Venturing Beyond our Comfort Zones

“The biggest rewards in life are found outside your comfort zone. Live with it. Fear and risk are prerequisites if you want to enjoy a life of success and adventure.” ~ Jack Canfield

Last week I spent four full days in class.  This time was neither spent behind a desk, hiding behind the safety of a computer, nor quietly listening and hoping no one called on me.  This was not four days of down time, to have a nice dinner, or to go out for a few beers to bide my quiet evenings alone until the next session began.  This was 8+ hours standing at the front of the class, teaching the class through slides, explanations, demos and exercises.  My night times were spent with a quick dinner, catching up on emails, making phone calls and prepping for the next day’s class.  I was out front, talking, teaching and being “on” the entire four days.  As someone who leans slightly towards the introvert side, this was a tiring week, where I stepped out of my comfort to help others on their journey.

The truth is, I am comfortable giving presentations – they are of a fixed length and the longest one I had given to date was a one-hour seminar.  Did I know I was stepping outside that comfortable circle I had drawn around myself?  Yes.  Was I scared / nervous?  Yes.  Doing something you have not done before always brings about a feeling of displacement and triggers that little voice in our heads where doubt is created and the constant reminder that you have never done this before. 

Having dealt with the world of change over the last 20+ years, I am able to spot some of the language people use to protect those imaginary borders they have erected around themselves.  It can appear as a reminiscence (“I remember…”, “The we use to…”), as an alternate solution (“I would have…”), or even as a warning (“This did not work last time…”).  These are people who are comfortable where they are, are afraid to leave the place where they are comfortable or simply fear what they do not know or understand.  If I am being completely honest, these types of thoughts do appear at the edge of my own personal comfort zone.

In my house, Debbie spent many years as a nursery school teacher.  I watched her prepare for her classes.  Gab is currently a music teacher and I see the amount of time that she spends each weekend in preparation for her week ahead.  As with any new venture, it is important to address your fears / concerns head on and spend the time learning what you need, preparing ahead and remembering why you are doing it.  If you have seen specials on stunt drivers, you see the amount of time and effort spent before doing the most dangerous stunt to ensure that it is pulled of successfully and safely.  By the end of the week, I was tired as it was a lot of effort to prepare and even more to do the teaching.  However, once the course was completed, I reinforced my personal reasons for doing this.  I had connected with the students to help them on their journeys and was grateful to see the bulbs light up over their heads as they had their own “a-ha” moments.  By expanding my comfort zone, I felt good about myself and what I was able to do for others.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~ Les Brown

The Importance of Ongoing Education and Training

For a number of years, I neither went to a work-related training class nor a seminar.  I am one of those people who has no problem asking a few questions, rolling up my sleeves, and going off to figure out what needs to be done, how to accomplish what I set out to do and hacking my way through.  Did I get the results I expected?  Most of the time that would be a yes.  Unfortunately, we have a tendency to think that once we are able to proceed in this manner, this is the best way to go – NOT!

Over the last couple of years, I finally broke down and went to a few conferences, went to a seminar and attended some classes.  There is the old adage – “You know what you know; You know what you do not know; But, you do not know what you do not know.”  After attending a few of these courses, I found out that there was more in the third category than I expected.  By attending a conference, I learned how much technology had advanced with that specific software and what had become available over the past few years.  By attending a training course, regardless of the fact that I already used the software, I learned what the software actually does and why.  We all like to throw around the term “best practices.”  In reality, there is always more than one way to accomplish a goal.  However, there is the most direct, accurate, best way rather than a longer, more eloquent approach to meet the same ends.  In the former case, the resources and results are optimized, while in the latter, resources might be put under more pressure and the results less accurate.  We sometimes forget that continued learning is important.

