In Times of Transition

It is time for a transition.  To modify the phase from the movie “Risky Business,” “Transition happens.”  The Oxford dictionary defines transition as “…the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.”  I feel like I just went through a transition, now I am preparing for yet another transition and a short way down the road, there will be yet another transition.  With a transition in life, in work, in roles and in attitudes, there seems to be no end to this in sight.

As a child, I remember going to school, playing outside, playing with friends and family mystery car rides.  Yes, we had mystery car rides where our parents would pick out something to do, not tell us and off in the car we would go.  Sometimes it was an amusement park (most of those from that time are gone, like Bertram’s Island), sometimes it was to some ice cream place with an arcade, sometimes it was…I do not even remember.  One time, I swear it is true, we were driving up route 17 and they announced on the radio that the Zeiler Family was out driving on a mystery car ride.  I never figured out how my dad pulled that one off…but I digress.  Our transitions, when we were young, were the BIG EVENTS: changing schools, reaching a religious milestone (in my case, my Bar Mitzvah), or getting a first real job.

In this past year, I feel that I have been involved in many transitions – I started the year transitioning to a new company, to new roles in the company and to different clients (normal in consulting).  We watched and were part of our children’s transition from graduating college, moving back home, to job changes, to a first real job and to other interests.  As president of an organization, I have been part of some small transitions which included changing mindsets, addressing real issues (which, like change, people tend to avoid), opening new doors and within the next six months, transitioning out of this role.  They say life is like a roller coaster, pull the bar down and hang on.  Yup, I can see that.

Transitions happen like a river, forever moving forward and never giving the chance to stand still.  It is important to take advantage of this while you are still able to do so.  As we begin the last few days of 2019 and move forward into the next decade, it is time to plan out the goals and objectives for 2020.  It is a time for transition…for all of us.

Happy New Year!

Annual Give Back Night

How often can you say that you helped others, provided awareness for a good a cause and raised money all at the same time?  While we know that ’tis the season for giving, it is important to remember those who are less fortunate, especially those in a situation not of their own doing. 

Saturday night was the Annual Zeiler Family Give Back Night.  This was our opportunity to help provide awareness for the Center for Hope and Safety, which “…is dedicated to assisting victims, and their children, of domestic violence by turning fear into safety, helplessness into strength, and isolation into hope.”

We met at one of the local malls (there is no shortage of them in Paramus) for our two-hour session.  Our job for the session was to help wrap gifts.  All of the supplies were donated for us to use.  It is right before the holidays and even in the age of cyber buying, the mall still had a good flow of people buying gifts for their loved ones.  For the shoppers, we were there to help them with the holiday task of gift wrapping.  There were siblings shopping for their parents, parents shopping for their children and friends shopping for friends.  Gab helped a little boy who was so excited that he picked out his own gifts to wrap. 

Once we replaced the previous group and were ready to go, there is always that initial moment of whether or not people will come by to have their gifts wrapped.  And come they did.  With their toys, clothes and other gifts. Our services to them were free.  I was excited by the generosity of the season which led most people to make a donation to the Center for Hope and Safety.  That generosity will go directly to help support this important organization to help others in need.

There are many ways to help those in need and many great organizations to support.  Most people are caught up in their lives, working towards making ends meet, and providing a roof over their family’s head.  While it is always great to celebrate (whatever the reason), it is important to remember that there are those who wish to have cause to celebrate, but cannot.  Whatever you do this season, keep in mind those less fortunate, and remember to keep them in your thoughts and prayers, so that they too can hope for a better future.

Holiday Prep

“Deck the halls…”

It is once again that time of the year.  I am not sure why, but this is the time of year we are supposed to be jolly, put on a happy face, and celebrate.  For 11 months, we work hard for this time of year.  Everyone goes on vacation, runs to various parties and wear those crazy sweaters.  Black Friday, Cyber Monday and other selling catch phrases invented for this time of year have the mothballs dusted off of them and are paraded in front of the masses hungry with excitement for this time of year.

I look at my calendar and my time is pretty full for the rest of this year.  Work still has to be done, the synagogue where I am president still has activities and meetings, food still has to be put on the table…you get the picture.  Believe me, I get the enjoyment of holidays, days off and extra family time – those days are listed on the calendar as well as everything else.  From my point of view, I would rather maintain that happy spirit throughout the year instead of saving for a single month.

“…gonna find out if your naughty or nice…”

Pretend it is January 1^st and the entire year lies before you.  You close your eyes, take a deep breath and let your mind drift off into the year ahead.  The images begin to come to you in a flash – you see the things that you want to accomplish, you have a vague understanding of how you are going to get there, and then you open your eyes.  I am pretty sure that at this point, you know if you will be naughty or nice.  15 or 20 days before a jolly being descends with a bag of gifts, the ledgers of life have already recorded you a naughty or nice quotient for the year.

