, a baron, there would be some power, land and wealth that was associated with those titles.  At some point in time, the same could be said in a corporation’s organization chart.  If you were an AVP (Assistant Vice President), that position came with related responsibilities.  Supervisors, Managers, Directors, etc., all were appropriate rungs on a ladder that one climbed throughout their careers.  When I was an employee, I had a title and a pay designation that were not the same.  As a consultant, both earlier in my career and now, the titles have a different meaning in each company. 

To be fair, change in title does have a meaning within an organization, and can be a way to elevate employees with minimal dollar increases.  There are plenty of writings that discuss that most successful people are not motivated by chasing after bigger salaries.  It is the jobs (tasks) and challenges that cause us to “rise to the occasion” or cause us to be the exception and happily put out that extra effort that ends up distinguishing ourselves from others.  So, is the title enough to inspire others to make the leap in their engagement, output and involvement?  Or, do we need to empower the people with the new title, to challenge them, make them feel accountable and give them a sense of pride in ownership.  In other words, do we empower them with the responsibility that comes with that title?

All of us have worked with or alongside people that are happy to promote someone only to find out that we are now working for someone that is a “control freak”.  As managers or leaders, it is important to empower others as well as to delegate, promote their titles and provide positive feedback.  By giving a feeling of empowerment, you have the opportunity to make people feel they are:

• Included in the overall vision – nobody wants to just be a cog in the machinations of business, but instead understand where they fit into the bigger picture
• Part of the decisions – these are the decisions that can impact them directly, otherwise they go back to feeling like they have no say in their outcomes
• Included in various processes – inclusion in related areas broadens one’s sense of purpose and helps to not have a siloed view of the world
• Part of a team – everyone wants to feel that they are part of a group that can make a difference; can help with growth, provide personal motivation and a feeling of belonging
• A voice whose choices count – everyone has a voice and by allowing people to be heard will always help to provide new insights instead of keeping their ideas to themselves
• In control of what you have asked them to handle – a sense of ownership can lead to a pride in ones work and encourage them to take on other tasks.

Delegating

“The best way to ensure that something is done correctly is to do it myself.”  OK, raise your hand if you have heard someone say this.  Great, now keep your hand up if you have used this line before, and be honest.  As someone who has worked with teams, been a team member and a manager, I will admit to raising my hand for both of those questions.  There were many times earlier in my career where grabbing the task and putting together the action items were a choice.  I had yet to learn that by doing this I was minimizing the person I was grabbing from, putting myself in a position where I now was responsible, and most importantly, removed a learning opportunity to help better someone in terms of educating them and improving their skill sets. 

If I am a one-man shop, it is natural to take on all of the responsibilities, action all items and provide all of the feedback.  The “buck” has nowhere else to stop at.  When we are young, we learn that it is our responsibility to achieve, get those good grades and excel in our endeavors.  When we succeeded or failed, we became labeled by our outcome.  Realize that for many people, those labels had an impact on their mindset and followed them as they grew into adulthood.  If we fail, we do not want to fail again, while if we succeed, it has to be only our doing.  Coupled with a mindset of “It is up to me if it was meant to be,” we fall into doing things by ourselves.  For a company to grow, this mindset makes it difficult to move beyond a one-man operation or grow from a “Mom and Pop” shop.

 I have been working with teams for most of my working career.  The good thing about a team is that by working together, each having our own responsibilities, we can achieve more together than we would be able to do on our own.  This is a different mindset than laid out in the previous paragraph.  Have I ever worked with a team where there is someone with the “I can do this by myself” mindset?  Of course, and this can cause the team to not work together, demoralize the group and fall short of the goals.  In this example, the members of the team need to realize that roles have been delegated to the resource that the manager feels can best accomplish each of the tasks.

Related question – have I ever worked for someone who did not understand delegation?  Of course. In this example, the manager hogs all of the tasks and needs to remember that the roles delegated need to be done by the resource assigned.  This also has a huge impact on the development of the team members; By delegating and supporting each person, you empower them to think for themselves, allow for internal creativity to occur and build confidence in your teams.

Like so many of the things that we do, yes, this is a lot of work and something emerging managers need to remember and strive to get better at.  Delegating responsibilities to others is not an easy thing to do and is something that one has to learn to be comfortable doing. 

Lights of Hope

We just finished up celebrating Hanukkah, also referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Naturally, the celebration includes fried foods, such as latkes (potato pancakes) and donuts.  As kids, we were always excited for receiving gifts for each of the eight nights, though that was not always the case.  Our parents did their best, so some nights included: a shiny new penny, chocolate gelt, or a fresh, crisp new one-dollar bill.  Some years it was “big” gift to share between the three of us, which included air hockey one year and a foosball table another.  Though we have never given the girls a shiny, new penny, clothing always works.  Actually, the one who is most excited when opening the gifts is Lucy Lou – when it is her turn, her tail starts wagging and she helps open up her present.

While presents are the fun part of the holiday, there is another cause for celebrating the holiday that is meant to inspire.  The holiday represents the hope and courage of a small band of people, considered rebels, fighting against a giant force who managed to hold their ground.  The story of the Maccabees tells of a group of people protecting their homes from the significantly larger forces of the Seleucid Empire’s Army under the rule of Antiochus for many years.  They were a group of people, steeped in their vision for independence and staunch defenders of their value system over the preceding years Hellenistic influences.  The ability to win their battles provided the Maccabees to gain 100+ years of independence due to their commitment to not give up.