As my younger daughter heads towards graduating in May, I see her excitement at having “no more school.”  Yes, the formal portion of her education might be over, but I have not quite broken it to her yet that there will always be more to learn, more to be educated on and ALWAYS room for improvement.  As I head to becoming certified as a trainer, I realize that training is an opportunity to introduce others to concepts, provide a starting point for moving forward and a chance to share ideas.  It is providing the tools and insights so that the people in attendance can take those thoughts, have a beginner’s ability to start using what they learned, and almost as important, have the ability to ask better questions.  Sometimes, a little bit of knowledge can lead to a desire to improve what is front of us and only through our questions can we fully learn more (or get to good answers).  I look forward to help those starting their journeys and take this opportunity to learn from their experiences as well.

Do We Get Older, Or Do Just Our Kids?

Every year, we enjoy the Super Bowl with the same group of people.  Yes, sometimes we might stop over other people homes, but for the most part, we have been with the same group for many years.  This year I was joking with the hostess how no one had beers in their hands and there was no one doing shots.  We must be getting old, I said as I laughed.  “I am sure the guys would do a shot with you,” she responded smiling.  I realized that I really did not want a shot and was quite happy the way I was.

Everyone looks the same as I remember them to look over the years.  OK, there were knee, hip, back issues, etc., that needed to be addressed by some in attendance.  Still, they looked and acted the same.  Talk of grandchildren was in the conversation this year, talk of marriages, talk of…Wait a minute, are we really getting older?  Two days before the Super Bowl, I joked with Gab on her birthday that she is one-year shy of the quarter century mark.  “Dad!  Why would you age me, 24 sounds much younger!”  she responded.

Maybe we are getting older, beginning to show some of the telltale signs of the aging process.  Debbie and I are amongst the younger end of our group of friends; But I can see the birthday ending in a zero only a few years away.  We do not look like I remember my grandparents looking at this age.  My eye doctor would surely let me know that my eyesight is not what it was when I was Gab and Bec’s age.  One thing is true, I believe that we try to be more active than previous generations.  We exercise more, we tend to eat healthier, we tend to plan longer into the future.  I did prepare my daughter by letting her know that when she is 100 years old, I plan to be there…”Oh my G-d, Dad,” she bursted out.

Michael Douglas just got the nod for adding a new Yiddish phrase into the English language when he recently yelled out at the Golden Globes, “Alte kakas rule!”  I guess that becoming an “old fart” can be done with a bit of grace and respect.  At the end of the Super Bowl, the hostess commented that they had bought less food and that even more food was left over than last year.  With the “Oys,” the grunts and creaks of everyone standing up, most people lined up to take a doggie bag for lunches the next day.  I passed the hostess and made the comment, “Don’t tell me they are all taking the softer foods,” to which she laughed while wrapping up an easy to chew “nosh” for the next day for one of our friends.

The Meaning of Legacy?

During a recent conversation, it turned briefly about leaving a legacy.  Does not matter who I was talking to or the general reference, because after we touched on the topic, in one of those rare instances, my mind began to take off on its own direction on leaving a legacy.  What is the importance of leaving a legacy?  What really is a legacy? And, do we have a say in our personal legacies?  It was off to the races and I am sure that I nodded to the person I was speaking to as the conversation went into auto-pilot before they got distracted and moved on.  My mind, over the next few days, continued to revisit this thought though.

There was a point in time, not too long ago, where I thought that a legacy meant having your name adorning a wall somewhere to mark that you have been there.  Not unlike the old “Washington slept here” plaques that were scattered throughout the original 13 colonies.  I have recently come to realize that a name plate would only be a name attached to a list with potentially no meaning behind it.  

Years ago, a highly successful person who had many various successful careers explained success in family terms – that when the future generation see your picture over the mantlepiece, they will know that you were the one that change direction of the family to where they are today.  One of the definitions provided by Merriam-Webster Dictionary is “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”  Base on this definition, the legacy is not in the name, but the actions or results of specific actions that are able to be passed from generation to generation.  In my Washington example, it might be nice to know where he rested his head at night, but we all know the impact (legacy) that Washington the man, the leader, the general, the president and, yes, thought leader left behind for all Americans.  

