Shave and a Haircut

My last haircut was towards the beginning of January.  Normally, I would have said that my next cut would be at the end of March / beginning of April.  Well, that plan did not work out.  I made the decision at that time to wait until we could go back out to the places where we used to go.  Like everyone else, I figured that in a few weeks, and just like a big storm, the dark clouds of the pandemic would blow away.  We all know how that went.  During this time, my family said that they would happily cut my hair for me.  I could have used the beard clipper (which on video calls looks like many chose that option).  A month ago, friend of mine suggested I use his barber…a razor.  I made the decision to tough it out and visually show that I am following the guidance provided.  For me, that was as important a point to make as it was to look well groomed. Since the pandemic started, I have been out to shop and a couple of social distance visits, but for the most part, I had started to become comfortable staying close to home and minimizing my trips into the larger world.  My comfort zone did shrink.

And then the guidance changed.   While I do like having long hair (remember the pony tail I use to have?), I was done with the unruly, caveman look.  But truth be told, after so much time at home, like many other people, I have to admit I was nervous to venture forth.  As I said, my comfort zone in the past four months had become more like a small bubble.  A week after the governor gave the OK – I decided to call for an appointment, hoping that it would be a few weeks before they could take me, giving me time to prepare for enlarging my comfort zone.  “How does 6:30 work for you,” the voice kindly asked.  I stammered, “I c-c-cannot m-m-m-make it tonight.”  “I am talking about Friday,” she responded.  I took the appointment and now had to venture out to a place I had not been to before the pandemic even began (the place I used moved locations).

Friday arrived, and with a show of confidence I left my house and my comfort zone.  I grabbed a disposable mask on the way out, having to ditch the bandana that I usually wear.  I was uncomfortable even in my car, when I realized that I had not even turned the car on yet.  I drove to the place and pulled up.  I tentatively walked up to the door, not sure if I was to open it, or needed to be escorted in.  I cannot believe that an action that was normal and natural felt like I was trying something new.  The receptionist saw me, opened the door and took my temperature.  There was one other person there who was finishing up and then they left.  By the time I signed the release form, I was up.  As I sat down, conversation started naturally and we caught up since we last met.  I sat there at ease and then I was finished.  It was a positive experience, though I am still very cautious and continue to remain diligent.  Being smart about how we handle ourselves (metaphor for many things) will lead us to good outcomes.  I had built up some fears about going out and wanting to remain safe.  Believe me, running to the shore to be amongst a crowd is still not an option for myself.  Although we are still in quarantine, every day my comfort zone gets slightly bigger and I feel more comfortable as things start to “get back to normal”.

The Hard Decision

To close or not to close…that was the question plaguing me all week long.  As President of our synagogue, I looked towards President Truman for guidance when he stated that “The buck stops here.”  As with all organizations, there are boards, advisors, officers and others in leadership positions – as was recently put to me, we all report to someone - I never felt such a weight as what to do.  “The choice is easy,” was what I had heard.  True, when it comes down to yes or no, then I have only two options to select from.  Easy, but not so simple.  When there are a large group of people that you are responsible for, when there is a perception about your organization, when you wonder about the long range impact of the decision, and, when you wonder how it fell onto your shoulders, the simple yes or no makes you feel like Atlas with the entire world on your shoulders.

Two weeks ago, there was only a threat of the Novel Coronavirus impacting the United States.  People began avoiding certain beers (with a similar), avoiding ethnic foods, etc., which all made for good jokes…at that time.  However, when the media made the decision to have the Coronavirus the most important story of all time, politicians used this as fodder for their attacks and positioning, we the people had no where to turn.  I merely scan the headlines, and I do not listen nor watch the news.  If there is something that impacts me, or is really important, I will find out about it.  The Covid-19?  There is no way, unless you live in a hole in the middle of nowhere could you miss this.  Separating fact from fiction, the origin, who is responsible, etc. is enough to make me close and lock my front door just to keep it all out. 

Back to having a level head, not falling victim to mass hysteria and taking things in their proper perspective:  The CDC on their website states that “…some people are at higher risk of getting very sick from this illness. This includes:

·         Older adults

·         People who have serious chronic medical conditions like:

o   Heart disease

o   Diabetes

o   Lung disease”

At 57, I am one of the younger people in our congregation.  Which means that we have members falling into the CDC’s classification for higher risk. 

