Staying Healthy

The COVID 19 has become part of our vocabulary same as the Freshman 15.  Early on, when it did not seem that we would be quarantining for months on end, we all indulged in sweets, “nosh” and a couple of extra drinks.  After a few months, reality hit that we might not be “returning to normal” all that quickly.  There were shortages of some foods, gym closings and recreational activities severely restricted; The meant that we lost some of the outlets needed to burn off our indulgences.  Streaming services helped to provide entertainment while we sat at home – whoever thought we would reach the day that “trending” reports would include the most popular streaming shows?  While I am still way below that number 19, it was hard not to be caught up in this in some way, shape or form.

For me, lock down meant no commuting to New York City (which included walking), no flying for work or being in front of other people which included no more band practices.  Seems like some new-fangled math: Almost no reading (mental health) + increased Zoom drinking (hello beer belly) + limiting exercises (physical health) = COVID weight gain.  After about three months, it began to dawn on me that things were not moving in the right directions.  Books with titles like “The Slight Edge” and the “Compound Effect” started coming to mind.  The fact that I had taken on slightly less positive habits, the small increment did not seem noticeable, but in a short time, I began to see and feel the difference. 

OK, so I was never one to be confused with a Charles Atlas inspired body nor one who was a participant in sports activities.  However, back in 2016, I wrote a series of blogs where I challenged myself to improve my body, including taking some exposing pictures of myself to lay bare where I started and where I ended up.  Over the year I lost 14 pounds and trimmed my belly back to a thinner waist.  To achieve that goal, I had to be diligent on what I ate, how I exercised, etc.  I did not follow any gimmicks, just changed the way I was living with positive benefits.  Like the old slapstick routine where the comedian does not see the banana peel in front of him, I slipped.  Once my “tuchus” hit the ground, it was time to stand up, re-evaluate what I did (blame is my own), and readjust my life.  This meant better eating habits (aka, drink less beer), exercise in the form of stretching, simple yoga and other (good for the body), adding in meditation (mental health / mindfulness), and reading (mental health / personal development).

Though I doubt I will get down to the weight I was at the end of 2016, while quarantined at home, I do feel better now that I am focused on being healthier as opposed to waiting the pandemic out.  While it is still fun to indulge, moderation and mindfulness of actions still have to be forefront and centered.  What have you done to maintain a healthy perspective and body these few months?

Steppin' Out

 

I do not get out much.  Since March, I have written about the minimal times that I have been out, the circles that I have drawn around myself and the diligence to remain safe.  The truth is, while my comfort zone is primarily my house, that does not mean I do not yearn to go out and do the things that we used to do.  I have commented that I would love to get in the car and drive somewhere for vacation, but I have no desire to eat in a hotel, when half the fun of vacation is going and doing what you want in the moment that you want to do it. 

Last week, cabin fever was reaching a peak.  Debbie suggested that I come up with something that I would like to do.  What we really needed was a change of scenery, something outside our usual travelling (i.e., the supermarket), and something to feel good and safe about.  We wanted to go someplace outside and to get some exercise.  After a little research, we found the perfect location.  We found a historical pedestrian walkway over the Hudson River where the walkway is a converted railroad bridge.  The two of us gathered our supplies (snacks, drinks, toiletries, etc.), hopped into the car and off we went.  After the past five months of barely leaving my house, I was travelling outside the county and crossing the state border.  Nothing too hair raising, but this felt like a big step.  And who better to have an adventure with than my wife!

It was a great day to take a drive.  The sun was out and driving up the NY turnpike was enough to make the trip worthwhile.  We followed the Hudson River north until we crossed over the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  Looking off to the left, we could see the “Walkway over the Hudson”, our destination.  We arrived at the half full parking lot, donned our masks, grabbed our drinks and went off.  I was nervous at first, until I noticed that everyone maintained a social distance from the other walkers.  Everyone had masks with them, though took them off while walking.  We reached the far side of the bridge, then walked through the streets of Poughkeepsie to have a chance to walk across the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  This bridge was empty.  Then we found something really cool and unexpected; The composer, Joseph Bertolozzi, recorded the sound of the bridge to create music.  Along the walk are stations that explain his process and present this unique musical experience. 

When we returned to our car, we realized that this was exactly what the doctor ordered.  We had a safe mini-adventure.  Even though we thought about finding a place to get a drink, we played it safe and realized that we could pick up a drink from a drive through and then drive home.  It was a great day!  OK, all we really did was go to a different location for a walk, but a change of location, exercise, a sunny day and walking hand-in-hand with my wife…it was worth “Steppin’ out, with my baby.” *

 

* Music from Irving Berlin played in my head…

Observations from Behind the Mask

Dining outside (or eating al fresco), people laughing together and children running up and down the sidewalk – clear signs that summer is here.  I recently got to watch this scene.  While what I was watching would normally be a heart-warming summer scene, it was painfully clear that I was the only one concerned about a mask; the children were running up and down the sidewalk, where unmasked diners (at a safe social distance) were eating.  The parent, mask-less, showed no mind and I saw the father walk up to the next table, say something and pat the guy on the shoulder.

