“School’s Out Forever!”

“If the band plays at my graduation party, they have to play School’s Out,” Bec recently informed me.  She is, of course, referring to the iconic Alice Cooper song.  After 17 years of formal education and an MBA, Bec has officially declared that for her, “School is out forever!”  For the child that always poo-poo’d education, the child that always questioned why she had to take certain “useless” courses and the child that accelerated the collegiate timetables to maximize the outcome in the least time available, her school career has come to an end.  For Bec, this year, it is no longer “School’s out for summer,” but instead, “School’s Out Forever!”

“No more teacher, no more books…”

I can safely say, that as a parent, it is a wonderous thing to watch our children grow up, going from the “naked and afraid” newborn to the mature, confident adults that they become.  At some point, they really no longer need our total guidance, nor do they always want our opinions.  OK, that last sentence comes from my own experiences growing up.  Once I was out of college, I was earning my own way (even though I was still living at “home”) and felt that it was my life to mess up if I wanted to.  Rightly and wrongly, I understood that I had to learn from my own mistakes, my parents did not have the same experiences that I had and grew up in a different time with different ways and different thinking.  I am sure my dad thought the same way with his parents and most likely Gab and soon Bec will be as well with us.  For all the things school teaches, independence and guiding your own daily lives is one of them.

“…No more teacher’s dirty looks…”

The two proud parents sat in the auditorium, emotionally driven by seeing our daughter walking down the aisle.  There were the usual people speaking and, of course, some great takeaways.  The CFO, on behalf of the alumni spoke, and told the students to cherish the day as it is truly a once in a lifetime event.  Next up was the honoree Doctorate Degree given to Cindy Bigelow, president and CEO of the #1 specialty tea company that bears her family name.  As a true leader, she exemplifies listening before speaking, such that she met with a delegation of students (of which Bec was honored at being a part of) and crafted her speech based upon the concern of the students’ future.  She spoke from the heart and was very personal in her talk.  Aside from providing strategies (you will find your passion, just have patience), she did remind the students, “…you are not perfect, neither am I, but you are amazing.”

“School’s Out for Summer…”

After the ceremony, we went out to celebrate over lunch.  The place we went to had spiked milk shakes which seemed appropriate.  Then we dropped off Bec and came home.  For the once shy child, the child that did not like going to school, she has grown into a young adult that makes her own decisions and can follow her own path.  It is hard as parents to experience this, but something we all go through.  We only want the best for our children, prepare them for the day they leave the nest and hopefully have built the bridges that maintain our relationships going forward.  Next week, we move Bec back home, officially ending her time staying in Providence.  She has a bright future ahead and we look forward to whatever that brings.  Congrats, Bec, on reaching this milestone and now, on to the next chapter!

“School’s Out Forever!”

Bec Graduates!

Bec has graduated college!!! 

I was tempted to end on that one exciting line.  Our baby has joined the ranks of college alumnus.  While at this point, she is no longer truly a baby.  However, as my mother (who Bec is named after) often told my brothers and me, “No matter how old you are, you will always be my babies.”  In truth, Bec has developed into a young adult, makes decisions for herself and has a great future of her own device ahead of her.  We all have reached an important milestone – for Bec, it is an end to undergrad life and for us, the time in our lives where we have seen both of our children reach an important education level. 

As we were with Gab last year at this time, we are proud of Bec.  As parents, we do the thing we feel is best to see our children strive to reach their potential.  While the girls are still young, the path before them is exciting, full of hopes, dreams, and goals to obtain.  I love the parenting quote by Andy Andrews, “We’re not trying to raise good kids. We’re trying to raise kids who become great adults.”  Once our children finish their education, like little birds leaving the nest, we must let them learn to fly on their own.  Yes, we still want to wrap them in their arms, to keep them safe, to watch over them and to still provide unending advice.  Even though Gab has been on her own this past year, that still holds true.  As with the young chick, she could stand on her own, make her own decisions and (happy for us) still come to spend time at our home.

