I Am Connected!

 “Ring, Ring”, “Buzz, Buzz”, “ïð”.  These are the various sounds we hear every day, whether we are walking in the street, riding on the subway, sitting in a restaurant or hanging out with our families.  We spend our time reading our emails, responding to texts or sometimes, just sometimes, actually talking to someone.  We are online, we are linked in, we are “connected” and we are “in touch”.  When we leave our homes, we reach for our cell phones; it has become one of our most important accessories.  I think that at this point, if given the choice to go out commando or without our mobile devices, the underwear business would be in trouble!  We always know where our loved ones are and they are only a cell phone call away.

There is the old phrase, “You can run, but you cannot hide.” Technology has edged us closer to the world of Big Brother (the George Orwell book, not the reality TV game show).  While Utopian thinking would be that this is great, because we all know where everyone is at all times, the Dystopian thinking is that this is horrible, because we all know where everyone is at all times   I remember when I first went away to college, way back in 1981, those were the days before emails and cell phones.  There was one phone on our dorm floor and you had to put coins in to use it, or call “collect” (which for the younger readers, meant the person receiving the call would pay).  For the first time in my life, I was untethered from my parents – FREEDOM!  As a child, I was happy not to have my parents “checking in on me”.  As a parent, in today’s world, I am happy to know that if I want to, I can “check in” on my children.

What about adult to adult?  Debbie and I have fully embraced the mobile comm.-link between us.  After having written that out, I feel like we have our own personal Lieutenant Uhura on staff, making sure that the “communication is open”.  Today, while I write this, I am watching Rebecca play in a bowling league that she is using as practice in preparation for re-joining her school’s team.  “Uhura, please open up a comm.-line to Debbie” and my wife instantly knew Bec’s scores.  While I laugh at how strange this sounds compared to when I was a kid, we do enjoy knowing where each other is.  The flipside is that if one of us forgets, or does not respond to the other’s text in a timely matter, our imaginations tend to go way off. 

“ïð” – That’s my communicator, ha ha. “It’s Uhura, sir. I have your Dad on the line, should I patch him through?” Oops, gotta go…

Lessons from Within the Corn Maze

“Everybody ready to go?” I ask as we head out to the car, with our picnic dinner, for our annual trek to the Stony Hill Farms corn maze in Chester, NJ.  This is the one car trip that takes no prodding to get everyone out of the house and on our way.  The hour-long drive seems to go by quickly in anticipation of the challenge ahead of us – a new 10-square acre maze of 8-foot high corn stalks beckons us.

Once we park in the large field area surrounded by pumpkins, we quickly find our friends that we meet up with each year for this fall ritual.  “Nice, you guys brought a table cloth,” my wife notices as we join our friends at the old wooden picnic benches alongside the farm’s store.  “Sorry, we started eating”, was the appropriate response.  Eating and some small talk occur, but we all know why we are here and what we have come to accomplish.  “OK, it is 6:20, we will see you back here,” Debbie tells the girls.  We always try to tackle the maze adults versus children.  And we are off to face the maze!

As we go to battle with the maze, here are the lessons we learned this year:

1. Goal Setting – Before one undertakes any task, one must understand the task ahead and the expected result.  We need to navigate the maze and leave the maze through the exit.  The truth be told, over the years that we have been doing this; we have exited through the entrance more times than the exit, and sometimes more than once in the same year.  Each time, we were excited when we thought that we conquered the maze, only to have our smiles wiped away when greeted with the arrow and the sign that says “Entrance”. 
2.  Avoid Distractions – Like any challenge, there are always things to distract you.  In our case, it is the conversations that we have amongst ourselves.  We are happy to see our friends and wander about happy to talk, which mean that we often pass the same spots over and over again. 
3. Focus – There is a simple task, yet not easy at hand, finding the correct way to the exit.  By blabbing away, we have no focus.  We are having a lot of fun, but every corner we turn looks like the last corner we turned and similar to the one before that.  “Let’s try this way” cannot be considered focusing on finding our way to the exit.
4. Planning – The maze is setup in a specific pattern displayed at the start of the maze.  This year, the theme was the 350^th birthday of New Jersey.  “If we go into the maze and make this turn, we can go over the first bridge,” our friend notices.  However, after the first step into the maze, the patterns that we should be looking for are quickly forgotten.  Different sections have different colored ribbons to help let you know your progress.  We, apparently, enjoyed the white section, as we visited there for a very long time.
5. Be Persistent – We are in the maze for the long haul, knowing full well that we will keep on trying until 9:00 pm when some young person will come up to us and politely ask us if we need help, gentle grabbing us by the elbow and escorting us out.  At that point, we have raised our fists, damning the corn maze and shouting, “We will get you next year!”
6. Be Humble – Along the way there are a few spots where you can stick your undecipherable map under a red shield that will display the maze for you.  In life, usually someone has gone before you, so it is OK to be humble and ask for guidance.  When it is raining, this stop is impossible, as the paper rips due to being wet, or sticks under the red shield.  This year, we humbled ourselves and used the shield for guidance.

At 7:50 we emerge from the corn maze, we made it! High fives all around!  We text the girls and get no response.  We go into the store and we treat ourselves to our victory hot cider and fresh donuts.  8:45 rolls around and we finally get a text from the girls asking if we can get their consolation cider and donuts for them.  At 9:05, escorted by their elbows, the girls appear at the entrance with their fists raised high yelling, “Damn you corn maze; we’ll get you next year!”

L’shana Tova 2014

Rosh Hashanah – the beginning of the Jewish New Year; I know that when we first start the holiday and head towards services, the summer is REALLY over, this is a time for introspection and a time to catch up with people that we have not seen during the summer.  Being an optimist, I enjoy the fact that everyone spends the time to wish each other a Happy and Healthy New Year or a Sweet Year.  We do this, knowing that a week later, we spend a full day fasting and asking forgiveness for the sins committed during the past year.

I walked up to someone that I have not seen since last year, and asked him how he is doing.  “It is Rosh Hashanah and I am in shul, so do you want to hear the truth.”  While the appropriate answer is yes (even while thinking no), I answered with the first response that came to mind.  I leaned in conspiratorially,   “You know, I always look at it this way; this is the beginning of a New Year, where we can start over and have all of the hopes, expectation and dreams of the New Year ahead of us.”  He looked at me; my answer had caught him off guard.  After a moment, he responded, “That is a great way to look at it, I did not think of that.”  Sometimes, it is merely the perspective through which we look at something that can determine our opinions and outlook on our condition and futures.

Recently, at a Toastmasters event, there was a portion of the night set aside for what we call table topics.  During this time, one person asks short questions to the people participating that evening and then picks someone out at random to answer the question.  The purpose of this exercise is to learn the skill of “thinking on one’s feet.”  The question was asked, “What was the most exciting thing that happened in your life,” and she called upon a friend of mine.  “The most exciting time in my life is right now.”   He went on to say that he HAD exciting points in his life, like when he married, the birth of his children, and all of these events make up happy memories.  But, he went on to say, right now, his future is wide open with all of his dreams and goals ahead of him, not behind.  That was what made “this moment” the most exciting for him. 

It is interesting how we ascribe certain times of the year to beginning points – New Years (potential multiple New Years), springtime (awakening of nature), or our birthdays.  We even set artificial dates to start working on goals – I will start on this after I finish that; or, when this event occurs I can start working on that.  We have built our lives on dates that mean little and that lead us to become proficient procrastinator practitioners.  And believe me, I am no different.  So, here is to a New Year, one filled with all of our hopes and expectations, new goals to strive for and old goals to keep reaching to accomplish.  Most importantly, a year where we learn to leave our yesterdays in the past, not wait for tomorrow to begin, and to take action today.

