On Losing My Father

Last known photo of Arnold Zeiler

“This is the longest we have ever been apart…17 months.”  These were the words my father said to me when I first walked into his apartment on January 29^th.  I had planned to visit him last March when the pandemic broke out.  “Wayne, as much I want to see you, please do not come down, it is not safe.”  These words were repeated throughout the year.  While I did not want to catch COVID-19, I certainly did not want to be the one to potentially bring the disease upon my Dad. With the use of Zoom, we still managed to “visit” and share some semblance of in-house celebrations together.  I knew the words were not meant to make me feel guilty but a statement of fact and a sense of sadness we both felt.

Prior to this point, we had gotten calls from Alice, my Dad’s companion for these past 20 years, saying that she needed some help.  A number of years ago, our father had a series of back surgeries followed by a series of strokes.  This led to years watching as he “progressed” from walking on two feet, to using a cane, to relying on a walker, to barely leaving his house.  Regardless of the underlying conditions, we were all watching as his body began to slowly deteriorate.  I know that my family is not alone in watching a loved one lose their independence.   I have also been well aware that I had reached the age where I could have expected to have to help out with an aging parent.  Realizing and facing the reality of all this, however, are two different things. 

It became clear to my brothers and I that the time had come to determine the options to present to my father.  With decreased abilities and an increased potential for falling, we had all reached a junction where additional help would be needed.  We became the first line of defense, taking turns staying overnight.  I can honestly say that any sound heard throughout the night did cause me to think the worst.  24 / 7 care was needed within a short time as standing and moving with a walker progressed towards needing help to stand progressing towards using a wheel chair.

It is not easy to see someone who you remember standing tall, helping out when needed, provide guidance and giving support become the one who is now dependent on the help of others for the activities we normally take for granted.  Over the following 13 weeks, we watched the decline with the ability to stop the trajectory that his body was taking.  As sad as the situation was, we did receive an unusual gift.  We had all that time to reminisce together, share stories, laugh and cry together.  The 17 months my Dad mentioned when I walked into his place in Florida will pale compared to the amount of time from when he “left” until we get to be together again.  I will miss my father but I am thankful for the time we had together.

My Grandfather’s Clock

 My Grandfather had a clock that used to sit on a set of draws in his dining room.  Having grown up in a house with electric clocks, I was amazed that this clock, old in style, had no plug to make it work.  Then one day, I remember Grandpa opening the top drawer, pulling out a key and asking him what that was for.  As he placed the key into a hole in the face of the clock, he explained that the old clock was run on a spring.  He continued to explain that the key needed to be inserted, as he was doing, so that he could wind up the clock (tighten the spring) so that the clock could continue to run.  The key was turned a number of times until the mainspring was tightened and the key removed from the clock.  “If I do not do this, the clock will run down, getting slower until it finally stops,” he said as he put the key safely back into the drawer.

The clock comes to mind when I speak of how my father is doing.  I am at the point in life that when I look at my father, I readily notice that he is getting older, dealing with health issues and needing more care every day.  While it is true that no child wants to see their parents aging, struggling with daily routines, nor, fighting to get through each day, it is a part of the circle of life.  I know that I am at an age where I am not alone, as friends have been going through these life cycle changes in similar manners currently or over the past years.  It is not easy to watch the ones that took care of you, made the decisions that shaped your life and help you when needed, to become the ones that now look to you to help take care of them, make the decisions that impact that their lives and help them when needed.  This can be at times awkward and unnerving as it does not seem “natural” to become the parent figure.

The truth is that a time comes where we need to protect our parents and make them feel safe.  Fortunately, our children are old enough to tend to themselves.  That also means they are old enough to see and understand the situation which makes it hard for them as well (in a different way).  As children, they still have the ability to learn; as adults, they have the ability to see how we treat our parents and will hopefully apply the lessons gathered when we look towards them for assistance (hopefully) many years into the future.  For us, this is a clear sign of our mortality, a part of life that greets us whether we are ready or not, prepared for it or oblivious of the waiting cloaked figure with the sickle standing off in the shadows.

I sadly watch as the clock starts to slow down, wending its way towards its inevitable path.  While we know how this story will end, that does not provide comfort today.  I feel like the young child I once was, standing next to my Grandfather, unable to take the key and wind the clock…all I can do is watch.  There is no way to tell how long it will take, but I will take comfort in hearing that clock tick while it still can.

Body Bound

 

In the Star Trek episode, “Return to Tomorrow,” the cast find themselves in the presence of three spheres that contain the essence of telepathic beings that have been in this state since their planet was devastated.  They wish, for a temporary basis, to swap with three people to once again feel what it is like to have a body, to experience life and to see if they can create artificial bodies for themselves.  I remember seeing this episode as a child and it always stuck with me the idea that if we were to lose our capacities, we would ultimately end up like the three beings – a sentient mind without the functionality of the body, forever bound in a sphere.