For almost four months, myself, our family and our friends have been listening and following the CDC and government guidelines.  My father is still in Florida and it has been a long time since we have seen each other face-to-face (virtually – of course).  My mother-in-law’s place is keeping the inside and outside world apart in a measure to provide protection.  My family has been working from home since March to minimize the spread of COVID-19.  We wear masks when we go out to protect ourselves and to protect the ones we love and care about.  I was once taught that on an airplane, during the safety talk, there is a reason why when the air mask drops, you use it first, then help others – if you do not, you have jeopardized your health and the person(s) you would have helped.  One needs to be healthy to help those in need. Wearing that mask is a selfless act, a sign that we care and want us all to survive this pandemic.

People have gotten arrested for thinking it was OK to publicly cough on someone – it is not. 

People think that once you wear the mask past the security guard, it is OK to remove it – it is not. 

People want to believe their children are safe and do not need a mask – it is not. 

There was recently a case where a young nurse went to a bar to celebrate something and the whole group caught COVID-19.  Her comment was “I should have known better.”

When states opened up, people forgot about the pandemic and the numbers went up (think of the old commercial, “they told two people, who each told two people…”).

As I stood there, watching the scene at the restaurant, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the patrons who did not.  Going to the supermarket, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the shoppers who did not.  It is easy to get lulled into a false sense of comfort, to remove the mask and gain a (false) feeling of freedom.  The risk…it ain’t worth it.  It is not worth for me to catch it, to unknowingly spread it and to hurt others.  I do not like wearing the mask, but happy to do so, and when I do not want to wear it, I will be happy to stay home.

A Minor Milestone

I know that nobody will ever mistake me for a bodybuilder, an athlete, nor a sports-minded individual.  I am good with that and I am not about to completely change what I do.  However, it is nice to note that in a small accomplishment, I have reached a minor milestone, but one that I continue to keep pushing forward on.  I am talking only about exercising in my own home.

Over the course of my life, there have been many times where I considered exercising or doing any kind of physical activities.  My parents used to tell me that when I was young, I used to like to run.  I am not sure what happened…at some point I found myself in the section of clothes for “chubby” boys.  Because of my weight gain, I became a couch potato.  I did join soccer around that time, but I refused to run.  Needless to say, bad habits began to build.  At some point in high school, I had a growth spurt and my weight readjusted; the same weight was now on a taller body.  I liked playing basketball and a friend said we should try out for the High School team.  When I found out it included running, I did not even try out.  I had no confidence in myself.  Having to go to the gym where my peers would be weight lifting?  My stick arms and me bowed out, afraid to appear weak and wimpy (forget the image of a bespectacled band geek).

As I got older, I played pick up basketball with friends.  I was still afraid of the gym until Debbie started to go.  I went and realized that I was not the only “weak” one there.  I had reached a point in my life where I started to realize the value of exercise – ANY TYPE of exercise.  After many fits and starts, excuses on traveling and all other made up barriers, I finally found an app that had a variety of options.  I realized that I did not have to run, lift weights or take on other challenges.  After one or two false starts, I have now exercised for 96 straight weeks and have just passed the 900^th exercise.  If I miss a week, I go back to zero.  That ended up being a strong motivator.  I now exercise 4 to 5 times a week, including stretching or doing yoga.  I know that I am not going to break any records, look like Mr. America or run a marathon.  However, by being diligent and setting some goals, I am striving to be healthier and adhere to healthier habits.  Yes, it takes time and effort, but at the end of the day, I feel better about myself and what I have been doing.

Taking the Helm

Entitlement: “The fact of having a right to something,” or, “The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” ~ Oxford Dictionary

As part of going through the goal setting process for this year, it is important that we use proper language in writing out our objectives.  One of the key points in setting goals is to define the actions that you will take to achieve them.  The key here is the actions that YOU will take.  If my goal is to sit here and rely on others, then you are banking on someone else’s goals to include you and benefit you.  Let me be the first to warn you…You will have a long wait.  No matter what you might think that you have done for others, that does not mean that you are entitled to something in return.  Humans tend to be a little more self-centered by nature!

I remember hearing political campaigns where the people in the audience would tell reporters “that is my candidate, because he will take care of me.”  Again, sorry to be the first to warn you…Many, but not all, politicians will tell you what you want to hear or present agenda items to you to lead you to a conclusion that may or may not benefit you.  We are a species who are definitely influenced by our emotions, the two strongest being fear and love.  Some of the greatest (and evil) dictators of all time played on emotions to mobilize the masses to engage in activities that they might have done on their own.  If someone can arouse your fears, tell you what to do and then they will make it better – beware.

Many years ago, I decided to get my MBA in Finance.  The company that I was working for at that time had a tuition reimbursement program.  Being employed as an Accountant, there was no issue on getting their agreement.  I spent four years going to school at night to get this new degree, where it was my choice to go back to school, my choice to improve self and my choice to dedicate the time required to get a good grade in the effort.  I had heard plenty of stories that if you go back to school, when you graduate you are entitled to a raise automatically.  When I graduated, my manager congratulated me with a pat on the back and Debbie (my fiancé at the time) sent me balloons at work.  I found out that I was entitled to no raise, promotion or even a happy hour.  I was not upset, because my reasons for going back to school were for my personal benefit, not to make me entitled.  At work, my pay is based on the value that I bring to my company, not what I think that I am entitled to.