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”                                                          

I am 57 and believe it or not, I do not look forward to having inches of snow dumped on me in December or any other time of the month.  Many years ago, we had the fortunate of taking a family trip to Australia.  We landed in Brisbane on Boxer Day – it was 110 degrees, the thought of dressing up in a beard and a heavy red winter outfit was far from the minds where we landed.  The person that wrote the classic song, White Christmas (Irving Berlin), definitely lived in the northern hemisphere.  I realize that the image of Santa Claus as a large, jolly person coming to every house from the North Pole wearing heavy winter red has become global.   While flying over the equator I hope he has a good A/C onboard his sled.

OK, so there are plenty of contradictions when it comes to the Holiday season.  And, yes, it is fun to have various celebrations for various reasons.  Of course, everyone is nice (it would be even better if this was year-round).  I plan to enjoy the holidays as much as the next person.  Be safe, be smart in your decision, remember that the world does not stop at this time of year (as some might think) and enjoy.  “Christmas comes but once a year,” sang the great B.B. King.  As he continues later in the song, “Let the good times roll.”  Enjoy your Holidays, however you celebrate!

Facing Your Naked Self

Do you ever stand naked in front of a mirror?  I know this sounds like a line from the movie “Airplane”.  I mean this more in a philosophical sense rather than a literal sense.  Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror to evaluate the person who you see staring back at you?  Have you taken that time to honestly evaluate what you are looking at, to think of how that person fits into the universe and to decide who that person really is?  Yes, you can do this fully dressed, but you better be willing to see the person who resides in the clothing that can be visually used as the definition of you.

We recently watched a movie where one of the characters was referred to as a trier, which is defined in Urban Dictionary as “a person who tries way too freakin’ hard.”  In other words, someone who tries to be someone who they are not.  A conversation I overheard was along the same lines, how the individual they were discussing acts like a different person at work than in a more social setting.  There are many circumstances in life where we are in a position where we want to be accepted, where we want to impress others and where we feel that we have to act like everyone around us.  If we think, feel and act like the majority of people, what have we done to differentiate ourselves, stand up for what we really believe in and present ourselves as we are? 

My parents used to tell the story about how when I was a child, I was a bit oblivious to what was going on around me and preferred to do things my own way.  I spent many summers at a wonderful place called Camp Echo Lark, where in the early days, we used to have a dress code.  The camp colors were green and gold, so our clothes were green and white.  Each morning, they would announce the “dress” for the day, meaning the shirt color and the pants color.  On visiting day, when all of the parents arrived, they saw a sea of children wearing the “dress” for that day.  My parents spotted me immediately, as I was the only camper not wearing white socks like every other camper.

Back to the mirror…as you stand before yourself, you might want to ask – are you wearing the white socks to fit in with everyone else, or are you wearing some other color?  Are you being who you are, or are you trying to be someone else?  Look, we all have people we admire, successful people who we wish to mirror and heroes whose footsteps we want to walk in.  We are not, however, the net sum that made those people what they are in experience, in livelihood and in ambition.  We are merely who we are.  As you stand there in the breeze, be honest about who you are, your strengths and your desires.  Strive to be the best you that you can be, and become the person who you were meant to be.  Only then can you be comfortable with the bare reflection that stares back at you.

Gratitude Edition

Thanksgiving.  A time to be thankful.  A time to show gratitude.  A time of festive indulgence.  This is the one time of the year when we are supposed to get together, enjoy a hearty meal, watch football and get that head start on holiday shopping.  This is a national day where we are supposed to be thankful and show off our attitude of gratitude; even to the point where you might go around the dining room table broadcasting to the world what you are thankful for.

As a kid, I remember learning about the Pilgrims during this time of year. They strode forth for religious reasons, braved their way across the immensely large body of water known as the Atlantic Ocean, and lived in an unknown world inhabited by unknown people.  This hazardous journey was made by a people with conviction, commitment and cooperation who forged together for a common goal.  The celebratory meal, which is represented as our Thanksgiving meal, gives celebration to man’s endeavors to survive at all costs and ultimately to populating and becoming the great nation we live in.  I remember making buckles for our shoes, little hats for our heads and drawing hand-outlined turkeys.  It was a rich opportunity to relive a critical time in our history.

Thanksgiving is the midpoint and the evening where frantic shoppers hit the stores in search of good deals so that they can get a huge jump on their holiday gift gathering.  We all know in advance who will be having the sales and the hours stores will be open for.  In an age where online shopping is becoming the preferred way to shop, Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful that the stores and malls still exist, because that is where the deals are!  Hate to eat and run…oh, and make sure the alarm is set extra early to continue the frantic search for that special item Friday morning!

Sorry, I am not shopping.  I look forward to waking up Friday morning without setting the alarm.  Spend a little time thinking about how special the day is, what it represents and how a small band of people came to this country, a country that represents the ideals of freedom, to make a new life for themselves.  Then I will be thankful for being blessed to have my family, to spend time together, to relax and to enjoy their company.  While we should not need one day set aside to be grateful (we should be grateful every day), we should not squander that opportunity.  And then off to my brothers for the annual, the traditional Thanksgiving meal, some seasonal beverages and being thankful for the day.

