Lights of Hope

We just finished up celebrating Hanukkah, also referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Naturally, the celebration includes fried foods, such as latkes (potato pancakes) and donuts.  As kids, we were always excited for receiving gifts for each of the eight nights, though that was not always the case.  Our parents did their best, so some nights included: a shiny new penny, chocolate gelt, or a fresh, crisp new one-dollar bill.  Some years it was “big” gift to share between the three of us, which included air hockey one year and a foosball table another.  Though we have never given the girls a shiny, new penny, clothing always works.  Actually, the one who is most excited when opening the gifts is Lucy Lou – when it is her turn, her tail starts wagging and she helps open up her present.

While presents are the fun part of the holiday, there is another cause for celebrating the holiday that is meant to inspire.  The holiday represents the hope and courage of a small band of people, considered rebels, fighting against a giant force who managed to hold their ground.  The story of the Maccabees tells of a group of people protecting their homes from the significantly larger forces of the Seleucid Empire’s Army under the rule of Antiochus for many years.  They were a group of people, steeped in their vision for independence and staunch defenders of their value system over the preceding years Hellenistic influences.  The ability to win their battles provided the Maccabees to gain 100+ years of independence due to their commitment to not give up.

With this story of inspiration, what can be garnered at this time of to give us the feeling of hope? To keep fighting and to not give up. Vaccines are being made and distributed. Even though we are months away from the general population receiving the vaccines, the hope is still there. Wearing masks, washing hands and staying quarantined help in this battle. Although the numbers may be rising, our hope and fight should do the same. We can draw inspiration from the story as we fight through to the end of the year with the hope for a better 2021. Each of us just need to do our part in fighting the pandemic.

The Year of the Plague

דם (Blood), צפרדע (Frogs)…as we were reciting the 10 plagues that Hashem brought upon the land of ancient Egypt during the Passover Seder, it was hard not to relate the words in the Haggadah to the pandemic that has hit 180+ countries.  As we read the words together, I looked up at the Dining Room table where I was seated with Debbie, Gab and Bec.  Last year, as in prior years, we filled the Living Room with the large gathering we have become used to for our first Seder night.  In a matter of a month, the way we handle our day to day activities, gather and communicate has significantly changed.  I never thought we would see the day where reaching out to greet a friend (hand shake, hug) would be shunned because of the potential hazardous impact.  What was once a friendly welcoming gesture is now considered inconsiderate and spurned.

About 24 years ago, my mother was dying of a different potentially deadly affliction – cancer.  I remember going to visit her in the hospital after one of her chemo treatments, where the nurses greeted us at the door and made sure that we put on hospital gowns over our clothes, covered our heads and wore gloves and a mask.  In this case, it was not to protect us, but to protect my mother, as her immune system had taken a temporary hit due to her treatment.  It was not comfortable, nor pleasant, but to visit and spend time together, we all knew what we had to do.  That year, Mom did make it to the Seder, propped up on a couch where she could hear us but was too weak to participate.  That was her last Passover.

We are once again required to wear a mask and gloves, but this time when going out to shop.  We are all practicing social distancing and found new ways to sit around the table to “visit” with out friends and families.  This means that the four of us sat at the festively decorated Dining Room table, with a place for Elijah and my laptop where family and friends joined so that we could all have a Seder together.  With a couple of tweaks, some deletions and a few additions, we were still able to have a fun, fulfilling Seder.  Our Zoom Seder still had group singing, parts for everyone to participate and some goofiness.  This included attempting to pass things between windows (it was magical) and the usual props appearing, just in a newer format.  I guess the lesson here is that we can still persevere, no matter the conditions, to get together and celebrate together. 

Like our ancestors, we will live through this plague to see another day.  We say at the end of each Seder, “Next year in Jerusalem,” this year I added, “Next year we will all be together to celebrate.”  

Annual Give Back Night

How often can you say that you helped others, provided awareness for a good a cause and raised money all at the same time?  While we know that ’tis the season for giving, it is important to remember those who are less fortunate, especially those in a situation not of their own doing. 