With this story of inspiration, what can be garnered at this time of to give us the feeling of hope? To keep fighting and to not give up. Vaccines are being made and distributed. Even though we are months away from the general population receiving the vaccines, the hope is still there. Wearing masks, washing hands and staying quarantined help in this battle. Although the numbers may be rising, our hope and fight should do the same. We can draw inspiration from the story as we fight through to the end of the year with the hope for a better 2021. Each of us just need to do our part in fighting the pandemic.

The COVID Effect

I have been personally affected by COVID.  That’s affected, not infected.  I am pretty sure that we have reached the point where most of us know someone who has contracted the disease, but most assuredly, we all have been or seen the impact.  This pandemic has impacted the way we think, the way we shop, the way we communicate and the way we interact with each other.  We can readily see the changes to the world of education, the job market and the rising failures of long-standing businesses.  We have even seen the impact (at least partially) on the outcome of the most recent presidential election.

If we take a step back a bit, maybe some of these changes were already underway and the current condition just sped things along.  Let’s face it; Amazon has been around and changed the way we shop prior to all of this.  Businesses that were not able to adapt were struggling beforehand, even if we did not quite realize it.  Living in a town with a large number of malls, store closings and bankruptcies started prior to this year.  How about communications?  I remember being on a video conference call 25 years ago and was amazed at the technology which was extremely expensive at the time.  10 years ago, I tried my hand at Network Marketing for a company whose major product was the video phone at a time when Facetime was making its move.  Prior to January, there were plenty of options for “seeing” the person that you were talking to.

The areas where there was real change was not being face-to-face.  I helped out recently at an annual Turkey Drive to collect food for a local food pantry through our synagogue.  It was great to see congregants and generous people, especially in a time of self-confinement, still drop off a significant amount of food.  Yes, times have gotten tougher for some people (COVID effect).  While it was great to see participants, I later realized that I had the chance to SEE different people…and it was not a face taking up a tiny square.  Whether you like people or not, human interaction is still a big part of our human experience, and that is one of things that we will remember long after our new normal is established.  That is the one thing that technology cannot change.

Change is always inevitable, sometimes moving at a snail’s pace, other times more rapidly.  Chances are, this “event” will be studied for years and we will continue to point back to the impact made.  While we still try to grasp the longer-range impact that the pandemic has on our lives, we still need to keep our heads high, wear a brave face, keep our wits about us and remember to be safe.  This is not the first time we have faced a pandemic, nor will it be the last.  It is simple - Wear your masks and keep a social distance.  We might sacrifice in the near term, but it is worth the benefits of staying healthy in the long term. 

The Blame Game

Even though the elections are over, fingers are still being pointed about the final outcome.  And so, the Blame Game has begun.  We are in the midst of learning who is to blame for the outcome of the election, who we can blame for the process and, most importantly, start preparing for whom we can blame going forward.  As someone that looks for lessons and likes to share that knowledge, good leaders are often the examples to follow – I am not so sure that what I am seeing are examples of good leadership.  For me, a good leader takes ownership of their actions, will “take the blame for failures” while passing on the successes to the appropriate team member, work as part of a team towards a common goal and understands the needs of the people they are leading.  Which brings me to the current election cycle…

To start with, let’s look at the current blame being thrown around (closely aligned with its partner in crime – excuses).  The big glaring blame is losing an election due to mail fraud, which has now turned into the excuse for losing.  Yes, I am certain there is some element of this, but without substantial proof this is passing the blame on, without reflecting on the portrayal of oneself.  Then there is the blame of “We lost because of a group’s position within our party.”  Really?  This makes people wonder what they were doing during the campaign process and how they did not realize they were not connecting with their potential constituents. Goes back to fact that a leader needs to listen, which many candidates did not.  And of course, the classic, “It’s not my fault.” Aside from campaigning, it is safe to say that votes are won by candidates based on how we perceive the person running for office, not necessarily their policies and platforms. For those that are undecided and see a candidate acting unprofessional and being a jerk towards others, will vote against you, regardless of your position on important matters.

The bad thing is that there is already pointing the blame for things that have not happened yet, but instead planning for future failure.  To me this is odd because this is planning for failure, already lining up whom to blame and the excuses you will give.  By already planning these out, they can easily pull the “I told you so.”  Folks, I have to be honest – these are the people we elected to lead…if they are planning for failure, why did we select them?  In any leader, I would prefer seeing them say this is what I stand for (the reason we should be electing people, not by looks or demeanor), doing their best and then we all can evaluate the job.  They fail, because they failed and not because other circumstances made it impossible to stand up for themselves.  I do not want to hear, “We did not have enough people” means they did not try working together (aka, never learned to play together in the sand box).  “I did this for you and now you MUST do this for me” is also pathetic.  Elections are won (or lost) by the majority and everyone should feel they helped, not a mindset of entitlement based on “my group pushed you over the line,” which is extremely difficult to validate.  As Abraham Lincoln so aptly stated, our government is a “Government of the people, by the people, for the people…”  I think many elected officials forget that and are more concerned about partisan politics instead of what is best for the people that put them in those positions.

Playing the Blame Game means that we do not have to take a step back to really take a look at the bigger picture.  If you pass enough blame around, throw in a heavy dosage of excuses, you might reach the point where everyone feels sorry for you, or depending on how you are playing the game, you might come off as the “boy that cried wolf.”  Bob Dylan, in the song “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” stated so well, when he sang “…even the president of the United States Sometimes must have to stand naked.”  At the end of a day when playing the Blame Game, we still have only ourselves left to stand bare to the truths, whether we are the president or not.  Those that still decry, “I won, it was stolen,” or “…at least we have the gavel…” have to be able to live with themselves.  As far as I am concerned, not only those playing the Blame Game lose, unfortunately, we the spectators do not always win.

