Transitioning Again!

As we fall back to earth from the graduation celebration, it is once again time to take stock in our lives.  Even though Bec is going to school for one more year to get her MBA, it seems that in the Zeiler household, we are switching from the school year, to that period in-between.  Gab will be coming back in a few weeks to work in our area for the summer, which means that the four of us will be under one roof again.  In a few days, my dad will be transitioning back to the north for the summer months.  Needless to say, I am looking forward to everyone being back in the same state! 

However, transition means more than just moving.  For Bec – it is going from undergrad to graduate student, with an eye towards her first full-time job.  For Gab, it will be transitioning from living in the Hartford area, to potentially moving back to New Jersey.  For Debbie and myself, it is the time in our lives where we need to transition to looking towards our future, where the money spent on raising children now must go towards providing for us.  I do not have an entitlement mindset, so I am not expecting the government nor anyone else to tend to my needs as life moves forward. 

We all hear the rhetoric.  Every election cycle, the person wanting to take office provides some persuasive speech telling us what they and the government will do for us.  Our government’s primary job is to protect the lives of its citizens to pursue their own lives under the constitution and the freedoms provided in that document (yes, all laws need to comply).  All else is up to us to pursue.  Part of maturing is realizing that we have to take responsibility for our lives, our actions and our outcomes.  No excuses!  Even in points of transition, the goals and objectives of life-cycle turning points rest upon our own shoulders.  If we trip and stumble, the lessons learned to do better next time is preferable to waiting for someone else to make those decisions (without our input) - success moved outside our control, leaving us with pointing fingers and blaming others.  When my grandfather’s generation arrived on our shores, they saw this great country as a land of opportunity, where they could work hard and reap the benefits of their effort.  They did not come here to be “taken care of."

There is a part of me that would love to go back to the carefree days of living under my parents’ roof, having everything provided for and tended to so that I could play all day.  At 55, those days are long gone.  I had a tough time making the transition, but one cannot rebel against the natural order of things.  And the benefit?  I have a great wife and two wonderful children!  As a parent, aside from my own transitions (i.e., change), I have the chance to help our girls transition as well.  Here’s to opening that door, finding out what is on the other side, transitioning over the threshold and continuing the journey 😄 .

Music to Our Ears – Gab Takes the Stage

Debbie and I took our seats in the front row; we were very excited to be here.  We had travelled a long way specially for this event and looking forward to hearing the speaker.  Two young women, recently mentored by the speaker, took the stage and asked the audience to be silent, asked us to turn our ringers off and then proceeded to their introductions.  With loud applause, the speaker stepped up into the center of the stage, well dressed, wearing a big smile, looking confident and ready to begin.  My heart swelled as I held back the feeling of tears in the corners of my eyes.  With great pride, we were there to see Gab take the center stage.  Yes, I mean our Gab!  That was our daughter up there!  She was no longer the little child, but a young adult whose presence drew in the room’s attention.

The long road to this point was, literally speaking, 120 miles from our house to the auditorium.  However, on a more conceptual road, this path took years to arrive on this spot.  There was being in the Wizard of Oz while in elementary school.  Gab acted in plays throughout middle school and high school, including a few independent productions.  Then there were the years of piano lessons, learning the flute, and picking up the clarinet in her senior year.  In a few weeks, before the slight bend in the road, will be the graduation from four years of learning many instruments, singing in high-level choral groups, training to be an educator and student teaching.  Debbie and I were the proud parents and Rebecca was the proud sister, as we were able to see the culmination of path traveled present itself on stage.

OK – I am the gushing parent.  In Yiddish, the word kvelling comes to mind – beaming with pride. As a music education major, the presentation was part of Gab’s honor program.  The title of the presentation was “ABA Form for Non-Musicians.”  We saw a glimpse of this future teacher to be as she “taught” us about this basic musical structure.  Gab talked about Oreo Cookies and chocolate.  Everyone in the room sang together.  We raised our hands to give answers.  We laughed.  Gab played some piano where we had to be interactive with her.  Then she bowed while we clapped our hands – she had completed her talk.  Our teacher-to-be had just taught a roomful of adults; this was a glimpse at what Gab has to provide to the future musicians of the world, and we could not be prouder of her!

