2020 Recap – Meeting Goals

We can all breathe a sigh of relief – 2020 is now over and in the books. This certainly has been a year that can be named after the Clint Eastwood classic, “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.” We have seen it all, lived to survive it, seen good people fall to the pandemic, watched a crazy political season (with the related wacky news media) and have still strived to accomplish something. Each year, we start off listing out the goals and objectives for the upcoming 12 months.  However, 2020 saw many people rip out that page in the book, crumple the paper up and toss it in the garbage.  Let’s face it, I could have written out the same thing last year in regards to 2019 with removing the pandemic reference.  Truth is, there were more challenges in 2020 than in prior years…but, as a challenge, they should still be met heads on and met face-to-face. As James Allen stated so well, “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.”

One benefit from this year due to self-quarantining was the ability to reflect (“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”).  Most people do not like to sit and focus on themselves, as it can be uncomfortable to find out one might learn about themselves. However, self-reflection is key to understanding where you are in your life, finding opportunities for continued personal development and a measurement of how you are proceeding. As Aristotle put it, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” We have had plenty of time for this type of activity and it looks like we will start off 2021 with the same chances to repeat.

Another benefit, for Debbie and me, was having our daughters still living with us. This year was an opportunity to enjoy our family in a way we would have otherwise not had the chance to do. The past months have given us time to learn more about each other (“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”) and, honestly, come to find that we are able to survive and live together in peace and harmony. There was the occasion recently where I had a commitment and felt bad that I would miss eating dinner with my family. “After 9 months of eating every dinner together, you can miss one dinner,” was the response I got. As we managed together, it was good to have this time to remember once the girls move out and live their own lives.

As Mahatma Gandhi stated, “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.”  We have to continually remind ourselves that no matter how bad we have it, someone else has it worse off. Helping those in need is always a way to focus on what we have, as we give a helping hand to relieve other’s true misfortunes. Being heavily involved in my synagogue, it is a wonderful feeling to see the generosity displayed by the congregation and others in reaching out in many ways, providing food, toys, donations (time and money) and other ways to help out.

While we all hope that 2021 is a better year than 2020, this is a wish we should have each year. Let’s face it, I could have written out the same thing last year in regards to 2020 or next year relating to 2022, with the pandemic removed from our lives. Here’s to the good from 2020 and the good for 2021!

Leading During Covid-19

I have been involved in the change business for a few decades, related to system implementations and process improvements.  The rule of thumb has always been that people do not like change, as they are comfortable in what they do, use to how things work and do not like to step outside the box.  The similar comment is when someone says that they are going to change someone else.  You cannot change someone unless they want to change.  Same holds true in the business world.  You cannot change someone; they have to be open to the potential opportunities and then make their own decision to change.  Otherwise, they will get passed over.  As time marches on, technologies move forward and enhancements will always happen.

And then came the great Disruptor – COVID-19.  The COVID came with no policies, no pamphlets and no prior examples.  There were no guidelines how to react, how to live and how to lead during a pandemic where the best preparedness is everyone living in quarantine.  The impact was felt in daily life, businesses and volunteer organizations.  As president of a synagogue, there was no one to turn to, you could not ask how was this handled beforehand.  14 weeks in and we are still learning, still adjusting and still striving to exist in this “new world.”  Things that used to be important are no longer important and things we did not think about are now in the forefront of what needs to be addressed.

A Disruptor will always lead to a change or, in this case, many changes.  Video conferencing, which ten years ago was only for “fancy” businesses has become the communication tool for households desperate to connect visually with family, friends and associates.  The way we “congregate” is different.  Wrestling over the thoughts of broadcasting religious services, business meetings or casual gatherings have been dashed aside as the use of technology has brought us together…for some as a means of inclusion and others as a means of socialization.  In terms of change…when we plan a project, we expect change to take many months.  In the COVID time, change is rapid, rapid to meet daily needs, conduct business, religious needs and social needs.  It means that people in positions of leadership are stretched to react while the Disruptor is still here, and the need to respond to its every present, constant impact on our lives, how we conduct ourselves and how we treat each other.  We can, and will, take the bucket of lemons dumped onto us and turn them into lemon-aid.  Even though this is a time of challenge, it also means that it is also a time of opportunity, which means there is change afoot.

Annual Give Back Night

How often can you say that you helped others, provided awareness for a good a cause and raised money all at the same time?  While we know that ’tis the season for giving, it is important to remember those who are less fortunate, especially those in a situation not of their own doing. 

Saturday night was the Annual Zeiler Family Give Back Night.  This was our opportunity to help provide awareness for the Center for Hope and Safety, which “…is dedicated to assisting victims, and their children, of domestic violence by turning fear into safety, helplessness into strength, and isolation into hope.”

We met at one of the local malls (there is no shortage of them in Paramus) for our two-hour session.  Our job for the session was to help wrap gifts.  All of the supplies were donated for us to use.  It is right before the holidays and even in the age of cyber buying, the mall still had a good flow of people buying gifts for their loved ones.  For the shoppers, we were there to help them with the holiday task of gift wrapping.  There were siblings shopping for their parents, parents shopping for their children and friends shopping for friends.  Gab helped a little boy who was so excited that he picked out his own gifts to wrap. 

Once we replaced the previous group and were ready to go, there is always that initial moment of whether or not people will come by to have their gifts wrapped.  And come they did.  With their toys, clothes and other gifts. Our services to them were free.  I was excited by the generosity of the season which led most people to make a donation to the Center for Hope and Safety.  That generosity will go directly to help support this important organization to help others in need.

