Breaking the Sameness

Egg and Cheese on homemade challah rolls on the back deck

My days always seem the same – wake up, motivate myself to exercise, shower, eat breakfast, go to the basement to work, eat lunch, go back to the basement, work until dinner, eat, and have a synagogue meeting.  Some days, we really change it up and have a meeting before dinner.  Nights always end with a little family time.  I am even learning to play Mah Jongg.  Weekends are spent catching up on sleep, motivating to exercise, showering, etc.  On the weekends Debbie and I go shopping for the week gloved and masked.  I have to confess; I do get anxious if I am like that for too long.  This might be our new normal for the time being and I am amazed how after this amount of time, I have become a little comfortable with this.  I guess that our ability to adapt has always been key to the survival of our species.

We are doing our part to protect ourselves and all of the people we know.  And now the weather has turned nice – finally the warm weather is here.  This morning (Sunday as I write), Bec said to me, “Dad, you should come outside to eat breakfast.”  I am not one for making excuses, but the “I’d rather eat inside,” “It’s too sunny out,” “Maybe next week” all came to mind.  “Well, I will be outside if you want to join me,” she said.  Then Debbie came in (Gab was out on a social distance walk with a friend) and said, “I’ll grab something to eat and join you.”  I felt about two inches tall.  “OK, I will join you.”  I grabbed my breakfast and my tea and joined them.  Once I got comfortable and began to relax, it really felt good to be outdoors, feel the warmth of the sun and the coolness from the slight breeze.  I forgot how nice it is to change up one’s routine.

Safety and comfort are important, but do we become complacent in the things that we accept, the thoughts we perceive and the habits we form?  We all talk about how we miss going where we want, when we want and with who we want.  For most of us, our homes are not our prisons, just the place where we hang our hats, feel safe and share with loved ones.  Can we be responsible and maintain social distancing so that we can step outside more frequently?  Or, will we fall into what we are seeing on the news related to people crowding newly opened beaches?  While we still have a long road to travel, doing so safely would make sense, if we all adhere to considering the safety of others and following the guidelines.  Next week is a holiday weekend, so that means an extra day to enjoy nice weather, be responsible and break some of the fears from quarantine that we have developed.

A Time of Opportunity

Thomas Edison once said, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”  We are currently living in a time where most of us are home-bound due to Covid-19.  Thankfully, many of us are employed due to the wonders of modern technology.  There has been an uptick in the usage of Netflix, Hulu has offered free services and I have gotten notifications that some of the online games have added more functionality so that we have additional items to entertain us while we are home.  While I can easily agree that we need distractions (we always need these), the distractions should not become the norm and we need to remember that life around us does not stand still.

It is easy to attract people to things that require minimal effort.  Because of this, it can be easy to get lulled into this type of comfort zone.  Just because we are self-quarantined, anxious about direct human contact, or are really becoming homebodies, does not mean that we have to give up all opportunities.  We are bound within these four walls for today, but one day (or some time in the near future), we will be allowed to roam freely again.  Many people are saying that we will have to wait and see what we are allowed to do and when we will be able to do it.  With that mindset, the day we wake up and are once again allowed to “pass Go” will be the day that we are already behind.

Back to the quote from my fellow New Jerseyian, there is currently work that can be done.  While those of us who work in the world of projects, it is always good to know when the project is expected to go live.  However, if we lay out the expected tasks, we should have some idea how long tasks should take and when a viable date would be, barring any unexpected hiccups along the way (which most projects have).  Besides, after close to nine weeks being inside, it is healthy to have some goals to strive for, some projects to work on and something in the future to look forward to.  While it is easy to catch up on our shows, see the movies we never made it to and try the games that everyone talks about, now is the time to look for the opportunities.  Yes, it is dressed in overalls and looks like work, but it is better to don the garb and try your hand at the work rather than say, “I could have done that” after someone else beats you to it.

Planning for Brighter Days

Imagine the year is 1519 and we have been sailing on a ship crossing the Atlantic for weeks on end.  We know that we are going to land in what was then termed the new world.  As a crew member, we know that we are on a mission of conquest.  As the commander, Hernan Cortes, planned the landing, the actions to take, the steps in conquest and how to navigate the near future that would fall into his lap.  Though we are not currently sitting in the hull of a 16^th century boat, it certainly seems as if we have been afloat on the water for weeks on end.