Science-fiction is funny in a way that when you are introduced to the thoughts, concepts and imaginations of the writer, the stories always seem fantastical, providing us with new ideas to think about.  In the time since that episode first appeared on television (1968), our world has changed considerably.  While we may not (yet) be able to move our minds into newer bodies, technology and science has provided the ability to extend lives beyond the lifespans of the 1960’s.  When my parents were children, no one would have believe that one of the greatest people in astrophysics and cosmology, Steven Hawking, would see the universe bound to his wheel chair, communicate through a speech generating device and produce theoretical breakthroughs.  Man’s ability to persevere, succeed and overcome obstacles is amazing!

But what happens when you have had a lifetime of multiple physical skills and then, at a mature age, things stop working as you have been used to?  How quick can one make the required adjustments to overcome the new challenges before them.  Blessed with sight, sound, mobility, etc., it is hard to fathom how to handle diminished or lost abilities.  As a 58 year old, I can safely say that there are times where I can “feel” like my body cannot do some of the things that it used to, has aches and pains that come and go, and, does not react quite as quick as it did 25 years ago.  Growing up, we had a German Shepherd, Tippi, who at a later point in life began to show signs typical of the breed – hip dysplasia.  As the condition worsened, the vet finally told us that she is mentally sound and knows that she will have to begin dragging her back legs.  Sadly, we made the “humane” decision to put her to sleep.  What we can do for our pets, we cannot do for ourselves.  From a religious point of view, our life is precious.  While science helped Mr. Hawkins and for many people, it has helped to allow new chances on a productive life.  For others, not so much.

When I was younger, I was fascinated by the beings in that Star Trek episode.  It made me think that once the body goes, we are left with only our essence…our minds.  The only way to preserve that seemed to be answered in a made for TV sci-fi episode.  I am definitely not telepathic, so that would not be a solution and I would be trapped in a “vessel” until science could figure out how to create an artificial body to drop my brain into.  Whether a sphere, or some other container, the key word would be trapped.  At the end of the day, the real lesson is to take care of ourselves, remember to stop and smell the roses and be kind to the other people we meet along the way.

2020 Recap – Meeting Goals

We can all breathe a sigh of relief – 2020 is now over and in the books. This certainly has been a year that can be named after the Clint Eastwood classic, “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.” We have seen it all, lived to survive it, seen good people fall to the pandemic, watched a crazy political season (with the related wacky news media) and have still strived to accomplish something. Each year, we start off listing out the goals and objectives for the upcoming 12 months.  However, 2020 saw many people rip out that page in the book, crumple the paper up and toss it in the garbage.  Let’s face it, I could have written out the same thing last year in regards to 2019 with removing the pandemic reference.  Truth is, there were more challenges in 2020 than in prior years…but, as a challenge, they should still be met heads on and met face-to-face. As James Allen stated so well, “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.”

One benefit from this year due to self-quarantining was the ability to reflect (“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”).  Most people do not like to sit and focus on themselves, as it can be uncomfortable to find out one might learn about themselves. However, self-reflection is key to understanding where you are in your life, finding opportunities for continued personal development and a measurement of how you are proceeding. As Aristotle put it, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” We have had plenty of time for this type of activity and it looks like we will start off 2021 with the same chances to repeat.

Another benefit, for Debbie and me, was having our daughters still living with us. This year was an opportunity to enjoy our family in a way we would have otherwise not had the chance to do. The past months have given us time to learn more about each other (“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”) and, honestly, come to find that we are able to survive and live together in peace and harmony. There was the occasion recently where I had a commitment and felt bad that I would miss eating dinner with my family. “After 9 months of eating every dinner together, you can miss one dinner,” was the response I got. As we managed together, it was good to have this time to remember once the girls move out and live their own lives.

As Mahatma Gandhi stated, “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.”  We have to continually remind ourselves that no matter how bad we have it, someone else has it worse off. Helping those in need is always a way to focus on what we have, as we give a helping hand to relieve other’s true misfortunes. Being heavily involved in my synagogue, it is a wonderful feeling to see the generosity displayed by the congregation and others in reaching out in many ways, providing food, toys, donations (time and money) and other ways to help out.

While we all hope that 2021 is a better year than 2020, this is a wish we should have each year. Let’s face it, I could have written out the same thing last year in regards to 2020 or next year relating to 2022, with the pandemic removed from our lives. Here’s to the good from 2020 and the good for 2021!

Staying Healthy

The COVID 19 has become part of our vocabulary same as the Freshman 15.  Early on, when it did not seem that we would be quarantining for months on end, we all indulged in sweets, “nosh” and a couple of extra drinks.  After a few months, reality hit that we might not be “returning to normal” all that quickly.  There were shortages of some foods, gym closings and recreational activities severely restricted; The meant that we lost some of the outlets needed to burn off our indulgences.  Streaming services helped to provide entertainment while we sat at home – whoever thought we would reach the day that “trending” reports would include the most popular streaming shows?  While I am still way below that number 19, it was hard not to be caught up in this in some way, shape or form.