So, my name on a wall might only be a monument to myself.  Hopefully my children will one day point them out and say to their children, “Do you know who that is?”  I know 50-50 percent chance they will say yes.  At that point, I am just another plaque adorning a listing.  If they respond, “Is that our grandfather,” then I have left an impression more than a name.  Changing the course of future possibilities, making a HUGE dent in the universe and leaving a mark behind are all noble endeavors and things we hear people spending significant time worrying over.  I am busy spending my time focusing on the goals in front of me and accomplishing the things that I need to do.  Most importantly, I already have a legacy, whether the name Wayne Zeiler is remembered or not, in that I have a beautiful family, and if I do not dent the universe, hopefully the values and lessons Debbie and I pass on will one cause that Zeiler-down-the-line to do something truly amazing and unique.

Just the Facts

When I was growing up, I remember watching reruns of the TV show Dragnet starring Jack Webb as the straight-laced Police Officer Joe Friday.  Each episode the dour faced officer would solve crimes while collecting the facts.  In an era of fake news, I think that sometimes we forget the power of presenting the facts and having the truth presented to sway people, thought and outcomes.  I remember on my first consulting gig, nearly 23 years ago, the project manager turned to me before a presentation to the client management team and said, “You will give the presentation.”  I immediately froze, I had never given a public speech before and certainly never presented to anyone in management (high level decision makers).  The client was a large, global company, where our involvement was related to the US music manufacturing and distribution business.  The advice that he gave was, “Just tell the story by presenting the facts of what we are doing.”

My grandfather was known as Straight-as-an-Arrow on the golf course.  But that would also represent his attitude, as he also was a HUGE believer in always telling the truth.  Anyone that is in a successful marriage understands the value of honesty and how that helps to retain the trust between both parties.  This is a valid item in any relationship.  To be fully honest, I may have told a few lies in my life, which in every case gets found out and the only way to maintain a lie is to continue to lie.  Also, Debbie has learned that if I even think that I might pull a fast one (more like bending the truth), she can see it written all over my face.

Years ago, I was interviewing for a consulting job where I would be handling the project management and be a team member.  During the questioning, I answered one of the questions with, “I do not know that area of the software, but would be willing to spend my own time learning it for you.”  After the interview was over, the director giving the interview told the person placing me that he was choosing me for the job.  Was it my knowledge of the system?  Was it my charming good looks?  No – he was impressed with my honesty.  Even in my accounting days, if I did not know the answer, I would not make up something close, it was always, I do not know, let me check…which is an answer I still use if I am unsure. 

Same was true when presenting at Toastmaster meetings.  Same is true when presenting an issue to my Board of Trustees.  Same is true working in teams.  Same is true when teaching a class.  As a Project Manager, as a Consultant, as a Teacher, as a Presenter, our authority on the subject / topic is only as good as the faith and trust placed on us in by our audience, team, or peers.  Being honest is an important value for anyone in a leadership position, or for anyone striving to get to a leadership position.  So, as a newbie consultant, that day 23 years ago, I gave my first ever presentation to upper management.  I followed the advice and told the truth (good points and a few not so good points).  By sticking to the truth, I knew the material very well and was able to answer the follow up questions.  That one day, that one lesson has continued to serve me well.

Lifetime Juggler

Ever feel like you are that guy (or gal) who spins the plates on top of that long thin stick?  The one who’s job it is to keep spinning the plates so that nothing falls?  Yeah, you know what I mean.  Now, how many of you feel that each morning, a new set of sticks appear with those plates already in motion waiting for you to step up and keep them spinning?  Sound familiar?

Most lives are like a good play, where there are a couple of acts and within each act are multiple scenes.  Unlike a play, our lives do not move single-threaded in a sequential manner.  In other words, most people do not live their lives as a single act, one scene life.  I recently read someone’s opinion that hiding behind “I am busy” as an excuse really means that we really determine what gets our focus based on how we prioritize (aka, perceive) the tasks before us.  This makes sense as to why high-performance, successful people only focus on a small, finite set of things at a time.  Darren Hardy has told the story where Richard Branson turned down a speaking engagement for some huge, ridiculous amount of money because it was not within the two or three things he was focused on at the moment.