There are many ways to help those in need and many great organizations to support.  Most people are caught up in their lives, working towards making ends meet, and providing a roof over their family’s head.  While it is always great to celebrate (whatever the reason), it is important to remember that there are those who wish to have cause to celebrate, but cannot.  Whatever you do this season, keep in mind those less fortunate, and remember to keep them in your thoughts and prayers, so that they too can hope for a better future.

On Being President

I have to confess – being a president of an organization is not easy.  Keep in mind the plaque that Harry S Truman used to display, “The buck stops here.”  When things go well, it is great: you are happy to point out those who achieved, there is a sense of pride in the group that you are leading, a feeling that you can accomplish anything and a general aura of happiness.  When things go less than well, it is not so great: there is no one else to blame, there is a feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders, the thoughts swirling in your head that you backed yourself into a corner and a general feeling of disappointment.  In either case, you still have to go out with a smile on, say the words to encourage others to attain their best and continue to strive for goals and objectives.  The role comes with no set hours, no physical office and plenty of opinions.

OK, I framed this as being the president of the Jewish Community Center of Paramus / Congregation Beth Tikvah.  I could have swapped out the word president for leader…or head of household…or manager…or any other leadership title.  Sure – the size of the group / organization, the number of people involved, the magnitude of the decisions are different, there is a varying level of stress related to them and the number of eyes that watch your every move differ; it is still the case where others look to you to…lead.  While all leaders have different personalities, different methods and different ways of relating, the role is anything but passive.  This is an active role, where you need to be on your best game most of the time.  As a parent, you have to lead your family in life, teach your children the virtues that will help them in their lives and manage a household.  Any leadership role has a component of guiding others, providing some form of education and management.  In all related situations, it is how you react, how you handle yourself and how you communicate to others that matters.

I was once taught that good leaders are in the front of the group that they lead (yes, like they sing in Peter Pan, “we’re following the leader…”), rather than standing in the back and dictating where everyone should go.  The importance is doing, as most people observe by watching what others do and how they react.  There is the story about Mahatma Gandhi, where a mother brings her son to the famous and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and said to the mother come back next week.  The following week, the mother did as she was instructed and once again stood before this great man and says, “Can you tell my son to not eat sweets.”  Gandhi looked at the boy and told him to stop eating sweets.  Dumbfounded, the mother asks why he could not say that last; to which Gandhi replied, “Last week, I was eating sweets.”  The lesson is simple, never ask someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do nor have not done before.  Leaders lead.

Vince Lombardi said, “Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile!”  He is right – there is a lot of hard work that happens.  There was hard work prior to taking on the role.  There is hard work that is on-going.  There is still hard work ahead.  The time spent reading, learning and developing relationships and discussing ideas set the groundwork.  Continuing to paint visions, continuing to build relationships and constantly re-evaluating and learning from every action / reaction helps us to learn from the past to move forward.  This has been a learning experience and has taken many more hours than I would have thought.  As I have reached the end of my first year and started the second year, I am happy with the journey, thankful for my family and their support, appreciative for the help / advice of many friends (old and new) and truly happy for the community which I, for a temporary point in time, have been given leadership.  It is truly about the communities we live in.  Helen Keller said it well when she said, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.”

Lending a Helping Hand

I stood there quietly as the line began to form.  At first there was a trickle, then the people entered the queue at a quicker rate.  There was no pushing or shoving, though some did wave to others and some did walk up to talk to friends.  For the most part, these people were neatly dressed, well groomed and polite.  Some of the people in line looked as if they just had got off from work, carrying a notepad portfolio.  These could have been yours or my neighbors as there was nothing to distinguish them as being any different.  As they stepped up to the counter, the volunteers who I was with happily talked to whomever was in front of them and there were plenty of smiles and laughs all around.

The volunteers who I was with were here to help those in need of a meal as part of the “Family Promise of Bergen County” in conjunction with the “Bergen County Housing, Health and Human Services Center” in Hackensack.  After talking to one of the people who works at the kitchen, I found out that there is an influx of people towards the end of the month because they have run out of money for the month.  We were helping to provide a vital service of providing a meal (this is donated from the volunteer’s organization or congregation) to those who have found themselves in a less fortunate situation.  I was at the kitchen, as a runner to restock the supplies, with the Social Action group from our synagogue.  This group has been run by one of our members, assisted by her family, for a number of years.  As president of the congregation, it warms my heart and makes me proud to know that we are involved with this, helping out at the Center for Food Action, collection of food throughout the year and adopting a family program at Thanksgiving.  As a more fortunate person, these programs that we participate in help to remind us to be thankful for what we have.

As I looked out at the group of people eating, some of the people clearly came from where they work.  I did overhear one person make phone calls to line up some work for himself.  When we think of needy people, we sometimes have a preconceived notion that they wear raggedy clothes, have no sense of personal cleanliness and might flash the toothless smile at you.  I have seen these people roaming the streets of the city.  If you walked into the group we were feeding on the sidewalk, you would not know what their particular situation was.  When the meal was over, many of the people there walked back up to the counter, not looking for handouts, but merely to share their thanks and appreciation for the meal provided.  Then the room cleared, we cleaned up the work area and then we were finished.

The big take away of our day – To remember when eating the next meal or enjoying the bounty our labors, there are some less fortunate trying to make ends meet.  A little bit of kindness, a small donation or a helping hand can make all the difference.