The Focus of a Dog

We often laugh at the inability of a dog to focus.  I was able to observe this, recently, while walking the dogs.  Our older dog, Lucy Lou, happily walked alongside me.  We were having a nice conversation when she politely excused herself, sniffed around and then did her business.  Sadie, who was originally my Mother-in-law’s dog, just turned three and is like the Beatles song, “Here, There and Everywhere.”  She trots ahead on the grass, head slightly lowered, which means she is prepping herself…then she hears something, smells something, sees something (real or imaginary) and instantly forgets why she is outside.  Lucy Lou gets distracted, generally speaking, when another dog nears us. 

Watching the two of them moving about their environment, I began to see traits, which to me, seem completely human.  People that are younger, or new to some aspect of their lives, are truly like Sadie.  I am not referring to the need for someone to walk them.  More so, the traits related to being curious, being hyperactive, easily excited and trying to do many things at the same time.  Young children definitely react in this fashion.  When our girls were little, I remember Debbie going shopping and buying much-needed socks for them.  She carefully put the socks in a box and we figured that for the child opening the gift they would be excited at having to pull out the many items.  When it came time to open the gift, the socks went flying out and the box became the toy that they were excited about.  That is, until the next gift, or a morsel of food came drifting into view.  In the workplace, the same goes as you see the eager, young faces running around, happy to jump in and help.  I remember one fellow that was so excited to get involved in ALL applications the group was working in (not possible unless one wanted their head to explode).

As for the Lucy Lou traits, which tend to be found in people with experience, or, how can I put this delicately, those that are more mature.  I am at the point in my life, where I tend to think that I fall into this category (mature? Age-wise, but always action-wise…just ask my daughters).  Instead of running around, distracted by whatever comes dancing or floating in front, this group has a bit more focus.  They tend to pick some path to follow, changes course when it meets the need, takes care of their business and keeps on track.  People of high success tend to focus on no more than three priorities at any one point in time.  When I was younger, had more energy, and was in a more Sadie-phase, I remember looking at the “older,” Lucy Lou-phased employees that I worked for and wondered why they did not go out for the lunch plus beers, or after work outings…they were more deliberate and focused in their actions.

There is the old tale of two bulls on a hill overlooking the herd.  The young one, all excited, says, “Let’s run down the hill and be with one of the cows.”  Where upon the elder bull calmly says, “Let’s walk down the hill and be with them all.”  OK, this old story is slightly sexist, but it makes the point.  We can live in the Sadie-phase, and run helter skelter trying to accomplish many things; or, in the Lucy Lou-phase and move deliberately and with conviction to fully accomplish (aka, succeed) in a few.  After all, as I concluded my walk, I realized that I guess we can learn new tricks from old dogs.

Home Alone, or, the Sound of Silence

Day 2 – Today, I sit at home all by myself.  Bec came home for her trimester break and her and Debbie have gone to Florida for a few days.  I am happy that the two of them went away together, as this is a good school break for Bec and a great chance for some mother-daughter bonding.  This is odd for me, as I am the one who is usually away…now I am home alone in our house.  But what about the canine company you ask?  They have gone away, as well, to “Doggie Daycare” – that is right they get a vacation too!  Actually, they are vacationing because I leave the house for work early and come home late – too long for them to go without me walking into the house and finding a present waiting for me (and I do not mean the gift-wrapped variety).  It is weird being on the other side…

Day 3 – This morning, I realize that over the past 18 years, I have gotten familiar with the sounds that the house makes, or so I thought.  I was sitting here eating breakfast, and I heard an unusual clicking sound.  I never heard that before…and off I went to find out what it was.  I crept into the basement where the sound was coming from, a drop of cold sweat running down my forehead.  Yes, I was nervous for what I might find.  Click, click, it got a little louder.  As I came down the steps, I realized that it was the sound of metal expanding as the water heater was running.  Like the human body, the house has its gurgles and pops which I used to know.  I guess that I am more used to hearing Debbie or the girls moving around or hearing the padding footsteps of the dogs.