Caveat emptor, it is now your turn to spin the wheel on The Blame Game.

I Got This!

“I got this!”  How many times have we heard this?  How many times have we said this?  There are two outcomes – you got this, own whatever you got and complete whatever it is.  Or, you do not got it, never took ownership and dropped the ball.  In the first case, you take the required action based on your commitment.  This brings up my favorite definition of commitment – Doing the things that you said you would do long after the moment you said it has passed.  In the second case, all you did was provide lip service, whether to make yourself feel good or to answer the way you think your audience wants to hear it.  Which brings up the question, how many times have you heard these words and knew enough up front that they were just words? 

Raising your hand and agreeing to do something = ownership, accountability and responsibility.  These can be scary words as it puts the pressure on us, causes people to keep an eye on our actions and requires us to take action.  Commitment has a cost, as it locks you into following through, answer to your actions and complete what you set out to do.  Sometimes we are assigned things to do, sometimes we volunteer and sometimes things just land in our laps.  Obviously, we are more apt to gravitate to the tasks or roles that we volunteer for, as it aligns with our passions, provides interest and piques our curiosity.  In all cases, once it falls in our lap, it is ours until someone else picks up the mantle and “runs with it.”

When we do not follow through with our commitments, we let down not only ourselves, but others around us.  We need to realize that working in a group, or team environment, each person relies on each other for a mutual goal.  Like a giant game of Jenga, there are pieces that will not have an impact and others that can topple the entire structure.  The complexity is increased when all of the components seem the same and there appears to be little differentiation.  I understand, as there was a point in my life (a long time ago) where I found it easier to make a loose fist, stick out my index finger, point it and magically plant the blame on someone else.  This made life seem easier.  Why? Because if it is someone else’s fault, then the pressure is off you and you feel that you can walk away unscathed.  In reality, you did not fool anyone, as the mess created by the lack of ownership still has to be addressed and now falls into someone else’s lap.

We are all familiar with the plaque that sat on the desk of President Truman’s famous words, “The buck stops here.”  Good words for anyone in a leadership position, as these words apply whether in our home life, work life or other aspect, the buck always should stop with us.  When you are the person at the top, there is nobody to blame, no excuses, but to own the things that we commit to. 

Observations from Behind the Mask

Dining outside (or eating al fresco), people laughing together and children running up and down the sidewalk – clear signs that summer is here.  I recently got to watch this scene.  While what I was watching would normally be a heart-warming summer scene, it was painfully clear that I was the only one concerned about a mask; the children were running up and down the sidewalk, where unmasked diners (at a safe social distance) were eating.  The parent, mask-less, showed no mind and I saw the father walk up to the next table, say something and pat the guy on the shoulder.

For almost four months, myself, our family and our friends have been listening and following the CDC and government guidelines.  My father is still in Florida and it has been a long time since we have seen each other face-to-face (virtually – of course).  My mother-in-law’s place is keeping the inside and outside world apart in a measure to provide protection.  My family has been working from home since March to minimize the spread of COVID-19.  We wear masks when we go out to protect ourselves and to protect the ones we love and care about.  I was once taught that on an airplane, during the safety talk, there is a reason why when the air mask drops, you use it first, then help others – if you do not, you have jeopardized your health and the person(s) you would have helped.  One needs to be healthy to help those in need. Wearing that mask is a selfless act, a sign that we care and want us all to survive this pandemic.

People have gotten arrested for thinking it was OK to publicly cough on someone – it is not. 

People think that once you wear the mask past the security guard, it is OK to remove it – it is not. 

People want to believe their children are safe and do not need a mask – it is not. 

There was recently a case where a young nurse went to a bar to celebrate something and the whole group caught COVID-19.  Her comment was “I should have known better.”

When states opened up, people forgot about the pandemic and the numbers went up (think of the old commercial, “they told two people, who each told two people…”).

As I stood there, watching the scene at the restaurant, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the patrons who did not.  Going to the supermarket, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the shoppers who did not.  It is easy to get lulled into a false sense of comfort, to remove the mask and gain a (false) feeling of freedom.  The risk…it ain’t worth it.  It is not worth for me to catch it, to unknowingly spread it and to hurt others.  I do not like wearing the mask, but happy to do so, and when I do not want to wear it, I will be happy to stay home.

Planning for Brighter Days

Imagine the year is 1519 and we have been sailing on a ship crossing the Atlantic for weeks on end.  We know that we are going to land in what was then termed the new world.  As a crew member, we know that we are on a mission of conquest.  As the commander, Hernan Cortes, planned the landing, the actions to take, the steps in conquest and how to navigate the near future that would fall into his lap.  Though we are not currently sitting in the hull of a 16^th century boat, it certainly seems as if we have been afloat on the water for weeks on end.

In this comparison, our landing on bright shiny shores will be the day the CDC, our state and federal governments say that it is safe “to go ashore.”  As a leader in any organization, there are some choices that need to be made and they come down to wait until we land, survey the situation, and then make some on the spot decisions for next steps.  Or, we start to list out the possible plans of action, identify some early challenges, determine decision criteria and then enact the best plan upon landing.  While we are still weeks away from reaching the shore, there is still time to figure out how to navigate the seas ahead of us.  We have a small window of time to engage the knowledge holders of our organizations, discuss options and plan for that bright day coming in the near future.

