Staying Healthy

The COVID 19 has become part of our vocabulary same as the Freshman 15.  Early on, when it did not seem that we would be quarantining for months on end, we all indulged in sweets, “nosh” and a couple of extra drinks.  After a few months, reality hit that we might not be “returning to normal” all that quickly.  There were shortages of some foods, gym closings and recreational activities severely restricted; The meant that we lost some of the outlets needed to burn off our indulgences.  Streaming services helped to provide entertainment while we sat at home – whoever thought we would reach the day that “trending” reports would include the most popular streaming shows?  While I am still way below that number 19, it was hard not to be caught up in this in some way, shape or form.

For me, lock down meant no commuting to New York City (which included walking), no flying for work or being in front of other people which included no more band practices.  Seems like some new-fangled math: Almost no reading (mental health) + increased Zoom drinking (hello beer belly) + limiting exercises (physical health) = COVID weight gain.  After about three months, it began to dawn on me that things were not moving in the right directions.  Books with titles like “The Slight Edge” and the “Compound Effect” started coming to mind.  The fact that I had taken on slightly less positive habits, the small increment did not seem noticeable, but in a short time, I began to see and feel the difference. 

OK, so I was never one to be confused with a Charles Atlas inspired body nor one who was a participant in sports activities.  However, back in 2016, I wrote a series of blogs where I challenged myself to improve my body, including taking some exposing pictures of myself to lay bare where I started and where I ended up.  Over the year I lost 14 pounds and trimmed my belly back to a thinner waist.  To achieve that goal, I had to be diligent on what I ate, how I exercised, etc.  I did not follow any gimmicks, just changed the way I was living with positive benefits.  Like the old slapstick routine where the comedian does not see the banana peel in front of him, I slipped.  Once my “tuchus” hit the ground, it was time to stand up, re-evaluate what I did (blame is my own), and readjust my life.  This meant better eating habits (aka, drink less beer), exercise in the form of stretching, simple yoga and other (good for the body), adding in meditation (mental health / mindfulness), and reading (mental health / personal development).

Though I doubt I will get down to the weight I was at the end of 2016, while quarantined at home, I do feel better now that I am focused on being healthier as opposed to waiting the pandemic out.  While it is still fun to indulge, moderation and mindfulness of actions still have to be forefront and centered.  What have you done to maintain a healthy perspective and body these few months?

Lights of Hope

We just finished up celebrating Hanukkah, also referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Naturally, the celebration includes fried foods, such as latkes (potato pancakes) and donuts.  As kids, we were always excited for receiving gifts for each of the eight nights, though that was not always the case.  Our parents did their best, so some nights included: a shiny new penny, chocolate gelt, or a fresh, crisp new one-dollar bill.  Some years it was “big” gift to share between the three of us, which included air hockey one year and a foosball table another.  Though we have never given the girls a shiny, new penny, clothing always works.  Actually, the one who is most excited when opening the gifts is Lucy Lou – when it is her turn, her tail starts wagging and she helps open up her present.

While presents are the fun part of the holiday, there is another cause for celebrating the holiday that is meant to inspire.  The holiday represents the hope and courage of a small band of people, considered rebels, fighting against a giant force who managed to hold their ground.  The story of the Maccabees tells of a group of people protecting their homes from the significantly larger forces of the Seleucid Empire’s Army under the rule of Antiochus for many years.  They were a group of people, steeped in their vision for independence and staunch defenders of their value system over the preceding years Hellenistic influences.  The ability to win their battles provided the Maccabees to gain 100+ years of independence due to their commitment to not give up.

With this story of inspiration, what can be garnered at this time of to give us the feeling of hope? To keep fighting and to not give up. Vaccines are being made and distributed. Even though we are months away from the general population receiving the vaccines, the hope is still there. Wearing masks, washing hands and staying quarantined help in this battle. Although the numbers may be rising, our hope and fight should do the same. We can draw inspiration from the story as we fight through to the end of the year with the hope for a better 2021. Each of us just need to do our part in fighting the pandemic.

