And the Band Played On…

 It has been weeks…OK, it has been months since the full band has gotten together and played.  Yes, we each still play on our own to keep our fingers nimble, but to play as the whole group, now that is something special!  A bunch of middle-aged guys jamming in a basement?  Yup, that would be us, and we still work on new songs, figure out ways to play through difficult sections and most importantly, we play off each other.  What does that mean?  In the style we play, jamming can be more like a conversation, where we might start off talking about something, flow into some other area and then bring it back together.  This mean a bunch of improvising, where it is important to be able to play, but more so to listen and follow each other.  A great analogy for any group or team activity.

A project team, a committee or a sports team all have to be aware of each of the individual members and have to work together.  Just like each of these examples, in the band we do not have “positions” or “titles,” but we do have roles to play so that we do not step on each other’s toes and can complement each other’s talents.  There is the old saying, “G-d gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”  The key to playing in a group is the ability to listen and hear what each part is playing so that you know where everyone is going and can add value in a musical sense.  Any team or group working together has to have similar dynamics.  While in music, a discordant chard can signal an issue, in most team activities, the outcomes can fall short of expectations if everyone is not paying attention.

As with any activity where time has passed, there is some re-acquaintance that has to occur.  Whether playing or working with new people, there is always a getting to know you period.  Same when there are gaps in playing together.  We have often had reunion jams, where we play the songs that we are comfortable with and then venture off.  Like any team, it takes a bit of time to feel each other out and synch up with each other.  However, once that magical moment occurs, things begin to hit their groove and away we go.  Yes, it takes work and time to get to that point.  It is well worth the time and effort, for when we are all moving together, the magic occurs and wonder music happens.  As you can tell, I am looking forward to the reunion jam and, along with all related group activities, the wonderous outputs that we can produce.

Passover Thoughts

“Mah Nishtana halilah ha-zeh? (מה נשתנה הלילה הזה)” is the opening to one of the first things we recite at Passover.  This is the phrase that asks the question, “Why is this night different” and sets out the tone and reason for celebrating the Passover Seder.  This is generally recited by the youngest person in the room, as it is the children that should ask the questions and the adults that recount the story towards becoming the Jewish People.  I remember those many long years ago when it was my turn to recite the questions and my father working with me to help me memorize the words and melody.  This is a tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation.  Even this year, as the “Mah Nishtana” came up, my nephew declared himself the youngest and went right into it.  As we age, these words seem to take on different meanings and each year, new family memories are made.

Even now, as an adult, I have great memories of Passover Seders long gone.  This year, my first cousin spent Passover with my father in Florida.  I remember being at my Grandfathers house with her and her brothers and the entire Zeiler clan (classic family patriarch running the Seder), and sitting at the end of the table being goofy, imitating our favorite cartoon characters and laughing.  Sometimes, my brothers and I would pull together some schtick.  I remember singing “Do You Love Me?” from Fiddler on the Roof, where I was singing the Goldie part and my brother did Tevye.  Then there was the time at my other grandparent’s house, in front of the entire family we did the Cheech and Chong routine “Cheborneck.”  This classic bit, if you have not heard before, is worth a listen.  By the time we finished, the elderly folk at the table had to pick their jaws up from the table.  We always finished the Haggadah (the book used during the Seder), but always managed to have lots of fun.

This year, when I looked up at our Seder (which I lead), as always, it is great to have new people experience our version of this tradition.  Done correctly, it is an event to remember and any first timers to a Seder, will never experience it again.  This year, most importantly, after a hectic year, with everyone in our family seemingly running all over the place, my traveling to Michigan and prepping for the holiday, it was great to have our family all in one room.  We prepared for the holiday as a family, we each add our own goofiness to the Seder and, best thing of all, we do it together as a family.  I know I have reflected on this in the past, but it is true that family time all together like this starts to be less frequent as the girls grow up.  I know, it is inevitable that they will “grow up”, move out and one day have their own families.  NO RUSH!  As long, as we continue to get together as a family for events like this, all is good.  This is where the memories that we carry with us come from and we hope to continue to make new ones for generations to come.

Snowbird Wayne?

Last weekend I went on a quick visit to my dad and brother in Florida.  Between the cold winter we had this year and the guaranteed warmer weather without snow in Florida, it does make me wonder about becoming a snowbird.  I know that I am in the age group where we begin to think about this, as the winters are seemingly colder than in prior years.  We have friends that are also starting to think along the same lines.  In the little time visiting, I had two completely different experiences.

My father lives in a planned adult community (which at 56, I can buy a unit on my own).  The community is set around an executive golf course, has all types of clubs and a theater on the grounds for movies and live entertainment.  As with many similar developments, there is one club house with a main pool and each sub-development has its own pool.  We have been visiting here for many years – it is a well-kept community in an up and coming town.  A few years ago, they put in a “promenade” where you can wander around outside, shop and eat at good restaurants and a few higher end bars.  It is an idyllic environment.  This visit, I did not have a car, so in the morning after exercising, I was all set to walk to breakfast.  Dunkin Donuts was a 10-minute walk, a pizza place 20, and all else not a short walking distance. 