In this comparison, our landing on bright shiny shores will be the day the CDC, our state and federal governments say that it is safe “to go ashore.”  As a leader in any organization, there are some choices that need to be made and they come down to wait until we land, survey the situation, and then make some on the spot decisions for next steps.  Or, we start to list out the possible plans of action, identify some early challenges, determine decision criteria and then enact the best plan upon landing.  While we are still weeks away from reaching the shore, there is still time to figure out how to navigate the seas ahead of us.  We have a small window of time to engage the knowledge holders of our organizations, discuss options and plan for that bright day coming in the near future.

In 1519, upon landing, Cortes famously sunk his ships to ensure that his troops would follow him on his conquest.  This action has been used in leadership examples about having to focus on the road (plan) ahead and not having the crutch of relying on a method of retreating.  To win, you have to move forward.  We do not have the option of burning, sinking or hiding from the future.  However, we should be preparing and looking forward to that day where the proverbial sun rises, we land upon the sandy shores and have the future to stride into.  While we do not know when we be at that point, the time is now to set our sites for that day.  As one of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn, “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.”  Brighter days lie ahead, so be ready and focus on that sunny future. 

What Day is Today?

I hate to admit this, but I do not always know what day of the week it is.  I find that there are things about the way I think and perceive things that have changed, most likely from being “confined” at home all of the time.  I am sure, in light of this pandemic, we have the makings for a great case study for years to come.  Between time, social interactions and the “new” dress code, life has become different!

When it comes to time, it seems like I am not the only one who feels that time has been distorted, as the people I deal with all seem to have come to refer to the days of the week as today, yesterday and tomorrow.  Occasionally, I have used the term “the other day” only to be corrected that “the other day” was really a week ago from yesterday.  I used to laugh at my retired father when he referred to everyday is a weekend for him.  Now, I am no longer laughing, as day and date confusion seems to have become a reality when you are home almost all of the time, except for a walk to get some fresh air or going to the store.

When my brothers and I were young (yes, many decades ago), like all children of that time period, we played cops and robbers games.  Our getaway vehicle, or squad car, was always our bicycles.  We would zip around the neighborhood playing our games.  40+ years later, I find myself going out to the store dressed similar to how I only imaged I wished I dressed when playing those games.  Now, that bandana has become a fixture on my face when shopping.  I admit, I do not like shopping…FOR ANYTHING.  However, in the age of the pandemic, I look forward to our weekend food shopping.

What ever the day of the week it is, what ever the “new” style is, we will go with the flow for now.  I guess the key is to have good habits, get dressed for the day ahead and set your goals and accomplishments for that specific day.  That way, when the restrictions are removed, life will already be in a good rhythm and no major re-adjustment period will be needed.  In the meantime, make the best of wearing that mask, do not fret over forgetting what day of the week it is and enjoy the time you have to be at home.  One day soon, we will back able to say, “Remember that crazy period in the `20’s?”

The Year of the Plague

דם (Blood), צפרדע (Frogs)…as we were reciting the 10 plagues that Hashem brought upon the land of ancient Egypt during the Passover Seder, it was hard not to relate the words in the Haggadah to the pandemic that has hit 180+ countries.  As we read the words together, I looked up at the Dining Room table where I was seated with Debbie, Gab and Bec.  Last year, as in prior years, we filled the Living Room with the large gathering we have become used to for our first Seder night.  In a matter of a month, the way we handle our day to day activities, gather and communicate has significantly changed.  I never thought we would see the day where reaching out to greet a friend (hand shake, hug) would be shunned because of the potential hazardous impact.  What was once a friendly welcoming gesture is now considered inconsiderate and spurned.

About 24 years ago, my mother was dying of a different potentially deadly affliction – cancer.  I remember going to visit her in the hospital after one of her chemo treatments, where the nurses greeted us at the door and made sure that we put on hospital gowns over our clothes, covered our heads and wore gloves and a mask.  In this case, it was not to protect us, but to protect my mother, as her immune system had taken a temporary hit due to her treatment.  It was not comfortable, nor pleasant, but to visit and spend time together, we all knew what we had to do.  That year, Mom did make it to the Seder, propped up on a couch where she could hear us but was too weak to participate.  That was her last Passover.

We are once again required to wear a mask and gloves, but this time when going out to shop.  We are all practicing social distancing and found new ways to sit around the table to “visit” with out friends and families.  This means that the four of us sat at the festively decorated Dining Room table, with a place for Elijah and my laptop where family and friends joined so that we could all have a Seder together.  With a couple of tweaks, some deletions and a few additions, we were still able to have a fun, fulfilling Seder.  Our Zoom Seder still had group singing, parts for everyone to participate and some goofiness.  This included attempting to pass things between windows (it was magical) and the usual props appearing, just in a newer format.  I guess the lesson here is that we can still persevere, no matter the conditions, to get together and celebrate together. 

