FEAR

I was at an Empowered Life seminar last October where one of the speakers, Nick Pugliesse, spoke about confronting our fears.  Like most people, I laughed to myself thinking that I do not have fears holding me back.  Shortly after I had that thought, the speaker unveiled a bed of glass then, bare footed, walked confidently across the glass.  I looked around, hoping that no one saw me standing there with my jaw wide open and my eyes slightly bugged out.  Once Nick finished the walk, he challenged the audience to walk across the glass.  People began to line up to take the walk.  I really wanted to join in, but found that I was unable to move, not riveted by the excitement, but more out of fear.

I had a discussion about fear with my daughter, Rebecca, and we were talking about whether things disgust us or cause fear, so we avoid them.  After talking about this, we came to the conclusion that fear is something that can get in the way of us accomplishing what we set out to do.  I have a fear of bungee jumping…why? I do not know, but that has no impact on my life and the direction I want to move in.  What about doing charitable work and being afraid to ask for donations?  Fear of rejection is a powerful feeling and can stop one from fulfilling their mission.  How about sharing an opportunity with someone and being afraid to ask?  Fear of a yes answer and a feeling of not being able to follow through or provide the proper support can be just as stifling as rejection.  The message of the glass walk was that these are all barriers to success that we create in our own mind and to get over these fears, we need to confront them.

This past Saturday, I attended the latest Empowered Life seminar and was happy to once again see Nick and his bed of glass.  I decided that I would face my fear and take the challenge this time.  After Nick’s initial walk, I had my shoes off, as did my wife.  Almost out of my peripheral vision, I could see the doubt starting to move in on me.  The first person walked across the glass…Did I have the courage?  “Do you want to go first, or should I,” Debbie asked.  This was the moment of truth.  “I’ll go.” I stood at the edge of the glass bed, which seemed to stretch on for a long distance; I took a deep breath and took my first step.  3 steps later, it was all over.  I conquered my fear and was happy to see my wife follow me across the glass. 

Do you have 2 dimes for a nickel?

I was recently thinking about an old Laurel and Hardy bit.  OK, I know there are no new Laurel and Hardy bits and there has not been one in over 60 years since their last movie “Atoll K”.  However, in this one routine, Stanley is looking for some change and turns to Ollie and innocently asks if he has any change.  Ollie happily answers, “yes, how much.” Stanley responds, “Do you have 2 dimes for a nickel?” and of course, Ollie wants to help his friend out and they swap money.  After the exchange is complete, Ollie realizes that he has been taken.  Unfortunately, as vast as the internet has become, I could not find a clip of this routine.  Interestingly enough, Stanley is able to pull similar “gags” throughout their many movies together and Ollie always fall for it.

With the New Year so recently past us, how many of us have committed not to fall into the same traps that we have fallen into the over the past years?  Do we talk about doing different things or are we really going to change?

My first full week into the year and I was going to wake up a little earlier to do some kind of exercising.  I had recently taken a trial yoga course and enjoyed the experience.  From the class I figured that I could stretch in the morning, maybe hold the plank position a little longer each day and work on my core.  First day I jumped out of bed excited about my new change in routine.  By day 2, I was so tired, that I almost overslept.  By the end of the week, my new morning schedule looked the same as my old morning schedule.  What happened?!?  I realized that I had taken on more things during the day which caused me to go to bed later.  I was so excited about what I was able to be a part of, I forgot about the priority that I had set for myself.

So, can we really change?  Truly, only I can change myself.  In a management course I took, they made a point that people only change when confronted with a life altering event.  I am not going to go in search of life altering events – thank you very much…At least I can see where I faltered and can work on it, though I realize that my life in general is not changing, so smaller changes will be hard.  Using my project management background, maybe if I break the change into smaller pieces, the change will be easier.  Maybe I have some underlying fears holding me back that I need to address.  Next week, I am going to Empowered Life 2, a seminar on personal growth that will include a section on facing fears. 

Every year, it feels like I am Oliver Hardy, always falling for the 2 dimes for a nickel shtick.  Hopefully, this is the year I get to turn things around and ask Stanley if he has a nickel for 2 dimes…

New Year – New Beginning?

This past Tuesday night, there were celebrations around the world to ring in 2014.  Articles were written about the various highlights (determined by the press) of 2013 and good wishes at the success of following through on our resolutions.  There are a lot of books that talk about going into the New Year, making this year your best year and writing down your goals.  The physical writing of goals, I completely understand, as there is a psychological component that once we write something down, we feel compelled to follow through and make it true.  However, as I sit here thinking about what I would like to accomplish in 2014, I have a feeling of déjà vu…that I sat in a similar thinking position 2 months ago as my birthday approached contemplating what I wanted to accomplish in my 52^nd year. 

