Monica Got Married

The tropical breeze and gently crashing surf in front of us, the young couple stood together and the vows about to taken.  What an idyllic scene!  I sat there holding Debbie’s hand with Gab and Bec sitting to my right.  For that moment, things were great!

Life is busy.  It is good that I enjoy the work that I do, enjoy the volunteering, and enjoy most all of the things that fill my days.  I do not work with an eye to my next vacation and focus on where we are going to travel next.  We all remember the Eveready bunny that kept on going and going.  However, even the Eveready bunny must use up its battery’s life.  While in the midst of my daily routine, I do not always realize that I am wearing down, and need to recharge.

Monica got married.  The first few days we were saying, I cannot believe Monica’s getting married!  We were there as a family.  I make no bones about loving my family, being together and enjoying each other.  It has been two full years since we took a family vacation away.  Yes, I have been to Florida a lot this past 15 months, but these were not vacations – these were visits tending to a sick aunt, a quick visit to my father, and tending to him when he was sick.  Debbie and I had a few long weekends, but not a family vacation where we were off the grid.  This vacation, we were in Jamaica – off the mainland and not easy to contact to us - A true vacation.

We have known Monica and her family for a long time.  When she said they wanted to marry in Jamaica, we said we were in.  Not only to support her on her new adventure, but also to take a family vacation to somewhere we have not been to.  When the opportunity made itself available, we jumped at the chance to turn this into a family vacation. 

Being off the grid meant no work to pull me from the downtime, a chance to reacquaint ourselves together, and the time to recharge our batteries.  We had the chances to eat together, swim together, enjoy the swim up bar, and enjoy cocktails together.  We always enjoyed the vacation time when the girls were young; there is a clear difference spending time with them as adults.  Yes, it was great! 

After the completion of the ceremony, we turned our heads a noticed a rainbow in the sky - truly a wonderful symbol.  As our last morning approached, we looked back at the pool with the ocean beyond.  This was a beautiful place, where we got to watch two young people start their journey as a married couple, enjoyed some native foods, and most importantly, spent time as a family to relax and enjoy time together.  As the ensuing months come, I will keep in mind the importance of vacation and the opportunity to spend it with my family.

The Return of McCarthyism?

With a flourish of his hand, the illusionist causes our eyes, and most importantly, our attention, to move in the direction he leads us, and away from where he does not want us to look.  The impact is that something unexpected and magical occurs.  I am not talking magical today in any way shape or form.  However, the flash by the illusionist creates a distraction, which for entertainment purposes, has a wonderful outcome.  In real life, distractions can become just that – distractions.  And, when they become out of hand…

I generally avoid writing anything political, as I find politics extremely divisive, especially in an age of false news (on both sides of the aisle), playing off people's fear and a general lack of broad subject knowledge.  Darren Hardy puts it bluntly about not reading the news (which is highly subjective), as most of it is negative in nature and has zero impact on my personal goals and objectives.  However, after seven months of allegations of Russians tampering with our elections, without any solid proof, without any legal actions and no arrests made, I am tired of hearing about this everywhere I go.  This is a (planned) distraction not only for our leaders, but has foreign leaders distracted as they either defend themselves or weigh in on this topic.  We are living the Salem Witch hunt and the hunt for American Communists all over.  So much so, when I talk to my friends outside the US, this distraction has invaded their news as well.

One of the fundamental Constitutional rights as Americans is that we are innocent until proven guilty.  This ensures our right to due legal process and protects the individual until such time as they are guilty in the eyes of the law, as determined by a jury of peers.  Unfortunately, there have been too many public people (not only politicians) tried in the court of public opinion, and then condemned, prior to any proof of guilt, any investigative evidence and real arrests.  During the 1950s, at the onset of the Cold War, there was a lot of fear of Communism, which led to hysteria, about who was a communist in America and who might be helping our #1 enemy - the Russians.  Let us not fool ourselves, spies exists and have throughout time, as a way of attempting to learn what each side knows about the other, to gain an advantage and to keep enemies in check.  Coupled with one of the drivers of humanity, fear, this was heightened during the 1950s.  Add to this one Joseph McCarthy, who was a U.S. senator, was able to leverage a national fear that led to the hunt for Communists in our government, in the world of entertainment and led to people eying each other suspiciously, also referred to as the “Red Scare”.  Fear spread, people called to testify, names given and careers destroyed.  The nation watched, in a complete distraction, for months, as no indictment occurred, no official arrests made and no one found guilty.   In the end, Senator McCarthy's house of cards collapsed, but not without a negative impact (i.e., the term McCarthyism still has a bad connotation).

Playing on these types of fears is nothing new.  Remember the Salem Witch trials?  A case of some disgruntled children feeding off the fears of a superstitious group that led to a false trial.  For some reason, we are sucked into following these types of events; believe innuendo and hyperbole, condemn actions, whether or not there is truth behind it.  How about the in the 1980’s with the Tawana Brawley incident that ruined an innocent police officer’s career, and this was headlines for weeks on end?  This is one (of many) reasons I do not follow the news, even though it is hard to get away from this nonsense.