Day 4 – I travel for work, so there are times where I am away for one to two weeks.  My days are full, as being on-sight provides focus and I get to accomplish many things.  At the end of the day, after dinner (usually by myself), I retire to the hotel room that I am staying in.  It is a room, with a bed.  I generally read, write or zone out to something on TV.  I am a bit lonely, but am okay being in the smaller area.  Being limited in what is available for me to do means I come prepared to be alone.  Being in a comparatively bigger space, our house, is a different story.  This is clearly a case where circumstances are reversed, as the sound of the silence bounces non-existently off the walls, floor and ceiling.  I find that I look for things to do, not necessarily in the house (I am not a homebody) so as not to be alone, more so than when I travel…

Day 5 – Today, I am excited!  After work I will bring home the dogs, and then later tonight, Debbie and Bec return home.  I look forward to having life (other than my own) in the house.  While I am happy they were away, did their own thing and had a great time, a piece of me is VERY EXCITED to have them come safely home.  Like a kid walking into the candy store with enough money to buy the candy bar of one’s choice, I feel the same feeling. 

Day 6 – They are home!  They took a late flight in and uber home.  I decided at the last minute to surprise them, so off I went to the airport with the dogs.  Yes, I was excited to see them.  They both had a great trip, a good time and happy for the opportunity to spend the time together.  Last night, I went to sleep comforted by the sounds I hear in the house, I slept the best sleep in days and happily woke up listening to the sounds in the house I recognize and comfort in sensing the body next to mine.  All is good and right in the universe once again. :)

We Have Done our Children a Disservice!

Do we provide a proper and appropriate education for our children?  My girls are in college, have decided on the initial direction of their lives and are starting to focus on their futures.  Am I too late to start having these types of thoughts? 

Gab was a good student, she went to school and worked hard to achieve good grades in preparation for college.  Bec, while also a good student, always questioned why she had to learn the things that made no sense, would not have benefit on her future and wasted her time.  This was true for secular and religious education, with religious being harder to explain to her, as the time was limited, and the curriculum a bit repetitive.  Yes, each new High School year started with a couple of weeks review.  Hebrew School had the same holidays to review each year.  I am now at a point, with one child ready to graduate college and the other half way through her higher educational time period, to evaluate what we put our children through.  As Andy Andrews says, “The goal is not to raise great kids. It's to raise kids who become great adults.”  Based on those two sentences, as parents, we need to ensure that what our children learn and experience provides them with the appropriate tools for the future. 

Hut, Hut, Hike!  I feel like a Monday morning quarterback, recapping the big game including the would have dones, the should have dones and the overall better strategies.  My girls have turned out GREAT, so I cannot (and will not) complain.  But, can we tweak the experience for the next generation?  Yes.  As always, change is difficult, but sometimes, we fall into the routine of maintaining the status quo.  I was recently given the explanation that we only have a set amount of time, so there are some things we have to sacrifice to teach other things.  What if they are the wrong things and who makes those decisions?  If the expected results were not reached, they were not correct.  As a project manager, one of the things we do after a project, is to evaluate the project, talk with our customers to see what their experience was like, and review our outcomes.  I could say, we finished and delivered what we said, but that is only part of the story.  To borrow a line from Paul Harvey, “…the rest of the story…” is what can make the difference to future projects, provide proper expectations, help teams pull together and enhance user experiences.

As adults, in any endeavor we undertake, we consider the results we want, what we have to do to get the results and track our progress on obtaining those results.  We need to be as diligent with our children’s education. Many of us move to a town with a good school (or send to private) and send them to the religious school that is part of the institution we belong to; this, however, is done with broader strokes.  I remember going to Hebrew School and spending a significant amount of time watching filmstrips (I am dating myself) and the occasional spitball zipping through the air.  Okay, I can read Hebrew, but I never learned to translate nor to talk the language.  Minus the filmstrips (and hopefully the spitballs), plus some different experiences, both girls can read Hebrew, but they never learned to translate nor to talk the language.  They have had a similar experience to what I had.  If you ask them what they should have learned, they can tell you versus what they did not.

While we provide a home that values a strong education, we must also understand the curriculum for our children.  Education is always a hot topic, but we cannot always rely on a “what was good for me is good for you” attitude.

Spirituality

My grandfather grew up in a small village in Austria, today it would be located in the Ukraine.  Life might have been tough for a Jew in that part of the world, during the early part of the 1900’s, but, life was simpler compared to today.  I remember one of the stories that my grandfather told me revolving around religious practice.  Each Saturday morning, they would go to Shabbat services – the entire village.  Afterward, there was a meal where the community would sit facing the dais where the community’s Rabbi would speak / educate the community for hours on end.  In another story, my grandfather and his sisters would help the community in preparing for Passover – their job was to put the perforating holes in the matzo.  This was their fabric of life in Europe, not to dissimilar to the many generations that preceded them.  They lived a spiritual life, they were educated in their rituals and daily, this was their practice.  I was even told that there was a prayer when you finished in the bathroom and a blessing to wash your hands.  As Grandpa explained, this is so that we remember to do all of these things.