In 1519, upon landing, Cortes famously sunk his ships to ensure that his troops would follow him on his conquest.  This action has been used in leadership examples about having to focus on the road (plan) ahead and not having the crutch of relying on a method of retreating.  To win, you have to move forward.  We do not have the option of burning, sinking or hiding from the future.  However, we should be preparing and looking forward to that day where the proverbial sun rises, we land upon the sandy shores and have the future to stride into.  While we do not know when we be at that point, the time is now to set our sites for that day.  As one of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn, “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.”  Brighter days lie ahead, so be ready and focus on that sunny future. 

On the Inside Looking Out

I have barely stepped outside this week.  No, I am not infected nor under quarantine.  Nor am I afraid of getting sick myself.  It is easy to follow the guidelines for social distancing, washing our hands and making smart choices.  If we each lived on our own special island, this would be a piece of cake to follow.  For all the times you were driving your car, going at the correct speed limit and maintaining a safe distance to the car in front of you, did some jerk going way over the speed limit cut in front of you to get to the lane to your right, then weave through every car across all of the lanes in front of you?  There is a good chance that the same person is ignoring the healthy guidelines in place to combat COVID-19.  In a car, you can tap the brakes to avoid any accidents; however, when you are innocently in the public, you can be fully exposed.

I had to make another tough choice this week.  This time it was personal in nature.  My father has been in Florida since October and I have been looking forward to visiting him.  I spent the majority of January and February traveling for work, so March became the time I had to go to Florida and spend with my father and my brother (who is in Florida for a few months).  Yes, I have been looking forward to the visit and figured out how to go to Florida, then fly, return trip, from there for work back up here.  Everything was falling into place and after many months of just talking on the phone, I would be able to see my dad face-to-face.  “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” (Man plans, G-d Laughs) and the best laid plans were tossed out the window, as I have sadly cancelled my trip.  While I am healthy and able, I cannot take the chance that the jerk in my car example above might be next to me, one plane seat over or sneeze as they are walking by.  In that case, I potentially could infect others…especially my father.

When you are on a plane, and they are going through the safety measures, they tell you to take the oxygen first, then help other.  While this seems selfish, to help yourself before someone else, I would need to be in a good condition.  This analogy works in many parts of life, related to health, finances, etc.  As we face this unknown pandemic, where we have no idea where this will lead, the impact on us and the long range effects, for me to remain healthy means that I will do what I can so that I will not contaminate others, will be able to lend a hand if needed and help to watch over my family.  While it might look like my health is selfish – by maintaining my health, I should be able to protect others (in this case).  If there is one thing that I have learned over the past many years, I am not the only one who lives on this planet called Earth.  While I might consider myself as #1, it would be a lonely place to live if #1 meant there was no one else to be with.  Make wise choices to not only protect yourself, but to keep others safe as well.

The Hard Decision

To close or not to close…that was the question plaguing me all week long.  As President of our synagogue, I looked towards President Truman for guidance when he stated that “The buck stops here.”  As with all organizations, there are boards, advisors, officers and others in leadership positions – as was recently put to me, we all report to someone - I never felt such a weight as what to do.  “The choice is easy,” was what I had heard.  True, when it comes down to yes or no, then I have only two options to select from.  Easy, but not so simple.  When there are a large group of people that you are responsible for, when there is a perception about your organization, when you wonder about the long range impact of the decision, and, when you wonder how it fell onto your shoulders, the simple yes or no makes you feel like Atlas with the entire world on your shoulders.

Two weeks ago, there was only a threat of the Novel Coronavirus impacting the United States.  People began avoiding certain beers (with a similar), avoiding ethnic foods, etc., which all made for good jokes…at that time.  However, when the media made the decision to have the Coronavirus the most important story of all time, politicians used this as fodder for their attacks and positioning, we the people had no where to turn.  I merely scan the headlines, and I do not listen nor watch the news.  If there is something that impacts me, or is really important, I will find out about it.  The Covid-19?  There is no way, unless you live in a hole in the middle of nowhere could you miss this.  Separating fact from fiction, the origin, who is responsible, etc. is enough to make me close and lock my front door just to keep it all out. 

Back to having a level head, not falling victim to mass hysteria and taking things in their proper perspective:  The CDC on their website states that “…some people are at higher risk of getting very sick from this illness. This includes:

·         Older adults

·         People who have serious chronic medical conditions like:

o   Heart disease

o   Diabetes

o   Lung disease”

At 57, I am one of the younger people in our congregation.  Which means that we have members falling into the CDC’s classification for higher risk. 

Which brings me to the decision at hand.  The synagogue is supposed to be, as all religious institutes, a safe place to congregate, pray and socialize.  We come together in good times and in bad.  A part of our community’s lives revolve around that place of brick and mortar.  But, if one person, no matter how remote, became the “Typhoid Mary” of our community, we are left with the single question, “Did we do enough to protect our people?”  Leaders lead and at the end of the day, must make decisions for the benefit of all, not him or herself, not for one group, but for everyone.  That is the hard part, whether there is a pandemic or just choices that are needed for the future.  Though the building is dark for today, we are still here for those in need and look forward to when the doors reopen for a brighter tomorrow.

The Famiy Curse

As a young adult, I found out that there was a family curse, one that possibly lead to the death of my paternal grandmother years earlier.  I was shocked!  A family curse?  My mind raced off to the literature I read (minimal at that point), comic books (which I did read) and cartoons (go Bugs Bunny), and had the immediate vision of either a twisted, wart covered old hag or some robed old wizard with a long pointy beard and a pointy hat covered in stars, from the “old country”, casting a hex upon our family.  Based on my facial contusions, my parents continued that my grandmother had diabetes, inherited from prior generations.  The “spell” on me was broken, popped like a pin pricking a balloon.  While diabetes is serious, I was confused as to why this was a secret, cast under a dark cloud, and only mentioned in hushed voices behind closed doors when no one could hear you.