One week after talking goals, why was this on my mind?  Because sometimes, we do forget that we need to be in control of our own paths.  Roadblocks, bumps in the road and extenuating circumstances are all things that are beyond our control.  True in our lives, whether personal, at work, at play or anywhere else.  If we focus on the things that can control, we will have a better chance of reaching our goals, as opposed to ceding control and relying on others.  To be up front, I have thought about after my years invested in raising / providing for my family, working long hours and helping other, etc., that will come a day where I can sit back, relax and let someone else take care of me.  It is a mindset thing because, I do not know if I even could sit still, cede control of everything to someone or even just relax.  I do know, that if that were to happen, I better plan now for it instead of waiting to see who will do all that for me. 

New Year, New Me?

The importance of setting goals

As we have been taught from a young age, the new year is a time for setting our goals, with the corollary being a new year a new you.  I have heard some people push back on this and minimize the importance.  Do we really need to set our goals on January 1^st?  The real answer is no – we can set goals during the course of the year, but need to remember to set targets for achievement and a date by which to meet those goals.  Is it easier to start something on January 1 and end on December 31?  Yes, as we have a date defined for us when to begin and when to end.  In either case, it is important to review where you are at along the way; we should never fall into the trap of being 11 months in before we take a first look at how we are doing.  As a project manager, no client would wait that long into a project to gather feedback, hold their breath on the status, or expect no adjustments along the way.  That is a business case that we can apply to our own lives, such as when I shared the journey a few years ago on changing my habits on food and exercise.

Writing out our goals

Making a public declaration of our goals is one thing.  How many of you actually hand write them down?  As a confession, sometimes I have and sometimes I have not.  However, many thought leaders and successful people in various fields swear by the benefits of writing down goals and doing so in detail.  There is the often-repeated story about Jim Carey writing down his earnings goals when he got to Hollywood.  There is the story that circulated about a man finding the picture he drew of his dream house that he found years after he was living in his dream house; he drew a picture of the house he was living in many years before the house was purchased.  Or the cases where a spouse has written out in detail the mate they hoped to meet and eventually did.  There are plenty of articles on the internet that explain the Neuroscience studies on this.  The simple explanation is that by writing down our goals in detail will help to encode the information to our brain.  Our brain unconsciously then works, or focuses, on what we have passed it, sort of like when you are thinking about a new car you are interested in and all of a sudden, you see that car everywhere.  James Allen wrote the classic book, “As a Man Thinketh” in 1903, and his points about thinking and following through were true then and have science to back it up today.

Goals that are attainable and realistic

“I want to be president of an organization.”  “I want millions of dollars.”  “I want a life of complete financial freedom.”  These are all great goals!  But, are they realistic to achieve in 12 months?  For each of these three and many more big goals (yes, we should think big), in reality there are many steps along the way to reach our desires – there are no shortcuts.  I am president of my synagogue (goal 1?) and this goal did not occur overnight.  I worked on committees, co-chaired a committee with my wife, joined the Board, then was a vice-president for 5 years where I had the opportunity to “learn the ropes.”  In the business world, there would need to be years in various positions before being able to move into a top position.  For the monetary goals, unless you are one of the few that invents the next best thing since sliced bread, you have to be willing to follow a path, with a series of goals that need to be met (in terms of areas of expertise), that include knowledge building and financial earnings power.  The big goals may be multi-year, but the current goals need to be realistic so that achieving them will cause you to continue towards the bigger goals, as opposed to failing, getting frustrated and walking away from your dreams.

Next Steps

Now comes the hard part – putting pen to paper.  Write down your goals, plan out your milestones and start a periodic review process.  Not sure you know everything that you need to?  This is where personal development comes into play; begin by creating a reading plan and attend seminars (much easier with the web).  I know that it has become a cliché statement, but now that you have “planned the work, you need to work the plan.”  Here’s to a fruitful and productive year!

…And So Ends the High Holiday Season

4 weeks and an additional 10 services across five Holidays (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah) has come to a close.  This is an extremely busy time of the year in the Jewish world: We start the New Year, repent, celebrate the crossing of the desert (after leaving Egypt) and receiving the Torah (we end and restart).  There have been days for fressen (Yiddish for eating like there is no tomorrow), fasting and festivities.  During these High Holy Days, we reflect, contemplate, ask for forgiveness and start over.  And then…they are over and life goes back to normal.

Or do they?  Or, should they?

Since I have been a child, these have been the days to see people who I have not seen throughout the year. Because Rose Hashanah and Yom Kippur are such important holidays, these are the few times a year that some people will go to services.  Believe me, no matter what you believe in, an opportunity to have a clean slate, spiritually, emotionally or physically is a HUGE draw! 

Some of my personal take-aways:

·      Saddest moment – We read about Moses and all the great things that he did.  He is the ultimate heroic figure in the Torah, with the ability to accomplish big feats, lead / create a nation that has endured and ultimately was very human.  This is the time where we relive his final days, and using the analogy from a Western, our favorite hero rides off into the sunset.