How much of our time do we spend thinking about what we are going to do?  And how many times during the year do we “start” the process?  Goal setting is an important activity to determine the actions we will take.  But there is always the chance of being in a state of “paralysis by analysis” and accomplishing nothing.  I have to confess that I am as guilty as the next person in some cases of spending too much time “thinking things out”.  There is a great motivational speech by Art Williams, titled “Do It.”  This speech is easy to find on the internet, so if you have not seen it yet, this would be a good opportunity to watch it.  Basically, he implores the people he is in front of to not just talk about what they want to do, but to just do it, and do it until you are finished, then do it some more.

The most popular New Year’s resolutions are to go on a diet and to join a gym.  Everyone is most excited about these two things for all of 2 weeks then it is back to the same old-same old.  Besides, when you get down to it, going on a diet means that at some point you are going off the diet.  Why not make the resolution to change the way you eat and move towards a healthier life style?  The actions that you wish to take should come with intentionality.  Remember, a commitment is something that you do long after the mood you said it in has left you.  For me, I am always striving for personal growth / development and moving towards becoming a better person and touching people in a positive manner, regardless of where we are in the year.

What are you looking to accomplish in 2014?  As a lead into next week’s topic, why do you think that we need to make New Year’s resolutions?  Please share your thoughts below…

Family

I love my family!  They are the reason that I choose to do the things that I do, and who I enjoy spending time with!  With one daughter away at college, and while we are still a family unit, it has been a while since we were together and acted as a single entity.  We made the decision to go to Baltimore for a few days and pretty much leave behind all of our outside contacts.  For 4 days and nights we had the time to enjoy each other’s company as only a family can do.  And while I realize that the number of times for opportunities like this with just the four of us (OK, we brought the dog, too) is greater in our past than in our future, it was important for us to put aside the time and take this trip together as a family.

We have all heard the story about the man that was lying on his death bed and asked if he have any regrets in his life.  His answer was that he did not spend more time with his family.  When we reach the end of our lives, we do not lay there on our death bed and wish we worked longer hours, or regret a missed opportunity.  We may wish that we had spent our time on this earth more wisely, but surely that we had spent more time with the ones that we love.  I am always amazed at some of the personalities in the Bible and throughout history that because of their sense of purpose, have put aside their families.  Oh, sure, they may be there, but are relegated to the background.  Their love must have been so great for the masses, that in their perceptions, we are all a part of their family to succeed for.

Look, I am no different than any other working stiff; I work hard at making a living to provide for my family, and I work hard so that I can spend quality time with my family.  When I have traveled for work, I always looked forward to returning home to my wife and children.  At times, I have juggled my priorities, to be with my family.  In fact, there was a time where I returned from a trip from Hong Kong and went straight to the field to watch my daughters play rec ball.  Time does not stand still for us to enjoy our children while they are young, or our spouse while they are vital and healthy.  We need to parse out time to spend with them, while we are all capable.  As we end 2013 and move seamlessly into 2014, remember to tell your family, while wishing them a Happy New Year, that you love them and are grateful and blessed for them being part of your life. 

From my family to yours, we want to wish you a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

`Tis the Season

The nice part about the end of December is that everyone seems to be in alignment with the refrain from the song referred to in the title.  Everyone seems a little more upbeat, a little happier.  The school children are excited about their time away from school and the parents are excited about their upcoming vacation / family time.  When we go out to eat, we tend to be more generous with our tips and when we pass someone asking for money on a city corner, we tend to be more open to help them.  Good spirits (not the alcoholic kind) seem to be in abundance, kindness the order of the day and everyone has gratitude to spare.

Talking to a friend recently, we both noted that this time of the year, people are generally happy, then in 2 weeks they go back to their grumpy old selves.  It is almost as if we believe, regardless of our religious affiliation, in the verse, “…he knows if you’ve been naughty or nice…”  The same attitudes exist in the work place around job review time.  We tend to be extra nice in the weeks leading up to this time, work a little longer and put in a little extra effort to show we are “worthy” of a good review, a salary increase and a bonus.  When we do not get what we expected, we become grumpy, place blame on others for the situation we find ourselves in and the following year, begin the cycle over again.  We completely wipe out 11 months of mediocre (or sub-mediocre) activities and assume that the one month is all that counts.  The amazing thing is that we convince ourselves that this is true, and that it must be true to the people that we surround ourselves with.

After the first of the year, we should all make the extra effort to continue the attitude that we carry around with us in the month of December.  By taking this action, we not only infect ourselves positively, but we have the opportunity to infect a positive attitude upon the people we see and talk to on a daily basis.  Every morning, when people ask me “How are you?”, I almost always respond in a cheerful voice, “Wonderful!”  One day, where I work, one of the ladies stopped me and told me that my response makes her feel better about the day ahead since I am always so happy.  In the words of Jim Rohn, “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.”  Continue to spread a little bit of your holiday cheer throughout the year and watch the impact on the people around you, as begin to reflect your positive attitude back.

Hope you all have a great holiday and enjoy the time spent with your family and friends. 

Please feel free to leave any comments below.