Which brings me to the decision at hand.  The synagogue is supposed to be, as all religious institutes, a safe place to congregate, pray and socialize.  We come together in good times and in bad.  A part of our community’s lives revolve around that place of brick and mortar.  But, if one person, no matter how remote, became the “Typhoid Mary” of our community, we are left with the single question, “Did we do enough to protect our people?”  Leaders lead and at the end of the day, must make decisions for the benefit of all, not him or herself, not for one group, but for everyone.  That is the hard part, whether there is a pandemic or just choices that are needed for the future.  Though the building is dark for today, we are still here for those in need and look forward to when the doors reopen for a brighter tomorrow.

Who is Guarding Whom?

In Harlan Ellison’s short story, “Crackpots”, he asks the underlying question – who really are the madmen and who runs the asylum?  It was an interest topic as it does make one realize that our points of view, or perspectives, can have a huge impact on how we view the world around us, how we navigate through life and how we interact with others.  For those amongst us that we deem the “normal” of society, someone who is a genius can sometimes border on insanity.  One might have to suspend commonly accepted methods to be open to other ideas and options.

In my brief time as an IBO (independent business owner) in the network marketing world, we were taught that when we approach a potential customer or IBO, to always lead with “…are you open to…”  As we go through life, how often are we not open to new thoughts, ideas or concepts?  Is it possible to crack that door ajar enough for new things to trickle in, either through the help of other, or, (gasp) of our own volition?  We all have the capacity to think more broadly.  When you are looking to buy a new car, did you all of a sudden look around and wonder why the car you are looking at has become more popular?  They were always there; you just were not “open” to seeing them.

We ran into a similar concept when we re-sided the house many years ago.  We were asked what type of shudders we wanted, or if we even wanted shudders.  We laughed at the time, thinking that shudders were standard and everyone had them.  As we drove around (many times not even looking), we noticed that there are a lot of houses without shudders, they came in some different styles, sizes and contrasting colors.  Without having been open to this beforehand, we never would have realized this.  We had a preconceived notion and potentially cut ourselves off to an option had not someone else point this out.  The “crazy” idea of not having shudders all-of-a-sudden became a possibility.

We all live in a world of commonly accepted practices, group-think, and community derived norms.  We have all met people through our lives that seemed a little bit “out there”, due to the fact they did not comply with our “accepted” practices.  It is interesting to note, that after a few cocktails, we tend to drop our commonly accepted façade and we begin to hypothesize and create new ideas.  These Ideas are generated by the ability to think freely, to push beyond convention and a static environment.  The next morning, as we try to remember through the fog and possible hangover what we envisioned, half the time we dismiss the thoughts as it is outside what others might approve.  It does show that new ideas can flow more freely once the restraints are removed that dam up our abilities to be creative.

So, who are the mad ones, the free thinkers or the practitioners of the generally accepted norm?  And, who is guarding whom, or are have we become monitors / captors of our own thoughts?

In Times of Transition

It is time for a transition.  To modify the phase from the movie “Risky Business,” “Transition happens.”  The Oxford dictionary defines transition as “…the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.”  I feel like I just went through a transition, now I am preparing for yet another transition and a short way down the road, there will be yet another transition.  With a transition in life, in work, in roles and in attitudes, there seems to be no end to this in sight.

As a child, I remember going to school, playing outside, playing with friends and family mystery car rides.  Yes, we had mystery car rides where our parents would pick out something to do, not tell us and off in the car we would go.  Sometimes it was an amusement park (most of those from that time are gone, like Bertram’s Island), sometimes it was to some ice cream place with an arcade, sometimes it was…I do not even remember.  One time, I swear it is true, we were driving up route 17 and they announced on the radio that the Zeiler Family was out driving on a mystery car ride.  I never figured out how my dad pulled that one off…but I digress.  Our transitions, when we were young, were the BIG EVENTS: changing schools, reaching a religious milestone (in my case, my Bar Mitzvah), or getting a first real job.

In this past year, I feel that I have been involved in many transitions – I started the year transitioning to a new company, to new roles in the company and to different clients (normal in consulting).  We watched and were part of our children’s transition from graduating college, moving back home, to job changes, to a first real job and to other interests.  As president of an organization, I have been part of some small transitions which included changing mindsets, addressing real issues (which, like change, people tend to avoid), opening new doors and within the next six months, transitioning out of this role.  They say life is like a roller coaster, pull the bar down and hang on.  Yup, I can see that.