·     Meaningful moment – There is a portion of the Yom Kippur service called Neilah, where the Aron Kodesh (ark) remains open.  This is where the Torah “resides.”  We have a chance to stand in front, symbolically face Hashem whose presence (Shechinah) can be felt, to give our last appeals and pray for the future year, before he closes the ledger on our lives for the upcoming year.  It is a powerful moment.

I find it interesting that we focus our energies into this holiday, as every other religion does on their holiest, most meaningful days.  We all talk about living with each other, while history teaches of wiping out our enemies (so there can be no revenge).  We ask forgiveness for our actions, whether person-to-person, to a higher authority or in commitments we make to ourselves.  Yet, within a few weeks of self-reflection, feeling good about our decision and looking towards a better future, we fall back into our old ways.  “We are only human, Wayne,” is not an excuse.  Because it is easier?  I would sooner agree with that.  It is simple to commit to being better, but not easy to execute, as that means it takes work.  Remember, working towards something positive is worth the effort, provides a sense of accomplishment and inspires other.  As entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn states, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”  Here’s to being better.

New Year 5780

It is once again that time of year where we wish our friends and family a sweet New Year.  It is also that time of the year, once again, where we have the opportunity to take stock in what we have accomplished, to assess the goals that have fallen short and to think about where we need to be in the upcoming year.  Some years I find that things go as planned, other years I am off the mark.  The years where things go well, I look forward to review how I did.  The other years, I look towards the review less excited but know that to get better in the future I have to go through with it.  Either way, it is that time of year.

This past year, 5779, was one of the good years!  On the personal front, Bec has graduated from college and I am now proud of both of my working girls.  Debbie and I had a great year together, working together as a couple, being supportive best friends and enjoying facing life together.  On the professional front, I have successfully changed jobs, shifting back into the consulting world and became an authorized trainer.  On the volunteer front, I am still the president of my synagogue, where I think we made a small dent in their universe and have worked towards changing peoples’ mindset.  The year was productive! 

One thing is certain – We each need to measure our successes on our own merit, our own goals and our own lives.  We are each our own person and must remember that as we review our year, we look at it through our own eyes, through our abilities and our desires.  It is easy to fall into the trap of, “I did not do as good as so-and-so,” “How come so-and-so got X while I did not,” and “I should have done, like so-and-so.”  As we look towards the next year, we should set our sights on the things we wish to accomplish, the help we wish to provide to others and the personal growth we wish to develop. 

Choose your path wisely, set reasonable goals and be diligent in following the path in front of you.

Here’s to a Meaningful, Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 5780!

FOOD!

Eating healthy is a choice.  Let’s face it, if you watch television, even for a minimal amount of time, you are bound to catch a commercial on some yummy looking food.  Many times, when you see that food in real life, it does not look the same and does not always taste like they led you to believe.  Even those nice “tall” looking sandwiches, when they are placed in front of have the same ingredients but some how look flat and less appetizing.  It is a choice – and a few years ago, I did write about a challenge to myself, where you the readers were my accountability partner, to eat better and lose some weight.  Having spent a number of weeks travelling for work, I find eating more challenging.  At all-day meetings, they generally bring in sandwiches or pizza.  Sometimes, we get salad (I do eat that healthier option), but not always.  Last week – no salad.  At night, I had a beer, burger (on a roll) and flat bread pizzas. 

Remember when you were younger and could eat anything that was put in front of you?  As a kid, my parents, when there was no snow on the ground, always said, “why don’t you go outside and play?”  And out we went – we would shoot hoops in the backyard, play ball on either our side yard or at the high school across the street, or, zip around the neighborhood on our bikes.  We were active, so the amount of food that we ate easily turned into fuel for our bodies to consume with our activities.  Growing up, we never ate fast food, which my brothers and I still adhere to in adulthood.  It was great, I used to eat everything in sight, which led to jokes being called Hoover or Exectrolux after the vacuum cleaners.  This lasted through college.  It was great to not have to worry about what I ate.  And then I went to work full time, where I sat at a desk, went home and stopped being as active.  We all know the story and as we get older, we see the impact.  I never heard of a daddy belly or a dad bod until I started to have one.  It is still about choices.

Seems like when we go on vacation or travel for work, we make choices based on convenience or thinking that it is OK to let things go for a week.  It is easy to slide back into the bad eating habits, because let’s face it, some of those less healthy foods taste so good!  My travel eating choices, especially when I am on my own, are all on my shoulders.  Burger and a beer, pizza and a beer, beer and some wings – all tasty.  By the end of this last week, I had more than my fill of carbs and added to my waistline – I did not make healthy choices.  Though my palette was happy, my stomach was not.  My simple test is to stand tall and look downward past my belly to see what I can see.  If I see my feet, all is good.  Of course, looking in the mirror might give me a different perspective.  Eating is important and to enjoy what we eat is a bonus.  Our choices, however, are ours to make.