Are we as a population still spiritual in terms of the way that has been defined in previous generations?  Most of us have gone to some type of religious education (i.e., Sunday School) as children.  Heck!  We even sent our children.  This is a great way to learn the history, traditions and, in some cases, culture of who we are from a religious point of view.  Napoleon Hill, In Think and Grow Rich, refers to the Infinite Intelligence, his wording for a higher power.  When we pray, we ask externally for help, guidance and support.  In The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell talks about that spiritual presence being inside us, comparing our relationship with our higher authority using the symbolism of Yin and Yang, where, conceptually, a piece or recognition of “G-d”, in a small way, has to be internal, otherwise we cannot recognize each other.

If we have any belief in the two outstanding thought providers above, do we need organized religion, the related institutions, and practices / beliefs developed thousands of years ago?  As the future president of my synagogue, I should be answering with a resounding YES.  As someone searching for answers, it might be more of a maybe?  If I commune with a “higher authority,” live a life with good morals and values, help others to achieve goals and meditate on finding a guiding path, what does organized religion offer me?  Does it provide answers?  Or, does it help us to find ourselves?  Moses, in my mind the greatest of biblical prophets, is often referred to as Moshe Rabbeinu, Moses our teacher. There is the phrase, finding one’s yogi or guru, which is a person to follow and learn from.  In both cases, these teachers provide an education on ideas and have the ability to lead their people on a guided path, which is true of most leaders that have had some revelation.

In my grandfather’s youth in Europe, society was homogeneous; there really was no secular versus non-secular until you left the village.  In Skalat, everyone was Jewish, everyone learned the same way, everyone practiced religion the same way.  It is noted that many of the religious traditions and basic ideas are taken from the different groups of ancient people, and transformed for a new peoples.  Living where I do, we are a “melting pot” of peoples, ideas and background – a great way to learn tolerance and appreciate others.  We no longer live in the Skalats of our ancestors.  It might sound like heresy, but, it just might be time to take the 1500 – 2000 year old practices and provide some updates.  Do we all need some connection to spirituality – YES.  Do we need a new way of passing on where we came from – YES.  Grandpa’s youth had no cars, no telephones, no radios, no television, and no computers.  Today, we live in a different, smaller world and we need to recognize that so that we can prepare to face tomorrow…

A Disruptive Factor - Learning to Love Change in My Life

Where's My Kitchen?!?

My morning routine during the week is simple:

1. Wake up early
2. Go downstairs to exercise for 15 – 20 minutes
3. Shower
4. Put up the hot water for tea
5. Get myself ready for the day (brush teeth, shave, put on some clothes)
6. Make eggs for breakfast
7. Write while eating
8. Clean up breakfast
9. Finish getting dressed, and,
10. Leave the house to go to work.

I like the routine and the habit.  During the weekend, there is some variation, for example, I go to the gym and I do not go to work.    Whether I am fully refreshed from a good night’s sleep, or exhausted, the routine is repeatable and varies very little.  That is until the morning where my kitchen disappeared!

That is right, the kitchen sprouting legs, got up and left behind a gaping hole!  My morning routine items 4,6,7, and 8 had been disruptive.  Like some kind of spreading thought, the soft flooring from the living room and den decided to follow the kitchen out the front door (in defiance by not sneaking out the back door); there went morning activity #2.

We have held onto our kitchen and den for over 17 years.  We were comfortable in our environment.  OK, so the den had a spackle spot in the ceiling where a hole existed for a few years.  The kitchen had the same from water damage that was first patched four years ago (not painted) and then fixed after the roof was done a year and a half ago (not painted).  We knew where the tape needed to be replaced on the cabinets where the laminate was peeling away and when to push down the linoleum floor when it curled up near the counter by the sink.  The final straw was the last two months using a reading light instead of replacing the overhead.  Even an advocate for change sometimes feels comfortable where he is at. 

We have lived in this house for over 17 years, and the truth is that the kitchen / living room and dining room were the only rooms that we did not touch, renovate or update.  As you can see from above, to say it was time is an understatement!  We are not the only ones to experience this, but living out of a single room, using a microwave to cook, opening the fridge which is next to the TV and a few feet from the couch is weird.   This has been a challenging, disruptive period in our lives; but as with any change, we reminded ourselves of why we were going through this, what the goals were and the future benefits. 

Looking out the new window