Do You Get It?

Have you ever explained something and the person you were talking with had the blank deer in the head lights look?  How about the deafening silence on the other side of the phone?  A roomful of people sitting like mannequins?  The slack jaw gawk of disbelief staring you in the face?  You know what I mean…the one(s) you are talking to either does not understand a word you are saying, or just simply does not get it.  This is usually when the audience is receiving new information, facing change or having something new clarified to them.  The most difficult time is when there is change afoot.

I truly believe that at times we can be so change averse, regardless of how dire our situation, we cannot fathom the world is changing, the past is over or leaving behind our comfortable world.  Unfortunately, that type of mindset leads to waiting so long to take action that when we rise out of our comfortable chair to do something relevant, the moment has long ago passed us by…the old saying “too little too late” applies.  Sadly, at this juncture, we have nothing to do but sit back down in our old worn comfortable chair and wonder what happened.  This can happen to organizations, political positions and to people who do not evaluate their situation until there is no choice left.  This is the category where advice, statistics and views into the wider world do not register.

The flip side are those that keep their heads up and look out towards the horizon watching for shifts in the tide (trends).  They want to be aware of where the future can bring us.  Thomas Alva Edison is attributed to have said “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”  This category will recognize that there are challenges ahead, opportunities to be addressed and work to be done to point towards the future.  This group will take this to heart and most importantly, put forth the effort required to reach those goals.  Change is not a foreign concept, but indigenous to the path that they stride upon. 

There is another group – those that see the changes / challenges ahead, but like where they are and are comfortable falling behind those that move ahead.  We have all met those people that are happy to remain in that bubble that they long ago surrounded themselves in, not cutting off the world, but enjoying the peace, tranquility and circle of comfort that they prefer to live in.  This can apply to individuals or larger groups of people that live in a modern world, but choose to exist in their own way.

During the course of time, if we are involved in many different components of our lives, we might face each of the above.  As always, life is full of options and choices.  Sometimes the answers are straight forward.  Sometimes the answers are clouded by too many paths before us or unclear options.  Sometimes, we wait to see what will happen, due to being unsure.    I was once taught that confused people do nothing.  It is hard when you are part of a group that needs change, but cannot see it, nor the value it would bring.  Which category do you belong to? 

Plan the Weekend?

It is funny to think that our weekends can be as busy, or busier, than our weekdays!  Recently, I was reminded that the weekends are the perfect time to rest and prepare for the week ahead – a time to sleep, plan and line up our Mondays through Fridays.  At my first job, the husband of the company owner’s secretary owned the bar across the street where we all met after work on Friday.  This led me to feel that the weekends began the moment I stopped working on Friday, popped a few beverages, rested / relaxed and kind of went with the flow.  Do you remember those carefree days?  Those years do not last long, as you marry, start a family, build a household and grow within your community. 

As my life became full of commitments and responsibilities, I found the following questions come to mind:

·         Do I really have the needed downtime, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to prepare for the week, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to handle chores / responsibilities, or do I need to plan the time for it?

·         Do I have time to socialize on the weekend, or do I need to plan the time for it?

Based on a fully scheduled week, I began to realize that the second half of the above questions were a common thread – I needed to plan for my non-work time to ensure that my “down time” was used wisely.

While I agree on the importance of having time off from the hustle and bustle of the week, I have found that I have to schedule precious downtime on the weekends to ensure that I have the time to sit, relax and think about other things in my life.  Last weekend was one of the few times that I had actual time to take a nap (which I still like to do when possible), watch something funny on TV (Impractical Jokers, so I was guaranteed to laugh), catch up on chores and spend some needed family time.  While it was nice and it provided the time to do nothing, I have to admit, I do like knowing what is next and, for me, doing nothing gets boring pretty quickly (which could lead to additional naps and no productivity).  Yes, I was the kid who did not like sitting still and liked to have an activity in front of me.  I guess some things never change…

Can You Spot the Leader?

Team Leader, Manager, Counselor, Head Usher, Supervisor, Chairman, Director, Vice President, President, Business Owner.  Here is a list of titles, that also represent roles or positions, where the person who carries that label must be able to work with others, lead, inspire, manage and assume certain responsibilities.  Within different groups or organizations, each of those roles who have different authorizations, capabilities and tasks that fall on the shoulders of that person.  “Why would you want that?” is a question I have heard, whether said directly to me or in regards to others. 

So, you want to be a leader?  That is something that is honorable to aspire towards.  “It looks easy” and “I can do what he/she does” are common phrases I have heard.  John C. Maxwell, leadership expert and author, once wrote that when he first took a leadership role (as a pastor), he thought that he could do what he wanted to and everyone would follow along because he was the leader.  When I was studying for my MBA, I took a management course and the professor made it clear that there are leaders who have a title and leaders who do not.  That was the topic that Robin Sharma, author and leadership expert, explored in his book, “Leading Without a Title.”  Leadership is a term, whether or not you have the title, that is defined by the Oxford Dictionary (from the website Lexico) as “The action of leading a group of people or an organization.”