Be The Example

I have finally done it!  Or, to put it better, I have finally done it and realized it as I woke up this morning.  Two weeks ago, I posted my 300^th blog (242^nd on LinkedIn).  The moment passed like any other moment, under the usual process and without fanfare.  How did I notice?  About a month or two ago, I noticed that I was getting close, but was more focused on the writing than the number itself.  However, a milestone is a milestone, no matter if it is accompanied with a brass band (or in my case a jam band) or tumbleweed rolling across the quiet plains.  As a weekly article, there are times where I think about throwing in the towel, but am always happy that I kept going.

Like anything we do, we have a choice to either dip our big toe into the water to test the temperature or dive in head first.  When we dip our toe in, we are hedging against ourselves prepared for the easy out if “all the conditions” do not meet our needs.  When we dive in, we are truly committed to the action and there is no other option but to move forward.  Life is filled with these choices – sometimes on a frequent basis and other times not so frequently.  We are all guilty of this. 

About 10 years ago, while looking for a way to bring in some additional money, I entered the world of Network Marketing, also known as Multi-level Marketing.  The concept interested me in that you were an independent business owner (entrepreneur) within a business.  Taking a dip or diving in?  This was a dip; I learned that “selling”, no matter what the label it was given, was not my forte and I was not willing to put my body and soul into this venture.  This was a good lesson and I did learn the importance of personal ongoing development.

Playing music is another great example.  I started with the accordion when I was nine years old.  Almost 48 years later, I might only occasionally pull out the accordion, but in that time learned the saxophone, clarinet, guitar, banjo and currently play the keyboards in two bands.  There are many people who I know and meet that tell me that they wished they still played.  For them, it was a dip, but for me and the people I play with, it was a dive.  I learned that if you enjoy something, it is far easier to keep doing it. 

Like with the previous idea, the same with reading, exercising and food choices.  The key is to be able to define what success means so that one’s goals are attainable, realistic and meaningful.  As the famous Yoda quote goes, “Do or do not, there is no try.”  After over 300 articles spanning 6 years, I guess I can say this was more than just sticking my toe in the water.  Even if this does not dent the universe, cause any great ripple in society or provide unusual pronouncements, this is something that I can point to that says if you put your mind to it, you can do it.  Sometimes being that example might provide someone else the inspiration to do, instead of to try.

Creativity on Pause?

After 297 blog posts, starting late in 2013, posting every Monday – Have I run out of new thoughts, ideas and experiences to write about?  In that time, I have missed only two weeks and that was within the last couple of months.  I like the creative outlet, the chance to share thoughts, and to journal my world.  As we went into last weekend, I did not have an article prepared.  Well, not ready would be more like it.  I had started the article, the topic was relevant (to my life), but the execution was not meaningful.  My main editor as of late (that would be Gab) asked why I did not have a backlog of articles.  There are times when I have a backlog, depending on my creative flow of thoughts. 

It would seem, at least to me, that there are times where we are engaged in certain things / activities and at some point, after years or some significant time, we want to take a step back and re-evaluate where we are at, where we are going, and the overall value of what we are doing.  I guess one way to visualize this thought is to see the way athletes’ function, who during their careers are in peak physical condition and shortly after they retire, so do their bodies.  I saw this with my grandfather – he was in the food business and had a fantastic sense of taste.  Then he decided to retire, and shortly afterwards his taste buds decided to follow the same course, as fine dining was replaced by mediocre buffets.  To maintain the same high level / standards, it requires diligence, persistence and consistency which takes energy and time. 

I started writing to fulfill something that I had always wanted to do, but never had a fully fleshed out an idea enough to be a book.  This shorter form, blogging, met that desire and still brings me pleasure.  OK, the creative pictures that I include also fulfill that creative notion.  Having missed a week, nobody noticed…which means that if I stop, would anyone say anything?  Truth is, I would notice.  I enjoy sharing my thoughts, I enjoy the challenge that this signifies to me and I enjoy the fact that I can point to something I have done consistently.

Jascha Heifetz, considered amongst one of the greatest violinists, is also known for saying, “If I don't practice one day, I know it; two days, the critics know it; three days, the public knows it.”  The fact that he acknowledges himself first in the list shows the integrity of his approach towards his art and ability.  While it is easy to take a break, step back or go on hiatus, it is easier to remain idle than to start up again.  The old example of a steam engine – where there is an immense amount of energy expended to start the train moving, so much so that a rock on the track could stop the entire process.  But, once in motion, that same train will crush through anything in its way while using little energy.  That is the power of momentum.  While I missed last week, it was merely a bump in the road and now it is back to doing what I enjoy.

Mental Realignment

Years ago, I went to a chiropractor for a brief period of time.  One of the reasons for going was out of curiosity.  I had heard about the benefits regarding alignment of the vertebrae in one’s back.  I went a handful of time for the re-alignment, then realized, that for at least me, there were no additional benefits at that time.  When you think of it, even the vehicles that we drive, occasionally need a tire alignment.  Over time, a vehicles’ tires need to be realigned (and rebalanced) to help optimize performance and tire wear.  As we move through time and space, I began to realize that we occasionally need time to realign our mental abilities, thoughts and processes.

