The Blame Game

Even though the elections are over, fingers are still being pointed about the final outcome.  And so, the Blame Game has begun.  We are in the midst of learning who is to blame for the outcome of the election, who we can blame for the process and, most importantly, start preparing for whom we can blame going forward.  As someone that looks for lessons and likes to share that knowledge, good leaders are often the examples to follow – I am not so sure that what I am seeing are examples of good leadership.  For me, a good leader takes ownership of their actions, will “take the blame for failures” while passing on the successes to the appropriate team member, work as part of a team towards a common goal and understands the needs of the people they are leading.  Which brings me to the current election cycle…

To start with, let’s look at the current blame being thrown around (closely aligned with its partner in crime – excuses).  The big glaring blame is losing an election due to mail fraud, which has now turned into the excuse for losing.  Yes, I am certain there is some element of this, but without substantial proof this is passing the blame on, without reflecting on the portrayal of oneself.  Then there is the blame of “We lost because of a group’s position within our party.”  Really?  This makes people wonder what they were doing during the campaign process and how they did not realize they were not connecting with their potential constituents. Goes back to fact that a leader needs to listen, which many candidates did not.  And of course, the classic, “It’s not my fault.” Aside from campaigning, it is safe to say that votes are won by candidates based on how we perceive the person running for office, not necessarily their policies and platforms. For those that are undecided and see a candidate acting unprofessional and being a jerk towards others, will vote against you, regardless of your position on important matters.

The bad thing is that there is already pointing the blame for things that have not happened yet, but instead planning for future failure.  To me this is odd because this is planning for failure, already lining up whom to blame and the excuses you will give.  By already planning these out, they can easily pull the “I told you so.”  Folks, I have to be honest – these are the people we elected to lead…if they are planning for failure, why did we select them?  In any leader, I would prefer seeing them say this is what I stand for (the reason we should be electing people, not by looks or demeanor), doing their best and then we all can evaluate the job.  They fail, because they failed and not because other circumstances made it impossible to stand up for themselves.  I do not want to hear, “We did not have enough people” means they did not try working together (aka, never learned to play together in the sand box).  “I did this for you and now you MUST do this for me” is also pathetic.  Elections are won (or lost) by the majority and everyone should feel they helped, not a mindset of entitlement based on “my group pushed you over the line,” which is extremely difficult to validate.  As Abraham Lincoln so aptly stated, our government is a “Government of the people, by the people, for the people…”  I think many elected officials forget that and are more concerned about partisan politics instead of what is best for the people that put them in those positions.

Playing the Blame Game means that we do not have to take a step back to really take a look at the bigger picture.  If you pass enough blame around, throw in a heavy dosage of excuses, you might reach the point where everyone feels sorry for you, or depending on how you are playing the game, you might come off as the “boy that cried wolf.”  Bob Dylan, in the song “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” stated so well, when he sang “…even the president of the United States Sometimes must have to stand naked.”  At the end of a day when playing the Blame Game, we still have only ourselves left to stand bare to the truths, whether we are the president or not.  Those that still decry, “I won, it was stolen,” or “…at least we have the gavel…” have to be able to live with themselves.  As far as I am concerned, not only those playing the Blame Game lose, unfortunately, we the spectators do not always win.

Caveat emptor, it is now your turn to spin the wheel on The Blame Game.

I Got This!

“I got this!”  How many times have we heard this?  How many times have we said this?  There are two outcomes – you got this, own whatever you got and complete whatever it is.  Or, you do not got it, never took ownership and dropped the ball.  In the first case, you take the required action based on your commitment.  This brings up my favorite definition of commitment – Doing the things that you said you would do long after the moment you said it has passed.  In the second case, all you did was provide lip service, whether to make yourself feel good or to answer the way you think your audience wants to hear it.  Which brings up the question, how many times have you heard these words and knew enough up front that they were just words? 

Raising your hand and agreeing to do something = ownership, accountability and responsibility.  These can be scary words as it puts the pressure on us, causes people to keep an eye on our actions and requires us to take action.  Commitment has a cost, as it locks you into following through, answer to your actions and complete what you set out to do.  Sometimes we are assigned things to do, sometimes we volunteer and sometimes things just land in our laps.  Obviously, we are more apt to gravitate to the tasks or roles that we volunteer for, as it aligns with our passions, provides interest and piques our curiosity.  In all cases, once it falls in our lap, it is ours until someone else picks up the mantle and “runs with it.”

When we do not follow through with our commitments, we let down not only ourselves, but others around us.  We need to realize that working in a group, or team environment, each person relies on each other for a mutual goal.  Like a giant game of Jenga, there are pieces that will not have an impact and others that can topple the entire structure.  The complexity is increased when all of the components seem the same and there appears to be little differentiation.  I understand, as there was a point in my life (a long time ago) where I found it easier to make a loose fist, stick out my index finger, point it and magically plant the blame on someone else.  This made life seem easier.  Why? Because if it is someone else’s fault, then the pressure is off you and you feel that you can walk away unscathed.  In reality, you did not fool anyone, as the mess created by the lack of ownership still has to be addressed and now falls into someone else’s lap.

