Facing Your Naked Self

Do you ever stand naked in front of a mirror?  I know this sounds like a line from the movie “Airplane”.  I mean this more in a philosophical sense rather than a literal sense.  Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror to evaluate the person who you see staring back at you?  Have you taken that time to honestly evaluate what you are looking at, to think of how that person fits into the universe and to decide who that person really is?  Yes, you can do this fully dressed, but you better be willing to see the person who resides in the clothing that can be visually used as the definition of you.

We recently watched a movie where one of the characters was referred to as a trier, which is defined in Urban Dictionary as “a person who tries way too freakin’ hard.”  In other words, someone who tries to be someone who they are not.  A conversation I overheard was along the same lines, how the individual they were discussing acts like a different person at work than in a more social setting.  There are many circumstances in life where we are in a position where we want to be accepted, where we want to impress others and where we feel that we have to act like everyone around us.  If we think, feel and act like the majority of people, what have we done to differentiate ourselves, stand up for what we really believe in and present ourselves as we are? 

My parents used to tell the story about how when I was a child, I was a bit oblivious to what was going on around me and preferred to do things my own way.  I spent many summers at a wonderful place called Camp Echo Lark, where in the early days, we used to have a dress code.  The camp colors were green and gold, so our clothes were green and white.  Each morning, they would announce the “dress” for the day, meaning the shirt color and the pants color.  On visiting day, when all of the parents arrived, they saw a sea of children wearing the “dress” for that day.  My parents spotted me immediately, as I was the only camper not wearing white socks like every other camper.

Back to the mirror…as you stand before yourself, you might want to ask – are you wearing the white socks to fit in with everyone else, or are you wearing some other color?  Are you being who you are, or are you trying to be someone else?  Look, we all have people we admire, successful people who we wish to mirror and heroes whose footsteps we want to walk in.  We are not, however, the net sum that made those people what they are in experience, in livelihood and in ambition.  We are merely who we are.  As you stand there in the breeze, be honest about who you are, your strengths and your desires.  Strive to be the best you that you can be, and become the person who you were meant to be.  Only then can you be comfortable with the bare reflection that stares back at you.

Impacts in our Lives

This morning, I was shocked to see a post on Facebook about the passing of person many of us knew over the years.  I stopped and stared.  I am at a point in my life where the various parts of the life cycle are no longer a mystery and as I get older, more people are moving onto the next world.

This one struck me, as a tear rolled down my cheek.  As is with so many people on Facebook, we have been friends for years, but have not seen each other in well over 20 years.  While I have no one person who I can say that was my mentor, this was someone who did have an impact on my life.  As a college kid and a counselor at Camp Eco Lark, I was learning how to deal with my campers:  Lots of yelling, trying to get them to activities, etc.  There was a senior counselor (meaning he taught during the year), who was loud, fun and seemingly everywhere.  His philosophy was to be "big" up front, set down the rules, start off strict, then ease off. Each summer, he followed that process -  it worked and he became one of those beloved people you looked forward to seeing the following year.

He had many good ways to handle new situations, some of which I have adopted.  The advice he once gave me about working with kids, was invaluable.  At that point, I had trouble controlling (I.e., being the leader) and thought yelling and idle threats were the answer. "Once you yell," he told me, " there is nothing more you can do."  Simple advice?  Yes.  However, it caused me to change my approach, find other ways to work with campers and ultimately made me a better counselor.  Watching, learning and using his advice, paid off years later when I became a parent and had my own children.

The impact on me from that summer long ago, and the advice imparted, is something that I have and will always remember.  Paying it forward, I have said similar things to others.  If we take a moment to step back during our lives, there are always people who cross our paths with lessons to teach.  In the month where we are supposed to be grateful for what we have, I am grateful for the life lessons learned.  Remember the people in your lives who knowingly or unknowingly who have positively affected you.  Wherever you are now, Murray, I am grateful that our paths crossed.  I know that wherever the next world takes you, you are making sure that people are laughing, imparting wisdom and impacting souls. 

Seasons

Breaking news: Summer is really over in New Jersey!