Transitions happen like a river, forever moving forward and never giving the chance to stand still.  It is important to take advantage of this while you are still able to do so.  As we begin the last few days of 2019 and move forward into the next decade, it is time to plan out the goals and objectives for 2020.  It is a time for transition…for all of us.

Happy New Year!

Gratitude Edition

Thanksgiving.  A time to be thankful.  A time to show gratitude.  A time of festive indulgence.  This is the one time of the year when we are supposed to get together, enjoy a hearty meal, watch football and get that head start on holiday shopping.  This is a national day where we are supposed to be thankful and show off our attitude of gratitude; even to the point where you might go around the dining room table broadcasting to the world what you are thankful for.

As a kid, I remember learning about the Pilgrims during this time of year. They strode forth for religious reasons, braved their way across the immensely large body of water known as the Atlantic Ocean, and lived in an unknown world inhabited by unknown people.  This hazardous journey was made by a people with conviction, commitment and cooperation who forged together for a common goal.  The celebratory meal, which is represented as our Thanksgiving meal, gives celebration to man’s endeavors to survive at all costs and ultimately to populating and becoming the great nation we live in.  I remember making buckles for our shoes, little hats for our heads and drawing hand-outlined turkeys.  It was a rich opportunity to relive a critical time in our history.

Thanksgiving is the midpoint and the evening where frantic shoppers hit the stores in search of good deals so that they can get a huge jump on their holiday gift gathering.  We all know in advance who will be having the sales and the hours stores will be open for.  In an age where online shopping is becoming the preferred way to shop, Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful that the stores and malls still exist, because that is where the deals are!  Hate to eat and run…oh, and make sure the alarm is set extra early to continue the frantic search for that special item Friday morning!

Sorry, I am not shopping.  I look forward to waking up Friday morning without setting the alarm.  Spend a little time thinking about how special the day is, what it represents and how a small band of people came to this country, a country that represents the ideals of freedom, to make a new life for themselves.  Then I will be thankful for being blessed to have my family, to spend time together, to relax and to enjoy their company.  While we should not need one day set aside to be grateful (we should be grateful every day), we should not squander that opportunity.  And then off to my brothers for the annual, the traditional Thanksgiving meal, some seasonal beverages and being thankful for the day.

Do You Get It?

Have you ever explained something and the person you were talking with had the blank deer in the head lights look?  How about the deafening silence on the other side of the phone?  A roomful of people sitting like mannequins?  The slack jaw gawk of disbelief staring you in the face?  You know what I mean…the one(s) you are talking to either does not understand a word you are saying, or just simply does not get it.  This is usually when the audience is receiving new information, facing change or having something new clarified to them.  The most difficult time is when there is change afoot.

I truly believe that at times we can be so change averse, regardless of how dire our situation, we cannot fathom the world is changing, the past is over or leaving behind our comfortable world.  Unfortunately, that type of mindset leads to waiting so long to take action that when we rise out of our comfortable chair to do something relevant, the moment has long ago passed us by…the old saying “too little too late” applies.  Sadly, at this juncture, we have nothing to do but sit back down in our old worn comfortable chair and wonder what happened.  This can happen to organizations, political positions and to people who do not evaluate their situation until there is no choice left.  This is the category where advice, statistics and views into the wider world do not register.

The flip side are those that keep their heads up and look out towards the horizon watching for shifts in the tide (trends).  They want to be aware of where the future can bring us.  Thomas Alva Edison is attributed to have said “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”  This category will recognize that there are challenges ahead, opportunities to be addressed and work to be done to point towards the future.  This group will take this to heart and most importantly, put forth the effort required to reach those goals.  Change is not a foreign concept, but indigenous to the path that they stride upon. 

There is another group – those that see the changes / challenges ahead, but like where they are and are comfortable falling behind those that move ahead.  We have all met those people that are happy to remain in that bubble that they long ago surrounded themselves in, not cutting off the world, but enjoying the peace, tranquility and circle of comfort that they prefer to live in.  This can apply to individuals or larger groups of people that live in a modern world, but choose to exist in their own way.

During the course of time, if we are involved in many different components of our lives, we might face each of the above.  As always, life is full of options and choices.  Sometimes the answers are straight forward.  Sometimes the answers are clouded by too many paths before us or unclear options.  Sometimes, we wait to see what will happen, due to being unsure.    I was once taught that confused people do nothing.  It is hard when you are part of a group that needs change, but cannot see it, nor the value it would bring.  Which category do you belong to? 

