I’ll Get You my Pretties!

They are out there to get you!  Looking to derail your goals, your hopes and ambitions.  Like some gremlin hiding in the corner, they seem to work tirelessly at their task.  We have all come across people in our lives that say you cannot do something – whether it was a teacher, a friend or a family member.  And sometimes, it is ourselves that work to talk us out of doing something.  We get into our own heads, and we also let others get into our heads, like the wicked witch yelling, “I’ll get you my pretties!”

In the song “Good Old Days,” Macklemore sings (as an example of getting into one’s own head),

“Wish I made it to homecoming

Got up the courage to ask her

Wish I would've gotten out of my shell”

Our own voice in our head, at times seems to be constantly riffing about something or other.  We have the ability to talk ourselves out of most things.  Or, we sit there and analyze all potential aspects, begin to procrastinate, then get nothing accomplished (this happens sometimes when I am writing).  We experience “paralysis through analysis.”  It takes practice to step back from ourselves and clear our minds so that we can focus on what we need to.  When I was in network marketing, the way to pique people’s interest was through a phone call.  There were many times that instead of taking direct action, I sat there in front of the phone, hand on the receiver, and had a massive dialog going on in my head, then made no calls.  I was my own worst enemy!

Then we let other people get into our heads.  There can be an emotional component in this case, depending on who is chirping in our ears (or other communication method).  I know someone who seems to have lost their way, became bitter and began to weave a world of half-truths, fabrications and causes to point their finger at others instead of taking the time to evaluate what hand they played to have the situation unfold and the position they put themselves in.  When this person sends out an attack, it has the potential to get in my head, the emotions kick in and I want to respond in like kind.  Once I take a deep breath, or Debbie reminds me, I take that proverbial step back, realize the source and then move on.  My daughter Gab pointed out to me that during the daily morning news broadcast on Z100, they advise to take a deep breath every hour in order to regroup yourself.

When under an attack, it is all too easy to drop our guard and drop down to their level and do something that might be out of character.  This can undermine our integrity and cause us to lose focus.  This is why Darren Hardy, Jim Rohn, and the many other mentors, talk about removing the negative people and things from our lives.  It is hard enough to maintain focus and remember to stay on track without unnecessary distractions.

While the story of the “Wizard of Oz” has led to various analysis regarding the main characters, the basic story is simple.  Dorothy is removed from her home and all she wants to do is get back home.  She starts off knowing her WHY (to go home).  After talking (and listening), she learns the path, or the HOW, that she has to take (“Follow the Yellow Brick Road”) and the tasks needed, the WHAT.  The Wicked Witch is a constant negative distraction, but in the end, Dorothy remains true to herself, over comes / removes the negative factors, and achieves her goal.  A great example to follow.  Who or what are the wicked witches in your life?

Building Bridges

High Bridge, 1929 - Louis Lozowick

Over the last couple of years, as we have been driving back and forth to visit the girls at school, we had the unique pleasure of watching them build the replacement to the Tappan Zee bridge, a large familiar structure that spans the Hudson River.  You know that there had to be a lot of people involved, a lot of planning and a lot of communication.  Any project, whether large or small, needs to have the leaders develop the means by which relationships are developed and maintained.  In any group that pulls together to become a team, needs to build the necessary bridges to best lead towards success.  In fact, even a pair of people must develop a proper relationship to meet shared goals.  It is important to note how we treat peers, fellow workers, family, friends and casual acquaintances.

I was picked up, after recently visiting my brother in Florida, by an Uber driver.  As we were pulling away to head towards the airport, he noticed that the previous passenger had left her cell phone.  He commented that she was traveling with two other friends and she would probably call.  Sure enough, the cell rang.  While I could not hear exactly, the previous passenger blamed the situation on the driver, demanded her phone be returned immediately and said she could not live without her phone.  The driver did the right thing and said he had a customer and would return it afterwards.  She was not happy and treated the innocent man poorly.  I do not know what happened after I got out of the car, but it would be understandable if the driver took his time returning the phone.  There are some lessons that can be learned from this experience: Double check for your belongings when you leave a space (plane, car, hotel), to take responsibility for your actions, and most importantly, to learn to build relationships to ensure better communication and service. 