Family: The Joy of Parent’s Weekend

Coming off back-to-back parent’s weekends, both Debbie and I felt great!  Both Gab and Bec traveled to each other’s school so that we had the chance to spend both weekends as a family.  It is amazing to see our little girls growing up and becoming young women, meeting their friends and roommates, and seeing them in an environment of their creation (as opposed to our creation).  As parents, we would do anything to spend time with our children, and now are happy to find out that they enjoy spending time with us.

One interesting observation - When the girls were in high school, they always had a say on what we did, but kind of let Debbie and I take the lead on planning whatever family activity we are going to do.  They have matured to the point where they have become active participants in planning.  While we knew what they were interested in, it is great seeing their interests develop to the point where they put forth their thoughts and, in some cases, want to share with us the things that they are excited about.  Case in point, we went to Bec’s parent weekend the day after our anniversary, so I wanted to go out for a nice dinner as a family.  I asked Bec if she had any thoughts.  She in turn asked a culinary friend (thanks, Zoe) if she had any recommendations.  Bec then called me back, told me she had a list and then proceeded to give me one restaurant’s name.  I trust both my daughter’s decisions, so we went it – a Spanish Tapas and wine place.  We had a great meal, a great time together and great fun!

We also realized that this past parent’s weekend for Gab was her last one, as she graduates in the spring.  We have always enjoyed the college trips to visit our children, have some appreciation for the areas that they (temporarily) live in, and getting the opportunity to see life through their eyes.  We know at some point the girls will move out permanently (hopefully not too far away), but for now, we are grateful for them and the times we spend together.   Family rocks!

The Ban Is Lifted – Visiting Day!

40 days.  40 days seems like a long time.  In the story of Noah, the flood lasted 40 days.  Moses was on the mountain for 40 days to receive the 10 Commandments.  Lent lasts for 40 days.  Mohammad spent 40 days fasting in a cave.  And, 40 is the highest number counted in Sesame Street.  Depending on the event, 40 days can seem like a LO-O-O-ONG time.  I have not seen either of my daughters for that long.  This has been the longest we have been separated from our children. Though we have, for the most part, been busy, we are about to mark our 40^th day as empty nesters.  The house is quiet (I can only make so much noise by myself).  The house is empty feeling (I get it, empty nest).  The house, when either Debbie and are home alone for any period of time, is lonely.  Yes, we talk, text and Facetime; but it is not the same as seeing, hugging and spending time together.

You do not really know how you will feel until the time comes.  Some friends loved it when the kids were away, as it gave them a newfound freedom where they did not have either to worry about the kiddies back home, nor feel guilty for not including them on an adventure.  Other friends warned us how bad it was to have them away.  While I enjoy the extra time that Debbie and I have together; the basic truth is that I miss our daughters, their company, their sense of humor (even if it is at my expense) and their insights.

Finally, after 40 days…you could feel the anticipation in the car driving up to Providence.  We pulled in behind Bec’s dorm and were greeted by Bec running to see us.  Oh, how happy we were to hold our daughter.  Gab still had classes, and we knew she would meet us at dinner.  When she arrived, I went out to bring her into the restaurant (OK, I could not wait).  After 40 days, my little family was back together!  It was great to see the girls, hear their stories, laugh and spend time together as if no time had passed since we were last together.  Gab is doing well with her studies, playing music, involvement in teaching and is on track for N-12 certification.  Bec has adapted to school life, has made some good friends and (we did ask) is getting good grades in her classes.  Our girls are growing up!  By Sunday, we caught up, did some shopping and ate some good meals (including a brunch where we wore our pajamas).  The end of the weekend, however, came too fast.  Gab headed back to school, Bec went off to paint pumpkins, and Debbie and I were left in the car wishing we could have spent more time together.

I Cannot Believe This Day Is Here!

You know, there are points in one’s life where we know that the day is going to come.  It is inevitable; it is the way of things.  Still…we close our eyes and remember the time before, the time when this day was in the future.  Sometimes we push off the future.  As humans, we are good at reveling in the moment.  We are also good at worrying, about the future – apprehensive about what it holds, nervous about what can come to pass and yet, remain expectant of the good that can happen.  Yet, this morning I sit on the side of my bed and still cannot believe that today has come and the void that I feel.