Like our ancestors, we will live through this plague to see another day.  We say at the end of each Seder, “Next year in Jerusalem,” this year I added, “Next year we will all be together to celebrate.”  

A Free Moment

As goofy as this might sound, I found myself sitting this morning with a free moment.  Debbie, Gab, Bec and myself (with Lucy Lou) have all been inside for three weeks now.  Oddly enough, it seems as if there is little down time, to sit back, have idle thoughts, and just chill.  While we are all home, this is no stay-cation, as we are all engaged in our daily lives, even if it is being done remotely – the world for us has not stopped.  In fact, at times, it seems busier for us.

A free moment.  With all that has been going on, this will now be the start of our fourth week in, except for essentials (i.e., shopping, walking the dog).  For me, personally, I spend my days working, evenings synagogue related (still needs to operate) and in between is my family time.  I had my cup of tea in my hand, the sun was shining, and there were birds singing.  It was one of those moments where the world seemed to stop, my mind went clear and the need to enjoy the moment took over.  As I sat watching the squirrels play, I sipped my tea, happy for the moment.  But like trying to hold water in your hands for a while, the water finds the cracks between your fingers and works its way out.  In a similar manner, as I was enjoying the moment, I began to think about how nice it was not to worry about my family’s health, having to work from home, worry about the impact on my field, thinking about running the synagogue during this time, worrying about…and just like that, the free moment was gone!

A free moment.  A moment of respite, a moment to “stop and smell the roses,” a moment like a snapshot in time.  (Sigh) The moment, though fleeting as it was, came at a time when it was needed.  A time where the insanity of it all ceased.  A free moment, when I remember a time where there were more of them, without worry, without having to face the fear of a constant unknown and when we paid them less mind.  I quickly jotted down my thoughts before they were lost in the hustle and bustle of the day, so as to save the moment and remember that it was there and look forward to the day when peace of mind returns.

My Aunt Rose’s Example for Today

Let me tell you about my Aunt Rose.  Yes, I know most people in my age category had an Aunt Rose.  This is about my aunt, in this case.  She came over from the old country when she was already a young lady, when my great-grandfather was able to send enough money to bring his family over from Skalat, Austria (later part of Ukraine).  Truth is, my grandfather, his sisters and mother, got stuck in Europe due to World War I, but made it to this country in 1920.  Out of his two older sisters, I only knew Aunt Rose, who lived in Brooklyn.  I always remember her, in my mind’s eyes, as always being dressed to the nines.  Her hair just right, makeup always on, and the little pocket book dangling from the nook of her elbow.  Supposedly, she always dressed up to give a good appearance her entire life.  I always said she kept her accent from Europe (my grandfather lost his), which my father swears was a Brooklyn accident.  I am sure that her calling me “Vayne” was not a Brooklyn accent!

My aunt came to mind when I realized how long we will all be staying inside, in some form of quarantine.  With no reason to go out, no reason to socialize and no reason to look our best, it is easy to stay in our pajamas all day (if you actually wear pajamas).  Or sit around in sweatpants, pass on the shower and use this “down time” to catch up / binge on all media.  I remember, as a child, when I was sick, it was great to not get dressed, lay on the couch and watch cartoons.  Our Mom would buy us a model to give us something to do.  Today, it is gloomy looking outside and it would be oh so easy to slip into a “sick day” mode (in camp language, a day of bunko-sleepo).  For our heads, it is better to get up, do something, set a task for the day, get up, get dressed and get to it.  We might be boxed in by the walls of our houses, but that does mean we do not have to be productive.  Those old puzzles that have been sitting idle in the closet waiting to come out to play?  Yay! We are doing them.

During this time of staying inside, quarantine, it is easy to let things slide.  This is what made me think of my Aunt.  At 90, Aunt Rose never let anything slide…I remember the last time Debbie and I went to visit her, when Gab was an infant and we went with my parents and Grandfather.  At this point, she was wheel chair bound due to a car accident (she was the passenger).  As always, she was well dressed, makeup in place, hair done just right and the pocketbook in place on her arm.  It did not matter her condition.  All these years later, her daily routine still sets the example that no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we should care of how we look and present ourselves.  If we motivate to make ourselves look and feel our best, then the more we help our mindset and can set ourselves up for success, even if we have to remain inside.