For me, lock down meant no commuting to New York City (which included walking), no flying for work or being in front of other people which included no more band practices.  Seems like some new-fangled math: Almost no reading (mental health) + increased Zoom drinking (hello beer belly) + limiting exercises (physical health) = COVID weight gain.  After about three months, it began to dawn on me that things were not moving in the right directions.  Books with titles like “The Slight Edge” and the “Compound Effect” started coming to mind.  The fact that I had taken on slightly less positive habits, the small increment did not seem noticeable, but in a short time, I began to see and feel the difference. 

OK, so I was never one to be confused with a Charles Atlas inspired body nor one who was a participant in sports activities.  However, back in 2016, I wrote a series of blogs where I challenged myself to improve my body, including taking some exposing pictures of myself to lay bare where I started and where I ended up.  Over the year I lost 14 pounds and trimmed my belly back to a thinner waist.  To achieve that goal, I had to be diligent on what I ate, how I exercised, etc.  I did not follow any gimmicks, just changed the way I was living with positive benefits.  Like the old slapstick routine where the comedian does not see the banana peel in front of him, I slipped.  Once my “tuchus” hit the ground, it was time to stand up, re-evaluate what I did (blame is my own), and readjust my life.  This meant better eating habits (aka, drink less beer), exercise in the form of stretching, simple yoga and other (good for the body), adding in meditation (mental health / mindfulness), and reading (mental health / personal development).

Though I doubt I will get down to the weight I was at the end of 2016, while quarantined at home, I do feel better now that I am focused on being healthier as opposed to waiting the pandemic out.  While it is still fun to indulge, moderation and mindfulness of actions still have to be forefront and centered.  What have you done to maintain a healthy perspective and body these few months?

The COVID Effect

I have been personally affected by COVID.  That’s affected, not infected.  I am pretty sure that we have reached the point where most of us know someone who has contracted the disease, but most assuredly, we all have been or seen the impact.  This pandemic has impacted the way we think, the way we shop, the way we communicate and the way we interact with each other.  We can readily see the changes to the world of education, the job market and the rising failures of long-standing businesses.  We have even seen the impact (at least partially) on the outcome of the most recent presidential election.

If we take a step back a bit, maybe some of these changes were already underway and the current condition just sped things along.  Let’s face it; Amazon has been around and changed the way we shop prior to all of this.  Businesses that were not able to adapt were struggling beforehand, even if we did not quite realize it.  Living in a town with a large number of malls, store closings and bankruptcies started prior to this year.  How about communications?  I remember being on a video conference call 25 years ago and was amazed at the technology which was extremely expensive at the time.  10 years ago, I tried my hand at Network Marketing for a company whose major product was the video phone at a time when Facetime was making its move.  Prior to January, there were plenty of options for “seeing” the person that you were talking to.

The areas where there was real change was not being face-to-face.  I helped out recently at an annual Turkey Drive to collect food for a local food pantry through our synagogue.  It was great to see congregants and generous people, especially in a time of self-confinement, still drop off a significant amount of food.  Yes, times have gotten tougher for some people (COVID effect).  While it was great to see participants, I later realized that I had the chance to SEE different people…and it was not a face taking up a tiny square.  Whether you like people or not, human interaction is still a big part of our human experience, and that is one of things that we will remember long after our new normal is established.  That is the one thing that technology cannot change.

Change is always inevitable, sometimes moving at a snail’s pace, other times more rapidly.  Chances are, this “event” will be studied for years and we will continue to point back to the impact made.  While we still try to grasp the longer-range impact that the pandemic has on our lives, we still need to keep our heads high, wear a brave face, keep our wits about us and remember to be safe.  This is not the first time we have faced a pandemic, nor will it be the last.  It is simple - Wear your masks and keep a social distance.  We might sacrifice in the near term, but it is worth the benefits of staying healthy in the long term. 

Steppin' Out

 

I do not get out much.  Since March, I have written about the minimal times that I have been out, the circles that I have drawn around myself and the diligence to remain safe.  The truth is, while my comfort zone is primarily my house, that does not mean I do not yearn to go out and do the things that we used to do.  I have commented that I would love to get in the car and drive somewhere for vacation, but I have no desire to eat in a hotel, when half the fun of vacation is going and doing what you want in the moment that you want to do it. 

Last week, cabin fever was reaching a peak.  Debbie suggested that I come up with something that I would like to do.  What we really needed was a change of scenery, something outside our usual travelling (i.e., the supermarket), and something to feel good and safe about.  We wanted to go someplace outside and to get some exercise.  After a little research, we found the perfect location.  We found a historical pedestrian walkway over the Hudson River where the walkway is a converted railroad bridge.  The two of us gathered our supplies (snacks, drinks, toiletries, etc.), hopped into the car and off we went.  After the past five months of barely leaving my house, I was travelling outside the county and crossing the state border.  Nothing too hair raising, but this felt like a big step.  And who better to have an adventure with than my wife!

