Commuters Can Be Rude

I think that with the more that cell phones can do, people have become ruder.  What do I mean?  We have become so attached to our mobile devices. I believe that some people believe that the entire universe is wrapped up in that small device that they can hold in their hand, where they can look up anything and video call anybody anywhere at any time.  Basically, we see the world through a tiny screen.  When the woman’s soccer team won the World Cup in 2015, the parade of champions route went right by the building I was working in.  Here was the moment glory, here was the moment few people get to experience, here was the masses coming out to cheer you on.  As I watched the parade, there were some of the heroes of the day, busy with their selfie sticks instead of enjoying and living in that precious moment.

When commuting to the city, I will sometimes take the Spanish Bus (Official - The Spanish Transportation Service Corporation) from Paramus, down route 4 to the Port Authority over the George Washington Bridge.  This is a slightly cheaper way to travel, and there is always another jitney passing by within 5 minutes.  Recently, when I took the jitney home, I was the second person on the bus, so I had my choice of seat in the 10 row mini-bus.  I sat down, getting ready to enjoy some time to decompress from the day.  People were talking as they entered the bus and sat down.  After taking their seats, everyone was still talking loudly, seemingly at the same time.  “What the…” came immediately to mind.  The guy behind me was talking away in Spanish on his phone.  The guy two rows up was talking so everyone could hear his conversation and the lady next to me was on a video call, with no head phones so that I could hear both sides of her conversation.  Looking around, there were at least four other people engaged in talking on their phones.  Then the lady next to me finished her call, and started to watch YouTube videos with the volume on high (again, still no headphones in sight) so that she could hear over all of the other phone conversations happening.

Did I miss the announcement?  Did our governor issue a decree?  When did people decide that it is OK to have loud public phone calls, in a small space?  Is it alright for me to participate in the rude lady next to me if I know the answer to a question I hear coming from her phone?  In that moment, I realized that the rudeness factor had taken a jump.  While silently texting my daughter about this bizarre behavior, her words of consolation were “things have changed since you last commuted.”  All this in the past month?!?

As we got closer to my destination, the cacophony of yacking phone calls decreased due to people leaving the bus (while still talking on their cell phones).  The guy behind me was still happily talking away, barely giving the person on the other side a chance to talk.  The one person I passed on my way out of the bus was still engaged in their conversation, oblivious to the world around him.  What should have been a chance to unwind before getting home made me more tense than relaxed.  As I stepped off the bus, I reached for my cell phone…maybe I am no different, but at least my conversation was out of everyone else’s earshot.

Face-to-Face

 “Hey, Wayne, I got a few minutes while I am in the car…”

How many of you have received a call that started that way?  How many of you have called someone and after “hello” said that line?

Or, how many of you:

• Have received a text that started “Hey, just a quick…”? 
• Have texted someone and used that line?
• While at work, have sent or received an IM from the person one aisle away? 
• …an email with a one-line question, from the person that sits diagonal to you?
• Sent / received a text from a family member in the next room?

Whether in our personal lives, and now, to some extent, our business lives, we have learned to “fast path” our communications.  There are times where I am guilty of this.  I have worked hard to put away my electronic devices.  I rarely ever bring my phone to a meeting (unless there is an issue at home) - I no longer answer every ding, sound effect or related “you’ve got mail” indicators.  I am striving at work to answer emails at certain points in the day.  By checking these types of communications whenever they pop up, we are distracted from what our focus should be.  In meetings, I know that when the phone is more interesting than the meeting – it is over.

Of course, the corollary question is have we lost the ability to communicate face-to-face?  Are we learning from the millennials and our own children?  They spend a significant amount of time on their devices.  They can game and communicate.  They have free video apps to see their friends.  I remember years ago, I walked into the living and there was my daughter was doing her homework on her laptop.  She was busy typing on the computer and typing on her phone and there were at least three people in tiny boxes on her laptop, no one was talking.  They were, she explained to me, just hanging out.

The most extreme case of “my-cell-phone-is more-important” syndrome was recently in the subway.  She was in the hallway, underground, her large suitcase tipped over on its back.  In her hand was her cell phone talking to someone.  The suitcase was large enough that she needed two hands to put it right side up.  She did not stop talking on the phone, nor did she put it down (or in her pocket).  Struggle as she did, the phone was most important.

With the holiday season upon us, this is the time of year we generally spend with our family and friends.  A time of the year where we should be living in the moment; to take in all of the sights, sounds and excitement of our respective holidays.  Let us each make a commitment to put down our cell phones, turn off the ringers and ignore the clarion call of our phones.  Let us all live in the moment, spend time together and enjoy each other face to face.