The Story of Our Lives

My Dad recently asked me the question, “How much do you know about your grandparents?”  I thought for a few minutes and answered honestly, “Some.”  My Dad sighed and responded, “There are some stories that I am the only one that knows them.”  This exchange made me think – how much do my children know about their grandparents?  How about my grandparents?  Oddly enough…about their own parents’ stories from before they were born?

I had the unique opportunity to know my four grandparents.  That ended at the age of fifteen, when I lost both of my grandmothers within a year.  I do have memories of them and remember some of the stories from their lives.  I remember a few more stories as told by my maternal grandmother, as it seemed she was also still finding family members.  My maternal grandfather had a bad stroke shortly after she died and remained homebound and needed help the remainder of his life.  He was a good storyteller and came from a large colorful family.  But once he was sick, his speech also suffered.  My paternal grandfather, the only grandparent Debbie met, died just after Rebecca was born, which meant that I had the opportunity to have an adult relationship with him.  Naturally, as of today, I know most about his growing up poor in Europe, moving to America in 1920, his many jobs and his life in general (he lived the American dream). 

Most of what my children know of my grandparents comes from me.  As with most oral histories, the actual stories begin to get diluted, some of the holes in the stories get replaced (sometime consciously, sometimes not) and stories transform into legendary tales or family folklore.  All of us grow up hearing them and we all try to pass our favorite stories on.  In my house, some of the legendary tales my brothers and I always laughed at are greeted with blank stares from my girls followed by the question, “Why would you know that?”  And generally speaking, the stories about myself, while told in all seriousness, cause them to laugh at me, and keep getting recycled (always at my expense).  For example, I shared that my parents taught us how to dance for my Bar Mitzvah, specifically the Waltz.  That has given them hours of endless laughter, wondering who else in the world Waltzes in the basement and why is it that the only goofball that did so was their father (my brothers conveniently do not remember this).

I realized that the stories, however they remember them, are the stories that they will carry with them and become the tales that they will tell.  I remember my grandfather relating a scary story from the mid-1920’s.  He and a few friends were out driving in a car when the car got slammed into on the side by another car.  At that point in time, the cars were not made heavy duty like today and split in half, the front going in one direction and the back going in another.  As they got out of the car, the drivers of the other car were gangsters of some sort and the threat they gave buried any further action.  To this day, I only have the image of the car breaking in half and going in two different directions like a cartoon and I am laughing while typing.  I asked my dad to fill in the blanks.  He remembered the friend’s name (Sam Katz), he laughed and was fuzzy on the rest of the story.

These are the stories of my life; I am sure my girls will pass on the stories that made them laugh, taught them a lesson or inspired them. 

Lights of Hope

We just finished up celebrating Hanukkah, also referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Naturally, the celebration includes fried foods, such as latkes (potato pancakes) and donuts.  As kids, we were always excited for receiving gifts for each of the eight nights, though that was not always the case.  Our parents did their best, so some nights included: a shiny new penny, chocolate gelt, or a fresh, crisp new one-dollar bill.  Some years it was “big” gift to share between the three of us, which included air hockey one year and a foosball table another.  Though we have never given the girls a shiny, new penny, clothing always works.  Actually, the one who is most excited when opening the gifts is Lucy Lou – when it is her turn, her tail starts wagging and she helps open up her present.

While presents are the fun part of the holiday, there is another cause for celebrating the holiday that is meant to inspire.  The holiday represents the hope and courage of a small band of people, considered rebels, fighting against a giant force who managed to hold their ground.  The story of the Maccabees tells of a group of people protecting their homes from the significantly larger forces of the Seleucid Empire’s Army under the rule of Antiochus for many years.  They were a group of people, steeped in their vision for independence and staunch defenders of their value system over the preceding years Hellenistic influences.  The ability to win their battles provided the Maccabees to gain 100+ years of independence due to their commitment to not give up.