One Eye Looking Forward and One Eye Looking Backward

We were recently watching a series on television where the father had a clear view of the world and how it should be, how we should behave and the paths we should all take.  His adult son also had a clear view of the world and how it should be, how we should behave and the paths we should all take.  From each one’s point of view, they were both correct, yet there was no way that their individual views would ever come into alignment.  I know, you are thinking that I am not making sense – based on the way I described their points of view, they both share the same beliefs…or do they?

When I was growing up, there was the term “Generation Gap” that became a catch all for the differences between generations.  The generation (this was before they were given fancy names) that grew up in the fifties had parents who lived through World War II and were fairly strict and brought their life experiences to the rearing of children.  Those children came from “traditional” homes, where the father worked, the mother tended the house…sort of like living in the world of “Leave it to Beaver.”  Then came the second half of the Sixties, we were in a war no one wanted to be in, youth was experimenting with expanding their minds and new ideas were taking place…the world had changed (a la “Who Moved My Cheese”) and that older generation did not see the newer world.

That time period is an easy example, as the extremes of ideas easily exemplifies two worlds / thoughts colliding.  However, new ideas clashing with old principles and the perception of rebellion have existed long before this humble author stepped foot in this world and will continue past my last breath.  If you merely sit in a group of people and there is a wide range of ages included, you can also see this type of gap, though the differentials might be more subtle.  There is the thought that our perception of reality is filtered through the prism of our experiences.  For those that have lived longer lives, that prism can have many layers of filtering; while those that have lived shorter lives, see things without those filters and can have more hope and expectations towards what tomorrow may bring.  For both, the perception of reality is seen through their eyes…both are correct, from their points of view, and they could perceive each other to be wrong.  For the ones whose eyes are not clouded by past experiences, it is important to explain what potentials exist ahead.  For those that have had the experiences, it is important to share the potential pitfalls and observations gathered.  Once that agreement is in place, instead of being like Janus and only seeing either forward or backward, we can look in one direction, leveraging our accumulated knowledge while forging new paths into the future.

The COVID Effect

I have been personally affected by COVID.  That’s affected, not infected.  I am pretty sure that we have reached the point where most of us know someone who has contracted the disease, but most assuredly, we all have been or seen the impact.  This pandemic has impacted the way we think, the way we shop, the way we communicate and the way we interact with each other.  We can readily see the changes to the world of education, the job market and the rising failures of long-standing businesses.  We have even seen the impact (at least partially) on the outcome of the most recent presidential election.

If we take a step back a bit, maybe some of these changes were already underway and the current condition just sped things along.  Let’s face it; Amazon has been around and changed the way we shop prior to all of this.  Businesses that were not able to adapt were struggling beforehand, even if we did not quite realize it.  Living in a town with a large number of malls, store closings and bankruptcies started prior to this year.  How about communications?  I remember being on a video conference call 25 years ago and was amazed at the technology which was extremely expensive at the time.  10 years ago, I tried my hand at Network Marketing for a company whose major product was the video phone at a time when Facetime was making its move.  Prior to January, there were plenty of options for “seeing” the person that you were talking to.

The areas where there was real change was not being face-to-face.  I helped out recently at an annual Turkey Drive to collect food for a local food pantry through our synagogue.  It was great to see congregants and generous people, especially in a time of self-confinement, still drop off a significant amount of food.  Yes, times have gotten tougher for some people (COVID effect).  While it was great to see participants, I later realized that I had the chance to SEE different people…and it was not a face taking up a tiny square.  Whether you like people or not, human interaction is still a big part of our human experience, and that is one of things that we will remember long after our new normal is established.  That is the one thing that technology cannot change.

Change is always inevitable, sometimes moving at a snail’s pace, other times more rapidly.  Chances are, this “event” will be studied for years and we will continue to point back to the impact made.  While we still try to grasp the longer-range impact that the pandemic has on our lives, we still need to keep our heads high, wear a brave face, keep our wits about us and remember to be safe.  This is not the first time we have faced a pandemic, nor will it be the last.  It is simple - Wear your masks and keep a social distance.  We might sacrifice in the near term, but it is worth the benefits of staying healthy in the long term. 

