To Change or Not to Change

Change comes to everyone, whether we want it or not.  At home, at our place of business, the things we touch and the things that we do.  Whether we are in times of transition or not, the world around us is constantly in a state of change.  As a project manager, previously a consultant, change was and is a part of what I do.  To be honest, it is easier to take a step back and guide others through the process, because I have spent time reviewing, analyzing and planning for the journey leading to the change event.  Sometimes in my “world,” I am in the middle of the swirl of events and have not taken the time to step back and realize that a change is happening. 

As there are changes that I am facing (which are continuous), there are some things that I have come to realize.  I can group these things into three basics areas – signs of change, refusing to change and the challenges of change.

Signs of change:

• Things happening in the world around us:  A generation or two ago, there was a mass exodus of families from the cities moving to the suburbs.  Similarly, today many young adults have decided to move into more urban areas.  This has an impact on how we conduct business and volunteer/religious organizations.
• Events occurring in our lives: How many of us are within 5 – 10 years of a lifecycle change, whether children, grandchildren, parents or ourselves?  This effects our pocket as well as can cause significant changes to our households.
• Impact of technology: How much of the business world has changed with the growth of Amazon?  Or, remember a few years ago when a familiar Microsoft document with an “x” appended to the file type that they could no longer open.  Technology impacts how we communicate, how we handle business, and potentially, how we run our households.
• Customers are not interested:  What we offer is no longer what others desire.  This can impact personal, business and religious factors.

Signs of refusing change:

• Manufacturing excuses:  When faced with making a change, we find an excuse for not moving forward, primarily by making up reason to avoid, delay or deflect facing what is staring us directly in the face.
• History becomes our favorite topic:  Our favorite way to not face reality is to reminisce about past achievements from a different time or a different place.  Whether or not it is relevant to today, we look back on the golden days, sometimes forgetting the struggles and efforts we went through to attain that point in time.
• Putting on the blinders:  We just plainly ignore the reality that is going on around us.  This can sometimes lead to the reference of sticking one’s head in the sand, like an ostrich, so as not to see the truth.
• Not me syndrome:  Change is for someone else, but not for me.  Historically, we have seen the impact to groups of people thinking it is someone else’s problem and not them.  Many organizations have not survived due to this.
• Feelings of contentment: “I am where I want to be”

Challenges of change:

• Opening eyes:  Help others to see the world as it is and the new opportunities provided.
• Change in the mindset:  Going from “Who Moved My Cheese?”, to where can we go from here?
• Fear of the Unknown (FEAR = False Expectations / Emotions Appear Real, Finding Excuses and Reasons):  The natural survival instinct is to apply what we know to a situation to keep us safe.  When faced with the unknown, we have a fear (whether real or perceived).

As a project manager, I think about the above items at the onset of a project, and during the project, to help me to think of how others might perceive things.  I can apply the same process to new projects (opportunities) at home and other areas of my life.  When Bob Dylan sang, “The Times They Are-a Changing,” it was not only an anthem to the 60’s but to life.  As the one line states, “As the present now, Will later be past,” holds as true today as when first penned. 

Transitioning Again!

As we fall back to earth from the graduation celebration, it is once again time to take stock in our lives.  Even though Bec is going to school for one more year to get her MBA, it seems that in the Zeiler household, we are switching from the school year, to that period in-between.  Gab will be coming back in a few weeks to work in our area for the summer, which means that the four of us will be under one roof again.  In a few days, my dad will be transitioning back to the north for the summer months.  Needless to say, I am looking forward to everyone being back in the same state! 

However, transition means more than just moving.  For Bec – it is going from undergrad to graduate student, with an eye towards her first full-time job.  For Gab, it will be transitioning from living in the Hartford area, to potentially moving back to New Jersey.  For Debbie and myself, it is the time in our lives where we need to transition to looking towards our future, where the money spent on raising children now must go towards providing for us.  I do not have an entitlement mindset, so I am not expecting the government nor anyone else to tend to my needs as life moves forward. 

We all hear the rhetoric.  Every election cycle, the person wanting to take office provides some persuasive speech telling us what they and the government will do for us.  Our government’s primary job is to protect the lives of its citizens to pursue their own lives under the constitution and the freedoms provided in that document (yes, all laws need to comply).  All else is up to us to pursue.  Part of maturing is realizing that we have to take responsibility for our lives, our actions and our outcomes.  No excuses!  Even in points of transition, the goals and objectives of life-cycle turning points rest upon our own shoulders.  If we trip and stumble, the lessons learned to do better next time is preferable to waiting for someone else to make those decisions (without our input) - success moved outside our control, leaving us with pointing fingers and blaming others.  When my grandfather’s generation arrived on our shores, they saw this great country as a land of opportunity, where they could work hard and reap the benefits of their effort.  They did not come here to be “taken care of."