With this story of inspiration, what can be garnered at this time of to give us the feeling of hope? To keep fighting and to not give up. Vaccines are being made and distributed. Even though we are months away from the general population receiving the vaccines, the hope is still there. Wearing masks, washing hands and staying quarantined help in this battle. Although the numbers may be rising, our hope and fight should do the same. We can draw inspiration from the story as we fight through to the end of the year with the hope for a better 2021. Each of us just need to do our part in fighting the pandemic.

…And So Ends the High Holiday Season

4 weeks and an additional 10 services across five Holidays (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah) has come to a close.  This is an extremely busy time of the year in the Jewish world: We start the New Year, repent, celebrate the crossing of the desert (after leaving Egypt) and receiving the Torah (we end and restart).  There have been days for fressen (Yiddish for eating like there is no tomorrow), fasting and festivities.  During these High Holy Days, we reflect, contemplate, ask for forgiveness and start over.  And then…they are over and life goes back to normal.

Or do they?  Or, should they?

Since I have been a child, these have been the days to see people who I have not seen throughout the year. Because Rose Hashanah and Yom Kippur are such important holidays, these are the few times a year that some people will go to services.  Believe me, no matter what you believe in, an opportunity to have a clean slate, spiritually, emotionally or physically is a HUGE draw! 

Some of my personal take-aways:

·      Saddest moment – We read about Moses and all the great things that he did.  He is the ultimate heroic figure in the Torah, with the ability to accomplish big feats, lead / create a nation that has endured and ultimately was very human.  This is the time where we relive his final days, and using the analogy from a Western, our favorite hero rides off into the sunset.

·     Meaningful moment – There is a portion of the Yom Kippur service called Neilah, where the Aron Kodesh (ark) remains open.  This is where the Torah “resides.”  We have a chance to stand in front, symbolically face Hashem whose presence (Shechinah) can be felt, to give our last appeals and pray for the future year, before he closes the ledger on our lives for the upcoming year.  It is a powerful moment.

I find it interesting that we focus our energies into this holiday, as every other religion does on their holiest, most meaningful days.  We all talk about living with each other, while history teaches of wiping out our enemies (so there can be no revenge).  We ask forgiveness for our actions, whether person-to-person, to a higher authority or in commitments we make to ourselves.  Yet, within a few weeks of self-reflection, feeling good about our decision and looking towards a better future, we fall back into our old ways.  “We are only human, Wayne,” is not an excuse.  Because it is easier?  I would sooner agree with that.  It is simple to commit to being better, but not easy to execute, as that means it takes work.  Remember, working towards something positive is worth the effort, provides a sense of accomplishment and inspires other.  As entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn states, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”  Here’s to being better.

Old Men Rocking

For Debbie and me, this has been a bonanza year for seeing musicians we always wanted to see and bands we never saw before.  OK – it was more like watching a series of senior citizen acts.  But I have to tell you, for people ranging in age from late 60’s into their 80’s, these people still have it.

This last week, I saw two concerts (one without Debbie) that were from the same era and influential in their own ways.  The first one, which I saw with my old friend Marty (yes, knowing people 40 years makes them old friends), was Herb Alert.  While he no longer tours with the Tijuana Brass, he has a great combo of jazz musicians and tours with his wife (who sang with Sergio Mendez and Brazil 66).  At 84, he still walks confidently onto the stage and still plays well.  He did a medley or two covering the hits from the Tijuana Brass and ventured off onto the songs he wanted to play and improvise on.  As a multi-Grammy winner (including one in 2013 for best instrumental album), he was filling stadiums in the 1960’s, had hit records against the era of The Beatles and had an even bigger impact by being the “A” in highly successful record label, A&M.