It was a great day to take a drive.  The sun was out and driving up the NY turnpike was enough to make the trip worthwhile.  We followed the Hudson River north until we crossed over the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  Looking off to the left, we could see the “Walkway over the Hudson”, our destination.  We arrived at the half full parking lot, donned our masks, grabbed our drinks and went off.  I was nervous at first, until I noticed that everyone maintained a social distance from the other walkers.  Everyone had masks with them, though took them off while walking.  We reached the far side of the bridge, then walked through the streets of Poughkeepsie to have a chance to walk across the Mid-Hudson Bridge.  This bridge was empty.  Then we found something really cool and unexpected; The composer, Joseph Bertolozzi, recorded the sound of the bridge to create music.  Along the walk are stations that explain his process and present this unique musical experience. 

When we returned to our car, we realized that this was exactly what the doctor ordered.  We had a safe mini-adventure.  Even though we thought about finding a place to get a drink, we played it safe and realized that we could pick up a drink from a drive through and then drive home.  It was a great day!  OK, all we really did was go to a different location for a walk, but a change of location, exercise, a sunny day and walking hand-in-hand with my wife…it was worth “Steppin’ out, with my baby.” *

 

* Music from Irving Berlin played in my head…

Observations from Behind the Mask

Dining outside (or eating al fresco), people laughing together and children running up and down the sidewalk – clear signs that summer is here.  I recently got to watch this scene.  While what I was watching would normally be a heart-warming summer scene, it was painfully clear that I was the only one concerned about a mask; the children were running up and down the sidewalk, where unmasked diners (at a safe social distance) were eating.  The parent, mask-less, showed no mind and I saw the father walk up to the next table, say something and pat the guy on the shoulder.

For almost four months, myself, our family and our friends have been listening and following the CDC and government guidelines.  My father is still in Florida and it has been a long time since we have seen each other face-to-face (virtually – of course).  My mother-in-law’s place is keeping the inside and outside world apart in a measure to provide protection.  My family has been working from home since March to minimize the spread of COVID-19.  We wear masks when we go out to protect ourselves and to protect the ones we love and care about.  I was once taught that on an airplane, during the safety talk, there is a reason why when the air mask drops, you use it first, then help others – if you do not, you have jeopardized your health and the person(s) you would have helped.  One needs to be healthy to help those in need. Wearing that mask is a selfless act, a sign that we care and want us all to survive this pandemic.

People have gotten arrested for thinking it was OK to publicly cough on someone – it is not. 

People think that once you wear the mask past the security guard, it is OK to remove it – it is not. 

People want to believe their children are safe and do not need a mask – it is not. 

There was recently a case where a young nurse went to a bar to celebrate something and the whole group caught COVID-19.  Her comment was “I should have known better.”

When states opened up, people forgot about the pandemic and the numbers went up (think of the old commercial, “they told two people, who each told two people…”).

As I stood there, watching the scene at the restaurant, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the patrons who did not.  Going to the supermarket, the establishment was following the guidelines; it was the shoppers who did not.  It is easy to get lulled into a false sense of comfort, to remove the mask and gain a (false) feeling of freedom.  The risk…it ain’t worth it.  It is not worth for me to catch it, to unknowingly spread it and to hurt others.  I do not like wearing the mask, but happy to do so, and when I do not want to wear it, I will be happy to stay home.

A Minor Milestone

I know that nobody will ever mistake me for a bodybuilder, an athlete, nor a sports-minded individual.  I am good with that and I am not about to completely change what I do.  However, it is nice to note that in a small accomplishment, I have reached a minor milestone, but one that I continue to keep pushing forward on.  I am talking only about exercising in my own home.

Over the course of my life, there have been many times where I considered exercising or doing any kind of physical activities.  My parents used to tell me that when I was young, I used to like to run.  I am not sure what happened…at some point I found myself in the section of clothes for “chubby” boys.  Because of my weight gain, I became a couch potato.  I did join soccer around that time, but I refused to run.  Needless to say, bad habits began to build.  At some point in high school, I had a growth spurt and my weight readjusted; the same weight was now on a taller body.  I liked playing basketball and a friend said we should try out for the High School team.  When I found out it included running, I did not even try out.  I had no confidence in myself.  Having to go to the gym where my peers would be weight lifting?  My stick arms and me bowed out, afraid to appear weak and wimpy (forget the image of a bespectacled band geek).