The Blame Game

Even though the elections are over, fingers are still being pointed about the final outcome.  And so, the Blame Game has begun.  We are in the midst of learning who is to blame for the outcome of the election, who we can blame for the process and, most importantly, start preparing for whom we can blame going forward.  As someone that looks for lessons and likes to share that knowledge, good leaders are often the examples to follow – I am not so sure that what I am seeing are examples of good leadership.  For me, a good leader takes ownership of their actions, will “take the blame for failures” while passing on the successes to the appropriate team member, work as part of a team towards a common goal and understands the needs of the people they are leading.  Which brings me to the current election cycle…

To start with, let’s look at the current blame being thrown around (closely aligned with its partner in crime – excuses).  The big glaring blame is losing an election due to mail fraud, which has now turned into the excuse for losing.  Yes, I am certain there is some element of this, but without substantial proof this is passing the blame on, without reflecting on the portrayal of oneself.  Then there is the blame of “We lost because of a group’s position within our party.”  Really?  This makes people wonder what they were doing during the campaign process and how they did not realize they were not connecting with their potential constituents. Goes back to fact that a leader needs to listen, which many candidates did not.  And of course, the classic, “It’s not my fault.” Aside from campaigning, it is safe to say that votes are won by candidates based on how we perceive the person running for office, not necessarily their policies and platforms. For those that are undecided and see a candidate acting unprofessional and being a jerk towards others, will vote against you, regardless of your position on important matters.

The bad thing is that there is already pointing the blame for things that have not happened yet, but instead planning for future failure.  To me this is odd because this is planning for failure, already lining up whom to blame and the excuses you will give.  By already planning these out, they can easily pull the “I told you so.”  Folks, I have to be honest – these are the people we elected to lead…if they are planning for failure, why did we select them?  In any leader, I would prefer seeing them say this is what I stand for (the reason we should be electing people, not by looks or demeanor), doing their best and then we all can evaluate the job.  They fail, because they failed and not because other circumstances made it impossible to stand up for themselves.  I do not want to hear, “We did not have enough people” means they did not try working together (aka, never learned to play together in the sand box).  “I did this for you and now you MUST do this for me” is also pathetic.  Elections are won (or lost) by the majority and everyone should feel they helped, not a mindset of entitlement based on “my group pushed you over the line,” which is extremely difficult to validate.  As Abraham Lincoln so aptly stated, our government is a “Government of the people, by the people, for the people…”  I think many elected officials forget that and are more concerned about partisan politics instead of what is best for the people that put them in those positions.

Playing the Blame Game means that we do not have to take a step back to really take a look at the bigger picture.  If you pass enough blame around, throw in a heavy dosage of excuses, you might reach the point where everyone feels sorry for you, or depending on how you are playing the game, you might come off as the “boy that cried wolf.”  Bob Dylan, in the song “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” stated so well, when he sang “…even the president of the United States Sometimes must have to stand naked.”  At the end of a day when playing the Blame Game, we still have only ourselves left to stand bare to the truths, whether we are the president or not.  Those that still decry, “I won, it was stolen,” or “…at least we have the gavel…” have to be able to live with themselves.  As far as I am concerned, not only those playing the Blame Game lose, unfortunately, we the spectators do not always win.

Caveat emptor, it is now your turn to spin the wheel on The Blame Game.

I Got This!

“I got this!”  How many times have we heard this?  How many times have we said this?  There are two outcomes – you got this, own whatever you got and complete whatever it is.  Or, you do not got it, never took ownership and dropped the ball.  In the first case, you take the required action based on your commitment.  This brings up my favorite definition of commitment – Doing the things that you said you would do long after the moment you said it has passed.  In the second case, all you did was provide lip service, whether to make yourself feel good or to answer the way you think your audience wants to hear it.  Which brings up the question, how many times have you heard these words and knew enough up front that they were just words? 

Raising your hand and agreeing to do something = ownership, accountability and responsibility.  These can be scary words as it puts the pressure on us, causes people to keep an eye on our actions and requires us to take action.  Commitment has a cost, as it locks you into following through, answer to your actions and complete what you set out to do.  Sometimes we are assigned things to do, sometimes we volunteer and sometimes things just land in our laps.  Obviously, we are more apt to gravitate to the tasks or roles that we volunteer for, as it aligns with our passions, provides interest and piques our curiosity.  In all cases, once it falls in our lap, it is ours until someone else picks up the mantle and “runs with it.”