The second concert, which I saw with Debbie, was one of her all-time favorite bands – The Rolling Stones.  It is not unusual for musicians, as they age, to slow down their music, be more efficient in their approach and potentially relax more on stage.  Later in his career, B.B. King sat while he played.  I saw Jerry Lee Lewis play years ago when he was in his 50’s and Great Balls of Fire was played as a ballad.  At 76 and having undergone heart surgery earlier this year, Mick Jagger still runs, struts and has “the moves like Jagger.”  The rest of the band still cranks out the Rock and Roll and keeps a pace rivaling back to their younger years.  Their approach to music, performing and being labeled “The World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band,” has set the standard for what defines a Rock musician.  And as 55+ year veterans, it is now what one can still do and what one can enjoy, no matter how old you get.

Aside from great music played by legendary musicians, what was my take away from the past week?  Herb Alpert commented that in most cases, people do not remember the songs played, but the feeling that they get after going to a concert.  In both cases:

·         They have been popular acts for as long as I have been on this planet. 

·         As senior citizens, they both still pursue their passions

·         They are all living life to the fullest, even into the 80’s, and can still be relevant

·         In the Stones case, adversity and illness has not stopped them from doing what they enjoy

It is easiest to reach a point in one’s life and “retire” from our passions, our dreams and our desires.  The “senior” musicians I saw showed the impact of overcoming roadblocks, working towards a healthy lifestyle and striving to be at your peak at whatever point you are at in your life.  They make no excuses for going out and living each and every day to their fullest.

Creativity on Pause?

After 297 blog posts, starting late in 2013, posting every Monday – Have I run out of new thoughts, ideas and experiences to write about?  In that time, I have missed only two weeks and that was within the last couple of months.  I like the creative outlet, the chance to share thoughts, and to journal my world.  As we went into last weekend, I did not have an article prepared.  Well, not ready would be more like it.  I had started the article, the topic was relevant (to my life), but the execution was not meaningful.  My main editor as of late (that would be Gab) asked why I did not have a backlog of articles.  There are times when I have a backlog, depending on my creative flow of thoughts. 

It would seem, at least to me, that there are times where we are engaged in certain things / activities and at some point, after years or some significant time, we want to take a step back and re-evaluate where we are at, where we are going, and the overall value of what we are doing.  I guess one way to visualize this thought is to see the way athletes’ function, who during their careers are in peak physical condition and shortly after they retire, so do their bodies.  I saw this with my grandfather – he was in the food business and had a fantastic sense of taste.  Then he decided to retire, and shortly afterwards his taste buds decided to follow the same course, as fine dining was replaced by mediocre buffets.  To maintain the same high level / standards, it requires diligence, persistence and consistency which takes energy and time. 

I started writing to fulfill something that I had always wanted to do, but never had a fully fleshed out an idea enough to be a book.  This shorter form, blogging, met that desire and still brings me pleasure.  OK, the creative pictures that I include also fulfill that creative notion.  Having missed a week, nobody noticed…which means that if I stop, would anyone say anything?  Truth is, I would notice.  I enjoy sharing my thoughts, I enjoy the challenge that this signifies to me and I enjoy the fact that I can point to something I have done consistently.

Jascha Heifetz, considered amongst one of the greatest violinists, is also known for saying, “If I don't practice one day, I know it; two days, the critics know it; three days, the public knows it.”  The fact that he acknowledges himself first in the list shows the integrity of his approach towards his art and ability.  While it is easy to take a break, step back or go on hiatus, it is easier to remain idle than to start up again.  The old example of a steam engine – where there is an immense amount of energy expended to start the train moving, so much so that a rock on the track could stop the entire process.  But, once in motion, that same train will crush through anything in its way while using little energy.  That is the power of momentum.  While I missed last week, it was merely a bump in the road and now it is back to doing what I enjoy.