Can you spot a leader?  Forbes identifies 11  traits of a powerful leader (from a March 22, 2017 posting) as: Having the ability to self-manage, Act Strategically, Being an Effective Communicator, Being Accountable and Responsible, Setting and Achieving Clear Goals, Vision for the Future, Manage Complexity, Fostering Creativity/Innovation, Team Building / Teamwork, Create Lasting Relationships, Ability to Learn.  That is certainly a long list, though it is pretty inclusive of a lot of vital traits.  We all know or have worked for people who have embodied many of these traits.  We all know or have worked with people who have embodied these traits but do not have a title.  As well, we also all know or have worked for people who have the title but none (or few) of the traits.

Do you have what it takes to be a leader?  Look at the list provided by the Forbes article.  It is easy to look in the mirror and see which traits the person staring back at you has.  And be honest with yourself!  Most of the items you might fall short on are learnable through personal development (classes, seminars and books).  Some institutions provide furthering education to learn these traits.  Some are a little more esoteric, such as having a vision for the future.  Another method of learning would be through experience – not everything will be successful, but each failure will teach you something that you can apply next time to become successful.  Remember the list at the top?  Those were some of the titles that I have been labeled with during the course of my life so far.  I still subscribe to the saying that leaders are readers and that to be a leader you have to be open to learn, listen and look for opportunities that benefit all.

Rinse Cycle

I think that most of the time we forget about how awesome our country is.  If you spend time watching or listening to media, all you hear are points of negativity, failure posturing and political condemnation.  It is a rare occasion when the news covers about the beautiful landscapes and type of terrains that exist.  If you were to evaluate our country based on the media, you would potentially have a distorted view. I realize that the prism in which we view the universe in provides us with what we believe to be true, but that does not always mean that is the truth.

This past weekend, Debbie and I had a chance to visit one of the awesome treasures that we have in our country.  We had the opportunity to spend the weekend in Sedona, Arizona – a truly cool place that was grand on many levels.  As we drove through the winding mountain routes (route 89), we saw a gap between the mountains that made us go “Wow!” out loud.  After coming from the Scottsdale / Phoenix area, where these cities were full of people, buildings and noise, the relative quiet, open space and relaxing feeling while standing near the red rock formations was easily impactful on us.  In the short time we had, we explored their tourist area, went off roading on a jeep tour, ate our meals outdoors while looking out at the scenery and found spots for solitude and reflection.  By the time we left, we felt that this was a place to return for a longer period of time.

Under the hustle and bustle of life, where we spend our valuable time striving to make a difference, support our families and champion causes, we sometimes forget to stop and catch our breath.  Yes, I know that I write about this after I actually have had a chance to “press the rinse cycle” on my life, take a brief break and reset my perspective.  This time, we had a chance to view natural wonders and breathe in some fresh, untainted air.  We left our worries behind, stopped thinking about the “daily grind” and enjoyed our precious time together in a really different environment; an environment that was here long before our families arrived on these shores and one that will long outlive our generations to come.  Sometimes, we get caught up in the “BS” that assails our senses and forget that we do truly have a great nation, with awesome places to visit and natural adventures to be experienced.

…And So Ends the High Holiday Season

4 weeks and an additional 10 services across five Holidays (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah) has come to a close.  This is an extremely busy time of the year in the Jewish world: We start the New Year, repent, celebrate the crossing of the desert (after leaving Egypt) and receiving the Torah (we end and restart).  There have been days for fressen (Yiddish for eating like there is no tomorrow), fasting and festivities.  During these High Holy Days, we reflect, contemplate, ask for forgiveness and start over.  And then…they are over and life goes back to normal.

Or do they?  Or, should they?

Since I have been a child, these have been the days to see people who I have not seen throughout the year. Because Rose Hashanah and Yom Kippur are such important holidays, these are the few times a year that some people will go to services.  Believe me, no matter what you believe in, an opportunity to have a clean slate, spiritually, emotionally or physically is a HUGE draw! 

Some of my personal take-aways:

·      Saddest moment – We read about Moses and all the great things that he did.  He is the ultimate heroic figure in the Torah, with the ability to accomplish big feats, lead / create a nation that has endured and ultimately was very human.  This is the time where we relive his final days, and using the analogy from a Western, our favorite hero rides off into the sunset.

·     Meaningful moment – There is a portion of the Yom Kippur service called Neilah, where the Aron Kodesh (ark) remains open.  This is where the Torah “resides.”  We have a chance to stand in front, symbolically face Hashem whose presence (Shechinah) can be felt, to give our last appeals and pray for the future year, before he closes the ledger on our lives for the upcoming year.  It is a powerful moment.