There is a part of me that would love to go back to the carefree days of living under my parents’ roof, having everything provided for and tended to so that I could play all day.  At 55, those days are long gone.  I had a tough time making the transition, but one cannot rebel against the natural order of things.  And the benefit?  I have a great wife and two wonderful children!  As a parent, aside from my own transitions (i.e., change), I have the chance to help our girls transition as well.  Here’s to opening that door, finding out what is on the other side, transitioning over the threshold and continuing the journey 😄 .

Bec Graduates!

Bec has graduated college!!! 

I was tempted to end on that one exciting line.  Our baby has joined the ranks of college alumnus.  While at this point, she is no longer truly a baby.  However, as my mother (who Bec is named after) often told my brothers and me, “No matter how old you are, you will always be my babies.”  In truth, Bec has developed into a young adult, makes decisions for herself and has a great future of her own device ahead of her.  We all have reached an important milestone – for Bec, it is an end to undergrad life and for us, the time in our lives where we have seen both of our children reach an important education level. 

As we were with Gab last year at this time, we are proud of Bec.  As parents, we do the thing we feel is best to see our children strive to reach their potential.  While the girls are still young, the path before them is exciting, full of hopes, dreams, and goals to obtain.  I love the parenting quote by Andy Andrews, “We’re not trying to raise good kids. We’re trying to raise kids who become great adults.”  Once our children finish their education, like little birds leaving the nest, we must let them learn to fly on their own.  Yes, we still want to wrap them in their arms, to keep them safe, to watch over them and to still provide unending advice.  Even though Gab has been on her own this past year, that still holds true.  As with the young chick, she could stand on her own, make her own decisions and (happy for us) still come to spend time at our home.

At the ceremony, the moment that she came down the aisle during the processional, I was filled with emotion.  As she stood in line, I yelled loudly for Bec, she saw us, posed for a picture and then sat down.  The speeches were good and meaningful, but we still waited with anticipation for the moment when each student was called up.  We cheered wildly when her name was announced.  But when the President of the school conferred the moment of graduating upon the former undergrad students, with the symbolic of moving the tassel on their caps from the right to left, I felt a few tears leak out of my eyes.  Our baby is now a graduate, having worked hard to reach this point a year ahead of schedule.  The important lesson is there – work hard for the things that you want, stay focused and strive for your goals.  I am soooo proud of Bec!  I am proud of both my daughters (yes, I am sitting here writing with my chest puffed out) and all they have accomplished! 

For Bec, this is an end to one chapter of her life.  And like reading a book, the page is turned and now begins the adventure ahead.  Congratulations!

Life Balance

Home Life / Family, Friends, Works, Religion, Volunteering, Hobbies, Down Time.  How well do we balance / juggle all of these activities?  And when do we have time to explore new interests?  I used to work for a company that during their year-end personnel review process, we were required to include (in our part) the Life / Work Balance, as it was important for that company that their employees valued life outside of their work life.  I have not seen that in the ensuing companies that I have worked for; yet we all talk about our families and our social activities at work and our families and business at social gatherings. 

When I joined the world of consulting, I was asked by a potential employer about my thoughts on travel.  Yes, I know, right off the bat traveling for work as a young man sounded glamorous.  Then he pointed out being away on weekends, time alone, etc. – the things that are less glamorous.  Gab was not even a year old at this point, but I was at a transition point in my career and looked towards the opportunity ahead.  Travel meant the potential of missing events in my children’s development.  As it ended up, while I did travel, I only had one long term assignment outside the area but was home for the weekends.  I missed a few “concerts” and Halloween parades, but tried to be around when I could.  There are events in our children’s lives that once they have done them, it is over and never to occur again.

Of course, on the flip side, is being able to provide for a family / household.  I have heard the stories about my grandfather, who as a salesman, used to drive over his designated region to meet with existing customers and find potential new customers.  This meant that he was on the road for weeks on end.  Prior to that, he owned a business, where he traveled in the early morning hours from his home in Brooklyn to his store on the Lower East Side, returning home late at night after closing.  My grandfather’s story is not unique.  Many people worked hard long hours to put food on the table and a roof over the heads of their families.  The father worked while the mother tended to house and home, sometimes with the help of a grandmother (for those of us old enough to remember the old fear the bubbie jokes).  Today we live a world of the two-family income, where balance of work / life is more important.