When we do not follow through with our commitments, we let down not only ourselves, but others around us.  We need to realize that working in a group, or team environment, each person relies on each other for a mutual goal.  Like a giant game of Jenga, there are pieces that will not have an impact and others that can topple the entire structure.  The complexity is increased when all of the components seem the same and there appears to be little differentiation.  I understand, as there was a point in my life (a long time ago) where I found it easier to make a loose fist, stick out my index finger, point it and magically plant the blame on someone else.  This made life seem easier.  Why? Because if it is someone else’s fault, then the pressure is off you and you feel that you can walk away unscathed.  In reality, you did not fool anyone, as the mess created by the lack of ownership still has to be addressed and now falls into someone else’s lap.

We are all familiar with the plaque that sat on the desk of President Truman’s famous words, “The buck stops here.”  Good words for anyone in a leadership position, as these words apply whether in our home life, work life or other aspect, the buck always should stop with us.  When you are the person at the top, there is nobody to blame, no excuses, but to own the things that we commit to. 

A Birthday Adventure

 “Since there is no Spanish equivalent for Wayne, we’ll call you Ber-nar-do,” my 7^th grade Spanish teacher informed me. 

“Can you use my Hebrew name?” I timidly asked.  “It is Zev, which means wolf.”

“Yes.  We can call you Lobo.”

Over time, Lobo became the more familiar Lobes, which some people still call me to this day.  Oh, in case you were wondering my full Hebrew name is Zev (Wolf) Baruch (Blessed).

Why do I bring this up now?

This past weekend, we celebrated my birthday.  The one activity planned would be an appropriate CDC compliant, socially distanced, masked event.  Debbie and the girls planned a trip to the Lakota Wolf Preserve in Columbus, NJ, located near the Delaware Water Gap.  This was a place that we had talked about going to a number of years ago, but never made it.  Finally, after many years, we were going.  We woke up Sunday morning, I put on a black tee shirt with a wolf’s face on the front and was ready for the adventure ahead.  Rain or no rain, we were going!

As we drove towards the Preserve, we took note that this area of New Jersey has some hills and lots of tree growth, so much so that that we commented how we no longer felt like we were still in the same state.  When we got there, we waited patiently for the shuttle to brings us through the woods to the site.  Bouncing up the “hill”, we rounded the last corner to see the large fenced in area.  With excitement, the four of us walked up towards the fence, waiting to see if we could spot a wolf.  We were extremely excited when we saw a wolf laying down in the distance!  Images of a large wolf danced in my head, like the wolves of folk legend, most of us have come to know wolves from the stories we read or the movies we saw.  Finally, one wolf came up to the fence – the small group we were part of were all pointing their fingers, oohing and ah-ing at seeing this wild creature in front of us…and then it lifted its hind leg, as if to say “Back up, you’re close enough.”  OK, some of the mystic faded as this male wolf did what was natural to him.

Finally, the time came where we went into the fenced area, led by the owner, who provided some great information about the wolves on his preserve, maintaining the population, legal requirements (permits, inspections) and his clear love for his “children.”  We had the chance to see wolves in their natural habitat.  And then came the awesome moment, where off in the distance, his wife called out to the wolves and they all began to howl.  Then the owner was off to feed the wolves and maintain the area.  Our next stop was to a side area where his wife (who also was our shuttle driver) taught us about Bobcats and Lynx (I did not know they were from the area) and a little about foxes from inside their enclosed areas. 

This was truly a great experience.  We often take for granted the larger world we live in and the creature that we live alongside.  While we are currently at the top of the food chain, we should take the time to appreciate all that inhabit the earth, learn about them to debunk falsehoods and understand what their roles in our global ecosystem means.  Bec has been pressing me for my favorite animal.  My answer has been, “My favorite pet is a dog,” to which she immediately counters, “that does not answer the question.”  I guess the answer might be wolves…after all, I was given the name Zev Baruch…