Sacred Time

I recently finished reading Rabbi Abraham Heschel’s book, “The Shabbath.”  One of the concepts that he discussed in the book was Sacred Time.  In this concept, he explained that most religious items are easiest to define in terms of a sacred place where one may go to worship, or a sacred item in which humans project a sacredness to the item during prayer.  In Sacred Time, the holiness is the connection time has to a truly eternal concept.  In Genesis, chapter 2, verse 3, the translation is “And G-d blessed the seventh day and He hallowed it, for thereon He abstained from all His work that G-d created to do.”  From religious perspective, this seventh day is given as a holy day and a day of rest.  Sacred Time is taking that one day a week to stop all work and focus on the time we have.

Borrowing from this thought, and extending it beyond a purely religious precept, the idea of having a Sacred Time makes sense, in that it is important to have some span of time without work, without worrying, without technology blasting in our face, and without the rigors of daily life.  Basically – WE NEED DOWN TIME!  This is time where we can turn off our phones and computers, a time where we can sit down (without a television playing in the background) and a time to reflect. 

• We are taught that at a certain age that we can no longer nap; I like to nap on the weekends. 
• We follow the trend that if we work all week, we should shop and do errands on the weekend
• We somehow learn that going to bed early on the weekdays = staying up as late as we can on the weekends
• We learn to use every hour in our day to do “things.”

If we stop that mad carousel that we live on, we can take the time to enjoy the deep breathe, stop and smell the roses and engage in whatever metaphor you want to use.  While the Old Testament carves out a full day of Sacred Time, how many of us carve out any time during the week as a sacred period?  This could be a time to meditate, a time to reflect on ourselves (an activity some people are afraid of), a time set aside to be grateful for the “things” we are blessed with, and a time just do nothing (or nap).  Having this time set aside can be useful to put certain aspects of life in perspective, provide time to put aside conflicts to possibly give a clear picture, spend time being with someone you care about to spend time in each other’s company.  And most importantly, time away from the trappings of the advancements and technology which we use the rest of our time.  While a full day of Sacred Time would be optimal, we can at least start with some slices of our day.

The Meaning of Legacy?

During a recent conversation, it turned briefly about leaving a legacy.  Does not matter who I was talking to or the general reference, because after we touched on the topic, in one of those rare instances, my mind began to take off on its own direction on leaving a legacy.  What is the importance of leaving a legacy?  What really is a legacy? And, do we have a say in our personal legacies?  It was off to the races and I am sure that I nodded to the person I was speaking to as the conversation went into auto-pilot before they got distracted and moved on.  My mind, over the next few days, continued to revisit this thought though.

There was a point in time, not too long ago, where I thought that a legacy meant having your name adorning a wall somewhere to mark that you have been there.  Not unlike the old “Washington slept here” plaques that were scattered throughout the original 13 colonies.  I have recently come to realize that a name plate would only be a name attached to a list with potentially no meaning behind it.  

Years ago, a highly successful person who had many various successful careers explained success in family terms – that when the future generation see your picture over the mantlepiece, they will know that you were the one that change direction of the family to where they are today.  One of the definitions provided by Merriam-Webster Dictionary is “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”  Base on this definition, the legacy is not in the name, but the actions or results of specific actions that are able to be passed from generation to generation.  In my Washington example, it might be nice to know where he rested his head at night, but we all know the impact (legacy) that Washington the man, the leader, the general, the president and, yes, thought leader left behind for all Americans.  

So, my name on a wall might only be a monument to myself.  Hopefully my children will one day point them out and say to their children, “Do you know who that is?”  I know 50-50 percent chance they will say yes.  At that point, I am just another plaque adorning a listing.  If they respond, “Is that our grandfather,” then I have left an impression more than a name.  Changing the course of future possibilities, making a HUGE dent in the universe and leaving a mark behind are all noble endeavors and things we hear people spending significant time worrying over.  I am busy spending my time focusing on the goals in front of me and accomplishing the things that I need to do.  Most importantly, I already have a legacy, whether the name Wayne Zeiler is remembered or not, in that I have a beautiful family, and if I do not dent the universe, hopefully the values and lessons Debbie and I pass on will one cause that Zeiler-down-the-line to do something truly amazing and unique.