Unless we are perennially at a standstill, we will continue to take on many experiences, challenges and daily activities.  Between family life, work, volunteering, hobbies, etc., there is a bountiful amount of activities afoot.  The ability to segment each portion of our lives into distinct timeframes becomes important so that we can focus, at any given planned moment, on the activity before us.  When that activity finishes, we mentally store that away until next time, bringing forth and into focus the next activity we are engaging in.  It is the same as partitioning one’s day appropriately and focusing on that task for a given time (i.e., exercise in the morning, work 9-5, family 5 – 8, volunteer 8-10, etc.) and why it is important to use an agenda, or calendar, of some sort, to organize our activities.  Can we keep everything in its place all of the time?

Maintaining times for each activity takes diligence and has to be a planned activity as well.  But what happens when an event occurs that demands more than the allotted time?  We have all had times where a crisis occurs, there is something new on the horizon or there are simply changes that need to be addressed.  Seemingly, all of a sudden, our brain power is taken up, pushing aside other thoughts / activities and mental focus.  Sometimes, we see this coming; other times, however, we realize it after the fact, because while it is occurring, our excess brain power has already been consumed.  Once identified, we must go through our own mental realignment, take the time to step back, evaluate where our time is spent, review the importance of what is consuming our mental time and adjust, or align, accordingly.  

Facing the Music

How often in our lives do we have a chance to stand tall and face the music?  This is not like going to hear our favorite musical group or listening to our children’s musical endeavors (or husband’s as in Debbie’s case).  I am talking about points in our lives, in our business, in our activities where there is a tough issue to face, a difficult junction for the future or a change that is required.  We face minor versions of this on a daily basis.  We have all watched other people and how they handle the situation – some people stand tall to make a decision showing great confidence, while some people wait to see how other people will react and other people find something else to hold their attention so as not to address what they should.

When facing the music, it can come in more than one flavor.  Often, we see the item at hand ahead of time with plenty of notice (if we are diligent about paying attention).  With a lot of lead time, instead of addressing the issue, we procrastinate and wait until the last minute missing potential opportunities occur.  A second would be when we round a corner that brings an issue to the forefront.  We see, we know it is there, we saw the cause and effect that caused it and have the time to react and adjust accordingly.  This is business as usual.  The third would be a crisis.  Eyes wide open, diligence of watching for pitfalls can not prepare one for facing something that needs a resolution NOW.  In this case we are most reactive and will have to possibly adjust afterwards once the dust settles.

In all three cases, you can decide not to face the music and be passive all the time.  In the second scenario, the way one reacts becomes more about their daily attitude.  For the people we known, we have a pretty good idea on how they will react to different situations.  We have all know managers, decision makers, etc. who we might go to when things arise because we have seen how they react and ask for their advice.  Yes, asking for advice helps when you know someone has been in the same situation.  It is the first scenario, where we have the most amount of time to correct a course, enact new ideas and strategize for the future that can become the most painful to face the music on.  Because there is no immediate sense of urgency, the tendency is that things will correct themselves and we hope for the best; however, hope is not an actionable item.  We also can fall into the trap defined by the quote attributed to Albert Einstein, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.”  If addressed up front, it is easier to make required changes, but by procrastinating facing the music there comes a difficulty where options have been narrowed due to waiting.

Facing the music has not gotten any easier since we have been children.  Leadership requires donning the big boy or girl pants.  Being an adult means taking responsibility when things are difficult.  In the television show “Once Upon a Time,” Rumpelstiltskin said many time “Magic comes with a cost.”  The same is true for the decisions and the timing on when they are made (i.e., action / reaction).   I agree – it is much easier to be streaming a favorite playlist, spinning our favorite platter or popping a disc into a player (notice, no 8-track reference).  Sometimes, we just have to put on the headphones to create the sound track when we go to face the music. 

Carrying the Burden

How often do you wake up feeling like you have the weight of the world upon your shoulders?  I do not mean that the entire universe is resting on your shoulder like Atlas, where moving your pinky toe has a ripple effect on the everything in existence; however, some days it might feel like it.  The feeling might come from something you are planning, an event you are looking forward to or a presentation to upper management where the impact can affect future decisions.  We all know people who walk around feeling that the planet revolves around them but seemingly do not feel the burden that I am talking about.

Calling all parents – here is a group who definitely feel these burdens.  As parents, we are concerned about our children and their future and whether or not we have done enough to prepare them for their own lives.  Many of us still have our parents, where once they were our guardians, our teachers and our caregivers.  Today, the roles have begun, if not already, to change.  When I travel, I always have my phone on next to me, just in case my family needs to reach me in an emergency.  Yes, as our children move into the young adult phase, they become more independent, have jobs and can provide for themselves; however, it does ease that stress level up.

There are always the points in our lives where we have to address the choices before us, evaluate the options that stare us in the face and guide the path towards personal and collective futures.  This is where the stress and pressure can really come to a head.  It can be hard for most people to want to take on the responsibilities of ownership when it comes to this topic.  I have had the pleasure of sitting in meetings where we all look around the room waiting for someone to take ownership, knowing whom the correct person for the task should be… being “the person” to make decisions can cause the fear of not making the right choice, being afraid no one will like the decision and discomfort of having all eyes on them.   The people who rise to those occasions, most likely have the same concerns and fears – it is human nature, we all have that little voice (called doubt) chatting away in our heads.