I know people who can build a relationship well using their phones as a primary means of communicating.  These are general people in sales or customer service.  I know people who can build relationships well by being face-to-face.  I work in the Project Management world, so for me a phone call is a great way to follow up, but the best means, for me, is being with the people I work with.  There is no better way to build understanding, communicate intentions and make a connection then being there with them.  When you are face-to-face, you can watch their body language and their facial expressions, which in some cases tell a different story than from a phone call, text message or email. 

As a Project Manager, it is important to remember that we always work in teams.  We may lead the team; we may be part of the team or even take on a role within the team.  This is a team; or group effort.  Along similar lines, while Debbie and I were recently out to dinner, a young man, with his girlfriend next to him, asked us if you compromise in marriage.  Debbie answered, “All the time,” and I responded “It is a team effort.”  While we both have our own opinions and ideas, a team of two is similar to a team of many.  Thoughts should be shared, different thinking should be vetted against one another, and diverse experiences should be brought forth.  If I were to surround myself with a pack of Waynes, I potentially could wander down a path which would lead me from my better potential.  Relationships are important in working together, challenging our thoughts and providing better outcomes.  Building bridges are an important part of striving towards our goals and achieving success.

“No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

As well as if a promontory were:

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were.

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.” ~ John Donne

Are we Willing to Sacrifice / Change for What We Want?

“I made the decision, it was my choice, so it falls on me to follow through.”  This single sentence can apply to any endeavor any of us might undertake.  I do not care if this is a newfangled diet, a new enrollment at the gym, a new skill, or even, a new attitude.  Years ago, I read the “Shannara Chronicles”, written by Terry Brooks; and am now enjoying watching the TV rendition.  In the story, the Druid Allanon, makes the point that “magic comes with a cost.”  So too does change, and in some cases, so does the inability to change.  I cannot hope to snap my fingers and transform myself in some way, shape or form.  Granted, it would be fantastic to wiggle my nose and have that buff, beach ready body (no graphics on this will be provided).  There is a cost obtaining that.

For a period in my life, I was engaged in Network Marketing.  With the right company, this is a great way to engage in becoming an entrepreneur.  The process is simple (but not easy) – you have to (1) be all in on the company and product line, (2) be 100% committed, (3) be will to be fully accountable for your actions and (4) follow without question your mentor.  One of the people I worked with did these things and put his business ahead of personal social events (i.e., he missed family weddings).  The “proof is in the pudding,” within the past year, he attained a higher level in the company, saw the benefits of his hard work and is financially successful.  I did points (1) and (3), but found out that I could not be 100% committed and did not want to listen to my mentors.  I tried, but this was something that I was not willing to make the sacrifice for.

We can take those same four points, with slight modifications, and apply them to any area in our lives.  I make no bones about me picking up the banjo.  I am all in on the product (I bought a banjo), committed to learning (while in Australia, my friend noted that my downtime was watching banjo lessons), fully accountable and listening to my video mentors (set aside time to practice).  Being able to introduce the banjo to the band was a sign of commitment, furthering my experiences and of course, the band members not laughing at me, but coming up with potential songs to utilize the banjo sound.  My sacrifice was using my spare time to practice.  Anything that we deem worthwhile, that we feel we can have an impact on, or believe in strong enough, we can make those personal adjustments to attain.

As we get older, many people downsize and with a move towards a fixed income.  Consequently, this leads toward living a simpler lifestyle.  I have seen this with family and the parents of friends.  Truth is, as I get older, these thoughts are starting to make themselves known in the back of my mind.  There are two realistic options, either sacrifice / plan now for our tomorrows, or, be willing to sacrifice the comforts of our household and lifestyle to survive while we continue to roam the earth.