Saturday night was the Annual Zeiler Family Give Back Night.  This was our opportunity to help provide awareness for the Center for Hope and Safety, which “…is dedicated to assisting victims, and their children, of domestic violence by turning fear into safety, helplessness into strength, and isolation into hope.”

We met at one of the local malls (there is no shortage of them in Paramus) for our two-hour session.  Our job for the session was to help wrap gifts.  All of the supplies were donated for us to use.  It is right before the holidays and even in the age of cyber buying, the mall still had a good flow of people buying gifts for their loved ones.  For the shoppers, we were there to help them with the holiday task of gift wrapping.  There were siblings shopping for their parents, parents shopping for their children and friends shopping for friends.  Gab helped a little boy who was so excited that he picked out his own gifts to wrap. 

Once we replaced the previous group and were ready to go, there is always that initial moment of whether or not people will come by to have their gifts wrapped.  And come they did.  With their toys, clothes and other gifts. Our services to them were free.  I was excited by the generosity of the season which led most people to make a donation to the Center for Hope and Safety.  That generosity will go directly to help support this important organization to help others in need.

There are many ways to help those in need and many great organizations to support.  Most people are caught up in their lives, working towards making ends meet, and providing a roof over their family’s head.  While it is always great to celebrate (whatever the reason), it is important to remember that there are those who wish to have cause to celebrate, but cannot.  Whatever you do this season, keep in mind those less fortunate, and remember to keep them in your thoughts and prayers, so that they too can hope for a better future.

Holiday Prep

“Deck the halls…”

It is once again that time of the year.  I am not sure why, but this is the time of year we are supposed to be jolly, put on a happy face, and celebrate.  For 11 months, we work hard for this time of year.  Everyone goes on vacation, runs to various parties and wear those crazy sweaters.  Black Friday, Cyber Monday and other selling catch phrases invented for this time of year have the mothballs dusted off of them and are paraded in front of the masses hungry with excitement for this time of year.

I look at my calendar and my time is pretty full for the rest of this year.  Work still has to be done, the synagogue where I am president still has activities and meetings, food still has to be put on the table…you get the picture.  Believe me, I get the enjoyment of holidays, days off and extra family time – those days are listed on the calendar as well as everything else.  From my point of view, I would rather maintain that happy spirit throughout the year instead of saving for a single month.

“…gonna find out if your naughty or nice…”

Pretend it is January 1^st and the entire year lies before you.  You close your eyes, take a deep breath and let your mind drift off into the year ahead.  The images begin to come to you in a flash – you see the things that you want to accomplish, you have a vague understanding of how you are going to get there, and then you open your eyes.  I am pretty sure that at this point, you know if you will be naughty or nice.  15 or 20 days before a jolly being descends with a bag of gifts, the ledgers of life have already recorded you a naughty or nice quotient for the year.

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”                                                          

I am 57 and believe it or not, I do not look forward to having inches of snow dumped on me in December or any other time of the month.  Many years ago, we had the fortunate of taking a family trip to Australia.  We landed in Brisbane on Boxer Day – it was 110 degrees, the thought of dressing up in a beard and a heavy red winter outfit was far from the minds where we landed.  The person that wrote the classic song, White Christmas (Irving Berlin), definitely lived in the northern hemisphere.  I realize that the image of Santa Claus as a large, jolly person coming to every house from the North Pole wearing heavy winter red has become global.   While flying over the equator I hope he has a good A/C onboard his sled.

OK, so there are plenty of contradictions when it comes to the Holiday season.  And, yes, it is fun to have various celebrations for various reasons.  Of course, everyone is nice (it would be even better if this was year-round).  I plan to enjoy the holidays as much as the next person.  Be safe, be smart in your decision, remember that the world does not stop at this time of year (as some might think) and enjoy.  “Christmas comes but once a year,” sang the great B.B. King.  As he continues later in the song, “Let the good times roll.”  Enjoy your Holidays, however you celebrate!

Gratitude Edition

Thanksgiving.  A time to be thankful.  A time to show gratitude.  A time of festive indulgence.  This is the one time of the year when we are supposed to get together, enjoy a hearty meal, watch football and get that head start on holiday shopping.  This is a national day where we are supposed to be thankful and show off our attitude of gratitude; even to the point where you might go around the dining room table broadcasting to the world what you are thankful for.