There are many thought leaders that point out the best way to motivate someone is through love or fear.  Love gives us that warm, welcome feeling of belonging and connecting with others.  Fear raises the fight or flee instincts buried within us and makes us do things to protect ourselves, binds us together against a common enemy and then we can step back and think about it afterwards.  As I am sitting here with some statistics, I am amazed at the capacity of fear.  For example, as of May 3, the United States had 32 million confirmed cases of the flu, which resulted in 18,000 deaths.  If I came to you and said that globally, 100,000 caught something, 3400 died from it, and only 100 confirmed case in the United States (at that date) – which would be the bigger concern?  Obviously the one with the larger statistics should be of utmost concern.

Getting back to my family curse.  As my parents explained to me, in the early 1900’s, pushing further back to small town (shtetls) in Europe, Diabetes was a fairly unknown disease, who’s consequences were deadly.  It was this broad unknown that people felt was brought upon by the evil eye.  Yes, that meant that I came from a group of people that were superstitious (red bendl under the crib, stupid piece on the challah, etc. superstitious), and attributed bad things to things done wrong.  While we understand Diabetes today, there was a point in time where my ancestors did not, so they assumed it was a curse.  Yes, when faced with the unknown, we tend to fear what we do not know and our fight or flight instincts kick in.  The key today is to maintain healthy practices (which you should do anyway), like washing your hands, using your cough / sneeze pocket, instead of coughing or sneezing into your hands, and stay home if you do not feel well.  While we face this current health crisis, it is important that we follow valid health sources (not politicians and newspapers) and maintain a level head.  Be assured that this too shall pass as we become more educated and no longer feel that dark cloud hanging over our heads.

Leading and Delegating

As a president of an organization, I have had to ponder two concepts – leadership and delegation.


Oxford Dictionary provides the following definitions:

·         Leadership: “the action of leading a group of people or an organization.”

·         Delegate: “entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person.”

I remember as a young man, looking at various organization’s presidents, that once you reached that position, you were the one everybody had to listen to and the person that dictated every action.  As I got older, I realized that sometimes this is true and other times, not.  In truth, the role does come with the phrase that President Truman stated, “The buck stops here.”  Meaning that all the accountability, responsibility for the success of the organization at the end of the day falls on that person’s shoulders.  Leading means having the ability to know everything that is going on in the organization.  Since my synagogue is a microcosm compared to large entities, this can be an ominous task.  No one person can be involved in everything, make all decisions and action every item.  To attempt this leads to frustration and does not give a feeling of inclusion to the other people involved in leadership or the organization.

At some point I was taught the importance of delegating tasks.  This can become a fine art where you have to learn what to delegate, who to delegate to and how to engage with the person, or persons, involved.  You cannot just push responsibilities onto other people, look the other way, and hope that the tasks required are completed.  This is where relationships need to be developed as you have to be able to work with the people you ask to assist you in achieving goals.  If you delegate, you have to make sure that the person you work with has a vested interest in succeeding with the assignment, someone that you know will involve other like-minded individuals (building a team) and has the ability to communicate what happens.  Not everyone that we involve will work out as expected.

This is where the balance has to be made.  As a leader, you need to set the example, own your position and engage other people.  To do this alone, can lead to becoming a dictator where you build the expectation that you must be included in everything (i.e., managers that need to be on ALL emails), stifle creative suggestions (which all organizations need to thrive and change alongside our broader environments) and push potential help away.  Similarly, reactions where one delegates everything and takes on no responsibility, as this can lead to teams feeling they have no support, lack a broad direction and can lead to a feeling we are in the wild west.  This is the hard part, as a leader you never cede your responsibility, trust the people you ask to help, providing support and guidance, and encourage their creativity.  As General George S. Patton stated, “Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.”  

Words

I am not following the Impeachment Trial, but I am bothered by the choice of words being used by both sides and easily gleaned from the headlines of all publications.  Words can hurt, words can heal, words can change the course of progress and words can face us towards a better future.  Last week, we celebrated Martin Luther King Jr Day, a holiday to celebrate a man who had an enormous impact and is memorialized by his “I Have a Dream” speech.  Juxtaposing a speech to inspire against speeches meant to incite fear and misdirection, it caused me to pause and reflect on how we speak and the words we use.

I have been fascinated by some of the influential speeches given by our forefathers, speeches that had the ability to convey heavy messages, provided context and imagery, presented in a highly complex language structure consisting of compound sentences and using, at time archaic words, to present their purposes to a young Republic.  Either this is the way they thought, or most likely, they took some serious time to compose the messages that they wished to deliver.  We live in an age of elevator pitches and conveying internet messages in 140 characters soundbites, now expanded to 280.  Yes, we live in a fast food world, where certain internet tools have helped to bring “fast food thinking” to the way we communicate.  While there are cases of this helping to provide a forum on world events, we now have terms like cyber-bullying where we can verbally attack someone or something and have an instant audience.

Truth be damned!  The quicker we get information out; the quicker people will react and respond.  Fact checking?  If you get your point out there quick enough, by the time the facts come to light, people have already accepted the “fake news” as the truth.  It seems like this mentality has bled into many other areas of life.  In 2005, a prominent news anchor left his job in disgrace over presenting a story as true, that ended up not being fact checked and was ultimately “fake news.”  Today, there are those who use these words, in most cases planned and well thought out, to appeal to the court of public opinion, where facts seemingly do not matter.  People are found guilty in the court of public opinion way before they stand trial, where we are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. 