I remember when Debbie and I were going out.  I was not that outwardly emotional, as I consciously did not want to be ruled by emotions.  It seems that it is a bit of a Zeiler trait, to not seem too emotional.  Like a certain Vulcan character, outward appearances can be misleading, because inside, especially as I get older, I feel that I am becoming more emotional.  Let us not get crazy, this does not mean that I have become some weeping, weak person that cries at the drop of a hat.  OK, Debbie, Bec and our niece Ruby did go to the movies earlier in the summer, and there was not a dry eye between the four us.  Then there was that time on the plane…but I am digressing.

Today is different… 

Today, we have to get used to the change. 

Today, this becomes the first of many days without our baby.  When Gab went to school, we still had Bec.  We had two years having a chance to get to know just Bec. 

Today, she is a freshman, with a grand adventure ahead.  We are happy and proud of Bec (as we are of Gab).

Today, I am sad.  We love our girls and been blessed to spend great times together.

Today, it is the start of just Debbie and I being together, to renew what we found in each other, oh, those many years ago.

Today, I am happy, to have my best friend with me…it will make this transition that much easier… 

College Orientation Lessons

Last week, we had the opportunity to observe / participate in the rite of passage of incoming college freshmen – The College Orientation.  Here was the chance to be introduced to the school (Johnson and Wales), introduced to the city (Providence), introduced to fellow classmates and meet some of the teacher.  For the new students, it is a chance to make the vital connection with the school and new friends.  For the parents, it is a chance to provide some comfort that our children will have a great experience and comfort in their school selection.

After the orientation was over and we were driving back home, while Debbie and Bec snoozed for part of the ride, I had the chance to reflect on the last few days.  It struck me that the school was in the process of building a high performance team.  I began to compare this process with building a project team and the excitement generated at the school versus the lack of excitement in the workplace. My thoughts came out as follows:

	Orientation	Projects
Team Selection	The future college student spends the time looking at colleges for fit and educational needs.  We spent the time with our daughters visiting colleges to find out what type of schools they liked so that they could make the biggest decision up to this point in their lives. They applied to the schools they could best see themselves attending.  Even though the college has to accept you, the student makes the final choice (it is about choices).  When Bec came to us and said, “I have made a decision…” and we were happy she made the decision.	Project Managers / Leaders spend the time looking for the people that they think will bring the right skills to the project, providing the best chance for success.  Initial conversations about the project’s resources are at the management level.  Team members have little or no choice in the process.  Many years ago, when I worked 15 minutes from where I lived, I was selected for a project that required driving an hour and 15 minutes each way, every day without reimbursement. “Why did I get selected,” was my thought at the time.
Building the Team	After a quick “hello” session, Bec left us to join the incoming class.  The students were broken into smaller teams (by major), participated in icebreaker activities and various team building exercises.  Next, they did all-team activities to better know each other, building new bonds and creating an atmosphere of excitement.  “I already met people that I will be in class with,” Bec told us.	Project Managers / Leaders after planning out the project and outlining the process have a Kickoff meeting where, in some cases, this is the first time team members hear what the project is about.
Spirit	After orientation was over, Bec told us that they learned group cheers and a school cheer (which we saw on a video).  The students put on a talent show for themselves, cheering each other on. The orientation was led primarily by upper classmen who were the excited team leaders.  On the way home, Bec said, “I am looking forward to September and starting school,” which was music to our ears!	Some projects get the honor of someone in senior management sending out an email on the importance of the undertaking.  Depending on the project, a senior manager will make an appearance at the kickoff meeting. If lucky – the project is given a special name.  I like to provide a positive outlook and give a “Go team” at the end of the first couple of meetings. I have been asked, “Why are you always so positive?”
Success	The goal is to graduate in four years; everyone is there for that same reason and wants to maximize their experience.	The goal is to complete the project (on time and on budget); not everyone buys into the goals and reasons for the project and tries to minimize their experience.  “Why do we need to change if everything works well for us,” is often heard.