As I got older, I played pick up basketball with friends.  I was still afraid of the gym until Debbie started to go.  I went and realized that I was not the only “weak” one there.  I had reached a point in my life where I started to realize the value of exercise – ANY TYPE of exercise.  After many fits and starts, excuses on traveling and all other made up barriers, I finally found an app that had a variety of options.  I realized that I did not have to run, lift weights or take on other challenges.  After one or two false starts, I have now exercised for 96 straight weeks and have just passed the 900^th exercise.  If I miss a week, I go back to zero.  That ended up being a strong motivator.  I now exercise 4 to 5 times a week, including stretching or doing yoga.  I know that I am not going to break any records, look like Mr. America or run a marathon.  However, by being diligent and setting some goals, I am striving to be healthier and adhere to healthier habits.  Yes, it takes time and effort, but at the end of the day, I feel better about myself and what I have been doing.

Breaking the Sameness

Egg and Cheese on homemade challah rolls on the back deck

My days always seem the same – wake up, motivate myself to exercise, shower, eat breakfast, go to the basement to work, eat lunch, go back to the basement, work until dinner, eat, and have a synagogue meeting.  Some days, we really change it up and have a meeting before dinner.  Nights always end with a little family time.  I am even learning to play Mah Jongg.  Weekends are spent catching up on sleep, motivating to exercise, showering, etc.  On the weekends Debbie and I go shopping for the week gloved and masked.  I have to confess; I do get anxious if I am like that for too long.  This might be our new normal for the time being and I am amazed how after this amount of time, I have become a little comfortable with this.  I guess that our ability to adapt has always been key to the survival of our species.

We are doing our part to protect ourselves and all of the people we know.  And now the weather has turned nice – finally the warm weather is here.  This morning (Sunday as I write), Bec said to me, “Dad, you should come outside to eat breakfast.”  I am not one for making excuses, but the “I’d rather eat inside,” “It’s too sunny out,” “Maybe next week” all came to mind.  “Well, I will be outside if you want to join me,” she said.  Then Debbie came in (Gab was out on a social distance walk with a friend) and said, “I’ll grab something to eat and join you.”  I felt about two inches tall.  “OK, I will join you.”  I grabbed my breakfast and my tea and joined them.  Once I got comfortable and began to relax, it really felt good to be outdoors, feel the warmth of the sun and the coolness from the slight breeze.  I forgot how nice it is to change up one’s routine.

Safety and comfort are important, but do we become complacent in the things that we accept, the thoughts we perceive and the habits we form?  We all talk about how we miss going where we want, when we want and with who we want.  For most of us, our homes are not our prisons, just the place where we hang our hats, feel safe and share with loved ones.  Can we be responsible and maintain social distancing so that we can step outside more frequently?  Or, will we fall into what we are seeing on the news related to people crowding newly opened beaches?  While we still have a long road to travel, doing so safely would make sense, if we all adhere to considering the safety of others and following the guidelines.  Next week is a holiday weekend, so that means an extra day to enjoy nice weather, be responsible and break some of the fears from quarantine that we have developed.

What Day is Today?

I hate to admit this, but I do not always know what day of the week it is.  I find that there are things about the way I think and perceive things that have changed, most likely from being “confined” at home all of the time.  I am sure, in light of this pandemic, we have the makings for a great case study for years to come.  Between time, social interactions and the “new” dress code, life has become different!

When it comes to time, it seems like I am not the only one who feels that time has been distorted, as the people I deal with all seem to have come to refer to the days of the week as today, yesterday and tomorrow.  Occasionally, I have used the term “the other day” only to be corrected that “the other day” was really a week ago from yesterday.  I used to laugh at my retired father when he referred to everyday is a weekend for him.  Now, I am no longer laughing, as day and date confusion seems to have become a reality when you are home almost all of the time, except for a walk to get some fresh air or going to the store.

When my brothers and I were young (yes, many decades ago), like all children of that time period, we played cops and robbers games.  Our getaway vehicle, or squad car, was always our bicycles.  We would zip around the neighborhood playing our games.  40+ years later, I find myself going out to the store dressed similar to how I only imaged I wished I dressed when playing those games.  Now, that bandana has become a fixture on my face when shopping.  I admit, I do not like shopping…FOR ANYTHING.  However, in the age of the pandemic, I look forward to our weekend food shopping.

What ever the day of the week it is, what ever the “new” style is, we will go with the flow for now.  I guess the key is to have good habits, get dressed for the day ahead and set your goals and accomplishments for that specific day.  That way, when the restrictions are removed, life will already be in a good rhythm and no major re-adjustment period will be needed.  In the meantime, make the best of wearing that mask, do not fret over forgetting what day of the week it is and enjoy the time you have to be at home.  One day soon, we will back able to say, “Remember that crazy period in the `20’s?”

A Free Moment

As goofy as this might sound, I found myself sitting this morning with a free moment.  Debbie, Gab, Bec and myself (with Lucy Lou) have all been inside for three weeks now.  Oddly enough, it seems as if there is little down time, to sit back, have idle thoughts, and just chill.  While we are all home, this is no stay-cation, as we are all engaged in our daily lives, even if it is being done remotely – the world for us has not stopped.  In fact, at times, it seems busier for us.