As a kid, I remember learning about the Pilgrims during this time of year. They strode forth for religious reasons, braved their way across the immensely large body of water known as the Atlantic Ocean, and lived in an unknown world inhabited by unknown people.  This hazardous journey was made by a people with conviction, commitment and cooperation who forged together for a common goal.  The celebratory meal, which is represented as our Thanksgiving meal, gives celebration to man’s endeavors to survive at all costs and ultimately to populating and becoming the great nation we live in.  I remember making buckles for our shoes, little hats for our heads and drawing hand-outlined turkeys.  It was a rich opportunity to relive a critical time in our history.

Thanksgiving is the midpoint and the evening where frantic shoppers hit the stores in search of good deals so that they can get a huge jump on their holiday gift gathering.  We all know in advance who will be having the sales and the hours stores will be open for.  In an age where online shopping is becoming the preferred way to shop, Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful that the stores and malls still exist, because that is where the deals are!  Hate to eat and run…oh, and make sure the alarm is set extra early to continue the frantic search for that special item Friday morning!

Sorry, I am not shopping.  I look forward to waking up Friday morning without setting the alarm.  Spend a little time thinking about how special the day is, what it represents and how a small band of people came to this country, a country that represents the ideals of freedom, to make a new life for themselves.  Then I will be thankful for being blessed to have my family, to spend time together, to relax and to enjoy their company.  While we should not need one day set aside to be grateful (we should be grateful every day), we should not squander that opportunity.  And then off to my brothers for the annual, the traditional Thanksgiving meal, some seasonal beverages and being thankful for the day.

Passover Thoughts

“Mah Nishtana halilah ha-zeh? (מה נשתנה הלילה הזה)” is the opening to one of the first things we recite at Passover.  This is the phrase that asks the question, “Why is this night different” and sets out the tone and reason for celebrating the Passover Seder.  This is generally recited by the youngest person in the room, as it is the children that should ask the questions and the adults that recount the story towards becoming the Jewish People.  I remember those many long years ago when it was my turn to recite the questions and my father working with me to help me memorize the words and melody.  This is a tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation.  Even this year, as the “Mah Nishtana” came up, my nephew declared himself the youngest and went right into it.  As we age, these words seem to take on different meanings and each year, new family memories are made.

Even now, as an adult, I have great memories of Passover Seders long gone.  This year, my first cousin spent Passover with my father in Florida.  I remember being at my Grandfathers house with her and her brothers and the entire Zeiler clan (classic family patriarch running the Seder), and sitting at the end of the table being goofy, imitating our favorite cartoon characters and laughing.  Sometimes, my brothers and I would pull together some schtick.  I remember singing “Do You Love Me?” from Fiddler on the Roof, where I was singing the Goldie part and my brother did Tevye.  Then there was the time at my other grandparent’s house, in front of the entire family we did the Cheech and Chong routine “Cheborneck.”  This classic bit, if you have not heard before, is worth a listen.  By the time we finished, the elderly folk at the table had to pick their jaws up from the table.  We always finished the Haggadah (the book used during the Seder), but always managed to have lots of fun.

This year, when I looked up at our Seder (which I lead), as always, it is great to have new people experience our version of this tradition.  Done correctly, it is an event to remember and any first timers to a Seder, will never experience it again.  This year, most importantly, after a hectic year, with everyone in our family seemingly running all over the place, my traveling to Michigan and prepping for the holiday, it was great to have our family all in one room.  We prepared for the holiday as a family, we each add our own goofiness to the Seder and, best thing of all, we do it together as a family.  I know I have reflected on this in the past, but it is true that family time all together like this starts to be less frequent as the girls grow up.  I know, it is inevitable that they will “grow up”, move out and one day have their own families.  NO RUSH!  As long, as we continue to get together as a family for events like this, all is good.  This is where the memories that we carry with us come from and we hope to continue to make new ones for generations to come.

Tis the Holiday Season!