I cannot believe this as I sit here typing in the beginning of November and this is my thought.  This simple thought was triggered by the fact that this past Sunday was our group’s final official round of golf.  The golf season where we play starts in April and ends in October.  In my mind, this is a warm weather sport, which means that golf season = summer.  Last round of golf = end of summer.  Weird, huh?  When I was young, I remember equating summer with no school and going to camp.  In retrospect, summers are now much longer than the July and August school break (or June to September for college age). 

As I had these thoughts, I began to realize how our perceptions change as we get older.  When I first learned to play golf, it was at Camp Echo Lark, where we had a golf-pro teach us how to play.  Golf was a game that both my grandfathers played, and at the time, the golf pro was about their age (or so it seemed from my point of view).  Since my father did not play, in my mind, golf was for older folks.  Fast-forward about forty years and some of my friends decided to learn the game.  After the first year that they played, I joined the group.  Our tee time has been early on Sunday mornings, so that when we are done, we still have the full afternoon. 

I am not a grandparent, and years younger than the age of my grandparents were when I first learned to play golf.  Truth is, we are up early, doing an outdoor activity, having some laughs and hanging with friends.  It is funny, my brother has played golf, we have friends that have children that play, but my perception did not change until I had the clubs in my hand.  I am not a good player, but I still go out (yes, I had to get over the fear of being a bad player).  I play with an old hand me down set, but I play.  And now, the clubs get put back into the garage for next year, for you see, summer is officially over…this year.

Riding the Roller Coaster of Life

One of my earliest recollections of going to an amusement park was as a camper at Camp Echo Lark.  Each summer, we would venture out from Poyntelle, Pa to Ghost Town Amusement Park in Moosic, Pa.  There was one ride that I used to go on over and over again – the roller coaster.  It is still one of my favorite amusement park rides:

• The tick, tick, tick sound as you slowly climb the first hill with the anticipation of reaching the crest,
• The sudden thrill of the first drop where you feel like you could lift off the seat and into the air,
• The quick change of direction as you round the first bend, and,
• The “I cannot believe we are finished” feeling when you pull back into the station. 

Today, there are more varieties than that rickety old wooden one – the quick start, the loops, and the corkscrews.  You no longer have to sit in a “car”, but can have your feet dangle or be in a position like you are flying.  However, it is still the same – you still have the speed at which you move, the ups and downs of the hills and you still end up back where you started!

There comes a time where we need to start moving on, whether it is “picking up the pieces”, focusing on the next goal or some further horizon.  While mass media would have us believe that all good things come to those that wait, the truth is, we need to put ourselves out there, gather the right skills and maintain an open eye so that when opportunity crosses our path, we can take it. We can step out of the stream of our ongoing life to catch our breath, recharge our batteries or reevaluate our lives; but inevitably, we have to be a part of the larger world to engage in life.

Some thought leaders say that we are a reflection of the last five people that week hung out with or that the last few books that we read impact our choices.  It makes sense, as these are the latest things that we have in our minds, the last bits of stimulation and the newest points that we want to emulate.  Basically, we tend to reflect the environment we have surrounded ourselves in.  The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster and it would be easy to sit in a dark room, hang my head and ponder (question?) the meaning of life.  Fortunately, I do not have time for this.  Aside from supporting family, I have to think about Bec moving off campus next year, continue to quietly provide encouragement in Gab’s search for a job and spend time with Debbie.  Not to sound like my life is a cliché, but we have things to do, places to go and people to see.  In light of these things, the small amount of time to sit in the corner and reflect, while important and healthy, cannot be the sum total of all of my future actions. 

I know that life is not some thrill ride, yet there are many thrills as we ride through life.  Almost all aspects of life have high points and low points.  Sometimes the peaks are very high and sometimes the valleys are very low.  Life is full of many different things: full of successes and failures; full of happiness and sadness; full of positive experience and negative experiences; full of good times and bad times; life and death.  And, because of the valleys in our lives, we get to appreciate the peaks that much more.  Like the roller coaster, there are times where we seem to end up back where we started.  I, for one, like back in Ghost Town, am ready to stay on that `coaster for the next go around, looking forward towards that first hill, and enjoying the thrill of the ride for as long as I am here.