A free moment.  With all that has been going on, this will now be the start of our fourth week in, except for essentials (i.e., shopping, walking the dog).  For me, personally, I spend my days working, evenings synagogue related (still needs to operate) and in between is my family time.  I had my cup of tea in my hand, the sun was shining, and there were birds singing.  It was one of those moments where the world seemed to stop, my mind went clear and the need to enjoy the moment took over.  As I sat watching the squirrels play, I sipped my tea, happy for the moment.  But like trying to hold water in your hands for a while, the water finds the cracks between your fingers and works its way out.  In a similar manner, as I was enjoying the moment, I began to think about how nice it was not to worry about my family’s health, having to work from home, worry about the impact on my field, thinking about running the synagogue during this time, worrying about…and just like that, the free moment was gone!

A free moment.  A moment of respite, a moment to “stop and smell the roses,” a moment like a snapshot in time.  (Sigh) The moment, though fleeting as it was, came at a time when it was needed.  A time where the insanity of it all ceased.  A free moment, when I remember a time where there were more of them, without worry, without having to face the fear of a constant unknown and when we paid them less mind.  I quickly jotted down my thoughts before they were lost in the hustle and bustle of the day, so as to save the moment and remember that it was there and look forward to the day when peace of mind returns.

On the Inside Looking Out

I have barely stepped outside this week.  No, I am not infected nor under quarantine.  Nor am I afraid of getting sick myself.  It is easy to follow the guidelines for social distancing, washing our hands and making smart choices.  If we each lived on our own special island, this would be a piece of cake to follow.  For all the times you were driving your car, going at the correct speed limit and maintaining a safe distance to the car in front of you, did some jerk going way over the speed limit cut in front of you to get to the lane to your right, then weave through every car across all of the lanes in front of you?  There is a good chance that the same person is ignoring the healthy guidelines in place to combat COVID-19.  In a car, you can tap the brakes to avoid any accidents; however, when you are innocently in the public, you can be fully exposed.

I had to make another tough choice this week.  This time it was personal in nature.  My father has been in Florida since October and I have been looking forward to visiting him.  I spent the majority of January and February traveling for work, so March became the time I had to go to Florida and spend with my father and my brother (who is in Florida for a few months).  Yes, I have been looking forward to the visit and figured out how to go to Florida, then fly, return trip, from there for work back up here.  Everything was falling into place and after many months of just talking on the phone, I would be able to see my dad face-to-face.  “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” (Man plans, G-d Laughs) and the best laid plans were tossed out the window, as I have sadly cancelled my trip.  While I am healthy and able, I cannot take the chance that the jerk in my car example above might be next to me, one plane seat over or sneeze as they are walking by.  In that case, I potentially could infect others…especially my father.

When you are on a plane, and they are going through the safety measures, they tell you to take the oxygen first, then help other.  While this seems selfish, to help yourself before someone else, I would need to be in a good condition.  This analogy works in many parts of life, related to health, finances, etc.  As we face this unknown pandemic, where we have no idea where this will lead, the impact on us and the long range effects, for me to remain healthy means that I will do what I can so that I will not contaminate others, will be able to lend a hand if needed and help to watch over my family.  While it might look like my health is selfish – by maintaining my health, I should be able to protect others (in this case).  If there is one thing that I have learned over the past many years, I am not the only one who lives on this planet called Earth.  While I might consider myself as #1, it would be a lonely place to live if #1 meant there was no one else to be with.  Make wise choices to not only protect yourself, but to keep others safe as well.

The Famiy Curse

As a young adult, I found out that there was a family curse, one that possibly lead to the death of my paternal grandmother years earlier.  I was shocked!  A family curse?  My mind raced off to the literature I read (minimal at that point), comic books (which I did read) and cartoons (go Bugs Bunny), and had the immediate vision of either a twisted, wart covered old hag or some robed old wizard with a long pointy beard and a pointy hat covered in stars, from the “old country”, casting a hex upon our family.  Based on my facial contusions, my parents continued that my grandmother had diabetes, inherited from prior generations.  The “spell” on me was broken, popped like a pin pricking a balloon.  While diabetes is serious, I was confused as to why this was a secret, cast under a dark cloud, and only mentioned in hushed voices behind closed doors when no one could hear you.

There are many thought leaders that point out the best way to motivate someone is through love or fear.  Love gives us that warm, welcome feeling of belonging and connecting with others.  Fear raises the fight or flee instincts buried within us and makes us do things to protect ourselves, binds us together against a common enemy and then we can step back and think about it afterwards.  As I am sitting here with some statistics, I am amazed at the capacity of fear.  For example, as of May 3, the United States had 32 million confirmed cases of the flu, which resulted in 18,000 deaths.  If I came to you and said that globally, 100,000 caught something, 3400 died from it, and only 100 confirmed case in the United States (at that date) – which would be the bigger concern?  Obviously the one with the larger statistics should be of utmost concern.