I find it interesting that we focus our energies into this holiday, as every other religion does on their holiest, most meaningful days.  We all talk about living with each other, while history teaches of wiping out our enemies (so there can be no revenge).  We ask forgiveness for our actions, whether person-to-person, to a higher authority or in commitments we make to ourselves.  Yet, within a few weeks of self-reflection, feeling good about our decision and looking towards a better future, we fall back into our old ways.  “We are only human, Wayne,” is not an excuse.  Because it is easier?  I would sooner agree with that.  It is simple to commit to being better, but not easy to execute, as that means it takes work.  Remember, working towards something positive is worth the effort, provides a sense of accomplishment and inspires other.  As entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn states, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”  Here’s to being better.

Busy v Productivity

I have been hearing the word “busy” thrown around a lot lately.  It seems as if this word is very over used, whether I am hearing the word in general conversations, related to work, regarding personal lives, etc.  “You are so busy.”  “I am so busy that I do not have time for…”  “I like to keep busy.”  “They are really keeping me busy.”  I am sure that you can add a phrase or two to this list.  I do remember when I first started working, the term “busy work” was used.  This was not used as a positive term and signified giving somebody work so that they were occupied – a fancy phrase for shuffling paper. 

Does being busy mean that there is some type of result or output?  Or does “busy” mean the “busy work” of my past?  I decided that I should check with the dictionary and get a definition for the word “busy”.  Merriam-Webster defines “busy” as “engaged in action…full of activity.”  OK – between working fulltime, being president of a synagogue, being involved in my family, music, social life, etc., I can easily say that I fit the definition for “busy”.  Earlier in my career, I remember working with people who worked 9 to 5, knew the nightly television schedule, slept late on weekends and seemed to have no free time.  They said they were too busy for anything else.  This was while I was working fulltime, going to school at night and planning a wedding – who had time for television every night?

A number of years ago, I was introduced at work to Agile project management.  Not to go into details, but one of the methods they taught us was to set two-week goals and define the tasks that you can complete within that timeframe.  2 weeks = 80 working hours – time for meetings – time for “fire drills”.  That means that one’s productive time is probably closer to 50 hours a week.  I used to sit in the planning session and the participants would minimize the time for each task and load up the activities; in other words, they wanted to look busy.  The problem is that nothing would finish and they were not productive.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of “productive” is “Yielding results, benefits or profit.”

There is the old saying in geometry, all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.  The basic definition of a rectangle is that opposite sides are parallel, the same length and it has only right angles.  A square’s definition is the same, with the only difference that the length of all sides is the same; so, by definition all squares are rectangles.  Using the same thinking, productive people can be busy, but not all busy people are productive.  So, if I go back to my busy list – am I being productive? 

·         Fulltime Work – Am I adding value to the company I work for and my clients?

·         Synagogue President – Are there results / new initiatives generated?

·         Family – Is the time spent together meaningful (quality over quantity) and will create lasting memories?

These are the questions that we all should be asking to make sure that we all live up to the potentials that we have each been given in order to best utilize our time while walking this planet (or any future planet).  I am thinking that we should minimize our use of the word “busy” and increase the use of the word “productive”.  This way, when someone talks about their output, we know that they are filling their time meaningfully and not just shuffling paper.

Sunrise Day Camp, It’s the Best Camp!

Hi everyone!   For a little change, I am writing this week’s blog!  I hope you enjoy it! 

-Gabrielle

The Sunrise Association is the first company to have a day camp that is free of charge for kids with cancer and their siblings.  Throughout the east coast and Israel, there are currently 8 campgrounds. During the year, The Sunrise Association does Sunrise on Wheels, which is when people from Sunrise go into hospitals to hang out and play with kids who are cancer patients.  There are also fundraisers throughout the year to raise money for the association. 

The main jobs of the counselors are to make sure that the kids are safe and that they have fun. Staff members make sure that everything is wiped down and that campers always use hand sanitizer in-between and during activities. Without the amazing staff members, the camp would not be as great.  They always make sure that campers are being included and are given the opportunity to be kids.  The biggest goal of camp is for it to be camp and to give the kids the chance for a normal experience.

For the past 3 summers, I have been fortunate enough to work as the Music Specialist at Sunrise Day Camp in Pearl River. We sing, play musical games, and play on the Music Garden that has been donated to the camp.  While at camp, there are many activities to do other than music.  Campers get to play sports, go rock climbing, go boating, play minigolf, dance, go swimming, do yoga, do drama, create art, and make lanyards.  While these are normal camp activities, these campers are special and would not be able to have this opportunity.  Our camp gives children with cancer and their siblings an opportunity to attend summer camp in a safe, caring environment.

I have met so many counselors and campers who have shown me to live each day to the fullest.  You never know where life will take you, so it is important to live every day as best as you can.  Don’t take anything for granted and enjoy everyone and everything.