As hard as it is to ignore, sensational news, false news, or whatever you want to call it, is a distraction.  Time is better spent on focusing on my family, my work, the places where I volunteer, and things that have a direct impact on me.  Time spent on personal pursuits have more of an impact on my life seems like a better way for me spend my time, and to walk away from the constant distraction that continually attempt to bombard me.  As it is, I have now spent on this topic more than enough time than it deserves.  Off to join my family in the pool, but that is a topic when we next meet…

Zahal Shalom – Welcoming Israeli Vets

At the airport this morning, we said goodbye to our new friend that we met two weeks ago.  It is a bit sad, as we do not know when we shall see each other again, but through the wonders of technology, Debbie, Gab, Bec and I will be able to keep in touch.  In these brief two weeks, we have enjoyed time, meals, conversations and various activities helping to create a bond and shared memories.  For us, it was a chance to do something different, something a little outside our comfort zone, and an opportunity to help someone else.  But, I am getting a bit ahead of myself.

In 1993, I remember my parents telling Debbie and I that one of their close friends was starting a group to bring injured Israeli Vets to America and that they were going to join in a dinner for them.  “That’s nice,” I said and then promptly filed that away, along with the many other tidbits my parents told me about that did not directly concern me.  I know that my parents each year mentioned this annual hosting “thing.”  I do remember thinking that it was a nice thing to do.  However, starting and focusing on having a family, this item along with many others things that were not a priority proceeded to move out of my mind’s forefront and into some deeply locked area of my brain.  They say that our brain is one of the greatest computers ever developed and can retain immeasurable amounts of information to be stored for either current or future usage. 

Fast forward to 2017…About two months ago, Debbie called me to say that friends of ours asked if we would be a buddy-family for some group called Zahal Shalom.  “What is that and what do I have to do,” was my first response.  OK, a little cold on my part, but unfortunately, if I took on something new, it meant making room within my busy schedule for something else that would need to have my attention.  As Debbie was explaining this to me, it dawned on us that this might be the same group founded by my parent’s friend 25 years ago.  Now this mitzvah (good deed) had some sentimental value. 

Finally, after weeks of waiting, the group from Israel arrived and we met our former soldier, Yan.  All we knew was that he was in his 30s, recently married, an engineer and liked to swim.  The first time I met Yan was over a family dinner with the host family, their parents and us (buddy family).  We all felt a connection while engaging in the ancient ritual of breaking bread together and happily welcomed Yan into our little group.  This was a great beginning and over the next few days, our friendships grew.

While Yan and the other nine vets were in the US, they had a series of planned trips to New York that include museums, sites, meals and a Broadway show.  They also went on a 3-day trip to Washington D.C., where our local Congressman met with them.  Of course, there was some time for shopping and a little free time to do some activities with the host and buddy family.  These were two busy weeks for our visitors, and unbeknownst to us when we signed on, for us as well.

Debbie went with Yan on trips to NYC and a High School presentation.  Gab took Yan shopping and all you can eat sushi.  I went to a blues club in Greenwich Village with the group.  Together, with our friends and family, we drove to Queens so Yan could visit with family, went to various dinners (including one at our house), desserts, and a fun Zahal Shalom pool party.  At the organization’s 25^th Gala Celebration, it was great to see the happy faces and watch these vets, no matter what they went through, leave their issues off the dance floor, and dance with abandonment at the celebration of life. 

As humans, one of our greatest gifts is to give of ourselves and of our time, to helping others.  In the end, this was our personal “investment” in this wonderful program.  Best of all, we have made a new friend, to visit when either we go to Israel, or, next time he comes back here.

For more information, or to help support this wonderful organization, please visit http://www.zahalshalom.com/.

My Family Is Precious to Me

I know this seems weird, but, this has not happened since November – all the Zeilers are in the same state!  I know it is odd to have that thought, but I did as I lay in bed the other night.  Yes, these are the type of thoughts I have in my downtime – I concluded that whether traveling, being a snowbird or at college, we have not been “in the vicinity” at the same time in eight months.  I have the chance, once again, to reflect on how fleeting time can be, how precious it is to spend time together and how blessed I feel when these times occur.  As our children grow up and take on lives of their own, being together will change and take on new meaning.  For now, I focus on enjoying the time we have.

Spending time as a family was something I learned while growing up.  My parents always believed that we should always eat dinner as a family.  I remember eating over friends houses for dinner and it was just my friend and I, or the two us plus his sibling(s).  I did not comment on it aloud, but found it “different” from what I was used to.  When we became parents, it was important for Debbie and me to have our dinners with our girls.  It was a chance to share what we did during the day, have an open line of communication and discuss any issues we needed to.  They may be all grown up, but we still eat dinner and other meals together as a family.  Even at “family dinners,” we always sat together, instead of having an adult dinner and a children dinner.

When we were a young family, there seemed to be a lot of time and opportunities to spend together.  As we have all gotten older, the amount of potential time spent together has changed and has become more sparse.  I have always like the song, “Cat’s in the Cradle,” by Harry Chapin, but found it haunting and sad.  Here was the story of a father that was too busy for time to spend with his child and once he had the time, the lessons learned (through actions) came to fruition and the son had no time for him.  The old adage “what goes around, comes around” has some merit.  We spent a lot of time with our children, involved with sports, activities and time together.  We never thought about the day they would decide to move out – we spent the time together because we wanted to, and we still do.  We love being a family.

I know that this summer’s time together is short-lived, with Bec still a student and about to leave us for the summer for her internship.  We are excited for her opportunity, even as we miss her.  And Gab? Though she would like to find a job close by, there is still the chance that she will have to look further away to find what she is looking for.  Time together is precious.  Enjoy your children and spend time with them while you can.  Enjoy spending time with your spouse while you can.  Enjoy the time with your parents while you can.  Life is fleeting, so the times we have to spend together must be important.  Life is busy and we are all active, so when the time comes to be together, we live in the moment and enjoy each other.  And when we are apart, we look forward to the next time we can spend as a family.