My Grandfather had a clock that used to sit on a set of draws in his dining room. Having grown up in a house with electric clocks, I was amazed that this clock, old in style, had no plug to make it work. Then one day, I remember Grandpa opening the top drawer, pulling out a key and asking him what that was for. As he placed the key into a hole in the face of the clock, he explained that the old clock was run on a spring. He continued to explain that the key needed to be inserted, as he was doing, so that he could wind up the clock (tighten the spring) so that the clock could continue to run. The key was turned a number of times until the mainspring was tightened and the key removed from the clock. “If I do not do this, the clock will run down, getting slower until it finally stops,” he said as he put the key safely back into the drawer.
The clock comes to mind when I speak of how my father is doing. I am at the point in life that when I look at my father, I readily notice that he is getting older, dealing with health issues and needing more care every day. While it is true that no child wants to see their parents aging, struggling with daily routines, nor, fighting to get through each day, it is a part of the circle of life. I know that I am at an age where I am not alone, as friends have been going through these life cycle changes in similar manners currently or over the past years. It is not easy to watch the ones that took care of you, made the decisions that shaped your life and help you when needed, to become the ones that now look to you to help take care of them, make the decisions that impact that their lives and help them when needed. This can be at times awkward and unnerving as it does not seem “natural” to become the parent figure.
The truth is that a time comes where we need to protect our parents and make them feel safe. Fortunately, our children are old enough to tend to themselves. That also means they are old enough to see and understand the situation which makes it hard for them as well (in a different way). As children, they still have the ability to learn; as adults, they have the ability to see how we treat our parents and will hopefully apply the lessons gathered when we look towards them for assistance (hopefully) many years into the future. For us, this is a clear sign of our mortality, a part of life that greets us whether we are ready or not, prepared for it or oblivious of the waiting cloaked figure with the sickle standing off in the shadows.
I sadly watch as the clock starts to slow down, wending its way towards its inevitable path. While we know how this story will end, that does not provide comfort today. I feel like the young child I once was, standing next to my Grandfather, unable to take the key and wind the clock…all I can do is watch. There is no way to tell how long it will take, but I will take comfort in hearing that clock tick while it still can.
