I Feel Like a Child

At what point in our life do we lose our childhood wonderment and curiosity about the things that happen around us?

I do not know why, but as I stood there, with the Lulav (made up of palm, myrtle and willow leaves) in my right hand and the Etrog in my left, I looked over at the leader (cantor) and was in complete fascination with what was going on.  I felt like a little boy, mimicking the moves of the older gentleman saying the ancient words and shaking the symbolic objects in his hands.  It felt so…mystical.  I felt like I had been transported back through time and had the special pleasure of holding some relic that contained special powers, my mind filled with wonder (could have been the strong Etrog smell).  I felt like…a child, in that there was a sense of wonder, a sense of curiosity and a sense of imagination that were simultaneously running through my mind.  

I cannot remember the last time where I had the feeling where time (my age), a sense of control, and an attachment to reality seemed to fade away.  When we were younger, the ability to create an imaginary moment or moments were part of how we played and, in some case, discovered the world around us.  When Gab and Bec were little, we used to watch them play with their dolls, stuffed animals and toys, creating a universe where, to them, everything they touched seemed alive.  I remember sitting on the floor trying to join in the worlds they were creating, but by that time, I was an adult, had an adult job and had family responsibilities.  I remember a feeling of sadness that I had trouble letting my imagination go to fully involve myself in their play.

When we were kids, my brothers and I always played pretend.  Things we saw, people we observed, all became weaved together as we would “act out” our own fantasy world.  As we got a little older, and had mobility with our bikes, the imaginary play world grew as our world expanded.  There is no one point in time where I can place my finger when the world of imagination receded into the world of hard facts.  I miss the opportunity to let my mind go and meld into the world of make believe.  The closest I get today is through vivid dreams, where sometimes, the laws of reality seem to be suspended (different topic for a different day).

So, as I stood there, during the Sukkot service, waving the Lulav and Etrog along with the cantor, I did let myself go and soak in the images and feelings of the moment.  And maybe, that is the key to living in the moment.  There were no thoughts about what came next, what happened yesterday or how the rest of my day would unfold.  I was in that one moment, holding objects tied to our distant past, waving them about with some magical thoughts in my head, feeling like a little child.  Once I realized all of that, the moment was over.  Maybe it is time to search for our inner child, embrace our more imaginative side and let the stress and strain of daily life melt away.  For those moments of calm and bewilderment help us to put things in perspective, realize that we can let go for a little while and enjoy the wonders of life.