I try hard to have a similar discipline, but the truth is that while it sounds simple, it is not easy.  I have my family, my work with a new company and the presidency of my synagogue.   I have to juggle those three, while having some time left over to socialize (part of my down time).  Within each of those “acts”, I have a few “scenes” that need focus.  Like the plates spinning on top of the sticks, I need to plan the timing of when each item needs to be addressed.  Yes, I often get ask, “What about taking on [fill in the blank].”  Often, I have to answer “No,” because I do not want to take on anything that I will not be able to focus on.  Also, once you say “yes,” you have made a commitment to follow through.  It is better to say no, then address later (no sometimes means not now), then to fail on a commitment by not taking the time required to follow through. 

One of the things that has helped me is that each of the three acts knows about the other two and the times that I allocate for each.  Work hours are straight forward (for the most part).  Synagogue is set aside for nights (for the most part).  Family time includes dinner (most nights) and time on the weekend when everyone is around.  Although things pop up out of their time slots, I make sure that everyone knows that my family comes first.  

Working from a Home Office

I have worked from home before.  I have had a business that was based in my house, though I was mostly on assignment at clients.  With my new company based in Connecticut, I am now back to working from my home office.  One of the obvious benefits is that after 16 years commuting to NY for ITG, I gain back 3 to 4 hours of my day.  That is a significant amount of time: 15 – 20 hours a week, 60 – 80 hours a month, etc.  Of course, the other immediate benefit is if there is an emergency, I am already at home.  Cool!  But it is not all that easy, as I must be more diligent on how I spend my time and minimize the distractions.

Many years ago, my brother went from commuting to the city to having his department directed to work from home as a corporate space saver.  I remember him worrying about how to segregate work time from home time when this first happened.  He told the story of one of his associates leaving in the morning, dressed in business clothes, only to head to the nearest Starbucks.  From there, he would have his coffee and read his morning paper as if he were riding the train.  When he was done, he would drive “to the office” and begin his day.  I am not looking to do that!

I do believe that I need to ensure that I have the proper morning routine in place to help.  The habit that I am putting into place will be an extension of the habits that I have followed for a few years.  The planned schedule is:

·         Wake up (around 5:30),

·         Exercise for 30 – 40 minutes,

·         Shower,

·         Make myself a healthy breakfast (usually eggs),

·         Spend time writing (either for blog or other),

·         Read for 20 – 30 minutes (Personal development, classic book or just for fun),

·         Meditate (chance to reflect on prior day and current…OK, sometimes I doze off),

·         Start work. 

While that looks like a busy morning – it is!  However, this makes the morning time a productive portion of my day before the day starts.  Leadership expert, Robin Sharma, often talks and writes about the benefits of starting one’s day at 5:00 for productivity reasons, which I have followed for years.  The good thing about this schedule is that when I need to be on the road, there is no reason why I cannot maintain this routine.  The routine is important, not because I am anal in following the same thing over and over, but because it provides a productive structure to the start of my day.  Otherwise, time for exercise, etc. will not be available and I will not do these personal productivity activities.

Once work starts (generally 9:00), I go to my office to focus on what I need to accomplish.  Like working in a physical office, I still have the list of items to accomplish.  Lunchtime is set for the same time every day (structure is good).  Yes, there are more distractions.  Yes, I can do an errand if needed instead of trying to squeeze them in on the weekend.  Yes, I can attend to issues at the JCCP where I am president of the organization.  Even so, they have to fit into the schedule of my day.  In the office or out, we do need breaks from work to regroup, reflect and refocus.

Any other suggestions would, of course, be helpful.  Written down, this looks simple, but it will not always be easy.