Bookends

“Time it was
And what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence
A time of confidences

“Long ago it must be
I have a photograph
Preserve your memories
They're all that's left you.” ~ Paul Simon

Bookends, Left Side – My week had a reverse sequence of life cycle events.  Monday morning began with attending the funeral of one of our closest friend’s mother.  Saying goodbye to a loved one is always difficult, and like the song above, photographs and memories (also a Jim Croce song) are all that we have left.  While it does not matter if our loved one is sick for a long time, or the end comes quickly, we are never fully “ready” when the moment comes.  When my Mom died, she was diagnosed with cancer 8 months before she left us.  At that one single moment, there would be no more calls, no more visits, no more time spent together. 

Bookends – Monday starts the week, Friday ends the week; those two days provide a bookend to our workweek.  Most people that I know dread the start of the week, but are much more excited and happier at the end of the workweek, a mindset built around, as the Loverboy song proclaims, “Everybody’s working for the weekend.”  While I tend to look forward towards the weekend, I am usually happy when Monday comes, as in my mind I have already begun to think about the things that I will accomplish during the week, so that when the weekend comes, I can have a clear mind for the time spent with family and friends.

Bookends – This is a term, where sometime in the near future, youngsters will be perplexed as to how this came about.  Many years ago, I remember receiving in a grab bag, the gift of Batman light-up bookends.  It was cool, and I used it for a short time.  They would have been great to hold up books on a dresser, or a partially filled bookshelf.  In the age of eBooks, Kindle and Nooks, the age of bookends is going the way of the adding machine – you can still occasionally find them, but relegated under the title of novelty item, or even antiques.

Bookends, Right Side – Friday night, we attended the marriage of a friend and fellow band member’s daughter.  It was a wonderful ceremony, held outside, on the edge of a rolling hill and the Hudson River as the backdrop.  For the newlywed, this is “a time of innocence”, with all the promises and dreams of a long, wonderful life together.  For the two of them, upon completing their vows, they have begun an exciting journey, filled with the expectations of building a family and of their spending a lifetime together.  The reverse life cycle this week, for me, helped to reinforce that there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow (optimistic future). 

Standing Naked

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror naked?  Yes, I said naked and mirror in the same sentence, and I do mean looking at yourself.  I do not necessarily mean standing naked physically, but mentally or spiritually.  While I have your attention, let us talk about physically first.  If you have never done this, today might be your lucky day!  When you are standing in front of a mirror, you are probably the most honest with yourself in terms of your physical attributes.  As you look in the mirror, you have the opportunity (whether you want to or not) to see every part that is smooth, or not so smooth (as we age, this ratio changes), we see our shape, notice the size and proportions of our body parts, and see any blemishes on our body (for health reasons, this one is important).  When we start our day and get dressed, we prepare ourselves for how we wish other people to see us.  When I had gained weight a few years ago, I wore slightly baggy shirts to de-emphasize my belly.  When people complimented me on looking like I lost weight, I politely thanked them, yet knew better and was bothered by the deceit.

Walking naked up to a mirror is simple, provided you have a full-length mirror.  What about viewing the naked you mentally and spiritually?  Where can you find a mirror that will expose our inner selves?  And, would we potentially scare ourselves by what we see?  I have met people in my life (as I am sure you have), that when you meet them, you notice that there might be some possibility of physical beauty until they open their mouth.  They talk negatively, or are not nice people, and then you notice, that their appearance has lost the possibility of physical beauty and matches their personality.  If you meet those same people years later, their visage may appear more scowling. On the other hand, I have met older people that have a younger, friendlier face and actually have the personality to match.  But that is judging, or observing, other people.

Last year, during the summer, I went to my brother’s house to use his pool.  I was feeling kind of down, as my father had just had a stroke.  With doctor and hospital visits, I was drained emotionally, spiritually and physically.  No one was at his house.  I ended up floating in the water looking up at the sky.  It provided me with a chance to look at myself, what I was doing and where I was going.  I realized that I had been short with some people and found ways not to face situations beyond my dad.  During this “me time” I was able to reflect and mentally stand naked in front of myself.  How often do we take the time mentally to review ourselves?  I found it was rare that I did this.  This was for me to evaluate me, to evaluate myself, not how other people see me nor compare me to anyone else.  For other people, I could act anyway I wish, but at the end of the day, only I stand by myself when I am naked in front of the mirror.