At the end of the day, I am and have been a big believer in parents’ responsibility to teach vital lessons to their children, from morals, to family traditions, to personal values.  In the workforce practice of outsourcing, there are some things, in a home, that cannot be outsourced.  Time with our spouses (or significant others) and our family should be something we plan for, and that we value the times together.  While we have due dates (which we do plan around) at work, what does not get finished today will be sitting at our desk tomorrow.  Watching our children grow, many events happen only once and  we might not get the chances tomorrow for what we can do with them today. 

Inspiration Move Me Brightly

I was once taught in a seminar, by author and speaker Chris Widener, the difference between motivation and inspiration.  Motivation, he explained, was what we can bring onto ourselves or the general desire to do something; while inspiration is something that comes externally or being stimulated to do something.  His underlying point was that you cannot motivate someone else to do something, but you can inspire them to become motivated. 

I recently heard Rabbi Joseph Telushkin speak regarding thoughts on ethics.  I was inspired by his talk regarding the use of language and the meaning behind the words we use have an important impact.    This motivated me to start thinking about the words that I use and to educate myself better on this topic.  While I am generally an optimistic person, I have begun to notice whether or not the words I use communicate a positive message.  And it could be simple words or phrases I have always used.  For example, Zig Ziglar points out, in his recordings, that we refer to a traffic light as a stop light instead of a go light.  Chris Widener uses the example of waking up to an alarm (negative connotation) clock.  Rabbi Telushkin’s example was how we strive for deadlines, instead of due dates.

As a musician, I have not hidden the fact that I am in the process of teaching myself the banjo.  I have spent time listening to the great Earl Scruggs.  His breakthrough techniques elevated the instrument.  And then, I saw Bela Fleck…He provided inspiration to this fledgling banjo picker when I watched him play Chick Corea’s “Spain” (great piece on its own).  I was motivated in that the banjo, while a great rhythm instrument, can be used as a lead one as well.  Even just seeing talented musicians provides motivation for me regarding on how one can extend one’s ability to create something new (which is why I like improv).  We had a chance to see the Andy Statman Trio this past week.  Andy is a phenomenal clarinet and mandolin player (yes, I did tell him I might have to learn the mandolin next), but when coupled with drummer Larry Eagle and upright bass player Jim Whitney, the three easily produce great music, to inspire aspiring musicians.

Between Rabbi Telushkin and the Andy Statman Trio, there was a lot of inspiration flowing my way this week.  It is up to me, however, to transform that which excited me into motivation to action a takeaway for myself.  What has inspired you this past week?  Month?  Year?

Lighting the Fire Under One’s A**

When we “put our best foot forward”, do we take a stand on our purpose or just waver our foot in the air struck by indecision in what we envision?  This is a hard question to ask, and in many cases, to face.  All of us have things that we believe in, things we wish to pursue, and things we wish to accomplish.  While there are many studies and thought leaders who will point out that fear will hold a person back from taking action, we often come across individuals who have a passion for what they strive for.

As a project manager, I occasionally deal with passionate people – the one’s whose goals are on the line, the people who want to ensure changes occur and, on the flip side, those who want to stick by what they currently do.  Being involved in a volunteer leadership position, these are the people that are passionate about the future, those who bring new ideas to the table and again, on the flip-side, those who want to stick by what they are familiar with.  In my personal life, these would be the people who champion causes, pursue career ideals, strive for strong family and relationships, and yes, those that protect what they have.  Even the most cool, calm collected person must be passionate about something.  There should be a fire that drives them from day-to-day.  We have all met people that seemingly have no desire, but to live out the day, that suddenly excel in something – something they have found a passion for.

Easiest example, which we have all experienced, is vacation time.  You have waited years to go on that one special trip, to go to that place that you have dreamed about going to, to act out the plans you have worked on.  The daily routine of life has a chance to be put on hold.  As the day comes closer, you wake up quicker in the morning with the expectation of the departure date.  You seemingly zip through the work that needs to be accomplished.  You talk about the upcoming excursions and all activities, and somehow life is aligned to making this happen.  A passion has been ignited, which leads to enthusiasm and motivation which otherwise might be dormant.  It is a HUGE natural rush! 

Here's to finding the things that ignite one’s passion, leading to the ability to achieve greater things and, of course, finding the drive to make things happen!