We the people have seemingly enabled these actions to perpetuate, as we purchase the printed news, listen / watch the stations that embrace this and worse yet, continue to elect officials who perpetuate this.  “My representative” should be exactly that – I will gladly vote against those who do not meet my ideals (party does not always matter).  As we head into the next political cycle, it will be interesting to see if anything does change, or will we maintain as usual.  Words are important – what we say, what we write and the meaning / motivation behind them.  How powerful are words?  On November 19, 1863, a 2-minute speech was given, that was less than 275 words, amongst a full program, including other famous speakers.  That short oration?  The Gettysburg Address given by our great President, Abraham Lincoln.  Sandwiched amidst the presentation of the day, it has more than stood the test of time, driven a nation to becomes its best and still stands as an inspiration.  Remember what good, positive words can lead us towards as you communicate with others.

Taking the Helm

Entitlement: “The fact of having a right to something,” or, “The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” ~ Oxford Dictionary

As part of going through the goal setting process for this year, it is important that we use proper language in writing out our objectives.  One of the key points in setting goals is to define the actions that you will take to achieve them.  The key here is the actions that YOU will take.  If my goal is to sit here and rely on others, then you are banking on someone else’s goals to include you and benefit you.  Let me be the first to warn you…You will have a long wait.  No matter what you might think that you have done for others, that does not mean that you are entitled to something in return.  Humans tend to be a little more self-centered by nature!

I remember hearing political campaigns where the people in the audience would tell reporters “that is my candidate, because he will take care of me.”  Again, sorry to be the first to warn you…Many, but not all, politicians will tell you what you want to hear or present agenda items to you to lead you to a conclusion that may or may not benefit you.  We are a species who are definitely influenced by our emotions, the two strongest being fear and love.  Some of the greatest (and evil) dictators of all time played on emotions to mobilize the masses to engage in activities that they might have done on their own.  If someone can arouse your fears, tell you what to do and then they will make it better – beware.

Many years ago, I decided to get my MBA in Finance.  The company that I was working for at that time had a tuition reimbursement program.  Being employed as an Accountant, there was no issue on getting their agreement.  I spent four years going to school at night to get this new degree, where it was my choice to go back to school, my choice to improve self and my choice to dedicate the time required to get a good grade in the effort.  I had heard plenty of stories that if you go back to school, when you graduate you are entitled to a raise automatically.  When I graduated, my manager congratulated me with a pat on the back and Debbie (my fiancé at the time) sent me balloons at work.  I found out that I was entitled to no raise, promotion or even a happy hour.  I was not upset, because my reasons for going back to school were for my personal benefit, not to make me entitled.  At work, my pay is based on the value that I bring to my company, not what I think that I am entitled to.

One week after talking goals, why was this on my mind?  Because sometimes, we do forget that we need to be in control of our own paths.  Roadblocks, bumps in the road and extenuating circumstances are all things that are beyond our control.  True in our lives, whether personal, at work, at play or anywhere else.  If we focus on the things that can control, we will have a better chance of reaching our goals, as opposed to ceding control and relying on others.  To be up front, I have thought about after my years invested in raising / providing for my family, working long hours and helping other, etc., that will come a day where I can sit back, relax and let someone else take care of me.  It is a mindset thing because, I do not know if I even could sit still, cede control of everything to someone or even just relax.  I do know, that if that were to happen, I better plan now for it instead of waiting to see who will do all that for me. 

Facing Your Naked Self

Do you ever stand naked in front of a mirror?  I know this sounds like a line from the movie “Airplane”.  I mean this more in a philosophical sense rather than a literal sense.  Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror to evaluate the person who you see staring back at you?  Have you taken that time to honestly evaluate what you are looking at, to think of how that person fits into the universe and to decide who that person really is?  Yes, you can do this fully dressed, but you better be willing to see the person who resides in the clothing that can be visually used as the definition of you.

We recently watched a movie where one of the characters was referred to as a trier, which is defined in Urban Dictionary as “a person who tries way too freakin’ hard.”  In other words, someone who tries to be someone who they are not.  A conversation I overheard was along the same lines, how the individual they were discussing acts like a different person at work than in a more social setting.  There are many circumstances in life where we are in a position where we want to be accepted, where we want to impress others and where we feel that we have to act like everyone around us.  If we think, feel and act like the majority of people, what have we done to differentiate ourselves, stand up for what we really believe in and present ourselves as we are? 

My parents used to tell the story about how when I was a child, I was a bit oblivious to what was going on around me and preferred to do things my own way.  I spent many summers at a wonderful place called Camp Echo Lark, where in the early days, we used to have a dress code.  The camp colors were green and gold, so our clothes were green and white.  Each morning, they would announce the “dress” for the day, meaning the shirt color and the pants color.  On visiting day, when all of the parents arrived, they saw a sea of children wearing the “dress” for that day.  My parents spotted me immediately, as I was the only camper not wearing white socks like every other camper.

Back to the mirror…as you stand before yourself, you might want to ask – are you wearing the white socks to fit in with everyone else, or are you wearing some other color?  Are you being who you are, or are you trying to be someone else?  Look, we all have people we admire, successful people who we wish to mirror and heroes whose footsteps we want to walk in.  We are not, however, the net sum that made those people what they are in experience, in livelihood and in ambition.  We are merely who we are.  As you stand there in the breeze, be honest about who you are, your strengths and your desires.  Strive to be the best you that you can be, and become the person who you were meant to be.  Only then can you be comfortable with the bare reflection that stares back at you.

