Change Comes to Everyone

Yes, I am the guy who writes about change, speaks publicly about change and whose livelihood relies on change.  But what happens when change comes to Wayne?  And I am not talking about the fuzzy stuff that is adorning my chin.  I am talking about looking out into the future, setting some goals and making the choices in order (some more difficult than others) to attain what I need in my life. 

Next month I turn 56.  “The Balance” recently printed an article that, based on US Census information, the average retirement age is around 63, with life in retirement lasting 18 years.  According to that statistic, I have only 7 years left in the workforce and 25 years before I start pushing up daisies.  While I have no thoughts of retiring, as I still enjoy what I do, maybe I should take the stats into account.  I am planning to make it to 100 years old, which is 44 years away.  While I do not like to always follow the pack,  at some point, this ride called life will come to the end of the line, whether I am ready or not.

There is some measure of truth in the saying (attributed to Tony Robbins), "Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”  As we move through life, we reach different points where we have become comfortable where we are, we take pleasure in “know all” about our supposed areas of expertise, and as a result, start the slide towards Mediocrity.  Roy Vaden made the observation that “Success is never owned; it is only rented, and the rent is due every day!”  As we become comfortable, we tend to slack off, find the easier ways to achieve the same goals (sometimes, however, this can lead to new discoveries), and tend to ride on our laurels.  I am no different.  By becoming the president of a volunteer organization, that I faced many new challenges.  Yes, I was prepared.  Yes, I knew what I was getting into and the potential risks.

Still…we draw the circles around us, put up the fences and rely on that comfy chair.  Stepping out, putting ourselves in a less than familiar environment makes us uncomfortable and vulnerable and triggers those ancient instincts to protect what we have.  Without breaking out the mold of our own creation, without experimenting and without searching out new experiences, we fulfill the image of sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch, sipping lemonade and enjoy watching the grass grow. 

Not for me…new changes, here I come!  More to follow on this in the near future…

I Feel Like a Child

At what point in our life do we lose our childhood wonderment and curiosity about the things that happen around us?

I do not know why, but as I stood there, with the Lulav (made up of palm, myrtle and willow leaves) in my right hand and the Etrog in my left, I looked over at the leader (cantor) and was in complete fascination with what was going on.  I felt like a little boy, mimicking the moves of the older gentleman saying the ancient words and shaking the symbolic objects in his hands.  It felt so…mystical.  I felt like I had been transported back through time and had the special pleasure of holding some relic that contained special powers, my mind filled with wonder (could have been the strong Etrog smell).  I felt like…a child, in that there was a sense of wonder, a sense of curiosity and a sense of imagination that were simultaneously running through my mind.  

I cannot remember the last time where I had the feeling where time (my age), a sense of control, and an attachment to reality seemed to fade away.  When we were younger, the ability to create an imaginary moment or moments were part of how we played and, in some case, discovered the world around us.  When Gab and Bec were little, we used to watch them play with their dolls, stuffed animals and toys, creating a universe where, to them, everything they touched seemed alive.  I remember sitting on the floor trying to join in the worlds they were creating, but by that time, I was an adult, had an adult job and had family responsibilities.  I remember a feeling of sadness that I had trouble letting my imagination go to fully involve myself in their play.

When we were kids, my brothers and I always played pretend.  Things we saw, people we observed, all became weaved together as we would “act out” our own fantasy world.  As we got a little older, and had mobility with our bikes, the imaginary play world grew as our world expanded.  There is no one point in time where I can place my finger when the world of imagination receded into the world of hard facts.  I miss the opportunity to let my mind go and meld into the world of make believe.  The closest I get today is through vivid dreams, where sometimes, the laws of reality seem to be suspended (different topic for a different day).

So, as I stood there, during the Sukkot service, waving the Lulav and Etrog along with the cantor, I did let myself go and soak in the images and feelings of the moment.  And maybe, that is the key to living in the moment.  There were no thoughts about what came next, what happened yesterday or how the rest of my day would unfold.  I was in that one moment, holding objects tied to our distant past, waving them about with some magical thoughts in my head, feeling like a little child.  Once I realized all of that, the moment was over.  Maybe it is time to search for our inner child, embrace our more imaginative side and let the stress and strain of daily life melt away.  For those moments of calm and bewilderment help us to put things in perspective, realize that we can let go for a little while and enjoy the wonders of life.

I Cannot Believe I Watched This…

OK – I have a confession.  As a general rule of thumb, I do not watch any reality TV, as I have enough in my own life to focus on other than to watch other people’s live through the sanitized presentation of a television station looking to boost ratings.  With taking on the president’s role at my synagogue, my time commitments have obviously changed.  Keep in mind that I still have a full time, outside interests, some semblance of a social life, and most importantly, my family.  Blocking off time to do something as a family means exactly that – blocking off time; time that leads to conversation and hopefully some shared memories.  Over the last few months, that thing that was shared time… - “Big Brother.”  Yes, that is right – a reality TV based game show that lasts 90+ days, requires watching TV 3 times a week and following either feeds or reading others postings on the going on within the “house.”

The thing that is interesting to me is that there are two levels of game play – one competitive and one social.  The competitive aspect includes memory, skills, strength and endurance.  The social game is on interaction, whereby friendships are formed, alliances are agreed upon, decision influence occurs and romances can start.  The ones who advance and the winner are chosen by their peers, which depending on how you treated them in the game can affect their vote. 

Image that I did not start with the first paragraph.  You would not know that I am referring to a television show. What if I had a single sentence to open with “Sometime, it feels like my life is one big game.”  I had done consulting work at a large, multi-national tobacco company, that had interest in the food business and owned a brewery.  As a company, they did not have to worry about revenue streams, so the internal employees were constantly jockeying for positions, manipulating people, forming internal alliances and attempting to “win.” There is the line in the Pink Floyd song “Dogs” that captures what I saw:  “You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to so that when they turn their backs on you, you'll get the chance to put the knife in.” 

I could have been referring to politics, where it can be an endurance test, alliances are definitely made and manipulation occurs; elections can seem sometimes like our decisions are based on social game play as opposed to what candidates really stand for.  This could refer to a High School experience, where sports (endurance and strength) and being popular (friendships) formed many of the cliques we were in or avoided.  Following people that have to spend 24/7 living in a petri dish is a microcosm of life, how we live and how we survive.  Not a new topic, as the literary example would be “Lord of the Flies,” which if you have not read, this is a great chance to do so.  The slick television presentation provides a filter for viewer share, while the behind the scenes you view the emotions, the living aspects, raw (sometimes inappropriate) actions and thinking that occurs. 

While it was fun to watch, as my daughters refer to this as a social experiment, I am looking forward to going back to my own game of life…