On October 20, I am lucky enough to be leading a team at Sunrise Walks, where “We Walk So They Can Soar”. For the past few weeks, my team members have been raising money to give to the Pearl River camp. Please find the website below for more information about the camp and everything that this amazing organization does. 

https://www.sunrise-walks.org/PR/Team/View/113113/Team-Z

New Year 5780

It is once again that time of year where we wish our friends and family a sweet New Year.  It is also that time of the year, once again, where we have the opportunity to take stock in what we have accomplished, to assess the goals that have fallen short and to think about where we need to be in the upcoming year.  Some years I find that things go as planned, other years I am off the mark.  The years where things go well, I look forward to review how I did.  The other years, I look towards the review less excited but know that to get better in the future I have to go through with it.  Either way, it is that time of year.

This past year, 5779, was one of the good years!  On the personal front, Bec has graduated from college and I am now proud of both of my working girls.  Debbie and I had a great year together, working together as a couple, being supportive best friends and enjoying facing life together.  On the professional front, I have successfully changed jobs, shifting back into the consulting world and became an authorized trainer.  On the volunteer front, I am still the president of my synagogue, where I think we made a small dent in their universe and have worked towards changing peoples’ mindset.  The year was productive! 

One thing is certain – We each need to measure our successes on our own merit, our own goals and our own lives.  We are each our own person and must remember that as we review our year, we look at it through our own eyes, through our abilities and our desires.  It is easy to fall into the trap of, “I did not do as good as so-and-so,” “How come so-and-so got X while I did not,” and “I should have done, like so-and-so.”  As we look towards the next year, we should set our sights on the things we wish to accomplish, the help we wish to provide to others and the personal growth we wish to develop. 

Choose your path wisely, set reasonable goals and be diligent in following the path in front of you.

Here’s to a Meaningful, Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 5780!

FOOD!

Eating healthy is a choice.  Let’s face it, if you watch television, even for a minimal amount of time, you are bound to catch a commercial on some yummy looking food.  Many times, when you see that food in real life, it does not look the same and does not always taste like they led you to believe.  Even those nice “tall” looking sandwiches, when they are placed in front of have the same ingredients but some how look flat and less appetizing.  It is a choice – and a few years ago, I did write about a challenge to myself, where you the readers were my accountability partner, to eat better and lose some weight.  Having spent a number of weeks travelling for work, I find eating more challenging.  At all-day meetings, they generally bring in sandwiches or pizza.  Sometimes, we get salad (I do eat that healthier option), but not always.  Last week – no salad.  At night, I had a beer, burger (on a roll) and flat bread pizzas. 

Remember when you were younger and could eat anything that was put in front of you?  As a kid, my parents, when there was no snow on the ground, always said, “why don’t you go outside and play?”  And out we went – we would shoot hoops in the backyard, play ball on either our side yard or at the high school across the street, or, zip around the neighborhood on our bikes.  We were active, so the amount of food that we ate easily turned into fuel for our bodies to consume with our activities.  Growing up, we never ate fast food, which my brothers and I still adhere to in adulthood.  It was great, I used to eat everything in sight, which led to jokes being called Hoover or Exectrolux after the vacuum cleaners.  This lasted through college.  It was great to not have to worry about what I ate.  And then I went to work full time, where I sat at a desk, went home and stopped being as active.  We all know the story and as we get older, we see the impact.  I never heard of a daddy belly or a dad bod until I started to have one.  It is still about choices.

Seems like when we go on vacation or travel for work, we make choices based on convenience or thinking that it is OK to let things go for a week.  It is easy to slide back into the bad eating habits, because let’s face it, some of those less healthy foods taste so good!  My travel eating choices, especially when I am on my own, are all on my shoulders.  Burger and a beer, pizza and a beer, beer and some wings – all tasty.  By the end of this last week, I had more than my fill of carbs and added to my waistline – I did not make healthy choices.  Though my palette was happy, my stomach was not.  My simple test is to stand tall and look downward past my belly to see what I can see.  If I see my feet, all is good.  Of course, looking in the mirror might give me a different perspective.  Eating is important and to enjoy what we eat is a bonus.  Our choices, however, are ours to make.

We Have A Substitute Teacher!

I am sure that we all have stories about our elementary and middle school substitute teachers.  Come on – you remember…right?  You would walk into the classroom and for whatever reason, your regular teacher was absent.  Everyone would sit in a different seat, spitballs would be flying through the air and that wad of wet toilet paper would find its way to attach to the chalkboard (yes, my time was way before smart boards).  I remember we referred to a teacher as Mrs. Head, because we thought her head was rather large.  Of course, while trick or treating later that year, we found out that she lived across the street from one of our friends and was a really nice lady…we instantly felt bad about what we had done.  Most of the time, word did get back to our teachers and to our parents.  Now that my daughter is a teacher, last year she had to handle a class that acted that way when she was absent.