We are all familiar with the plaque that sat on the desk of President Truman’s famous words, “The buck stops here.”  Good words for anyone in a leadership position, as these words apply whether in our home life, work life or other aspect, the buck always should stop with us.  When you are the person at the top, there is nobody to blame, no excuses, but to own the things that we commit to. 

A Birthday Adventure

 “Since there is no Spanish equivalent for Wayne, we’ll call you Ber-nar-do,” my 7^th grade Spanish teacher informed me. 

“Can you use my Hebrew name?” I timidly asked.  “It is Zev, which means wolf.”

“Yes.  We can call you Lobo.”

Over time, Lobo became the more familiar Lobes, which some people still call me to this day.  Oh, in case you were wondering my full Hebrew name is Zev (Wolf) Baruch (Blessed).

Why do I bring this up now?

This past weekend, we celebrated my birthday.  The one activity planned would be an appropriate CDC compliant, socially distanced, masked event.  Debbie and the girls planned a trip to the Lakota Wolf Preserve in Columbus, NJ, located near the Delaware Water Gap.  This was a place that we had talked about going to a number of years ago, but never made it.  Finally, after many years, we were going.  We woke up Sunday morning, I put on a black tee shirt with a wolf’s face on the front and was ready for the adventure ahead.  Rain or no rain, we were going!

As we drove towards the Preserve, we took note that this area of New Jersey has some hills and lots of tree growth, so much so that that we commented how we no longer felt like we were still in the same state.  When we got there, we waited patiently for the shuttle to brings us through the woods to the site.  Bouncing up the “hill”, we rounded the last corner to see the large fenced in area.  With excitement, the four of us walked up towards the fence, waiting to see if we could spot a wolf.  We were extremely excited when we saw a wolf laying down in the distance!  Images of a large wolf danced in my head, like the wolves of folk legend, most of us have come to know wolves from the stories we read or the movies we saw.  Finally, one wolf came up to the fence – the small group we were part of were all pointing their fingers, oohing and ah-ing at seeing this wild creature in front of us…and then it lifted its hind leg, as if to say “Back up, you’re close enough.”  OK, some of the mystic faded as this male wolf did what was natural to him.

Finally, the time came where we went into the fenced area, led by the owner, who provided some great information about the wolves on his preserve, maintaining the population, legal requirements (permits, inspections) and his clear love for his “children.”  We had the chance to see wolves in their natural habitat.  And then came the awesome moment, where off in the distance, his wife called out to the wolves and they all began to howl.  Then the owner was off to feed the wolves and maintain the area.  Our next stop was to a side area where his wife (who also was our shuttle driver) taught us about Bobcats and Lynx (I did not know they were from the area) and a little about foxes from inside their enclosed areas. 

This was truly a great experience.  We often take for granted the larger world we live in and the creature that we live alongside.  While we are currently at the top of the food chain, we should take the time to appreciate all that inhabit the earth, learn about them to debunk falsehoods and understand what their roles in our global ecosystem means.  Bec has been pressing me for my favorite animal.  My answer has been, “My favorite pet is a dog,” to which she immediately counters, “that does not answer the question.”  I guess the answer might be wolves…after all, I was given the name Zev Baruch…

Back From Hiatus

Seven years ago, I made the commitment to write weekly and share the thoughts that I had been thinking about for the past week or so.  And then 2020 hit.  With the steamroller known as COVID-19, the way we think, the way we do business and the manner of everyday life changed.  For the first time in my life, everyday began to have a “sameness” to it, regardless of having the weekend which did less to break up the week than it had done previously.  September became the first month when I did not pen a single word and somehow in October, I was able to write one blog.  I often wonder what happened…part of it was due to not wanting to write more about the pandemic, as life still went on.

And then someone pointed out the benefits and abilities related to having and maintaining good habits.  The key was that good habits are at times hard to form because they involve routines which can be hard and go against the general flow around us.  Once you stop, it is easier to let them go.  Zig Ziglar, who I never had the fortune to see live, used to bring on stage an old manual water pump.  To get water from the pump, you needed to pump the handle a number of times to build up the pressure that would eventually bring the water up through the spigot.  The image, combined with the narration, was to remind us that while we do not see immediate reaction (to the pumping), having patience will bring about the required results.  The same is true with developing good habits – you have to prime the pump until the habit takes root and then continue the actions to maintain the “flow.”  However, once you stop and the water recedes, you have to put the effort in once again to start the process.

No different with me – I stopped writing and it became easier to not write.  I like writing, but the years of this one habit unwound in a few weeks.  When I began thinking about this (the weekly thought filling my head), I began to see the impact.  Writing kept me mindful of the actions around me, giving me cause to reflect, review and learn from them.  While the activities still continue, the level of awareness and opportunities lessened.  I missed the writing and the value it provided me.  It is time to get back into the swing of things and end this brief hiatus.  Writing will be like starting from scratch, but if I wish to begin again, it is time to start priming the pump.