Getting back to my family curse.  As my parents explained to me, in the early 1900’s, pushing further back to small town (shtetls) in Europe, Diabetes was a fairly unknown disease, who’s consequences were deadly.  It was this broad unknown that people felt was brought upon by the evil eye.  Yes, that meant that I came from a group of people that were superstitious (red bendl under the crib, stupid piece on the challah, etc. superstitious), and attributed bad things to things done wrong.  While we understand Diabetes today, there was a point in time where my ancestors did not, so they assumed it was a curse.  Yes, when faced with the unknown, we tend to fear what we do not know and our fight or flight instincts kick in.  The key today is to maintain healthy practices (which you should do anyway), like washing your hands, using your cough / sneeze pocket, instead of coughing or sneezing into your hands, and stay home if you do not feel well.  While we face this current health crisis, it is important that we follow valid health sources (not politicians and newspapers) and maintain a level head.  Be assured that this too shall pass as we become more educated and no longer feel that dark cloud hanging over our heads.

FOOD!

Eating healthy is a choice.  Let’s face it, if you watch television, even for a minimal amount of time, you are bound to catch a commercial on some yummy looking food.  Many times, when you see that food in real life, it does not look the same and does not always taste like they led you to believe.  Even those nice “tall” looking sandwiches, when they are placed in front of have the same ingredients but some how look flat and less appetizing.  It is a choice – and a few years ago, I did write about a challenge to myself, where you the readers were my accountability partner, to eat better and lose some weight.  Having spent a number of weeks travelling for work, I find eating more challenging.  At all-day meetings, they generally bring in sandwiches or pizza.  Sometimes, we get salad (I do eat that healthier option), but not always.  Last week – no salad.  At night, I had a beer, burger (on a roll) and flat bread pizzas. 

Remember when you were younger and could eat anything that was put in front of you?  As a kid, my parents, when there was no snow on the ground, always said, “why don’t you go outside and play?”  And out we went – we would shoot hoops in the backyard, play ball on either our side yard or at the high school across the street, or, zip around the neighborhood on our bikes.  We were active, so the amount of food that we ate easily turned into fuel for our bodies to consume with our activities.  Growing up, we never ate fast food, which my brothers and I still adhere to in adulthood.  It was great, I used to eat everything in sight, which led to jokes being called Hoover or Exectrolux after the vacuum cleaners.  This lasted through college.  It was great to not have to worry about what I ate.  And then I went to work full time, where I sat at a desk, went home and stopped being as active.  We all know the story and as we get older, we see the impact.  I never heard of a daddy belly or a dad bod until I started to have one.  It is still about choices.

Seems like when we go on vacation or travel for work, we make choices based on convenience or thinking that it is OK to let things go for a week.  It is easy to slide back into the bad eating habits, because let’s face it, some of those less healthy foods taste so good!  My travel eating choices, especially when I am on my own, are all on my shoulders.  Burger and a beer, pizza and a beer, beer and some wings – all tasty.  By the end of this last week, I had more than my fill of carbs and added to my waistline – I did not make healthy choices.  Though my palette was happy, my stomach was not.  My simple test is to stand tall and look downward past my belly to see what I can see.  If I see my feet, all is good.  Of course, looking in the mirror might give me a different perspective.  Eating is important and to enjoy what we eat is a bonus.  Our choices, however, are ours to make.

Old Men Rocking

For Debbie and me, this has been a bonanza year for seeing musicians we always wanted to see and bands we never saw before.  OK – it was more like watching a series of senior citizen acts.  But I have to tell you, for people ranging in age from late 60’s into their 80’s, these people still have it.

This last week, I saw two concerts (one without Debbie) that were from the same era and influential in their own ways.  The first one, which I saw with my old friend Marty (yes, knowing people 40 years makes them old friends), was Herb Alert.  While he no longer tours with the Tijuana Brass, he has a great combo of jazz musicians and tours with his wife (who sang with Sergio Mendez and Brazil 66).  At 84, he still walks confidently onto the stage and still plays well.  He did a medley or two covering the hits from the Tijuana Brass and ventured off onto the songs he wanted to play and improvise on.  As a multi-Grammy winner (including one in 2013 for best instrumental album), he was filling stadiums in the 1960’s, had hit records against the era of The Beatles and had an even bigger impact by being the “A” in highly successful record label, A&M.

The second concert, which I saw with Debbie, was one of her all-time favorite bands – The Rolling Stones.  It is not unusual for musicians, as they age, to slow down their music, be more efficient in their approach and potentially relax more on stage.  Later in his career, B.B. King sat while he played.  I saw Jerry Lee Lewis play years ago when he was in his 50’s and Great Balls of Fire was played as a ballad.  At 76 and having undergone heart surgery earlier this year, Mick Jagger still runs, struts and has “the moves like Jagger.”  The rest of the band still cranks out the Rock and Roll and keeps a pace rivaling back to their younger years.  Their approach to music, performing and being labeled “The World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band,” has set the standard for what defines a Rock musician.  And as 55+ year veterans, it is now what one can still do and what one can enjoy, no matter how old you get.

