The Big Reveal

“Close your eyes, and keep them closed until I tell you to open them.”  If anyone grabbed you and told you that you would either be skeptical and walk in with one eye slightly opened, or you would be completely trusting.  On television shows, it is usually done in a home improvement show, where the big reveal is done to the homeowner.  Sometimes they are involved, sometimes not. 

Having been traveling for work, my true big reveal will be when I get home.  Having recently moved back to NJ, Gab wanted to transform her bedroom from her childhood place to a more adult bedroom befitting a young adult.  I remember doing the same growing up.  The room becomes a metaphor on “This is a who I am today, not who I was back then.”  We all grow, we all change. 

There was a handmade picture on the back of the door in our den – when I would exercise, I would look at it and it was part of my day.  One day recently, the picture was gone.  I asked my family what happened.  Bec, without hesitating, told to me (it was her picture from Kindergarten), “I crumpled it up and threw out.” 

“Why did you do that?” I responded.  “I loved seeing that each day when I exercised.”

“Because that does not reflect who I am,” she replied. “The foods I did not like in the picture I now eat and the things that I did not do, I now do.”

I did not get it when she responded and still wish I had taken a picture of it beforehand.  I know it is not who she has become, but I did like having a reminder of where she came from. 

Gab’s room is no different.  I wrote the first half before seeing the finished room.  The big reveal is when I walk in the house.  I am excited for her doing this.  This little project started with an idea, a decision to make a change, selecting between the options, and then putting into action the plan to achieve a desired goal.  As a parent, this is something we hope our children begin to do on their own.  Her room really becomes a metaphor for life – we change, we grow and we should have the conviction to control the path we walk along.  This is part of growing up, maturing and developing as a person. 

As I stepped into her room, a big smile broke out on my face.  The plain white room with her childhood furniture was gone.  In its place was a room full of bright colors and furniture befitting Gab at this point in her life.  I was excited for the big reveal, as it is another sign that my daughter is grown up and becoming the person she wants to be.

The End of Summer 2018

Summer Fun!

Argh!  Summer is over, again!  I cannot believe that at age 55, I still determine the end of summer by the starting of school.  Keep in mind, I graduated college 33 years ago (I do not believe I just wrote that), so I should not be still telling time by “going back to school.”  However, after almost 20 years of sending our daughters off to school, summer ends when school starts.  For Bec, her final year of her formal education (and yes, she announces this regularly) begins by the time you read this.  Fortunately, this short span of time saw plenty of Zeiler activity.

For Bec, this summer was her last chance to take on an intern program, selecting one as a private assistant.  She was able to utilize her school training in planning, arranging trips, and business.  Much to her chagrin, she actually was able to even use her Accounting skills!  Some other skills she picked up dealt with security, maintenance and even some experience with farm to table (OK, very small farming area).

For Gab, this was no casual summer.  She spent the year in charge of a music program at a day camp for children and their siblings that are dealing with cancer.  While emotional at times, this was a fulfilling experience for her.  In the corners of her days, she managed to search for teaching jobs in the area and go on many interviews.  And if that was not enough, move back to NJ from Connecticut. 

As parents, Debbie and I are proud of the effort both girls put out this summer.  They are growing into young adults, planning for themselves and becoming their own individuals!

It’s funny, we watch the summer through our children.  For Debbie and myself, summer equals warmer weather and a chance to be outside more.  Our daily, recurring activities remain constant.  Yes, we take more time to spend as a family.  There were a few weekends where we did go to spend time together at my brother’s pool.  There were some dinners with cocktails (interesting when your children can have an “adult” drink).  We ended the last weekend together by going on food tour of Jackson Heights, courtesy of Kornblit Tours.  This was a historic walk with a chance to try foods from Bangladesh, India, Nepal (Yak is the specialty), Columbia and desserts from Uruguay. 

Summer may be over, but our adventures as a family will still continue.  Each new season provides newer and different opportunities and experiences.  As always, I look forward to what comes next!

He Who Controls the Agenda

Meetings, meetings, meetings!  Some days, it seems like there is an endless stream of meetings.  Meetings in the morning, meetings in the afternoon and then synagogue meetings in the evening.  (Heavy sigh) 

Yes, meetings are a great way to share ideas, communicate information, and work together for a common goal.  Meetings with a purpose are great!  Meetings that meander aimlessly over the horizon is time that one will never get back.  I have been in meetings that are run well and meetings that are less well run.  I have been in meetings where the overall atmosphere is congenial, pleasant and well participated, and I have been in meetings where rudeness, fear of opening one’s mouth and being all over the place are par for the course.  The people that seem most organized are not necessarily the one’s who run organized meetings and vice versa.

I was taught somewhere a long time ago, that meetings should have the following:

• A purpose – which is stated at the onset so everyone in attendance knows why they are meeting
• An agenda – which provides the topics to be discussed and the flow of the meeting
• A timekeeper (utilized at Toastmasters) –  someone who keeps everyone on track to limit speaking time and to ensure the start and end time of the meeting
• A scribe – someone who keeps the notes to be distributed after the meeting.  In smaller meetings, this person can be the leader of the meeting
• A leader – someone who provides the agenda and moderates the flow of the meeting, making sure everyone stays focused on the topic (purpose) at hand.

The truth is, depending on the size and purpose of the meeting, the same points hold true, even if the meeting’s leader holds all of the roles (not as efficient in larger meetings).  Once you, as the leader, control the agenda, you can control the meeting.  Once you cede control of the agenda, you can lose control of the meeting.  Do not get me wrong, meetings are good, they are an important means of communicating information, and a valuable way to allocate time in a group setting.  Controlling the agenda assists in making sure that the topics covered are relevant, there is focus to the meeting and a means for future achievements.