Procrastination as a Strategy

I procrastinated!  My father was great at pointing out when I procrastinated while growing up.  I am sure there were other adjectives used, but that is the one that always stuck out.  “But I was…” would be the start to my usual response.  “Wayne,” he would start, “I do not want hear any excuses…” Stubbornly, I would repeat this pattern (I did not like being told what I can and cannot do).  While my afternoons were spent watching classics, like Bugs Bunny and the Three Stooges, I probably would have been better served reading the classics instead of watching the “classics.”  While I was sitting there laughing, absolutely nothing was happening, leading to procrastinating on homework, etc.  Reading for school – nah, that never happened.  My dad even got called in for a conference due to late or no book reports being handed in (fourth grade).  Needless to say, he was not happy.

That was then, this is now.  Truth be told, as we got older, life get busier.  Marriage, children, and homes are all great things that occur in our lives that should be celebrated and enjoyed in their own right.  These activities easily fill our time and keep us busy.  We become busy doing this, busy doing that, busy running here and busy running there.   This causes us to have difficulty in accomplishing things.  At the end of the day, we are tired and sometimes wonder what we accomplished.  I remember many of these days – long fun days with my family, good quality time, but little accomplished.  The busier we are, the more we tend to procrastinate due to time constraint…or so we lead ourselves to believe.  Truth is, being busy does not equal being productive.  It took me years to realize this.  I am no longer that child watching the “classics” but now the adult and can no longer make excuses for my procrastination and blame my time loss on others.

OK, now that I have patted myself on the back and complimented my emergence as an adult, that does not mean procrastination has disappeared.  If I sit here and prioritize my tasks, I know what I can do and what has to be held off.  Many time times, I will delay addressing something that I really do not want to do (that would be procrastinating).  I know I am doing this up front and can communicate what I am doing.   Then there are times where an “event” occurs and the choice is to do a knee jerk reaction.  Under the emotional stress and strain of situation, people react instead of thinking level-headed.  In this case, procrastination is a strategy.  By dragging my heels, the situation can calm down and clear-headed decisions can be made.  While I am still a big Three Stooges fan, watching them are no longer a priority, however, they are still a pleasant distraction when I need something to help me procrastinate.

Seeing Beyond One’s Nose

I have been wearing glasses for about 45 years.  Without them, while I can “see,” the world is blurry and reading is extremely difficult.  Since my glasses sit upon my nose, you might say that without them, I truly have trouble “seeing” beyond my nose.  Thankfully, corrective glasses help my vision.  The ability to improve our sight has been in existence for almost 1000 years, with Arabian mathematician Alhazen being dubbed the “Father of Modern Optics” around the year 1000.  I am appreciative of all the advancements, including Ben Franklin’s creation of the bifocal, of which, due to the age of my eyes, I now take advantage of.  We clearly use technology to help improve our physical vision.

But what about our “mental” vision?  While there are methods of improving how far we can see with our eyes, what about how far we can see with our minds?  I was once told by an astute consultant, “If you can imagine it, we can create it.”  The limits of what we can do, what we can envision and how we perceive our surroundings are limited by the extent of our imagination and our willingness to see beyond what is directly in front of us.  By way of example, how often when a new “hot” product hits the market, or some new advancement becomes public, do we hear people say (if not ourselves), “that was so obvious, I could have [fill in the blank].”  Of course, once it comes into our sphere of vision, it seems as if it should have always been there and obviously, we should have thought it up.  In reality, however, is we did not because we were unable to see beyond our nose, limited by the scope in which we perceive the world around us.

This concept can be applied anywhere we look in life.  I remember early in my work career asking questions and being told “you only need to know about what you are working on.”  As my career advanced and I had the opportunity to “see” the big picture, the previous task I was assigned made MORE sense within the whole than as a stand-alone activity.  While most people are content with what is standing in front of them, it is the ability to “see” beyond our self-defined barriers that helps us to push forward, to think bigger thoughts and to achieve grander results.  Meeting up with like minded individuals helps to expand one’s vision.  The flip side is those with limited foresight tend to stand out more.  There have been many authors who point out that our view of our tomorrow is based solely on our experiences of yesterday, making it difficult to see “outside the box,” to expand our horizons and to be open to potentially new ideas that will broaden our views.