Once again, we reach the end of the year.  There is truth to what our parents told us, in that the older we get the quicker time seems to move – even though every day has the same 24 hours!  Starting around Thanksgiving, this is definitely a fun time of the year.  For some, this is a lousy time of the year.  While some people will evaluate what they have not done, others will revel in the things that were accomplished during the year.  Either way, during the next few weeks, enjoying the holiday season will be done side-by-side with much holiday cheer to spread around.

This year, I am apart from my family during some of the eight days of Chanukah.  This is not the first time – sometimes work requires me to travel.  I do enjoy the fact that I can carry a menorah (Hanukiah) with me wherever I may go.  However, it is not the same as lighting the candles as a family, watching the excitement as the girls open theirs gifts, and, believe it or not, watching the dogs wagging their tails with excitement when it is their turn to open a gift.  Before heading out, we kind of lit the candles as a family, even if we had to FaceTime with Bec who is away at school.  Bec is the safety conscious one and always ensures that the candles are properly secured before the first candle is lit.  As when the girls were young, one of them used to blow out the match.  With the distance between us, Bec was still able to blow out the match (yup, some Daddy-magic still exists).

As always, we have choices – either to lament the time we sometimes must be apart from each other, or to hold onto the memories that we have created together.  I always go with the latter.  At the end of the year, the holiday season is a great time to reflect on the previous 11 months.  While the path of least resistance is to “bitch and moan” about missed opportunities, bad choices and spend time playing the blame game, let us all use the time to focus on the things that did come our way this year.  The season of cheer should be filled with remembering the positive things, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem.  This is a good way to reflect on the year and a great way to step into 2019!

Have fun, party responsibly and most important, enjoy your respective holidays…I know that I will as I have many things to be happy about, things I am grateful for and a wonderful family to share my life with.

I Feel Like a Child

At what point in our life do we lose our childhood wonderment and curiosity about the things that happen around us?

I do not know why, but as I stood there, with the Lulav (made up of palm, myrtle and willow leaves) in my right hand and the Etrog in my left, I looked over at the leader (cantor) and was in complete fascination with what was going on.  I felt like a little boy, mimicking the moves of the older gentleman saying the ancient words and shaking the symbolic objects in his hands.  It felt so…mystical.  I felt like I had been transported back through time and had the special pleasure of holding some relic that contained special powers, my mind filled with wonder (could have been the strong Etrog smell).  I felt like…a child, in that there was a sense of wonder, a sense of curiosity and a sense of imagination that were simultaneously running through my mind.  

I cannot remember the last time where I had the feeling where time (my age), a sense of control, and an attachment to reality seemed to fade away.  When we were younger, the ability to create an imaginary moment or moments were part of how we played and, in some case, discovered the world around us.  When Gab and Bec were little, we used to watch them play with their dolls, stuffed animals and toys, creating a universe where, to them, everything they touched seemed alive.  I remember sitting on the floor trying to join in the worlds they were creating, but by that time, I was an adult, had an adult job and had family responsibilities.  I remember a feeling of sadness that I had trouble letting my imagination go to fully involve myself in their play.

When we were kids, my brothers and I always played pretend.  Things we saw, people we observed, all became weaved together as we would “act out” our own fantasy world.  As we got a little older, and had mobility with our bikes, the imaginary play world grew as our world expanded.  There is no one point in time where I can place my finger when the world of imagination receded into the world of hard facts.  I miss the opportunity to let my mind go and meld into the world of make believe.  The closest I get today is through vivid dreams, where sometimes, the laws of reality seem to be suspended (different topic for a different day).

So, as I stood there, during the Sukkot service, waving the Lulav and Etrog along with the cantor, I did let myself go and soak in the images and feelings of the moment.  And maybe, that is the key to living in the moment.  There were no thoughts about what came next, what happened yesterday or how the rest of my day would unfold.  I was in that one moment, holding objects tied to our distant past, waving them about with some magical thoughts in my head, feeling like a little child.  Once I realized all of that, the moment was over.  Maybe it is time to search for our inner child, embrace our more imaginative side and let the stress and strain of daily life melt away.  For those moments of calm and bewilderment help us to put things in perspective, realize that we can let go for a little while and enjoy the wonders of life.