When you feel that sense of burden, remember you are not alone.  Responsibility is not something to take lightly!  We have to remember our goals and objectives.  The causes, the values and the future outcomes we desire are what really make up who we are and the person who we strive to be.  Diligence, consistency and persistence help to negate the feelings of burden.  I still follow the old adage – plan the work, then work the plan in many parts of my life.  Many mornings, when I feel like Atlas with the world pressing down on my shoulders, I take a few minutes before getting out of bed, mentally revisit the activities for the day.  Doing this helps the weight of the world to lift off of my shoulders, because I understand what I need to do to get through the day.  And once the day ends, it is easy enough to review what happened, feel good about facing fears, address issues and accomplish goals and objectives.   

“School’s Out Forever!”

“If the band plays at my graduation party, they have to play School’s Out,” Bec recently informed me.  She is, of course, referring to the iconic Alice Cooper song.  After 17 years of formal education and an MBA, Bec has officially declared that for her, “School is out forever!”  For the child that always poo-poo’d education, the child that always questioned why she had to take certain “useless” courses and the child that accelerated the collegiate timetables to maximize the outcome in the least time available, her school career has come to an end.  For Bec, this year, it is no longer “School’s out for summer,” but instead, “School’s Out Forever!”

“No more teacher, no more books…”

I can safely say, that as a parent, it is a wonderous thing to watch our children grow up, going from the “naked and afraid” newborn to the mature, confident adults that they become.  At some point, they really no longer need our total guidance, nor do they always want our opinions.  OK, that last sentence comes from my own experiences growing up.  Once I was out of college, I was earning my own way (even though I was still living at “home”) and felt that it was my life to mess up if I wanted to.  Rightly and wrongly, I understood that I had to learn from my own mistakes, my parents did not have the same experiences that I had and grew up in a different time with different ways and different thinking.  I am sure my dad thought the same way with his parents and most likely Gab and soon Bec will be as well with us.  For all the things school teaches, independence and guiding your own daily lives is one of them.

“…No more teacher’s dirty looks…”

The two proud parents sat in the auditorium, emotionally driven by seeing our daughter walking down the aisle.  There were the usual people speaking and, of course, some great takeaways.  The CFO, on behalf of the alumni spoke, and told the students to cherish the day as it is truly a once in a lifetime event.  Next up was the honoree Doctorate Degree given to Cindy Bigelow, president and CEO of the #1 specialty tea company that bears her family name.  As a true leader, she exemplifies listening before speaking, such that she met with a delegation of students (of which Bec was honored at being a part of) and crafted her speech based upon the concern of the students’ future.  She spoke from the heart and was very personal in her talk.  Aside from providing strategies (you will find your passion, just have patience), she did remind the students, “…you are not perfect, neither am I, but you are amazing.”

“School’s Out for Summer…”

After the ceremony, we went out to celebrate over lunch.  The place we went to had spiked milk shakes which seemed appropriate.  Then we dropped off Bec and came home.  For the once shy child, the child that did not like going to school, she has grown into a young adult that makes her own decisions and can follow her own path.  It is hard as parents to experience this, but something we all go through.  We only want the best for our children, prepare them for the day they leave the nest and hopefully have built the bridges that maintain our relationships going forward.  Next week, we move Bec back home, officially ending her time staying in Providence.  She has a bright future ahead and we look forward to whatever that brings.  Congrats, Bec, on reaching this milestone and now, on to the next chapter!

“School’s Out Forever!”

Sacred Time

I recently finished reading Rabbi Abraham Heschel’s book, “The Shabbath.”  One of the concepts that he discussed in the book was Sacred Time.  In this concept, he explained that most religious items are easiest to define in terms of a sacred place where one may go to worship, or a sacred item in which humans project a sacredness to the item during prayer.  In Sacred Time, the holiness is the connection time has to a truly eternal concept.  In Genesis, chapter 2, verse 3, the translation is “And G-d blessed the seventh day and He hallowed it, for thereon He abstained from all His work that G-d created to do.”  From religious perspective, this seventh day is given as a holy day and a day of rest.  Sacred Time is taking that one day a week to stop all work and focus on the time we have.

Borrowing from this thought, and extending it beyond a purely religious precept, the idea of having a Sacred Time makes sense, in that it is important to have some span of time without work, without worrying, without technology blasting in our face, and without the rigors of daily life.  Basically – WE NEED DOWN TIME!  This is time where we can turn off our phones and computers, a time where we can sit down (without a television playing in the background) and a time to reflect. 

• We are taught that at a certain age that we can no longer nap; I like to nap on the weekends. 
• We follow the trend that if we work all week, we should shop and do errands on the weekend
• We somehow learn that going to bed early on the weekdays = staying up as late as we can on the weekends
• We learn to use every hour in our day to do “things.”

If we stop that mad carousel that we live on, we can take the time to enjoy the deep breathe, stop and smell the roses and engage in whatever metaphor you want to use.  While the Old Testament carves out a full day of Sacred Time, how many of us carve out any time during the week as a sacred period?  This could be a time to meditate, a time to reflect on ourselves (an activity some people are afraid of), a time set aside to be grateful for the “things” we are blessed with, and a time just do nothing (or nap).  Having this time set aside can be useful to put certain aspects of life in perspective, provide time to put aside conflicts to possibly give a clear picture, spend time being with someone you care about to spend time in each other’s company.  And most importantly, time away from the trappings of the advancements and technology which we use the rest of our time.  While a full day of Sacred Time would be optimal, we can at least start with some slices of our day.