Looking back as an adult, we were just out to have a little fun and take advantage of the situation.  In hindsight, we were wrong and being mean spirited to someone that was doing their job and helping us.  As kids, we should know better, but have not fully learned restraint.  Hiding behind the old adage, “when the cats are away the mice will play” is not an excuse.  Unfortunately, there are times where we are in situations where adults act similarly.  With children, you can give them an extra assignment, have them write an essay on how to treat people or give them detention.  But, what can one do to adults, where an assignment, essay or detention can not be administered?  I spent the last two weeks in meeting with adults and when breaktime was over, they went back to their seats and were fully engaged.  I teach adults and do not have an issue.  But in both cases, while I was an unknown person, I was not treated like a substitute.

OK, I get it.  One of the emotions that we continue to have is being excited.  This gets us charged up, an opportunity to push boundaries (whether consciously or not) and show passion.  There is an old adage – he who controls the agenda, controls the meeting.  Looking back over the many years, most of our substitute teachers did not walk into the classroom and take control.  Do not get me wrong, there were some substitute teachers that were able to walk in and control the classrooms; those were the ones you were always happy to have and looked forward to seeing.  I never apologized to Mrs. Head or the others that our classes took advantage of.  As an adult, I hope that I would act better today, put myself in her shoes and realize what it takes to step in.  After all, at 56, I would hope that I would know better.

Where Were You?

“I remember where I was…” was a comment my mother made.  The reference, for her, was where she was when President Kennedy was shot.  We were living at the time in an apartment in Fort Lee, NJ.  She said that it was surreal because when it was announced, everyone went out into the courtyard, feeling kind of lost but looking for other people to be around, whether they knew them or not.  This was a story that I heard a number of times growing up, generally around the end of November near the anniversary of the shooting of our 35^th President.  I still remember her saying that and never really understood it.

On September 11, 2001, two planes brought down both of the World Trade Center towers.  I remember when I heard about it.  I was at a client in Bristol, Virginia, walking through the lunch room and heading into a meeting.  There was a small television where they were just announcing the breaking news that a plane just hit the Trade Center.  At the time, I was thinking that this happened before when a plane hit the Empire State Building in 1945.  A short time later, someone came into the meeting to tell us that the second tower was hit and the Towers collapsed.  I immediately called home and my family was safe.  My brother was working downtown in one of the nearby Trade Center Buildings.  I called his cell phone – there was no answer.  I immediately called Debbie, who could not contact him either, as the phones were out.  There was no way of knowing if he was safe or not.  My wife called a short time later and told me she spoke to his girlfriend.  My brother was in Delaware playing golf with some clients.  I cannot tell you how relieved I was.

We were lucky.  We all know people that were not so lucky and lost a loved one, knew someone that was lucky to not be in the building at the time or were involved in the cleanup.  The greater New York area was greatly impacted.  All plane travel was cancelled.  If I was not already at a hotel, I would not have been able to get room, as everyone was frantically driving north to get home.  I drove home a few days later and came home to people that were afraid to travel, go to New York and cross bridges.  A few days later, I needed to be in Atlanta for a meeting.  The airports had re-opened, were empty and crawling with military personnel for protection.  Debbie was not happy that I had to travel, but it was safe and easy.  That flight was the last time I would be able to check-in at the gate.  The world had changed, air travel would never be the same and an attack on US soil became real.  Last week was the 9/11 anniversary and we still share where we were and what we were doing.  I now understood why my mother always told her story of where she was.

Procrastination as a Strategy

I procrastinated!  My father was great at pointing out when I procrastinated while growing up.  I am sure there were other adjectives used, but that is the one that always stuck out.  “But I was…” would be the start to my usual response.  “Wayne,” he would start, “I do not want hear any excuses…” Stubbornly, I would repeat this pattern (I did not like being told what I can and cannot do).  While my afternoons were spent watching classics, like Bugs Bunny and the Three Stooges, I probably would have been better served reading the classics instead of watching the “classics.”  While I was sitting there laughing, absolutely nothing was happening, leading to procrastinating on homework, etc.  Reading for school – nah, that never happened.  My dad even got called in for a conference due to late or no book reports being handed in (fourth grade).  Needless to say, he was not happy.

That was then, this is now.  Truth be told, as we got older, life get busier.  Marriage, children, and homes are all great things that occur in our lives that should be celebrated and enjoyed in their own right.  These activities easily fill our time and keep us busy.  We become busy doing this, busy doing that, busy running here and busy running there.   This causes us to have difficulty in accomplishing things.  At the end of the day, we are tired and sometimes wonder what we accomplished.  I remember many of these days – long fun days with my family, good quality time, but little accomplished.  The busier we are, the more we tend to procrastinate due to time constraint…or so we lead ourselves to believe.  Truth is, being busy does not equal being productive.  It took me years to realize this.  I am no longer that child watching the “classics” but now the adult and can no longer make excuses for my procrastination and blame my time loss on others.