Plan the Weekend?

It is funny to think that our weekends can be as busy, or busier, than our weekdays!  Recently, I was reminded that the weekends are the perfect time to rest and prepare for the week ahead – a time to sleep, plan and line up our Mondays through Fridays.  At my first job, the husband of the company owner’s secretary owned the bar across the street where we all met after work on Friday.  This led me to feel that the weekends began the moment I stopped working on Friday, popped a few beverages, rested / relaxed and kind of went with the flow.  Do you remember those carefree days?  Those years do not last long, as you marry, start a family, build a household and grow within your community. 

As my life became full of commitments and responsibilities, I found the following questions come to mind:

·         Do I really have the needed downtime, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to prepare for the week, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to handle chores / responsibilities, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to socialize on the weekend, or do I need to plan the time for it?

Based on a fully scheduled week, I began to realize that the second half of the above questions were a common thread – I needed to plan for my non-work time to ensure that my “down time” was used wisely.

While I agree on the importance of having time off from the hustle and bustle of the week, I have found that I have to schedule precious downtime on the weekends to ensure that I have the time to sit, relax and think about other things in my life.  Last weekend was one of the few times that I had actual time to take a nap (which I still like to do when possible), watch something funny on TV (Impractical Jokers, so I was guaranteed to laugh), catch up on chores and spend some needed family time.  While it was nice and it provided the time to do nothing, I have to admit, I do like knowing what is next and, for me, doing nothing gets boring pretty quickly (which could lead to additional naps and no productivity).  Yes, I was the kid who did not like sitting still and liked to have an activity in front of me.  I guess some things never change…

Can You Spot the Leader?

Team Leader, Manager, Counselor, Head Usher, Supervisor, Chairman, Director, Vice President, President, Business Owner.  Here is a list of titles, that also represent roles or positions, where the person who carries that label must be able to work with others, lead, inspire, manage and assume certain responsibilities.  Within different groups or organizations, each of those roles who have different authorizations, capabilities and tasks that fall on the shoulders of that person.  “Why would you want that?” is a question I have heard, whether said directly to me or in regards to others. 

So, you want to be a leader?  That is something that is honorable to aspire towards.  “It looks easy” and “I can do what he/she does” are common phrases I have heard.  John C. Maxwell, leadership expert and author, once wrote that when he first took a leadership role (as a pastor), he thought that he could do what he wanted to and everyone would follow along because he was the leader.  When I was studying for my MBA, I took a management course and the professor made it clear that there are leaders who have a title and leaders who do not.  That was the topic that Robin Sharma, author and leadership expert, explored in his book, “Leading Without a Title.”  Leadership is a term, whether or not you have the title, that is defined by the Oxford Dictionary (from the website Lexico) as “The action of leading a group of people or an organization.”

Can you spot a leader?  Forbes identifies 11  traits of a powerful leader (from a March 22, 2017 posting) as: Having the ability to self-manage, Act Strategically, Being an Effective Communicator, Being Accountable and Responsible, Setting and Achieving Clear Goals, Vision for the Future, Manage Complexity, Fostering Creativity/Innovation, Team Building / Teamwork, Create Lasting Relationships, Ability to Learn.  That is certainly a long list, though it is pretty inclusive of a lot of vital traits.  We all know or have worked for people who have embodied many of these traits.  We all know or have worked with people who have embodied these traits but do not have a title.  As well, we also all know or have worked for people who have the title but none (or few) of the traits.

Do you have what it takes to be a leader?  Look at the list provided by the Forbes article.  It is easy to look in the mirror and see which traits the person staring back at you has.  And be honest with yourself!  Most of the items you might fall short on are learnable through personal development (classes, seminars and books).  Some institutions provide furthering education to learn these traits.  Some are a little more esoteric, such as having a vision for the future.  Another method of learning would be through experience – not everything will be successful, but each failure will teach you something that you can apply next time to become successful.  Remember the list at the top?  Those were some of the titles that I have been labeled with during the course of my life so far.  I still subscribe to the saying that leaders are readers and that to be a leader you have to be open to learn, listen and look for opportunities that benefit all.

Procrastination as a Strategy

I procrastinated!  My father was great at pointing out when I procrastinated while growing up.  I am sure there were other adjectives used, but that is the one that always stuck out.  “But I was…” would be the start to my usual response.  “Wayne,” he would start, “I do not want hear any excuses…” Stubbornly, I would repeat this pattern (I did not like being told what I can and cannot do).  While my afternoons were spent watching classics, like Bugs Bunny and the Three Stooges, I probably would have been better served reading the classics instead of watching the “classics.”  While I was sitting there laughing, absolutely nothing was happening, leading to procrastinating on homework, etc.  Reading for school – nah, that never happened.  My dad even got called in for a conference due to late or no book reports being handed in (fourth grade).  Needless to say, he was not happy.

That was then, this is now.  Truth be told, as we got older, life get busier.  Marriage, children, and homes are all great things that occur in our lives that should be celebrated and enjoyed in their own right.  These activities easily fill our time and keep us busy.  We become busy doing this, busy doing that, busy running here and busy running there.   This causes us to have difficulty in accomplishing things.  At the end of the day, we are tired and sometimes wonder what we accomplished.  I remember many of these days – long fun days with my family, good quality time, but little accomplished.  The busier we are, the more we tend to procrastinate due to time constraint…or so we lead ourselves to believe.  Truth is, being busy does not equal being productive.  It took me years to realize this.  I am no longer that child watching the “classics” but now the adult and can no longer make excuses for my procrastination and blame my time loss on others.