While I do not have any answers and there is no technology to assist, we have to be diligent and aware when we mentally walk down a path and come to the fork in the road.  One way leads to comfort, the same-ole-same-old and what we are most used to.  The other way is the unknown, fraught with whatever things our imagination can dream up.  Scary?  Maybe.  Exciting?  Most definitely.  And we might actually find out that once we cross over that threshold, the unknown might become the obvious.

My Girls are Home!

For the first time in six years, our house is officially home to both of our children.  Our status as empty nesters is temporarily on hold.  Graduation a few weeks ago was a major milestone for Bec and for us as both girls have now finished their formal education.  I use the word formal because education should never truly end, as we all still have many things to learn as we travel through life.  Like a book, we have reached the end of one chapter, and have turned the page to begin a new one.

Gab moved back a year ago as she took a job in this area.  Debbie and I are happy to have her live with us to help provide the opportunity to save money before moving out on her own.  Same now goes for Bec.  And while that is the practical rationale, the truth is, even if this is for a short period, it is a good feeling to have the family back together.  Again, I know that this is temporary, because as much as we would like them to stay, the old adage, “our house, our rules” still applies.  Not sure if that is a negative reflection on us as being unchanging, but we still see our little girls as just that.  I remember, before getting married, when I was at my parent’s home, it felt like at many times they treated me as that little boy who grew up there and only saw the adult Wayne when I was outside their house.  Alright, I will admit, in hindsight it was kind of nice to be pampered, have food prepared for me and have my laundry washed, folded and put away.

Still, in the realm of milestones, the next chapter where we become empty nesters for good cannot be too many years off.  My mom always said to my brothers and me that “…no matter how old you are, you will always be my babies.”  My brothers and I laughed at that.  It has taken decades for that comment to finally catch up with me, as the girls are still our little kids – albeit in grown up form, grown up mannerisms, grown up attitudes, and grown up objectives.  Okay, I just described young adults, not children.  I guess the lesson learned, and the most important thing, is to enjoy them while they are still under our roof.   This should always be a place of comfort, a place of warmth and a place for family to congregate, for as long as Debbie and are able to make it so.

Carrying the Burden

How often do you wake up feeling like you have the weight of the world upon your shoulders?  I do not mean that the entire universe is resting on your shoulder like Atlas, where moving your pinky toe has a ripple effect on the everything in existence; however, some days it might feel like it.  The feeling might come from something you are planning, an event you are looking forward to or a presentation to upper management where the impact can affect future decisions.  We all know people who walk around feeling that the planet revolves around them but seemingly do not feel the burden that I am talking about.

Calling all parents – here is a group who definitely feel these burdens.  As parents, we are concerned about our children and their future and whether or not we have done enough to prepare them for their own lives.  Many of us still have our parents, where once they were our guardians, our teachers and our caregivers.  Today, the roles have begun, if not already, to change.  When I travel, I always have my phone on next to me, just in case my family needs to reach me in an emergency.  Yes, as our children move into the young adult phase, they become more independent, have jobs and can provide for themselves; however, it does ease that stress level up.

There are always the points in our lives where we have to address the choices before us, evaluate the options that stare us in the face and guide the path towards personal and collective futures.  This is where the stress and pressure can really come to a head.  It can be hard for most people to want to take on the responsibilities of ownership when it comes to this topic.  I have had the pleasure of sitting in meetings where we all look around the room waiting for someone to take ownership, knowing whom the correct person for the task should be… being “the person” to make decisions can cause the fear of not making the right choice, being afraid no one will like the decision and discomfort of having all eyes on them.   The people who rise to those occasions, most likely have the same concerns and fears – it is human nature, we all have that little voice (called doubt) chatting away in our heads.

When you feel that sense of burden, remember you are not alone.  Responsibility is not something to take lightly!  We have to remember our goals and objectives.  The causes, the values and the future outcomes we desire are what really make up who we are and the person who we strive to be.  Diligence, consistency and persistence help to negate the feelings of burden.  I still follow the old adage – plan the work, then work the plan in many parts of my life.  Many mornings, when I feel like Atlas with the world pressing down on my shoulders, I take a few minutes before getting out of bed, mentally revisit the activities for the day.  Doing this helps the weight of the world to lift off of my shoulders, because I understand what I need to do to get through the day.  And once the day ends, it is easy enough to review what happened, feel good about facing fears, address issues and accomplish goals and objectives.