The Music That We Listen To

I like music, I play musical instruments, I play in a band, and, I like listening to music.  We had the chance to see 77-year-old Bob Dylan perform this week, where he played the music he wanted to in his own way.  It was great to see him doing that which he does best.  This has capped off a year of seeing performers that we have not seen before who may not have many touring years ahead of them.  There is nothing like seeing music live (i.e., without a net), and more importantly, the people perform the music that they were successful with.

Many of the musicians that we grew up listening to are 15 to 20 years older than I am.  Which means, unfortunately, that those who are still on the road performing have less time on stage before them than the careers that they blazed behind them.  Some, to use the old imagery, have traded in their instruments of choice for the hand-held harp.  I am fortunate to have seen many musicians play live (there is nothing like good live music), while there are some who I procrastinated on and will never have the opportunity to see perform live.

Twice I have dreamed of bands I will never see – Louis Armstrong and the Beatles.  As weird as that is (especially for someone who has vivid dreams), a dream will be as close as I will get to see them play.  That does not make up for the fact of not seeing them live.  In these two cases, I was way too young to see either of these before their demise.  How many times in our lives do we, however, miss the opportunities that are before us, hold off on participating while thinking that there will be a next time, or place some excuse between us and the things we strive for?

After seeing Tom Petty a few weeks before his untimely death, it became clear that the musicians we listen to will not be around forever.  Of course, this is true in all endeavors in our lives for wherever our pursuits and hobbies take us.  To make the effort, and sometimes it is an effort, to step out of our comfort zones, to strive to see whomever we wish to see, to meet the people we wish to meet, or experience the things we wish to, we need to put the time aside, make the appropriate plans and take the actions necessary; Otherwise, the day will come where the opportunity will have passed and we are left with the regret of not doing what we wanted to do.  Go out and hear that live music.  Go out and take that opportunity.  Go out and live the life you deserve. 

5 Years Working at It

On November 12, 2013, I wrote a blog regarding Words, their usage and their meaning. Little did I realize that 5 years later, 263 weekly blog posting would be made on a consistent, weekly basis.  As my 5-year anniversary quietly moves by, my “Weekly Thoughts” have given me some time to reflect.

I always wanted to “try” my hand at writing.  Yes, “try” does not imply following through, providing a goal, nor giving insight to whatever the intent might be.  To rephrase, I have always wanted to write something, be it a comic book, novel, or anything.  Prior to November 12^th, I would send a couple of inspirational sentences to a team I was working with.  The objective was to present some positive thoughts that they could use to their advantage, some small lessons to be shared, or even to realize they were not alone in their thinking and daily activities. 

Then I concluded, why share my thoughts with a small group when I could share with a larger audience.  If I wanted to help inspire others, pass on a lesson or share a positive event, I would need to reach a larger audience.  My events, my thoughts, my experiences – if presented in the correct format, might touch someone who was facing something in his/her life that a positive message might be something to help.  There are some values behind my writing – most importantly, there must be a positive message or a lesson learned.  I truly believe in the saying “every cloud has a silver lining,” so positive writing would be easy…or so I thought.

We are all in this life together.  The reality is that the rose-colored glasses can taint the way we view things.  If this was the 60’s and I said that everything was “Groovy,” you would instantly question what I was on.  All our lives have positives and negatives in them – it is how we perceive them, how we determine to react to events and how we communicate that makes our lives filled with optimism or dappled with pessimism.  Our outlooks define the outcomes we desire.  I have shared the good, the bad and the ugly, but always believe that the sun will come out tomorrow.

After 5 years of writing, I still believe in the importance of the words that we use and the good that they can represent.  Someone will be listening, and someone will take what you say to heart, whether you mean what you say or not.  Use your words wisely, and you too might have a positive impact on someone else.