At the ceremony, the moment that she came down the aisle during the processional, I was filled with emotion.  As she stood in line, I yelled loudly for Bec, she saw us, posed for a picture and then sat down.  The speeches were good and meaningful, but we still waited with anticipation for the moment when each student was called up.  We cheered wildly when her name was announced.  But when the President of the school conferred the moment of graduating upon the former undergrad students, with the symbolic of moving the tassel on their caps from the right to left, I felt a few tears leak out of my eyes.  Our baby is now a graduate, having worked hard to reach this point a year ahead of schedule.  The important lesson is there – work hard for the things that you want, stay focused and strive for your goals.  I am soooo proud of Bec!  I am proud of both my daughters (yes, I am sitting here writing with my chest puffed out) and all they have accomplished! 

For Bec, this is an end to one chapter of her life.  And like reading a book, the page is turned and now begins the adventure ahead.  Congratulations!

OMG – We Have a College Grad!

I cannot believe that our little Gab is now a college graduate.  She IS a young adult, and logically I know that she is old enough…WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!  In my mind, I still see my little girl, dependant on her parents.  OMG.  OMFG!  Gab is a college graduate!  Yes, she worked hard, graduated Summa Cum Laude and with University Honors; she deserves all the rewards of her efforts.  We are extremely proud of her!  She not only graduated from her formal education, but also graduate from this part of her life.  As both Gab and Bec would say, she is now a real person.  They are right – even though my graduation from college was 32 years ago, I remember being excited, nervous and a little scared at the realization that I had the entire world and lifetime ahead of me.  I am very excited for Gab reaching this milestone, even as I hold back the tears.  I did not expect the flood of emotions, and for someone that general does not display or talk about them, it was unexpected.

As the baccalaureate candidates moved their tassels from the right to the left side of their caps, it dawned on me, that in some way, Gab is not the only one to graduate.  As parents, Debbie and I, in part, subtly graduate as well.  Yes, Bec is still in school, but with Gab, as she moves onto the next stage in her life, we, too, have to begin to transform ourselves as parents to help her with this new phase.  As a student, Mom and Dad are always there for them, and whether living at home or away, we have always been there.  But, with this next stage in life, there are new transitions, new challenges and new opportunities ahead.  While Gab has to face them, we need to be able to provide a new and different support for her.  While we received no “Marriage Handbook,” and no “Raising Children Handbook,” the “You Now a Have College Graduate Handbook” did not show up either.  This is a time to embrace the opportunities before us, whether as a college graduate, a parent and, to some extent, as sisters.

“I love graduation season!” Bec happily exclaimed.  She reflected on the excitement of her graduation of High School and how now that Gab is graduating, she will be next.  There is something exciting about leaving your school life behind.  32 years ago, when I graduated from Lehigh – I was done with school and looking forward to the future before me, to make my own path, to put my mark on the world and take on whatever came my way.  Life is exciting!  As we age, we take on responsibility that could weigh us down…but, only if we let it.  I am still excited at looking forward to what is to come, for my girls, for Debbie, for myself and as a family.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”  While graduating school might seem like a destination, it is merely one-step on a life long journey.  As Lao Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  Each step along the journey should be happily celebrated, and as we graduate each phase, we can happily look forward with great anticipation to the next step.

Congratulations to all who have graduated this season, and best of luck as this journey we call life continues!

We Have Done our Children a Disservice!

Do we provide a proper and appropriate education for our children?  My girls are in college, have decided on the initial direction of their lives and are starting to focus on their futures.  Am I too late to start having these types of thoughts? 

Gab was a good student, she went to school and worked hard to achieve good grades in preparation for college.  Bec, while also a good student, always questioned why she had to learn the things that made no sense, would not have benefit on her future and wasted her time.  This was true for secular and religious education, with religious being harder to explain to her, as the time was limited, and the curriculum a bit repetitive.  Yes, each new High School year started with a couple of weeks review.  Hebrew School had the same holidays to review each year.  I am now at a point, with one child ready to graduate college and the other half way through her higher educational time period, to evaluate what we put our children through.  As Andy Andrews says, “The goal is not to raise great kids. It's to raise kids who become great adults.”  Based on those two sentences, as parents, we need to ensure that what our children learn and experience provides them with the appropriate tools for the future. 