OK, now that I have patted myself on the back and complimented my emergence as an adult, that does not mean procrastination has disappeared.  If I sit here and prioritize my tasks, I know what I can do and what has to be held off.  Many time times, I will delay addressing something that I really do not want to do (that would be procrastinating).  I know I am doing this up front and can communicate what I am doing.   Then there are times where an “event” occurs and the choice is to do a knee jerk reaction.  Under the emotional stress and strain of situation, people react instead of thinking level-headed.  In this case, procrastination is a strategy.  By dragging my heels, the situation can calm down and clear-headed decisions can be made.  While I am still a big Three Stooges fan, watching them are no longer a priority, however, they are still a pleasant distraction when I need something to help me procrastinate.

The Emperor has New Clothes?

We are all familiar with the saying, “Clothes Makes the man.”  There was a point in my life where I did my best to prove this wrong - I dressed like a slob and really did not care about how I looked.  I really believed that appearances did not matter and that it was the person behind the façade that counted.  I think that the nadir of this thought hit me when I was coming home from college senior year wearing a crumpled dashiki, had longish unkempt hair and wore ripped jeans.  It was OK that I was wearing them as long as no one saw me, but where I faltered was in deciding to visit my dad who was the General Manager of a spice and seasoning plant at his place of business while in this dress.  I often stopped on the way home but never looking like this.  Aghast, my dad pulled me into his office, let me know how he felt, then booted me out of the place.

His reason?  I was an embarrassment to him and as his son, my look was a poor reflection on him.  “But how I look should not matter…”  No matter what argument I could have mounted, he was right and I was wrong.  And while in many ways I still feel the same, the truth is our first impressions are done visually, before we even open our mouth.  Fast forward many years and I am consulting in a manufacturing plant, where jeans and tee shirts were the norm.  I wore a collared shirt and slacks every day – I wanted to give off a professional appearance, especially since I was hired as “the professional.”  Fast forward to the current day where I have opportunities to work from home.  I will still wear a collared shirt and long pants, sometimes slacks, sometimes jeans, but never shorts.  No one will see me, but I have come to feel that while I am “on the clock”, I need to be in the proper apparel to achieve the right mindset.  Dressing appropriately not only helps on a first appearance but how I feel about myself.

Do not get me wrong, I am still a jeans and tee shirt person; it is just that I have learned the time and place for when and how to dress.  The accompanying picture is from a recent wedding.  I find that on occasion, it is nice for us to “dress up” and look good.  Even at 56, dressing up like this makes me feel like an adult!  So, do clothes make the man?  In doing a little research, it ends up that this phase, or derivations, has been around since the time of Homer.  The version most well-known comes from Mark Twain, where the full quote is, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”  I think that I will stick with the clothes and continue to work towards presenting a better, complete package.

On Being President

I have to confess – being a president of an organization is not easy.  Keep in mind the plaque that Harry S Truman used to display, “The buck stops here.”  When things go well, it is great: you are happy to point out those who achieved, there is a sense of pride in the group that you are leading, a feeling that you can accomplish anything and a general aura of happiness.  When things go less than well, it is not so great: there is no one else to blame, there is a feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders, the thoughts swirling in your head that you backed yourself into a corner and a general feeling of disappointment.  In either case, you still have to go out with a smile on, say the words to encourage others to attain their best and continue to strive for goals and objectives.  The role comes with no set hours, no physical office and plenty of opinions.

OK, I framed this as being the president of the Jewish Community Center of Paramus / Congregation Beth Tikvah.  I could have swapped out the word president for leader…or head of household…or manager…or any other leadership title.  Sure – the size of the group / organization, the number of people involved, the magnitude of the decisions are different, there is a varying level of stress related to them and the number of eyes that watch your every move differ; it is still the case where others look to you to…lead.  While all leaders have different personalities, different methods and different ways of relating, the role is anything but passive.  This is an active role, where you need to be on your best game most of the time.  As a parent, you have to lead your family in life, teach your children the virtues that will help them in their lives and manage a household.  Any leadership role has a component of guiding others, providing some form of education and management.  In all related situations, it is how you react, how you handle yourself and how you communicate to others that matters.

I was once taught that good leaders are in the front of the group that they lead (yes, like they sing in Peter Pan, “we’re following the leader…”), rather than standing in the back and dictating where everyone should go.  The importance is doing, as most people observe by watching what others do and how they react.  There is the story about Mahatma Gandhi, where a mother brings her son to the famous and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and said to the mother come back next week.  The following week, the mother did as she was instructed and once again stood before this great man and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and told him to stop eating sweets.  Dumbfounded, the mother asks why he could not say that last; to which Gandhi replied, “Last week, I was eating sweets.”  The lesson is simple, never ask someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do nor have not done before.  Leaders lead.

Vince Lombardi said, “Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile!”  He is right – there is a lot of hard work that happens.  There was hard work prior to taking on the role.  There is hard work that is on-going.  There is still hard work ahead.  The time spent reading, learning and developing relationships and discussing ideas set the groundwork.  Continuing to paint visions, continuing to build relationships and constantly re-evaluating and learning from every action / reaction helps us to learn from the past to move forward.  This has been a learning experience and has taken many more hours than I would have thought.  As I have reached the end of my first year and started the second year, I am happy with the journey, thankful for my family and their support, appreciative for the help / advice of many friends (old and new) and truly happy for the community which I, for a temporary point in time, have been given leadership.  It is truly about the communities we live in.  Helen Keller said it well when she said, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.”