Aside from great music played by legendary musicians, what was my take away from the past week?  Herb Alpert commented that in most cases, people do not remember the songs played, but the feeling that they get after going to a concert.  In both cases:

·         They have been popular acts for as long as I have been on this planet. 

·         As senior citizens, they both still pursue their passions

·         They are all living life to the fullest, even into the 80’s, and can still be relevant

·         In the Stones case, adversity and illness has not stopped them from doing what they enjoy

It is easiest to reach a point in one’s life and “retire” from our passions, our dreams and our desires.  The “senior” musicians I saw showed the impact of overcoming roadblocks, working towards a healthy lifestyle and striving to be at your peak at whatever point you are at in your life.  They make no excuses for going out and living each and every day to their fullest.

Oh, Sleep, Where Art Thou?

Ever have a stretch of poor sleep?  I do not mean just one night of tossing and turning and the mind forever racing over some salient point, or the times in our lives where we go to bed worrying about something.  I am talking (or, in my case, writing) about a string of night or weeks, where you wake up as tired as when you went to sleep?

This past week, I was in Stamford, Connecticut to train new users on the OneStream application.  The class went well and I was able to help adult professionals on their journey working with a product that will be beneficial to their company and their work lives.  I knew the material, I knew the information that I had to cover, and this was by no means the first time that I was in front of a class (or audience for that matter).  After eight hours of being “on,” where you are training, reacting to facial expressions (clues to understanding the material), answering questions and making the information relevant to each person, I am very tired.  Each night, I went to bed exhausted and passed out.  Great!  Except that when I opened my eyes feeling refreshed, it was only 11:30 ☹.  Each night I was up multiple times, sometimes not able to fall right back to sleep.  

Was I anxious?  Was I nervous?  Was I not used to being away from home?  All of these questions rattled around my brain (which probably made me more anxious the next night).  The truth is, I was not sleeping great prior to Stamford, nor once I got home.  Yes, I am sleeping more comfortably at home but still not the sleep I want.  Or some mornings it is a struggle getting out of bed and I would rather sleep in.  If I do, there is no exercise for that day and then I feel bad that I did not do that healthy activity for my body. 

I remember my mother’s father telling us that one hour of sleep before midnight equals two hours after.  So, I did a little web research.  There were a few articles that mention our best restorative sleep comes in the first third of sleeping; This easily leads to 1 hour before (1/3) midnight equals 2 hours after (2/3).  If I fall asleep at 10:00 and wake up at 11:30, does this mean that I only need four and a half hours of sleep?  There are also plenty of articles stating that we need less sleep the older we get.  

Either way, by the time that I have woken up, exercised, showered and eaten breakfast, I am more than ready for the day ahead.  I am full of energy waiting to take on the various adventures and challenges in front of me.  The good news, if I tire, there is always the opportunity to close my eyes for 15 minutes and take a catnap (or longer on weekends) to refresh myself.  At least I know, that at the end of my full day, there will always be my comfortable, inviting bed waiting for me.

L’Shana Tova 2018

It is once again the Jewish New Year!  This means that I will be spending a lot of time going to services, to atone for my sins and pray for next year to be a good one.  As the President of my synagogue, I will be sitting front and center, where everyone will know if I am there, what time I arrive and every itch that I scratch.  The seat came along with the job title.

As we start the new year, it is time to reflect on the past year and contemplate the year ahead.  As this is a religious season, it makes sense (to me) to look at my inner self and reflect on that. 

I have noticed over the past year that as the calendar moved forward, so did my belly.  I was less diligent about what I ate and went weeks without exercising.  I seemed to follow this formula:

Eat not so healthy + No exercise = Weight Gain

(Sigh)

I will not make excuses for this condition; it would be too easy to pass the buck onto someone else or some event.  The fact of the matter is that no one said to me, “Wayne, follow the new non-healthy formula.”  I did that all on my own.  I took that first step down the slippery slope – thinking it would be OK this time, and then “Ah, what’s a little cheating gonna hurt” to “I can skip today.”  Bad habits are easier to create because it is easy.  Good habits sometime include the things that we might not think we like and become harder to create.  As a fella named Bilal once told me, “Be consistent and persistent,” which is the way to succeed.

As I will be sitting in many services over the next week or so, it will give me plenty of time to contemplate myself.  Yes, I know it is corny, thinking of treating my body as a temple while praying.  With a new year, it still lends the opportunity to think of new things to do to better myself, improve where I am at and focus on things to accomplish.  My health and being around for a long time is important, for myself and for my family.  I will, therefore, develop healthier habits related to eating and exercising in the new year.

Here's to a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!