My brother is staying in a more urban environment.  It is more like apartment living, with each building offering its own amenities, full-service concierges and front door “people”.  The local supermarket is two blocks away, plenty of places to eat and an outdoor concert stage 10 blocks away.  Without having a car, it was easy enough to walk out the back, stroll along the water, pick up a few things and walk back to the apartment.  While I like the grounds where my dad lives, the ease of living without a car on a daily basis does have its appeal.  While physically able, this would be great, and similar to when I travel for work where I like to be where everything I could need is within a short walk.

And then, as quick as the flight down to Florida was, the trip was over and I am flying back home.  Today I could be wearing shorts if I want to and the freezing cold weather is a distant memory.  My girls are sitting in the next room, our friends are in the area and all of our daily living is in New Jersey.  I do not have to choose between the two differing experiences yet, and am still happy where we are.  Truth is, one day we will hopefully have grandchildren and will want to be close by…so the dreams for the future can remain dreams for now and I happily defer that choice for now.

Agent of Change

Hardest part:  Someone has to deliver the news.

Easy part:  Realizing something ain't right.

Hard part:  Accepting things are going to be different.

Easy part:  Believing in the new cause.

Hard part:  Identifying the solution.

I have been dealing in the world of change for a good amount of time.  From an organizational point of view, change is usually defined by a business need, change in environment or change in technology.  When I first started working, 13-columnar paper was still useful in the Accounting world.  I remember people opposed to moving to a computer environment.  30+ years has seen many innovations and technological advances that have made work life significantly easier.  Similar technology, which in the “olden” days was unaffordable to the masses are now part of everyday life.  My cellphone, as an example, has more power and ability than my first PC, is smaller than the floppy disc that I needed to insert to start the computer and smaller than the remote to the fancy TV sets my parent could not afford.

In hindsight, it is easy to identify the benefits of change.  As an agent of change, we have to be able to paint the picture that tells the story of how things will be, the benefits and the positive future impacts.  Our audience, in most cases, does not initially see the benefits and in 8 out of 10 cases are comfortable with the way things are.  “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” is the age-old adage, however, it then sets us up for failure, because it allows the world to pass us by while we remain where we are.  Someone has long since moved the cheese, even though we still see it sitting there, a mere vestige of the tasty morsel that it once was.

As the messenger, who will be shot at, tarred and feathered, then drawn and quartered, the words and vision that we present have to clearly project the ideas of what can be and the risk of doing nothing.  As we are more comfortable with things, ideas and processes, we tend to be less open to new things, new ideas and new processes.  There is the chance, with the wrong words, to have the audience turn before we get into the issue.  There is the chance that I will sound pompous, insincere and out of touch because I am not aligned with those before me.  There is a chance, however, that I can catch their attention, provide the right story which leads down the path where I take everyone with me.  Sometimes, someone else is better equipped to handle the deed.  It is like tiptoeing across a blades edge, where each step must be gentle enough so you do not slice open your foot, yet firm enough so that you do fall into the abyss that is on either side. 

In actuality, we are all agents of change.  As we go through life, all of each reach a juncture where we have to make choices with an impact.  Some effect only ourselves, while some effect those around us.  Be bold, be wise, ask advise and be willing to do what you believe is right.  Change is never easy and sometimes we have to shoulder the hardest part – delivering the news to others.

Lending a Helping Hand

I stood there quietly as the line began to form.  At first there was a trickle, then the people entered the queue at a quicker rate.  There was no pushing or shoving, though some did wave to others and some did walk up to talk to friends.  For the most part, these people were neatly dressed, well groomed and polite.  Some of the people in line looked as if they just had got off from work, carrying a notepad portfolio.  These could have been yours or my neighbors as there was nothing to distinguish them as being any different.  As they stepped up to the counter, the volunteers who I was with happily talked to whomever was in front of them and there were plenty of smiles and laughs all around.

The volunteers who I was with were here to help those in need of a meal as part of the “Family Promise of Bergen County” in conjunction with the “Bergen County Housing, Health and Human Services Center” in Hackensack.  After talking to one of the people who works at the kitchen, I found out that there is an influx of people towards the end of the month because they have run out of money for the month.  We were helping to provide a vital service of providing a meal (this is donated from the volunteer’s organization or congregation) to those who have found themselves in a less fortunate situation.  I was at the kitchen, as a runner to restock the supplies, with the Social Action group from our synagogue.  This group has been run by one of our members, assisted by her family, for a number of years.  As president of the congregation, it warms my heart and makes me proud to know that we are involved with this, helping out at the Center for Food Action, collection of food throughout the year and adopting a family program at Thanksgiving.  As a more fortunate person, these programs that we participate in help to remind us to be thankful for what we have.

As I looked out at the group of people eating, some of the people clearly came from where they work.  I did overhear one person make phone calls to line up some work for himself.  When we think of needy people, we sometimes have a preconceived notion that they wear raggedy clothes, have no sense of personal cleanliness and might flash the toothless smile at you.  I have seen these people roaming the streets of the city.  If you walked into the group we were feeding on the sidewalk, you would not know what their particular situation was.  When the meal was over, many of the people there walked back up to the counter, not looking for handouts, but merely to share their thanks and appreciation for the meal provided.  Then the room cleared, we cleaned up the work area and then we were finished.

The big take away of our day – To remember when eating the next meal or enjoying the bounty our labors, there are some less fortunate trying to make ends meet.  A little bit of kindness, a small donation or a helping hand can make all the difference.