Hut, Hut, Hike!  I feel like a Monday morning quarterback, recapping the big game including the would have dones, the should have dones and the overall better strategies.  My girls have turned out GREAT, so I cannot (and will not) complain.  But, can we tweak the experience for the next generation?  Yes.  As always, change is difficult, but sometimes, we fall into the routine of maintaining the status quo.  I was recently given the explanation that we only have a set amount of time, so there are some things we have to sacrifice to teach other things.  What if they are the wrong things and who makes those decisions?  If the expected results were not reached, they were not correct.  As a project manager, one of the things we do after a project, is to evaluate the project, talk with our customers to see what their experience was like, and review our outcomes.  I could say, we finished and delivered what we said, but that is only part of the story.  To borrow a line from Paul Harvey, “…the rest of the story…” is what can make the difference to future projects, provide proper expectations, help teams pull together and enhance user experiences.

As adults, in any endeavor we undertake, we consider the results we want, what we have to do to get the results and track our progress on obtaining those results.  We need to be as diligent with our children’s education. Many of us move to a town with a good school (or send to private) and send them to the religious school that is part of the institution we belong to; this, however, is done with broader strokes.  I remember going to Hebrew School and spending a significant amount of time watching filmstrips (I am dating myself) and the occasional spitball zipping through the air.  Okay, I can read Hebrew, but I never learned to translate nor to talk the language.  Minus the filmstrips (and hopefully the spitballs), plus some different experiences, both girls can read Hebrew, but they never learned to translate nor to talk the language.  They have had a similar experience to what I had.  If you ask them what they should have learned, they can tell you versus what they did not.

While we provide a home that values a strong education, we must also understand the curriculum for our children.  Education is always a hot topic, but we cannot always rely on a “what was good for me is good for you” attitude.

MY BABY IS A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!

Cue the processional: Pomp and Circumstance, composed by Sir Edward Elgar. 

I cannot believe how fast the years have gone, it seems like only yesterday I was walking out of the delivery room. With my video camera in my hand, to catch their reaction, I told my Dad and Mother-in-law about the new girl in the family.  Where has the time gone?  According to Debbie, not only is Bec graduating, we are all graduating.  After going to, being involved in and participating within the Paramus school systems for 15 years, it is time for the Zeiler family to close that chapter of not only Bec’s life, but ours as well.

The ceremony was held on the football field, where 2 weeks earlier we did the Relay for Life.  Everyone cheered for their child as they were handed their diplomas (parents love this kind of stuff).  Each year, a small group of parents plans Project Graduation – a supervised event after the graduation held at a top-secret location with top-secret activities.  This year, amongst guesses and rumors that included night hiking, the Lincoln Tunnel and a haunted mansion, the newly graduated arrived in Weehawken to board a yacht around NYC (dancing, casino and dinner).  After midnight, it was back on the buses to the second secret spot, a county beach (Food Trucks, Hula / Fire dancing, Comedian and Hypnotist).  Debbie was part of the planning team and I had the honor of being one of the chaperones.  I am grateful for the opportunity to have been included and witness former high school seniors having a great time at this awesome sendoff, before they venture forth towards the next phase of their lives.  As we pulled back into town, we had seven buses of tired teens with a final great memory of high school.

Here is what I learned from this part of our experience:

• It is important to enjoy the time you have with your children while they are young. 
• It is important to enjoy the time you have with your children while they are growing up. 
• It is important to enjoy the time you have with your children when they are grown up.

Important for you, since the time goes quickly – you only have now to spend with them.  Past time spent is history and time not yet spent is the future.  Time now creates the things you will remember.

Important for them, since the time goes quickly – they only have now to spend with you. Past time spent is history, to teach them how to become the persons that they will develop into; and time not yet spent is the future.  Time now creates the memories they will have of you and the legacy you will one day leave behind.

“Remember, the goal is not to raise great kids; it's to raise kids who become great adults.” ~ Andy Andrews

Cue the recessional: 76 Trombones by Meredith Willson.