Working from a Home Office

I have worked from home before.  I have had a business that was based in my house, though I was mostly on assignment at clients.  With my new company based in Connecticut, I am now back to working from my home office.  One of the obvious benefits is that after 16 years commuting to NY for ITG, I gain back 3 to 4 hours of my day.  That is a significant amount of time: 15 – 20 hours a week, 60 – 80 hours a month, etc.  Of course, the other immediate benefit is if there is an emergency, I am already at home.  Cool!  But it is not all that easy, as I must be more diligent on how I spend my time and minimize the distractions.

Many years ago, my brother went from commuting to the city to having his department directed to work from home as a corporate space saver.  I remember him worrying about how to segregate work time from home time when this first happened.  He told the story of one of his associates leaving in the morning, dressed in business clothes, only to head to the nearest Starbucks.  From there, he would have his coffee and read his morning paper as if he were riding the train.  When he was done, he would drive “to the office” and begin his day.  I am not looking to do that!

I do believe that I need to ensure that I have the proper morning routine in place to help.  The habit that I am putting into place will be an extension of the habits that I have followed for a few years.  The planned schedule is:

·         Wake up (around 5:30),

·         Exercise for 30 – 40 minutes,

·         Shower,

·         Make myself a healthy breakfast (usually eggs),

·         Spend time writing (either for blog or other),

·         Read for 20 – 30 minutes (Personal development, classic book or just for fun),

·         Meditate (chance to reflect on prior day and current…OK, sometimes I doze off),

·         Start work. 

While that looks like a busy morning – it is!  However, this makes the morning time a productive portion of my day before the day starts.  Leadership expert, Robin Sharma, often talks and writes about the benefits of starting one’s day at 5:00 for productivity reasons, which I have followed for years.  The good thing about this schedule is that when I need to be on the road, there is no reason why I cannot maintain this routine.  The routine is important, not because I am anal in following the same thing over and over, but because it provides a productive structure to the start of my day.  Otherwise, time for exercise, etc. will not be available and I will not do these personal productivity activities.

Once work starts (generally 9:00), I go to my office to focus on what I need to accomplish.  Like working in a physical office, I still have the list of items to accomplish.  Lunchtime is set for the same time every day (structure is good).  Yes, there are more distractions.  Yes, I can do an errand if needed instead of trying to squeeze them in on the weekend.  Yes, I can attend to issues at the JCCP where I am president of the organization.  Even so, they have to fit into the schedule of my day.  In the office or out, we do need breaks from work to regroup, reflect and refocus.

Any other suggestions would, of course, be helpful.  Written down, this looks simple, but it will not always be easy.

I Have Reached 200!

Since May, my family has gone through big milestones and life changes.  These were celebrated in the ways that were appropriate for each.  I think that, in general, we tend to focus on the Big Events in our lives and sometimes forget that the smaller milestones are important too.  On every journey, there are points that we should take the time to step back and appreciate where we are.  Compared to the previous steps, it might not seem we have traveled far, but if we compare to our starting point, you can see the progress.  I originally was going to let this milestone pass and not mention it; this is but a small point, but one I never thought about reaching.

“I cannot do that, I do not have the discipline,” someone recently told me when I mentioned that I have been writing a blog for almost four years.  In fact, last week, I quietly composed my 200^th consecutive weekly article.  He was right, it takes discipline to sit each day and put something on the page, no matter where I am and no matter what is going on in my life.  I always wanted to write, as a way of expressing myself, a means for creativity and outlet separate from the rigors of day-to-day activity.  One day I made the commitment to myself to follow through.  Therefore, to paraphrase Lao Tzu, my journey of 1,000 steps began with a single post.  This is something that I enjoy, so I do not have a goal for the number of articles or for how long I will keep writing.  Even when I think things are slow, there are still things to write about.  I guess the day I stop writing is the day I no longer have anything to say.

When I first started out, I wanted to make sure that I was going to be honest, use my own unique observations, share the belief that there is a lesson in almost everything we do, and that no matter how mundane our lives can get, there is always something to share and a lesson to learn.  Moreover, I do believe that I have bared my soul (OK, and sometimes visually), sometimes delving into the personal and sharing my family with you.  I have shared success, disappointments, gains and losses - they are all part of life and all have a lesson. 

While this milestone is about me, it is important to recognize that I could not do this all by myself.  My biggest thanks go to my family.  Debbie, Gab and Bec have had to live with my self-imposed deadlines, and provided the much needed editing.  Most importantly, though, is that I am thankful for them in my life, as they help to provide the rich stories that make up my life and constantly provide meaning in this adventure we live.  After all, I feel blessed to have a family to provide infinite lessons and stories to grow from.

Finally, I want to thank you, the reader, for providing an ear, sharing your thoughts and providing feedback.  Though I write for the pleasure I get from the action, I do enjoy hearing your thoughts and words.