OK, now that I have patted myself on the back and complimented my emergence as an adult, that does not mean procrastination has disappeared.  If I sit here and prioritize my tasks, I know what I can do and what has to be held off.  Many time times, I will delay addressing something that I really do not want to do (that would be procrastinating).  I know I am doing this up front and can communicate what I am doing.   Then there are times where an “event” occurs and the choice is to do a knee jerk reaction.  Under the emotional stress and strain of situation, people react instead of thinking level-headed.  In this case, procrastination is a strategy.  By dragging my heels, the situation can calm down and clear-headed decisions can be made.  While I am still a big Three Stooges fan, watching them are no longer a priority, however, they are still a pleasant distraction when I need something to help me procrastinate.

The Emperor has New Clothes?

We are all familiar with the saying, “Clothes Makes the man.”  There was a point in my life where I did my best to prove this wrong - I dressed like a slob and really did not care about how I looked.  I really believed that appearances did not matter and that it was the person behind the façade that counted.  I think that the nadir of this thought hit me when I was coming home from college senior year wearing a crumpled dashiki, had longish unkempt hair and wore ripped jeans.  It was OK that I was wearing them as long as no one saw me, but where I faltered was in deciding to visit my dad who was the General Manager of a spice and seasoning plant at his place of business while in this dress.  I often stopped on the way home but never looking like this.  Aghast, my dad pulled me into his office, let me know how he felt, then booted me out of the place.

His reason?  I was an embarrassment to him and as his son, my look was a poor reflection on him.  “But how I look should not matter…”  No matter what argument I could have mounted, he was right and I was wrong.  And while in many ways I still feel the same, the truth is our first impressions are done visually, before we even open our mouth.  Fast forward many years and I am consulting in a manufacturing plant, where jeans and tee shirts were the norm.  I wore a collared shirt and slacks every day – I wanted to give off a professional appearance, especially since I was hired as “the professional.”  Fast forward to the current day where I have opportunities to work from home.  I will still wear a collared shirt and long pants, sometimes slacks, sometimes jeans, but never shorts.  No one will see me, but I have come to feel that while I am “on the clock”, I need to be in the proper apparel to achieve the right mindset.  Dressing appropriately not only helps on a first appearance but how I feel about myself.

Do not get me wrong, I am still a jeans and tee shirt person; it is just that I have learned the time and place for when and how to dress.  The accompanying picture is from a recent wedding.  I find that on occasion, it is nice for us to “dress up” and look good.  Even at 56, dressing up like this makes me feel like an adult!  So, do clothes make the man?  In doing a little research, it ends up that this phase, or derivations, has been around since the time of Homer.  The version most well-known comes from Mark Twain, where the full quote is, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”  I think that I will stick with the clothes and continue to work towards presenting a better, complete package.

Be The Example

I have finally done it!  Or, to put it better, I have finally done it and realized it as I woke up this morning.  Two weeks ago, I posted my 300^th blog (242^nd on LinkedIn).  The moment passed like any other moment, under the usual process and without fanfare.  How did I notice?  About a month or two ago, I noticed that I was getting close, but was more focused on the writing than the number itself.  However, a milestone is a milestone, no matter if it is accompanied with a brass band (or in my case a jam band) or tumbleweed rolling across the quiet plains.  As a weekly article, there are times where I think about throwing in the towel, but am always happy that I kept going.

Like anything we do, we have a choice to either dip our big toe into the water to test the temperature or dive in head first.  When we dip our toe in, we are hedging against ourselves prepared for the easy out if “all the conditions” do not meet our needs.  When we dive in, we are truly committed to the action and there is no other option but to move forward.  Life is filled with these choices – sometimes on a frequent basis and other times not so frequently.  We are all guilty of this. 

About 10 years ago, while looking for a way to bring in some additional money, I entered the world of Network Marketing, also known as Multi-level Marketing.  The concept interested me in that you were an independent business owner (entrepreneur) within a business.  Taking a dip or diving in?  This was a dip; I learned that “selling”, no matter what the label it was given, was not my forte and I was not willing to put my body and soul into this venture.  This was a good lesson and I did learn the importance of personal ongoing development.

Playing music is another great example.  I started with the accordion when I was nine years old.  Almost 48 years later, I might only occasionally pull out the accordion, but in that time learned the saxophone, clarinet, guitar, banjo and currently play the keyboards in two bands.  There are many people who I know and meet that tell me that they wished they still played.  For them, it was a dip, but for me and the people I play with, it was a dive.  I learned that if you enjoy something, it is far easier to keep doing it. 

Like with the previous idea, the same with reading, exercising and food choices.  The key is to be able to define what success means so that one’s goals are attainable, realistic and meaningful.  As the famous Yoda quote goes, “Do or do not, there is no try.”  After over 300 articles spanning 6 years, I guess I can say this was more than just sticking my toe in the water.  Even if this does not dent the universe, cause any great ripple in society or provide unusual pronouncements, this is something that I can point to that says if you put your mind to it, you can do it.  Sometimes being that example might provide someone else the inspiration to do, instead of to try.