I Hear You

 

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” ~ Epictetus

Imagine that somebody makes you the leader. In other situations, you might be elected to the position.  In the world of Machiavelli, you might even reach out and grab that position for yourself.  Whichever way it occurs, you have found your way into a position of leadership – you are sitting atop the body of individuals who look to you for guidance, want you to paint a vision for the future and are in the position of following you.  People will now look to you (and judge you) for what you say, how you act and the method you use to handle situations. 

Many years ago, I was excited by the first opportunity that I had as a leader.  OK, it was a small role, but I was responsible for supervising other people.  Immediately, I told my manager what I was going to do, how I was going to tell everyone what I wanted, etc.  Needless to say, he put the kibosh on that!  It took me years to learn that with the title and the responsibility, do not come with carte blanche for me to dictate my will on other people.  As Teddy Roosevelt so eloquently put it, “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”  The only way for others to know that you care is to listen to what they have to say and pay attention to their words.

We all have opinions and some ideas of how things should be handled.  Not all of us freely share these thoughts, but we all have them.  Sometimes, we forget that the people we are talking to also have their thoughts and ideas.  As a leader, we should have some vision as to the direction and achievements we would like to accomplish.  However, if we do not talk to the people around us, there is no way to tell if we are in alignment with each other.  As John C. Maxwell points out, “If you think you’re leading, but no one is following, then you are only taking a walk.”  By taking the time to listen, people feel that you care about their thoughts (even if they differ), and it provides an opportunity to have other choices become available to you and realign so that more people understand the efforts.

Having the title of “Leader” does not mean everyone has to adopt what you say.  Having recently spent time in an organizational leadership role, I spent a lot of time listening, asking leading questions, and finding out people’s perceptions and needs.  When it comes to leading, we must keep in mind that “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of a few” (Mr. Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)  and the only way to come to the right conclusion is to listen.

Talk Too Much

I am sure that every ethnicity has a variation on the same joke…if you put # of [fill in the group] together in a room, you get # plus 2 opinions. 

In a recent meeting, there was a single, simple question asked and yet everyone felt the need to give an opinion.  There were only 2 or 3 possible responses to the question, but everyone felt obligated to provide an opinion, even though an overwhelming majority provided the same thoughts using almost the same words.  This caused what should have been a 10-minute conversation to last an hour.  Since some of the people in the group felt that they did give their opinion clearly the first (and second) time(s) that they spoke, and to clarify their positions, they repeated themselves again.  I have been in more meetings like this then I care to consider at this point. 

This goes back to a question I have pondered before – do we actually listen to what other people say?  I was taught years ago (I have forgotten the source) that most people, even in a one-on-one conversation, will be spending their time thinking about the next point, topic, or opinion they want to say without listening to the response, thought or opinion of the person talking to them.  I have been guilty of falling into this bad habit as well, usually in the heat of heavy, loud discussion, where I only want my point to be heard and to have my point of view to take precedent.    I have to literally take a step back, take a deep breath and remind myself that someone else is talking.  While I might want my opinion to be the take away, without listening to the people or persons that I am talking to, it is hard to communicate without hearing where their minds are at; Especially if they are making good points, or if they are the ones who are correct.

The ancient question is “Why do we have two ears and one mouth?”  Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived around 100 A.D., answered the question, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”  Conversations, discussions, meetings, etc., all involve more than the self.  If so, Epictetus observation still holds true.  Sometimes, we have to fight our urges to be heard and listen, pay attention and respond accordingly…no matter what levels we live in, strata of society we move through or political leanings.